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Ring Shopping.... the saga continues..

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purelily

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
352
I took my SO to check out the antique ring I liked last night. From the look on his face, to the look of the ring on my finger, to the way the woman spoke to us, everything just was not working right. The SA i went to before wasnt there and I thought this one was HORRIBLE. I was so upset I felt like I was going to cry. Especially since the ring I was looking at just wasn''t beautiful to me any more when I felt that we weren''t really in agreement.

When we left the store my SO told me something along the lines of, purelily, I know you were looking at these rings b/c they are in our budget. But I don''t know if i''d buy them and I think you don''t really want to either.

Then, he went on to say that he will get me the ring of my dreams (sans budget) when we could afford it, and that this was a temporary thing.

I think he knows me too well. In a way, I was excited about finding a good deal with the ring I tried on, but in actuality is it a deal if I''m constantly thinking "this is temporary until the upgrade?"

We had thought of getting engaged without a ring before I decided to go hunting for an antique ring, but I had thought that an antique would be perfect and would fit our budget perfectly. However, maybe its because I''m not patient enough or i''m tired of hunting or maybe its because its important to me that we agree on a setting, I''m going to go back to our original plan and agree with him that we should hold out till we can find "the one".

Problem is, its waay to stressful for me. So, maybe i''ll just leave it up to him again.
 

sammyj

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
1,247
Date: 2/4/2009 8:52:52 PM
Author:purelily

I''m going to go back to our original plan and agree with him that we should hold out till we can find ''the one''.

Problem is, its waay to stressful for me. So, maybe i''ll just leave it up to him again.
I''m so glad you decided on this because that''s the first thing that came to mind when I was halfway through your post. For me, I don''t like to splurge on jewelry, so anything over $100 better be worth it! If you come across a ring that you adore and you can''t stop thinking about it, then by all means, use that ring as your stand-in ring (or even your forever ring)! IMO, an e-ring holds so much sentiment that you can''t just buy one for the sake of it, you know?

What exactly is stressful about the e-ring process? Is it that you just want to get the most bang for your buck and there''s so much to learn? Have you posted in RT with specifications and a budget? I haven''t personally because my BF has shut me out of the diamond buying process, but I wouldn''t hesitate if I was buying a diamond for myself. Heck, you can even post here in LIW and we''ll drag some of the regulars in RT over here! Whatever you need, we can help!!! ***hugs***
 

purelily

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
352
Thanks Sammyj You are so supportive :) I've been reading your other posts and always feel happy when I read them. (Even if I don't comment). Sorry about that!

I think what is the most stressful is that I tend to like one style (I love filigree with side diamonds and would be forever happy with a Tiffany Ribbon Ring >:) ), he tends to like another (simple solitaires with fluid lines).

He's very stubborn and refuses to buy any diamonds online. It MUST be from a B&M.

I'm also torn because I love OECs or OMCs but do not like the warmer colors so much and finding one will be difficult unless I get it from an internet vendor.

In the end, my problem is, I'm sort of a control freak. So, I want to be in on the process, but he's a romantic and wants it all to be a surprise. So, he'll happily go with me places, but only for tips on what I like, but I have found that I really like sidestones and I know left to his own devices...
My end stress is myself wanting to control, yet also wanting to let go and let him do his thing. I want to be involved, but I don't. I want to be surprised, but only if I can help create the surprise. LOL. I'm such a horrible GF :)

PS I love your avatar!! Mandarin oranges Yummy!!!
 

The Future Mrs.

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
25
I was thinking that if you really love the ring as much as you did the first time you saw it, and the pressure or attitude from the SA turned you away from it. You could just go back later in the week and see if the other lady who was there before can sell you the ring or talk to you about it. Or you can just go with letting your boyfriend pick out the ring you want if you are absolutely sure that you''ll love whatever he''ll get you, after you saw him a few styles you love.

