Rework 5 Stone Ring

[kilhill]

This is the 5 stone ring that my fiance had made for me. I don't actually remember the specs but I think the center stone is a carat, the sides stones are .2 and .4 roughly. Anyway, my fiance has been married before, which has become sort of a sticking point for me the past few weeks. While cleaning out a closet, I found the wedding pics from his past marriage, and against all sense, I had to look at them. Well now I wish I hadn't. I discovered that his ex-wifes ring was also a five stone engagement with a five stone band. Her ring was a 1/2 carat center with .1 stones on the sides, so not exactly the same ring but an extremely similar look. Although I realize this is the ring I asked for, I am so upset that my ring looks like hers and to most people it probably does look like the same ring. Given all of this, I am considering reworking this ring. Am I being completely crazy or should I just keep the ring and try to forget it?


Any ideas? How would you use reuse these stones or would you just start over from scratch with new stones and a completely different look? Thanks!!

 

[junebug17]

Others will probably disagree, but I think if it's really bothering you that your ring resembles the ex-wife's, you should change it. It would be easy for me to say to you "oh, just forget about it, it doesn't matter etc" but you can't help the way you feel. Your feelings are your own, nobody can really tell you how you should feel. Sounds like your feelings are going to interfere with the enjoyment of your ring.

That said though, I think it might be a good idea to give yourself a little time - sometimes these feelings and thoughts fade over time and it might not bother you after a while. But if after a period of time you still feel the same, I think you should change it.

 

[Enerchi]

Others will probably disagree, but I think if it's really bothering you that your ring resembles the ex-wife's, you should change it. It would be easy for me to say to you "oh, just forget about it, it doesn't matter etc" but you can't help the way you feel. Your feelings are your own, nobody can really tell you how you should feel. Sounds like your feelings are going to interfere with the enjoyment of your ring.

That said though, I think it might be a good idea to give yourself a little time - sometimes these feelings and thoughts fade over time and it might not bother you after a while. But if after a period of time you still feel the same, I think you should change it.

+1 Junebug said it all! you like what you like, which is why you choose that, but you also feel what you feel, which is what os triggering this reaction. You are only human! could you talk to him about it? would he have any thoughts on you keeping as is or to change it?

 

[kilhill]

Thanks ladies for your input. I have talked to him about it just briefly because it really hurt his feelings. He took my comments about what I liked and had this ring made and I hate the idea of changing it because he put so much effort in it, but every time I look at it, I see "her" ring. He did come back later to say that if I wanted another ring he would understand but I'm not really sure that he does. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he put so much in it and honestly I never planned on saying a word but of course, I can't keep my big mouth shut and blurted out that I saw the pics and the ring. I honestly don't know why this bugs me so much. I have never been a jealous person at all but now I am completely obsessed with this prior marriage business. I thought that maybe if I could use these stones but change the look of the ring, it would be a good compromise.

Thanks for the advice about not rushing into a change. Maybe I will feel differently after the initial hurt wears off.

 

[Enerchi]

Take your time. Right now you are reacting emotionally and in anger/hurt. After a while - you may or may not feel the same way. Give it a few days. The diamonds are new, they aren't hers. The setting is one he picked out - its not her EXACT setting. He's giving it to YOU - not her - because he loves you and wants to be with you, the first marriage is done and over with.

Did you love love LOVE it when he first gave it to you? Try and go back to that mental state - it may help you get thru this set back.

 

[stargurl78]

As junebug and Enerchi suggested, I would give yourself some time to think it over. If you ultimately decide that you want to change it, maybe you could do a 3-stone (maybe with a halo around the center stone? or halos around all 3 stones?) and use the other 2 stones to make earring studs. Or you could just halo the center stone and use the smaller stones for another project.

 

[Dreamer_D]

If it helps, no one else likely noticed or remembers the Ex's ring So they won't see the similarity. But obviously, this is not about the ring, anyways.

 

[motownmama]

Yours is BIGGER!!!!!

 

[Enerchi]

If it helps, no one else likely noticed or remembers the Ex's ring So they won't see the similarity. But obviously, this is not about the ring, anyways.

Exactly! no one but you and he will know there is a similarity. And I'd guess he probably forgot what her ring looked like and just designed something for you, based on what he liked. He's consistent - and that's an ok thing!!- because he knows what he likes... and its YOU!

 

[Dreamer_D]

If it helps, no one else likely noticed or remembers the Ex's ring So they won't see the similarity. But obviously, this is not about the ring, anyways.

