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Ring etiquette for my situation?

Mattybumpkin said:
Hi Everyone,

Thank you for all of the replies.

Just some additional info, she has already stated wanting a ring as a reflection of our "the rest of our lives together" relationship. She currently has a small two stone ruby/emerald gemstone ring that I bought her, not sure what finger she wears it on though (lol). BTW, I am in the US, upstate NY near Albany.

Budget wise, I've been looking around and if on a 3 stone ring the side stones were melee type, or if I did a straight 2 stone solitaire, it looks like budget wise I should be able to swing it and be able to do something like WF ACA. I would like to keep it a surprise if possible, but understand what some are saying about including her in the purchase decision. She is pretty traditional, thus why I was thinking about the previously mentioned settings.

Edit - Here are 3 settings I was thinking of:

https://www.stuller.com/products/12...yId=24091&recommendationSource=CategoryBrowse

https://www.whiteflash.com/engageme...prong-3-stone-diamond-engagement-ring-914.htm

https://www.jamesallen.com/engageme...aped-blue-sapphire-engagement-ring-item-22620

Matty
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I love the Whiteflash three stone setting you chose. A lot of people like the past, present, future meaning behind a three stone. I bet she will love it! I would reach out to one of the Whiteflash reps for help choosing the side stones and then you will know what’s left in your budget for the center stone.
 
Sounds like you two have talked things over and a diamond ring is a good thing then. I love (LOVE) the James Allen one with the pear shaped sapphires. I also love the Whiteflash 3 stone ring. I'm not such a fan of the 2-stone bypass ring (it's a little too reminiscent of the 80's for me).
 
I think a moi et toi ring (2 diamonds) has a perfect 'me and you forever' sort of feel to it, without being a traditional engagement ring. They're also almost impossible to wear a wedding ring with, ergo don't have a strong 'engagement ring' feel.

https://www.stuller.com/products/12...yId=24066&recommendationSource=CategoryBrowse

If you do plan to be together for the rest of your lives, I also like the idea of an eternity ring. My all time favorite eternity ring is by Tiffany:

https://www.tiffany.com/engagement/...e&trackpdp=bg&fromcid=287462&trackgridpos=102
 
Good morning,

TGIF!

Thank you for so many replies! I think I have learned the following:

1.) My setting ideas are appropriate for the situation
2.) Any setting would be appropriate really, including the great ones posted to this thread
3.) I really should consider whether to include my GF in the creation process (or not).

Regards,

Matty
 
Me and my long-term boyfriend are not married and yet I wear everything I love. We also decided on a love/partnership ring as a symbol which means something deep and important to us. We have however discussed it and chosen together also being that we are both in the trade. That said even prior to that I have gotten several smaller and one larger (albeit fancy colored) diamonds from him.

I do not think there is an etiquette at all. Since you guys are committed the ring symbolizes that. A formal paper does not have to follow. My rings are mostly halo-d with pave on the shank, one soli with pave on the shank and some CS (more valuable than my diamonds).

I do love the idea of a moi et toi but like I said it depends on her taste. Me personally I prefer one diamond or larger stone to take center stage and my love ring has a larger low color cushion diamond. If she loves moi et toi it would really symbolize the two of you, otherwise you can go with anything that you know is her style.

Ideally the best solution would be to discuss it with her and involve her in the process even to let her in this thread unless you really want a surprise. I think that involving her would be a lot of fun for her too, she can choose what she really wants and it does avoid any element of unpleasant surprise.
 
I think a bullet ring or cluster ring by would be nice too. Have you seen this ring for sale? I personally love it and it doesn’t scream out engaged and can be worn on the left or right ring finger. The diamond is a good size too and it’s under your budget. It was appraised by David Klass (I don’t know if he made it) so I’m sure the seller can send it back to him to polish it up and size it to look like new.
https://www.pricescope.com/communit...-french-cut-sapphire-ring-in-platinum.244168/
 
I've been thinking about your process with the gift. It seems like you both communicate well & are on the same page with your relationship & where you both want it to go. I'm the same age group as yourself & I was thinking, what would I want if I were in her situation. I think that you should include her in the process. Have a romantic weekend or dinner & propose to her. Your proposal of course would not be a marriage proposal but you would ask her to share your life, your families life & together ride out your days. Then present her with a loose diamond. That way, you have surprised her with the stone & the both of you can design the ring. When you get a loose stone, the vendor would send you a ring stone holder. While she can't go around wearing it out & about, she can however slip it on her finger to observe the stone on her hand. Or, another option, buy a simple, cheap setting as her temporary setting till you both can design the ring.
She can also decide which hand would be most comfortable for her to wear it on. I say it goes on the left. LOL

PS...Kayla, gorgeous ring!
 