I wish you the best with engagement ring shopping.
 

sammyj

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
1,247
Date: 2/4/2009 9:35:21 PM
Author: purelily
Thanks Sammyj You are so supportive :) I''ve been reading your other posts and always feel happy when I read them. (Even if I don''t comment). Sorry about that!

I think what is the most stressful is that I tend to like one style (I love filigree with side diamonds and would be forever happy with a Tiffany Ribbon Ring >:) ), he tends to like another (simple solitaires with fluid lines).

He''s very stubborn and refuses to buy any diamonds online. It MUST be from a B&M.

I''m also torn because I love OECs or OMCs but do not like the warmer colors so much and finding one will be difficult unless I get it from an internet vendor.

In the end, my problem is, I''m sort of a control freak. So, I want to be in on the process, but he''s a romantic and wants it all to be a surprise. So, he''ll happily go with me places, but only for tips on what I like, but I have found that I really like sidestones and I know left to his own devices...
My end stress is myself wanting to control, yet also wanting to let go and let him do his thing. I want to be involved, but I don''t. I want to be surprised, but only if I can help create the surprise. LOL. I''m such a horrible GF :)

PS I love your avatar!! Mandarin oranges Yummy!!!
thanks purelily!!

Ok...your situation is tougher than I thought! I think that if you really really love the antique-y rings (which it seems like you do), and if you haven''t already, put together a file of all of the ring designs that you like and try as many on as you can. Try the simple solitaires on too and that will probably help your BF realize that they''re just not ''you.'' I completely agree with TheFutureMrs. in that if you''re still thinking about that ring, go back and try it on again. If the not-so-good saleslady is there, turn around and go back the next day. I always know that I should buy something if I can''t stop thinking about it...but my shopping obsession is a whole other story!

I understand his skepticism with buying online. My BF was the same way but after lots of lurking on PS he decided to go this route. I can''t give much advice as to how we can get your BF to change his mind, but maybe you can save all the OMC/OEC threads for him so he can understand the best route to find your dream ring. I acted as the ''research assistant'' for my BF so whenever he needed some info and didn''t want to sift through threads, I''d look for him and forward him the links. This way I''m involved in the process but I have no clue as to what his final decision will be.

Lastly, You''re not a horrible GF! Your e-ring is something that you''ll wear forever so it''s important that you *love* it. Just inundate your BF with as much information as possible and trust him that he''ll make the right decision. Boys are often much smarter than we give them credit for!
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
purelily, that situation in the jewelry store does sound stressful! I agree, you should go back alone one more time to check out that ring and make a decision on whether it was just the SA that turned you off or whether it''s just not the ring for you.

I''m sorry to hear that you and your SO have different conceptions of the perfect engagement ring. I think you should get a ring your absolutely, perfectly happy with -- whether or not you decide to upgrade later on. Could you sit your SO down and explain to him how much you love sidestones and filigree (vs. sleek solitaires)? I bet he''ll want to get you exactly what you want! I think that my BF originally also preferred very simple, classic solitaire settings, but once I told him how much I love the Cartier 1895 pave setting and other similar settings, I think that really swayed his opinion.
 

SailorsSweet<3

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2008
Messages
723
aww I''m sorry purelily
I''d gotten frustrated with trying to find a ring I was crazy about OFTEN this past summer. Especially because SO does not want to spoil the surprise and tell me what he''s chosen until he proposes. Often, taking a step back and focusing on something else in my life calmed me down a little and then I was right back on my mission and excited to find something that I loved. I think if you take a step back and breathe for a little you''ll feel rejuvenated and you''ll find yourself looking again before you know it. Good Luck
 

hawaiianorangetree

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 17, 2009
Messages
2,692
oh purelily... i see so much of myself in you and your story that it is just not funny!!!
I had been going through the same thing with my bf over the past couple of months. I have been obsessing over diamonds and rings and styles and getting so caught up in the nitty gritty of it all trying to find the best bang for our buck that i took all of the fun out of the whole process!