Exactly! no one but you and he will know there is a similarity. And I'd guess he probably forgot what her ring looked like and just designed something for you, based on what he liked. He's consistent - and that's an ok thing!!- because he knows what he likes... and its YOU!

Enerchi the OP told HIM what SHE wanted and then he designed it! So he actually listened to her desires it seems.

 

[Enerchi]

oh. I guess I still interpreted it as he had enough input to the design, based on a variety of things, including what she liked. ooops! On the plus side - he listened!!! Gotta love a man that listens!

 

[floyd13]

I say it's reset time!

Surprised at the response here. Honestly ladies wouldn't you change it so it didn't resemble the ring he gave his ex?

Also I think it's fine for you to look at his old wedding photos, after all it's part of his life. It would also be respectful to his former wife if you changed your ring. He could have mentioned it at the time but he's a guy and has clearly been through a lot.

Don't forget to share your upgrade photos!

 

[kilhill]

Thanks for your response Floyd13.

I have thought about this for days and I just can't see keeping this ring. As I said before, I gave him ideas, such as cut, and I had found a 3 stone trellis set that I absolutely loved but that was it. He made the ring which is what is upsetting to me. I realize it isn't exactly like hers but its a 5 stone engagement ring with a 5 stone band. I'm sure hers wasn't a trellis set but who in the world would notice the setting except on close examination??

I will post picks of the redesign but really I am at a lose as to what to do with these stones. Wish he would have gone with the 1 1/2 carat center as I suggested. That would be a lot easier to remount but on the up side these are fabulous, clean, clear diamonds so that should help.

Thanks

 

[Enerchi]

Glad you are happy with your decision - that's what counts the most, not what anyone else has to say, but what YOU feel best about, so I'm happy for you!

Could you have a pair of diamonds made into studs? or into a pendant? Keep the centre stone and halo it? What are your thoughts???

 

[kilhill]

Enerchi,

that is a really good idea. I did see a setting that was a halo and had two bands on the ering and it was incredible! If I go to the store today, I will upload a pic or two and see what you think


Thanks

 

[Enerchi]

PICTURES!!!!

You know how we love our pics!!

Halo would be beautiful with a 1ct centre stone (its 1ct, right?? I think so...) and the others, could be made into something else... maybe a 3 stone pendant, if not studs, and a single pendant haloed to match your new halo ering? or give a single diamond to his mom for a solitaire pendant? or make them into a cross type design similar to this tiffany one...
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?fromGrid=1&sku=28672624&mcat=148204&cid=287465&search_params=s+5-p+1-c+287465-r+101323351-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

TONS of options!!! how exciting!! I'd suggest you design this next ring together - that will make it extra special just for the two of you!

 

[junebug17]

Thanks for your response Floyd13.

I have thought about this for days and I just can't see keeping this ring. As I said before, I gave him ideas, such as cut, and I had found a 3 stone trellis set that I absolutely loved but that was it. He made the ring which is what is upsetting to me. I realize it isn't exactly like hers but its a 5 stone engagement ring with a 5 stone band. I'm sure hers wasn't a trellis set but who in the world would notice the setting except on close examination??

I will post picks of the redesign but really I am at a lose as to what to do with these stones. Wish he would have gone with the 1 1/2 carat center as I suggested. That would be a lot easier to remount but on the up side these are fabulous, clean, clear diamonds so that should help.

Thanks

I don't blame you in the least! As I said in my post, your feelings are your feelings, and if they are going to keep you from enjoying your ring then by all means you should do a reset - good for you for giving it a little time and coming up with the best decision for you! Please let us know what you decide!

 

[stargurl78]

PICTURES!!!!

You know how we love our pics!!

Halo would be beautiful with a 1ct centre stone (its 1ct, right?? I think so...) and the others, could be made into something else... maybe a 3 stone pendant, if not studs, and a single pendant haloed to match your new halo ering? or give a single diamond to his mom for a solitaire pendant? or make them into a cross type design similar to this tiffany one...
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?fromGrid=1&sku=28672624&mcat=148204&cid=287465&search_params=s+5-p+1-c+287465-r+101323351-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

TONS of options!!! how exciting!! I'd suggest you design this next ring together - that will make it extra special just for the two of you!

Great suggestions Enerchi!! If you went with a halo setting, you could still keep lots of finger coverage. I would make studs and 2 pendants (one solitaire and one with a halo) with the remaining diamonds