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Ring etiquette for my situation?

M

Mattybumpkin

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 14, 2018
Messages
4
Hi Everyone,

First let me say what a great site PS is, with a wealth of information and knowledgeable members willing to contribute to first time posters. Thank you, it makes me feel very comfortable posting this!

I am a 55 year-old divorced male, and have a long-time girlfriend (8yrs.) of approximately the same age, who is also divorced. We expect to be together for a long-time, and we both agree that we do not want to get married.

I would like to purchase a ring as a present to her for Christmas. Round brilliant diamond based is what I have been thinking, most likely .85-.95 tcw with a total budget in the $6,000-$6,500 range.

Is there a ring setting/style etiquette for my situation? Single solitaires are out, right? I was thinking of a 3 stone type setting (diamond or sapphire side stones) or maybe a 2 stone solitaire (.45-.50 x 2 RB), would these be appropriate? Would she wear it on her right hand?

Any input is appreciated.

Thanks,

Matty
 
A 3 stone (or even 5 stone band) ring would be lovely.

For my 55th I got a Raindance style ring, which I think is a great RHR, and doesn’t have any wedding connotations.

IMG_0338.JPG
 
Would it be a “forever engaged” ring or a “this person means a lot to me” ring or “you are a woman, you must like jewelry” ring?

Having asked that, I think a 3 stone is probably out of your budget based on the one I am having set for me. I am using crafted by infinity diamonds (.56 and .57) and a center sapphire of 1.6 in a platinum trellis.

Well, maybe you could do a three stone with a colored stone in the middle, but it would likely be at the top of your budget.

This is my computer generated images of my ring:
09171423-35B9-4373-832A-E9B7152FFB1C.jpeg
 
Hi Matty and welcome to PS. How thoughtful! I agree with @canuk-gal There are no rules imo. She should wear what she loves and to that end maybe enlist her input before you make this large purchase.

Solitaire, halo, 3 ring, bezel etc. Right hand or left. Whichever she prefers. It’s a gift for your girlfriend and you want her to be comfortable wearing it and you want her to enjoy it to the max so it should come down to her preferences imo.
 
Is is for her left or right ring finger? Most folks in USA and Canada assume diamonds on the left 4th finger are engagement/wedded based. I think in some other countries it is the right 4th finger. Be that as it may it is my true, everlasting belief that expensive jewelry should be first vetted by the wearer before purchase. A caveat is a simple and timeless piece that you know she likes and wants--ie diamond studs, a solitaire diamond pendant etc. Good luck...
 
I fully agree with @missy : you can pick anything she likes and she can wear it on any finger she wants. If you want to keep it a secret you could ask her best friend to come along
 
Acinom said:
Gorgeous!!! In this case I would ask your girlfriend if she loves rosecuts. They are not everyone’s cup of tea
Click to expand...

Yes, absolutely, I didn’t think they were my cup of tea either, but I’m warming up to them.

OP, if you like something different and unique, you may want to feel your lady out on a rose cut.
 
I agree with everyone- I think whatever she would like is what you should get, even if that is a solitaire. A five stone would be really pretty. Adam at Old World Diamonds is really great to work with. Here is a five stone he has in stock that's smaller than you are looking at, but I am sure he could make you a ring in whatever budget range you wanted similar to it. I don't know if she would like antique diamonds though.

http://www.oldworlddiamonds.com/jew...8&maxpage=5&sort=weight&section=1&category=-1

Would she like something a little different, like a yellow diamond? This is a 5 stone band that is pretty.

http://www.diamondsbylauren.com/index.php/jewelry/146ctw-yellow-colorless-oval-diamond-ring-r8189
 
This is just me, But I wouldn't get her a ring at all, in any form, if you never intend on marrying.

A beautiful pair of stud earrings, a gorgeous solitaire necklace, a breathtaking diamond bracelet , Any of these says I love you and appreciate you. I just don't see a way where in the back of her mind a ring doesn't suggest "maybe one day". She may say she never wants to marry and she may actually think that too. But in my opinion rings with diamonds in them are too tied up with the whole concept culturally to say " here is a ring to wear on any finger you want, but it isn't for marriage it is just a present"
 
I like the idea of a halo'd ring for her left hand. I wear one on my left & I'm not married. My halo is an octagon shape & it looks more like a cocktail ring than engagement. Of course, that's up for debate because my friends think it looks like an engagement ring. Well, it's my ring & it will be whatever I want it to be. :mrgreen2: A halo does not have to be round. ;)2
The ladies have great ideas but if you don't specifically know if she likes a vintage stone, I would look for a modern brilliant to be safe.
You can always go with a classic coloured gemstone 3 stone ring (diamond side stones) if you have 2nd thoughts on the diamond centre stone.
 