The last straw came when we went shopping together and the tension was so thick you could have cut it with a knife!! We had a big fight about it over the phone one day while he was at work (i can''t even remember which detail it was over now!!) and we didn''t speak for the rest of the day until he came home that night to make peace. He said that a guy at work had overheard the conversation and decided to put his opinion out there. He said that by me being in control (translate: control freak which i am) It was taking all the fun out of what was meant to be a joyful time in our lives. My BF took charge and told me to back off and that he was taking care of it now, and to tell you the truth i felt instantly relieved that he was.

Now i shared your concerns about him choosing something that i didn''t like so when the time was right i sent him an email with my ''wishlist'' (round brilliant diamond in a simple solitaire setting etc). and when he went to the jewellers he ended up calling me to see if i wanted to come and look at the diamond he had chosen, it was perfect and everything on my wishlist. I left him to it and i know that a deposit was paid, but other than that i don''t know a thing.... and it is EXCITING!!!!!!

So i hope that my little story may help you see that sometimes taking a step back can be a positive thing.


Goodluck!!
 

sba771

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
Hi Purelily,

I have not been following your saga until now so I am not sure what your budget is, but you mentioned he wanted to get a ring at a B&M store. Since it is a temporary ring would something like this work with the budget?

http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?sku=GRP00176&mcat=148204&cid=287466&search_params=s+5-p+2-c+287466-r+101323338+101323351-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

They have a lot of gorgeous rings with diamonds that are in silver that are not too badly priced.
Just a thought
 

jcarlylew82

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
413
Date: 2/4/2009 9:35:21 PM
Author: purelily
Thanks Sammyj You are so supportive :) I''ve been reading your other posts and always feel happy when I read them. (Even if I don''t comment). Sorry about that!


I think what is the most stressful is that I tend to like one style (I love filigree with side diamonds and would be forever happy with a Tiffany Ribbon Ring >:) ), he tends to like another (simple solitaires with fluid lines).


He''s very stubborn and refuses to buy any diamonds online. It MUST be from a B&M.


I''m also torn because I love OECs or OMCs but do not like the warmer colors so much and finding one will be difficult unless I get it from an internet vendor.


In the end, my problem is, I''m sort of a control freak. So, I want to be in on the process, but he''s a romantic and wants it all to be a surprise. So, he''ll happily go with me places, but only for tips on what I like, but I have found that I really like sidestones and I know left to his own devices...
My end stress is myself wanting to control, yet also wanting to let go and let him do his thing. I want to be involved, but I don''t. I want to be surprised, but only if I can help create the surprise. LOL. I''m such a horrible GF :)


PS I love your avatar!! Mandarin oranges Yummy!!!
I think you might be surprised on what he picks out. E and i were facing the same problem. I really loved antique and halo style, and he hated it. He loved solitaire (which i do like, but not my fav for me) and side stones (which at first i did not like at all).
The ring he picked out and i also liked was a perfect match of both our styles! (also, E will not buy online either. technophobe!)
So all in all, you might be surprised! Next time you go out, just let him shop around and try on what he picks out without any suggestions.
 

katica

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 9, 2008
Messages
113
HI purelily
I''m sorry to hear of your troubles! I agree with the others to go back to the store when the original SA is there. No matter how much you love any potential purchase, a bad SA can ruin the experience and really turn you off. If you decide you don''t really love the ring that much after all, consider waiting until you get the ring of your dreams. I know in my case, my SO offered to get engaged sooner with a temporary ring, but I decided to wait it out until we get the ring he really wants to get me, and I feel better about it. I was happy with giving input on the style, and didn''t feel the need to see the actual setting or diamond. I trust his taste.. plus this is probably the most special "gift" I''ll be getting from him so I wanted him to have fun with it and ''own'' the process, if that makes sense. That way he''ll feel so much better about it when he sees my face :):) I''m not saying this is the way for everyone, and I know that shopping together works for a lot of people and that''s fine. Of course I didn''t want some ugly ring and he was considerate and asked my opinion on different styles. Give him some guidelines of course but it sounds like the element of surprise is important to him so try not to take ALL the fun out of it for him :)
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
You know. I wanted to be engaged and be married to my (now DH) soo badly I would have taken a token ring to get married... but his silly pride wouldn''t have it. So i WAITED, AND WAITED. (Financial issues just kept popping up.) It sucked. I''d rather have been married, and if opportunity and good fortune allowed it... upgraded later.

