Response to Rockhugger - Reborn dolls

[LD]

Rockhugger or whatever name she is using at the moment, has recently posted comments I've made on another forum **edited. please remember we do not allow discussion of other forums to keep drama at bay**

The doll for sale is one made to look like a premature baby is, to my mind, absolutely horrific. The wording in the advert says "If you look closely, you can see tiny veins and capillaries under the skin. Blue undertones and pink over tones give the baby's skin life! I also hand painted blotches and blemishes on the baby Hope, giving her the look of a just born preemie". I've suffered 8 very late miscarriages, my daughter was born prematurely and I've also had a son who was severely disabled who died shortly after birth. I do not understand (and never will) why a doll made to look like a premature baby may give anybody comfort. Clearly they do but I just don't understand it.

I also believe that this can make people feel very uncomfortable. When my son died, several of my friends just didn't know how to speak to me and avoided the subject. It's not a subject that many people know how to deal with effectively. It's one of those situations in life that people don't often deal with naturally well. Therefore having a doll made to look like a premature baby I can imagine being very stressful to some people who have gone through a very difficult period in their life and had to deal with such an event. I accept that for a minority (and I do suspect it is a minority) there is comfort in having a reminder. For me, I just can't comprehend it but that's my opinion. I deal with my loss by visiting my son's grave but I most certainly don't expect others to do so unless they want to AND it's at their request AND I hope I don't make anybody feel uncomfortable.

My first experience of Reborn dolls was when I watched a particular TV programme (a one off programme, not a series), that showcased about 4 or 5 ladies who collected the dolls. These ladies were depicted as being very odd and, for the most part, were dealing with sadness and deep underlying issues. Clearly, any TV programme (for entertainment/shock value) will look for extreme collectors and I have no doubt that there are collectors who collect who one would not consider to be "extreme". I have no other exposure to the Reborn collector community other than that one TV programme and seeing dolls for sale. However, they do not appeal to me and I struggle with the concept.

 

[missy]

LovingDiamonds, I am so very sorry for your terrible losses and my heart goes out to you. I am also sorry you are dealing with Rockhugger posting (what I can only imagine to be) objectionable and aggravating comments in that other forum. I do not know what she is posting and am not aware of this other forum but I just wanted to give you my support.

 

[Laila619]

LD, I am so sorry for your losses. Hugs.

 

[Aoife]

LD, I'm so very, very sorry for the death of your son, and the loss of your other babies. It is every parent's worst nightmare, and leaves most of us speechless, because words are so inadequate. You are in my thoughts.

Like you, I find the whole Reborn doll phenomenon odd and a bit repugnant. I am finding RH's reposting of your comments on a totally unrelated forum to be equally odd and repugnant, but, unfortunately, very much in keeping with her unprofessional dealings with Kelpie.

 

[D&T]

LD - I'm so sorry for your losses. and that you are dealing with RH. I have seen her lack of professionalism through the other thread and hope that she will some day grow up and take responsibility.

 

[LD]

From my heart, I thank you all sincerely for your kind words. I didn't post to get any words of sympathy (and I hope it didn't come over that way). My motives were just to explain why I feel the way I do about the Reborn dolls.

**edited by moderator. please do not repost from other forums as is in our policies. it only brings drama for PS which we do not need**

 

[minousbijoux]

Wow, LD this upsets me on so many levels. First off, you deserve nothing but peace and happiness for the rest of your life as you have been through more than anyone should have to go through. Second, whatever her name is, she has attacked you personally, going way beyond any possible reason relating to her business. Sounds like retaliatory, off the deep end behavior to me. Finally, your response was generous, but please don't feel like you ever have to justify what you say. You are soundly in the rational-articulate-person-with-an-opinion category; we know you, we adore you and we know you are absolutely well intentioned.

I don't know how going after you and quoting you on another website to incite hostility will help her at all. I for one will continue to track her business and do what I can to share the information on PS for other interested potential buyers

You are a dear - don't ever forget it!