I think if you are intending to buy her a right hand ring, it should be obvious that it is a cocktail ring (ie a colored stone) rather than a diamond. Otherwise you might be risking misunderstanding and hurt feelings. Or buy her some beautiful earring studs. Or a pendant. Buying a diamond ring for anything but an engagement ring when you are not married is too risky imo. Unless you’ve discussed it first and she’s involved.
 
Hi Everyone,

Thank you for all of the replies.

Just some additional info, she has already stated wanting a ring as a reflection of our "the rest of our lives together" relationship. She currently has a small two stone ruby/emerald gemstone ring that I bought her, not sure what finger she wears it on though (lol). BTW, I am in the US, upstate NY near Albany.

Budget wise, I've been looking around and if on a 3 stone ring the side stones were melee type, or if I did a straight 2 stone solitaire, it looks like budget wise I should be able to swing it and be able to do something like WF ACA. I would like to keep it a surprise if possible, but understand what some are saying about including her in the purchase decision. She is pretty traditional, thus why I was thinking about the previously mentioned settings.

Edit - Here are 3 settings I was thinking of:

https://www.stuller.com/products/12...yId=24091&recommendationSource=CategoryBrowse

https://www.whiteflash.com/engageme...prong-3-stone-diamond-engagement-ring-914.htm

https://www.jamesallen.com/engageme...aped-blue-sapphire-engagement-ring-item-22620

Matty
 
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I fully support so's buying nice jewelry for their significant other. One caveat: if you give her a ring as a surprise, even if you meant it just as a gift, there will still be a - ? - reaction. This is one situation that I would get her input on, that you want to get her a beautiful piece of jewelry to show how much you love and appreciate her, and to get her input. I don't think you need to restrict it to non-ring pieces (my ex got me a beautiful ring that was NOT an engagement ring when we were living together, but it is one of my favorite pieces and I still have it. I would just get her input. If you WANT to give her a ring, say that. Or let her pick. You can even give her your price range.

If you want to go it alone, look at jewelry she already has. Is she a gold person? A diamond person? A gemstone person? A casual turquoise and silver type person? Bohemian type?
Some choices I think are pretty safe are the 5 stone diamond ring (graduated, or same size), three stone diamond, and gemstone rings with two side diamonds. If she she has a bohemian esthetic, antique piece might be the way to go including the toi et moi style rings you mentioned.

eta - since she already stated she wants a ring, and that she is traditional, it seems like she would be OK with even traditional type rings. I love the 3 stone look. It can stand for past present and future. I don't think you can go wrong with WF. https://www.whiteflash.com/engageme...rois-brillant-diamond-engagement-ring-846.htm

here's a stone that would work https://www.whiteflash.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut-loose-diamond-4027996.htm If you did those together in 18K white gold with bank wire, be 5241. If you want in platinum, add 700.
 
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I think there are no rules here, especially if this is supposed to be a "spending the rest of our lives together but not getting *married*" ring. I would imagine that this should feel like an engagement/wedding ring even if you aren't actually doing an official ceremony or filling out paperwork.
 
I know a couple that are not engaged and have no intentions of ever marrying, but he purchased a solitaire that she wears on her left and ring finger. Since she's already stated it's a ring to signify spending the rest of your lives together, I'd say she would want to wear it on her left hand ring finger.
 
I know two women who do not plan to marry.... but they both wear a diamond ring on their left hand ring finger to signify to the world that they’re committed and “unavailable,” so to speak. I love the idea of a toi et moi ring! I love the diamond/ruby or diamond/sapphire look.
 
Don't understand why single stone solitaire setting is out to be honest.

As far as I am concerned, she is free to do whatever she likes.

As for traditions, why follow? Start a new one!

I am not a fan of solitaires myself, my only e-ring was a three-stone EC. If I were to get an e-ring again, it would be a neon pink Sapphire in diamond flower cluster, all stones bezel set.

Enjoy the buying process.

DK :))
 
what about an eternity ring? I mean, the symbolism is quite obvious. lol! and you could always add other rings to stack with it down the road.

One of my ABSOLUTE favorites:
https://www.whiteflash.com/wedding-rings/annettes-u-prong-eternity-diamond-wedding-band-5072.htm

also beautiful:
https://www.whiteflash.com/wedding-rings/verragio-eternal-braid-diamond-wedding-ring-3190.htm

and i love this 3 stone ring halo setting:
https://www.jamesallen.com/engageme...lo-engagement-ring-by-martin-flyer-item-54964
 
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