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I think you should choose the ring together. Why take chances on her loving it? : )
 
Jimmianne said:
I think you should choose the ring together. Why take chances on her loving it? : )
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+1
Instead of surprising her with a ring, maybe surprise her with a shopping/browsing trip? Not that she has to choose in one outing but to get an idea of what she likes, then you can continue to look for it together, or if she wants to you pick it yourself you'll have a better idea of what to look for. I'm in the minority maybe of finding that super romantic. =)
 
It would be great if you could involve her but understandable if you want this to be a surprise. After 8 years together, perhaps you already have a good idea of what she likes and were only worried about what might be deemed appropriate for your situation. I'm definitely one of the ones who think she can have any kind of ring, for either hand. You two know you do not want to get married. It really doesn't matter what anyone seeing a ring on her left hand, even a solitaire, might think. If you think that is what she wants, by all means get that. If you think she would prefer a 3 or 5 stone, get that. Whatever makes her happy is what is important. Not what someone might assume from the style of the ring or which finger it is on.
 
Austina said:
A 3 stone (or even 5 stone band) ring would be lovely.

For my 55th I got a Raindance style ring, which I think is a great RHR, and doesn’t have any wedding connotations.

IMG_0338.JPG
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Love your ring!!!
 
Does she have a best friend who you could ask? If you’ve discussed this a bit the friend might know. I have a friend in her 50s - both she and long term BF are divorced. She wears a very large solitaire on her left hand. I’m sure she’s got a pat answer if someone asks when she’s getting married, such as “we’re just happy with the way things are.”
Good luck and please come back and let us know what you ultimately decide.
 
Mattybumpkin said:
Hi Everyone,

First let me say what a great site PS is, with a wealth of information and knowledgeable members willing to contribute to first time posters. Thank you, it makes me feel very comfortable posting this!

I am a 55 year-old divorced male, and have a long-time girlfriend (8yrs.) of approximately the same age, who is also divorced. We expect to be together for a long-time, and we both agree that we do not want to get married.

I would like to purchase a ring as a present to her for Christmas. Round brilliant diamond based is what I have been thinking, most likely .85-.95 tcw with a total budget in the $6,000-$6,500 range.

Is there a ring setting/style etiquette for my situation? Single solitaires are out, right? I was thinking of a 3 stone type setting (diamond or sapphire side stones) or maybe a 2 stone solitaire (.45-.50 x 2 RB), would these be appropriate? Would she wear it on her right hand?

Any input is appreciated.

Thanks,

Matty
Click to expand...

Matty,

It feels like to me that y’all don’t mind bucking tradition? If that’s the case....then anything you want goes!

Do what makes you happy. How about a gorgeous necklace drop, earring studs, chunky gold bracelet, statement watch, etc!

My personal feeling on a ring? Too close to feeling like an engagement of sorts....would itninvite questions of marriage from others? If so, as another poster mentioned, have an answer ready?
 
It's a big purchase and it might be surprising to know that not every style looks good on everyone's hands. I adore wide bands with diamonds... they look horrendous on me. :eek2: Same with east/west set elongated shapes.

I would go shopping with her-- make a fun day of it and have a nice dinner or lunch out somewhere nice, and see what looks good on her hand, get her measured and see what styles she likes. Finger size can vary by design too. Thinner rings size differently than wide ones, so it's important to make sure you know what size she is in the style she likes. Then you can make an informed decision on what best suits her-- and what she thinks the right fit for your situation is. Because hers is the only opinion that matters (outside of yours).
 
A22D5347-761C-4ECE-ADD1-572656E767A6.jpeg 57650512-C0ED-48D4-976D-79138A66E572.jpeg 60BA3ED5-0415-450C-A64F-D87A837D79AD.jpeg AA4C61E0-A083-4D88-9803-E0E5CDABDACC.jpeg
Mattybumpkin said:
Hi Everyone,

First let me say what a great site PS is, with a wealth of information and knowledgeable members willing to contribute to first time posters. Thank you, it makes me feel very comfortable posting this!

I am a 55 year-old divorced male, and have a long-time girlfriend (8yrs.) of approximately the same age, who is also divorced. We expect to be together for a long-time, and we both agree that we do not want to get married.