But what do I know, I already want not only an upgrade, but entirely NEW and DIFFERENT rings all together. I am turning my man''s head every which way that my DH''s head spins like the exorcist girl.

Don''t allow this to be stressful, it is a beautiful thing. Best wishes.
 

AdiS

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
1,337
Date: 2/5/2009 9:22:44 AM
Author: tlh
You know. I wanted to be engaged and be married to my (now DH) soo badly I would have taken a token ring to get married... but his silly pride wouldn''t have it. So i WAITED, AND WAITED. (Financial issues just kept popping up.) It sucked. I''d rather have been married, and if opportunity and good fortune allowed it... upgraded later.

But what do I know, I already want not only an upgrade, but entirely NEW and DIFFERENT rings all together. I am turning my man''s head every which way that my DH''s head spins like the exorcist girl.

Don''t allow this to be stressful, it is a beautiful thing. Best wishes.
Couldn''t agree more. I managed to hammer that thought into DH''s head but it wasn''t easy. So my original e-ring was pretty simple and not expensive at all. I loved it nonetheless. And now I have my dream e-ring upgrade as well. Who says you can''t have it all?
 

hawaiianorangetree

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 17, 2009
Messages
2,692
and just one other thing purelily... my ideal engagement ring was an emerald cut diamond in a double bezel setting with side stones, i literally drooled over this ring for months.. my SO didn''t share my enthusiasim for this ring.... he wanted simple solitaire round brilliant (which is what i am getting) and even though it is not my first choice i know that i will still love it to bits because it symbolises how much i really do love him and how the engagement is more important than the ring i will end up wearing!
 

purelily

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
352
Hi Everyone :)

Thank you for all of your advice!

Sammy J, The Future Mrs., Ms. Cushion, Katica Thanks... Maybe we'll do that :) Maybe it was the SA :)

Sailorsweet thanks for the advice and good luck with your planning! :)

Hawaiianorangetree and JCarleyLew82 you're definitely right. I think he will surprise me in a good way. (maybe)

SBA771 Thanks i've seen that before :) I was just in Tiffany today looking at them :)

tlh, Adis LOL i'll probably be the same way,
 

purelily

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
352
So, last night, I had a total break down. Because of the job search and the ring shopping, i've been going crazy. My SO called me at 10 to let me know he would be home soon so please make dinner. he didn't come home until 1245. I FREAKED out. Maybe its the stress, maybe its that my period will be today or tomorrow, but I just couldn't handle it anymore.

I started crying and telling him I am just so tired of staying at home. The convo went a little while longer... about my career and what do I want to do when i grow up and where I see myself after we have kids.. until finally, I said I JUST DONT WANT TO CHOOSE MY RING! THAT STRESS IS NOW YOURS!
I'M SO OVER THIS.
Propose without one and we'll save up for the ring we chose together. (A month ago he asked me if proposing with out a ring would be okay with me).

That's when my SO started glancing around nervously. He said, I'm not sure about that purelily. I'm not sure that would be right anymore. Then he paused and said... we shouldn't talk about this right now while youre upset (I'm paraphrasing). he quickly beelined to the bathroom closing the door.

[ETA; Our anniversary is coming up and so is V-day (within two days from each other). He already has his mother's blessing to propose. I'm not sure if it will be *that* soon, but I know he's planning on something and is set on making everything a surprise.]

Thoughts?
 
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