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Ring purchased... but don't want to get married.

arkieb1

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 11, 2012
Messages
9,588
You bought the ring for yourself without really asking his opinion, before he was legally divorced. So wear it proudly as a right hand ring, tell him it's your ring and it's just that - a ring that at this point in time doesn't signify anything on that hand other than you like wearing jewellery and if at any point in the future things change he can then ask you to wear it on your left hand instead. And if he isn't comfortable or happy doing than then you at least get to wear the ring.

Maybe, for example, he did want to propose to you one day, now, by buying the ring, you have undermined any situation where he might have done that. The whole mess is a lack of communication that is all.
 

rockhoundofficiando

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 25, 2014
Messages
213
Agree, wear the right you bought yourself now as a right hand ring. Sounds like neither of you is 100% interested in marrying the other. Plus I think you will get side eye if you wear an engagement type ring on your left hand now as he is actually still married to someone else...
 

Grymera

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 26, 2017
Messages
129
After reading your thread, two things stuck out to me: 1) the ring doesn't feel "right" to you or your SO and 2) you and your SO love each other and want to stay together, marriage or not. IMO I'd reset your diamond with a colored stone as a toi et moi (à la Jackie Kennedy) ring. You could pick something delicious like a forest green tsavorite garnet (and not too expensive, to boot!) to pair with it. I think the sentimentality of "you and me" could be so apt for your relationship. And if your in-laws are squawking at you about it, you can just say that you bought the ring originally, and then COVID happened, and it just didn't feel the same anymore. As a bonus, sourcing a gemstone and resetting will take some time, and perhaps your SO will change his mind on presenting you with a ring once some progress is made on the divorce and it feels more "real" to him.
 

bludiva

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 23, 2017
Messages
2,371
After reading your thread, two things stuck out to me: 1) the ring doesn't feel "right" to you or your SO and 2) you and your SO love each other and want to stay together, marriage or not. IMO I'd reset your diamond with a colored stone as a toi et moi (à la Jackie Kennedy) ring. You could pick something delicious like a forest green tsavorite garnet (and not too expensive, to boot!) to pair with it. I think the sentimentality of "you and me" could be so apt for your relationship. And if your in-laws are squawking at you about it, you can just say that you bought the ring originally, and then COVID happened, and it just didn't feel the same anymore. As a bonus, sourcing a gemstone and resetting will take some time, and perhaps your SO will change his mind on presenting you with a ring once some progress is made on the divorce and it feels more "real" to him.
that's a lovely idea. op you could gift yourself with a birthstone or just a beautiful colored stone you admire and it'll have lots of meaning without jumping out at others as engagement-y. good luck =)

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seaurchin

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
1,000
Now I feel like I missed something. Let me try again.

So, he agreed for her to get the ring. Along with that, I assume he intended for her to WEAR the ring. But then instead of wearing it, she gave it to him and told him to "Give it to her when he was ready." Now the ring sits in his drawer and seems to have been forgotten about.

Also, these two already live together. She doesn't want to get legally married any time soon but already considers him her husband. There's also some possible embarrassment or potential for awkward questions because others know the ring was purchased but will notice that the ring is not worn.

His divorce is not final but that seems just a technicality since that marriage is obviously in the past.

So why not just wear the ring, ON the engagement ring finger?

IF the issue is that you want him to formally ask you to wear it, a sort of almost-proposal, with the ring a sort of "commitment" ring, then I think you will probably just have to tell him that.
Sometimes guys just need to be told or they won't get it. I am confused myself, to be honest, because I think of a "proposal" as a request to legally, formally, marry someone, which it seems you do not want. So it sounds to me like a simple miscommunication.

Or did I miss the point somehow?

If it helps, I've known couples who called themselves "engaged" and "fiancees" for years, lived together for years, and had no intention of getting legally married. It's a way to define a more unconventional relationship to others in a way they can easily understand, presents both partners to the world as "taken," and cuts down on the nosey questions.
 
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