I would like to purchase a ring as a present to her for Christmas. Round brilliant diamond based is what I have been thinking, most likely .85-.95 tcw with a total budget in the $6,000-$6,500 range.

Is there a ring setting/style etiquette for my situation? Single solitaires are out, right? I was thinking of a 3 stone type setting (diamond or sapphire side stones) or maybe a 2 stone solitaire (.45-.50 x 2 RB), would these be appropriate? Would she wear it on her right hand?


canuk-gal said:
HI:

What style of ring does she want? She can wear anything she likes.
cheers--Sharon
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Like canuk-gal says: Wear whatever you like!

I have never been one for solitary diamond rings, nor ‘wedding bands have to match the engagement ring’ sort of girl. I like the idea of having something completely unique to symbolise our relationship, which is to lea wear whatever you like!

I have never been one for solitary diamond rings, no it’s their wedding band haven’t much engagement ring down. I like the idea of having something completely unique to symbolise our relationship, which is actually very united and unique! Here’s a prof my future engagement ring (It’s actually in 18 carat white gold, with vintage, and cut diamonds which I’m waiting for. It’s actually in 18 carat white gold, with vintage, and Old European cut diamonds, each unique and over 100 years old! I’m allergic to gold, so we Are curry having it remade in platinum. We Have tweaked and refined the design somewhat to make it look pristine . It’s absolutely gorgeous and I will probably continue to wear this on my wedding finger, and wear my wedding band on the right hand side. Who really cares about addition, when it’s all about your relationship!
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That's a beautiful ring. Is that the one?
 
mrs-b said:
I think a moi et toi ring (2 diamonds) has a perfect 'me and you forever' sort of feel to it, without being a traditional engagement ring. They're also almost impossible to wear a wedding ring with, ergo don't have a strong 'engagement ring' feel.

https://www.stuller.com/products/12...yId=24066&recommendationSource=CategoryBrowse

If you do plan to be together for the rest of your lives, I also like the idea of an eternity ring. My all time favorite eternity ring is by Tiffany:

https://www.tiffany.com/engagement/...e&trackpdp=bg&fromcid=287462&trackgridpos=102
Click to expand...

That is one of my favourite styles of rings... there are loads of vintage ones out there too. I’m really into vintage jewellery, so when I’m looking, I see so many pretty pieces. Vintage jewellery also has that feeling of longevity ( due to their age) , it seems you are wanting to express through jewellery
 
Dandi said:
@CloverBuddha your e-ring is stunningly gorgeous!!
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Thanks. Finding her has really changed my life! I had no idea about OEC diamonds until I had a chance glance at pre-loved diamonds online, and this was the first one I saw-and it literally took my breath away! Having it re-set in platinum (I’m allergic to gold) and the overall structure The same except the problems and the finish made more refined. I get her on the 5th of November and cannot wait!
 
I could be your girlfriend (except my boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate it, lol)! My BF and I are in our mid-50s, both divorced, live together, and have been together for 16 years. I wear an ambiguous solitaire on my wedding ring figure. It doesn’t scream ENGAGEMENT ring and could pass for a wedding ring. I wanted to throw another idea out there—colored stone eternities, or even a pair of diamond eternities. Here’s a pic of my blue sapphire eternities. 10AFC8C0-0DC8-4A66-AF32-8203399E46AF.jpeg
 
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tkyasx78 said:
This is just me, But I wouldn't get her a ring at all, in any form, if you never intend on marrying.

A beautiful pair of stud earrings, a gorgeous solitaire necklace, a breathtaking diamond bracelet , Any of these says I love you and appreciate you. I just don't see a way where in the back of her mind a ring doesn't suggest "maybe one day". She may say she never wants to marry and she may actually think that too. But in my opinion rings with diamonds in them are too tied up with the whole concept culturally to say " here is a ring to wear on any finger you want, but it isn't for marriage it is just a present"
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I kind of respectfully disagree here.
OP, I'm 52, divorced, and my boyfriend of 4 years is also divorced. We do not intend to marry, but he's offering me a ring, as a symbol of our commitment to each other. It is a very significant gesture for both of us, even though we do not intend to marry. So if your heart is set on a ring for her, please go for it. FWIW I'm getting a solitaire, with diamonds on the side.
 
Thank you for the comments and suggestions.

I think I am going to include her in the decision regarding the setting, I just need to figure out the best way of making it a "present". I mentioned in one of my previous posts to this thread that she has a small precious stone ring I purchased for her, but didn't remember what finger she wore it on. She wears it on her ring finger.

Regards,

Matty
 
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