I need some insight from the ladies in waiting, from boy late, from Mom''s & anyone else who may have something to add or ponder.
A close relative has been dating his girlfriend for a couple of years. They are so cute together, honestly seem to enjoy each other, seem like best friends, all the family loves her - could you ask for anything more? Well, they are in their last year of college. She will be graduating a bit before him. Natuarally she has been pressuring him for some sort of "where do I fit into your life?" I have no doubt she wants to become engaged. He hasn''t graduated and does not have a job lined up (seems important stalling point for men). She wants to make plans for her future - for example where to apply for a job, etc. His point is she should do what *she* wants to do. He doesn''t want to hold her back from going to a large city far away from him. He wants her to make her own future. Of course, that is not what a lady in waiting wants to hear. I really do believe he is encouraging her - not because he doesn''t see her in his future - but truly because she needs to plan her own future.
Naturally, I see BOTH points of view.
Here is our dilema. I was given a family ring from hubby''s side. It''s pretty nice. It''s a 1c OEC G/SI1. It''s set in a nice illusion setting with diamonds on the side. Even though we are requesting the ring be in total original setting, it is not a deal breaker so the diamond could be reset. My point, not too shabby a ring for a 22 year old. I wore this ring for many years. I never felt like it was really mine - long story so I won''t bore you. As you may know, hubby proposed again 20 years later with my current 3c that I wear as my E-ring. After talking to the original gifter (MIL), it was our intention to give it to this relative when the time was right. Originally when we discussed it he was not even in college. MIL has since passed on. We want to fulfill the promise to give the ring to the relative to be used as an engagement ring.
Through a series of events, we thought the time was right to tell the relative about the ring. It will absolutely be in our possession (read under our insurance
) until a very near pending engagement. We thought we were doing the right thing by notifying the father. He was on board and touched by this initally. Well, a few days later we get a very ODD phone call about not telling the boy, etc. The reason being he thought (read evil SIL who is one of those - be''s owed people with a chip on her shoulder) that the boy may be too impulsive and give him a green light to become engaged. Well, isn''t that the point? But, I can''t help but think evil SIL wants the ring as hers to give (or keep for that matter). The father made some sense that his son will probably come to him when the time was right to buy a ring. But, that may NOT be the case.
Now, we don''t know what to do because there is the point that if the boy has the ring it will give him the green light. But, we certainly want him to know it''s available to him so he doesn''t go out on his own and purchase a ring. It''s his when the time is right.
Should it be his? Should we tell him about the ring? Part of me understands the parents point of view. Part of me feels like they are being very controlling.
What to do? Before the odd phone call calling it off, we had written a letter which included requests (not requirements). For example, have the blessing of his parents, etc.
Do you think it would have bearing on when he gets engaged? Do you think we should tell him about the existence of the ring against the father''s wishes? The boy is a grown adult.
A gift shouldn''t be this complicated.
A close relative has been dating his girlfriend for a couple of years. They are so cute together, honestly seem to enjoy each other, seem like best friends, all the family loves her - could you ask for anything more? Well, they are in their last year of college. She will be graduating a bit before him. Natuarally she has been pressuring him for some sort of "where do I fit into your life?" I have no doubt she wants to become engaged. He hasn''t graduated and does not have a job lined up (seems important stalling point for men). She wants to make plans for her future - for example where to apply for a job, etc. His point is she should do what *she* wants to do. He doesn''t want to hold her back from going to a large city far away from him. He wants her to make her own future. Of course, that is not what a lady in waiting wants to hear. I really do believe he is encouraging her - not because he doesn''t see her in his future - but truly because she needs to plan her own future.
Naturally, I see BOTH points of view.
Here is our dilema. I was given a family ring from hubby''s side. It''s pretty nice. It''s a 1c OEC G/SI1. It''s set in a nice illusion setting with diamonds on the side. Even though we are requesting the ring be in total original setting, it is not a deal breaker so the diamond could be reset. My point, not too shabby a ring for a 22 year old. I wore this ring for many years. I never felt like it was really mine - long story so I won''t bore you. As you may know, hubby proposed again 20 years later with my current 3c that I wear as my E-ring. After talking to the original gifter (MIL), it was our intention to give it to this relative when the time was right. Originally when we discussed it he was not even in college. MIL has since passed on. We want to fulfill the promise to give the ring to the relative to be used as an engagement ring.
Through a series of events, we thought the time was right to tell the relative about the ring. It will absolutely be in our possession (read under our insurance
Now, we don''t know what to do because there is the point that if the boy has the ring it will give him the green light. But, we certainly want him to know it''s available to him so he doesn''t go out on his own and purchase a ring. It''s his when the time is right.
Should it be his? Should we tell him about the ring? Part of me understands the parents point of view. Part of me feels like they are being very controlling.
What to do? Before the odd phone call calling it off, we had written a letter which included requests (not requirements). For example, have the blessing of his parents, etc.
Do you think it would have bearing on when he gets engaged? Do you think we should tell him about the existence of the ring against the father''s wishes? The boy is a grown adult.
A gift shouldn''t be this complicated.
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