Riddle Me This One

[sivyaleah]

So, my BF picked up my ring Saturday. I've been fully involved in picking it out from the get go since he didn't have the time to do all the research himself. We're older, so this wasn't a problem for either of us.

He came home Saturday, with a bouquet of roses, says "I can't give you a ring without roses" and then hands me the e-ring paperwork for the insurance company but, put the ring in our home safe.

He then proceeds to post all over social media a photo of the ring so now everyone is congratulating us but...it's not on my finger! It's put me in a really strange position.

IDK what he's thinking. Ok, I do. I know he's waiting for "the right moment" but geez, why post it all over Facebook first? It isn't like he can drive me anywhere to make it special since he has no license at this point in time. I already said please don't give it to me in public anyway - far too embarrassing for me. Also, there isn't anyone's permission he needs to ask lol. All our parents have passed.

Yesterday, we had lunch with my brother and his GF and he brings it up again!

Anyone else find this strange? I'm kind of feeling like those roses were a consolation prize at this point

 

[lmcriss]

So, my BF picked up my ring Saturday. I've been fully involved in picking it out from the get go since he didn't have the time to do all the research himself. We're older, so this wasn't a problem for either of us.

He came home Saturday, with a bouquet of roses, says "I can't give you a ring without roses" and then hands me the e-ring paperwork for the insurance company but, put the ring in our home safe.

He then proceeds to post all over social media a photo of the ring so now everyone is congratulating us but...it's not on my finger! It's put me in a really strange position.

IDK what he's thinking. Ok, I do. I know he's waiting for "the right moment" but geez, why post it all over Facebook first? It isn't like he can drive me anywhere to make it special since he has no license at this point in time. I already said please don't give it to me in public anyway - far too embarrassing for me. Also, there isn't anyone's permission he needs to ask lol. All our parents have passed.

Yesterday, we had lunch with my brother and his GF and he brings it up again!

Anyone else find this strange? I'm kind of feeling like those roses were a consolation prize at this point

Hi Sivyaleah! Sorry to hear about your quandary! That would make me crazy too!

So he basically did everything, but actually ask you THE question and give you your ring??? How did he act yesterday? Why on earth would he post it all over the internet if you don't actually get to wear it ? The only think that I can think to do is to let him know that this is bothering you and you want to know where he's coming from. I mean, I get the "waiting for the right moment" but to let everyone and their brother know about your ring without actually popping the question sounds a little inconsiderate to you :-\ What has he said when you've talked to him?

 

[telephone89]

You need to talk to him. Tell him you are confused as to why he's posting all over social media but won't give you the ring. This doesn't make any sense.

 

[sivyaleah]

He said he wanted to "wait for the right moment".
He's been asking me to marry him for years LOL. Now, there's a ring and I think he's thinking too much about the "how" and not the "why". I don't think it's a cold feet thing. I was sure he'd give it to me over the weekend since he isn't the kind of person who waits on things well.
I think if this continues past this weekend I'll have to have another talk with him. I did mention in a joking way that posting everywhere was jumping the gun. I mean, literally nearly 40 people "liked" the post let alone everyone who wrote their congratulations to us.
I really thought he was going to ask me Saturday when he came home with the roses. Yesterday, I can understand because the day got away from us meeting up with my brother.

He's usually pretty considerate about people's feelings, as he's a sensitive kind of person himself, which is why I find this surprising. On the other hand, this isn't my first time getting engaged by a long shot and I don't want to make him feel bad since he has never actually proposed to anyone before. He was married decades ago but it was because she got pregnant so there was never any real engagement or a ring involved, being very young, stupid and broke at the time. This is a huge deal to him so I'm trying my best not to push the issue. But, seriously I'm irked!

 

[lmcriss]

Well, let's just assume that he's really excited and nervous about it then That makes it cute and not inconsiderate. Good luck this week! Hopefully the "real" proposal isn't very far away!

 

[sivyaleah]

Well, let's just assume that he's really excited and nervous about it then That makes it cute and not inconsiderate. Good luck this week! Hopefully the "real" proposal isn't very far away!

I lean towards nervous and excited also. He's also quite talented with writing and speaking - so it could just be he's collecting his thoughts to make it memorable. Hopefully

 

[elizabethess]

Ahhh, sivyaleah! I saw you post elsewhere he did, in fact, propose. But girl, I felt you. Glad it was a short wait. CONGRATS!

 

[mary poppins]

Grr, definitely strange behavior that put you in an awkward position.

Glad to hear he proposed already. Congratulations!

 

[Ariadne_Theia]

Congrats on the proposal! I am glad you didn't have to wait too long. The ring is lovely!

 

[lmcriss]

Congratulations on your engagement!!! I'm so happy that you didn't have to wait very long!!! Your ring is absolutely gorgeous and we can't wait to see more pictures! Care to tell us about "the right moment" that he picked?! I want to hear your story!

 

[sivyaleah]

Congratulations on your engagement!!! I'm so happy that you didn't have to wait very long!!! Your ring is absolutely gorgeous and we can't wait to see more pictures! Care to tell us about "the right moment" that he picked?! I want to hear your story!

Well, it wasn't quite as "right" as he originally thought it might be, but was right for us.

So last Monday, while just hanging out watching tv in bed (we both weren't feeling great) he brought up how his friends told him he was nuts for posting the ring all over the place before giving it to me. He reiterated that he was just so excited and didn't think about the ramifications of doing it. So, I said I agreed with his friends, and that it was kind of weird for me to be congratulated when no ring was on my finger yet

Apparently, he was hoping to catch me in the middle of making a nice dinner for us. I'm a very good cook (probably would have gone professional when younger if I'd thought it was a possibility). This goes back to the first time he told me he loved me - we were cooking dinner together in a small rental we shared at the time. It was a really wonderful moment for many reasons and it's one of those things which has always stuck with both of us.

I reminded him, that being that I wasn't feeling well a nice dinner wasn't coming any time too soon and could be days if not weeks before I had the time and energy. We joked about this for a bit, and other things and he suddenly jumped up and said "Ok!" and went and got the ring. He then got on his knees, in bed (not easy for someone his age) and very sweetly and sincerely proposed and put the ring on my finger.

Was very low key and natural. He really was putting too much thought into it instead of letting it happen organically. Thankfully he didn't let it go another week or I would have bitten my nails off by then - and I don't bite my nails

 

[lmcriss]

What a sweet way to propose!! It sounds beautiful and I'm so glad that you're happy! Your ring is so pretty It's a little funny that his friends were giving him some grief about posting it all over facebook without actually having the ring on your finger, but at the same time it's so cute because he was just excited about it Best wishes to you both! Have you made any wedding plans yet?

 

[sivyaleah]

What a sweet way to propose!! It sounds beautiful and I'm so glad that you're happy! Your ring is so pretty It's a little funny that his friends were giving him some grief about posting it all over facebook without actually having the ring on your finger, but at the same time it's so cute because he was just excited about it Best wishes to you both! Have you made any wedding plans yet?

Funny thing here is I've mentioned before that we're an older couple (57). He's in college full time (never went before) and so many of his friends are now in their early 20's or so. I was actually kind of amazed that even though most have little experience in having a long term relationship, recognized that it was kind of not the norm

We've made no real plans yet. I do know it's going to be extremely low key and, most likely, we'll do a City Hall wedding and go on a very posh honeymoon instead of a party. Perhaps we'll have his daughter and grandchildren there to witness, but that's it. Both of us don't have much family left (both of us have lost our parents for instance) and most of our close friends don't live anywhere near where we live - many live out of the country in fact. For that matter, even our siblings aren't exactly nearby.

Being as it isn't a first marriage for either of us, we feel that asking people to cough up any amount of money; be it for travel, fancy clothing or gifts, just isn't necessary. We might just throw a nice lunch or dinner but we are leaning towards just taking off to relax. We need that badly!

 

[lmcriss]

I stick by my comment, you can still be cute and excited at 57 Your plans sound wonderful! Plus, it's such a nice feeling when other people acknowledge that the relationship you have with your partner is something special, that isn't seen often. Very VERY happy for you both Have you thought about what kind of "posh" vacation you'd like to take? It sounds like the sky is the limit!

 

[sivyaleah]

I stick by my comment, you can still be cute and excited at 57 Your plans sound wonderful! Plus, it's such a nice feeling when other people acknowledge that the relationship you have with your partner is something special, that isn't seen often. Very VERY happy for you both Have you thought about what kind of "posh" vacation you'd like to take? It sounds like the sky is the limit!

We're tossing Paris around. He's never been to Europe and I've only been once (Barcelona). We are both fans of history, architecture, and FOOD I do have some concerns about if it's too much activity for me though. I've had 3 (3!!!) knee surgeries due to accidents over the years and being on my feet for hours touring might not work for me.

Because of that, laying on a quiet beach for 2 weeks is also an option. We both have been to most islands; but really adore Bermuda above all. We've only cruised there, so having a lot of time on the island would be pure bliss for us both.

Whatever the case, we probably won't manage to actually wed until May 2017 due to various factors and it's pretty impossible to plan anything that far in advance. Seems all hotels/airlines/etc only are booking out to February or March right now.

 

[lmcriss]

3 knee surgeries?! I can't imagine the recovery time! Lying on a beach for two weeks does sound pretty amazing... Too bad it's hard to book that far out.... it'll only be a few months until you can start looking to book something though, which means lots of research and planning time! How is everyone responding on Facebook now that you actually have your ring?

 

[sivyaleah]

Yes, relaxing would be way better than running around

Everyone on FB and everywhere else was able to officially congratulate us once I posted my ring-on-finger photo. It really was very nice especially to see people I don't communicate with too frequently come forth to say hello and ooh and ahh over the ring!

 

[LJsapphire]

that would bug me too, I'm glad he ended the wait for you