 

[Ella]

We understand the concern, but we do not allow reposting of drama from other forums. Thank you for your cooperation in keeping drama off of PS.

Posts or quotes from other forums have been removed in concordance with our policies.

 

[LD]

Ella - understood. Hopefully the moderators of that website/forum will moderate in a way that Pricescope would do.

Minous - thank you for your generous words. I am really humbled by your thoughts.

Time to draw a line under this debacle I think!

 

[Ella]

Thank you for your understanding LD.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Well, I don't quite know what's going on BUT I just want to extend my sympathies and hugs to Loving Diamonds...no parent should EVER have to bear the loss of a child.

 

[LD]

Thank you very much.

I do want to add that despite everything I went through, there was a very very happy ending. I am blessed to have the most fantastic 8 year old daughter who is completely and utterly the apple of my eye (and my husbands). So for everything I went through there has been a huge light at the end of that tunnel.

Here's my treasure taken a few years ago ............

 

[Skippy123]

I am sorry for your losses.

Wow, what a beautiful daughter!!! She looks like a sweetheart!

 

[missy]

awwww, she's precious! What a lovely daughter!

 

[smitcompton]

Hi LD

She is lovely and perhaps worth your trials. Sorry about those. I have lost a son as well so I know your sorrow.

But, the dolls are ugly. They have no appeal to me.

Annette

 

[Aoife]

Ah, what a sweetheart! Look at those eyes!

Thanks for sharing, LD.

 

[kenny]

If you like the dolls get one.
If not, don't.

Once again, why do people think one "right" way applies to everyone?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am also so terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your son and other babies. I know your little girl must bring you great joy!

I do want to say that I absolutely agree with you about the dolls. I cannot even imagine anyone making these, much less wanting to own one.

 

[Circe]

If you like the dolls get one.
If not, don't.

Once again, why do people think one "right" way applies to everyone?

I don't think people do, dude. Things just get on their minds, and it helps to talk them through, or share. Another-to-each-their-own, in its own way: the people who have an interest in the topic or the practice of sympathy share: those who don't ... don't.

LD, I experienced a late-term loss, too, and I feel much the same way you do: I think it's macabre. But then, I thought a lot of the things in the little motivational booklet on loss that they handed out were grim, and I imagine they must be a source of comfort for some, or they wouldn't be included. It's the ones that are made up to look like bizarre monstrosities that get me, though - I remember somebody posting a Reborn made up to look like baby Voldemort. I ask you ....

 

[luv2sparkle]

LD, I am so sorry for all you have gone through. I am thrilled for you that you have such a precious little girl. She is quite darling.

Grief makes people do very odd things. Reborn dolls seems like one of those. It seems to me it would make grief more difficult (for me) rather than better.

Who can say why some people would find it helpful, but since we all grieve in different ways, if they find something that eases their grief in some way, that is a good thing.

 

[risingsun]

I do not want to get into an argument, but express an opinion. I think we have crossed a line with politcal correctness and moral relativity. Some actions are just inappropriate. In all my years as a counselor, I have never heard a woman who has miscarried express an interest in a reproduction of their lost child. I think they would be horrified. In our hospital, miscarriages are cremated and the remains offered to the parents, if they choose to accept them. They are given in a presentation box, which shows respect and caring. If everything is a choice and nothing has limits, we have lost our ability to develop values and beliefs based upon a solid foundation. The choices may not be the same for everyone, but at least, we as a society, can recognize something that it simply wrong.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I do not want to get into an argument, but express an opinion. I think we have crossed a line with politcal correctness and moral relativity. Some actions are just inappropriate. In all my years as a counselor, I have never heard a woman who has miscarried express an interest in a reproduction of their lost child. I think they would be horrified. In our hospital, miscarriages are cremated and the remains offered to the parents, if they choose to accept them. They are given in a presentation box, which shows respect and caring. If everything is a choice and nothing has limits, we have lost our ability to develop values and beliefs based upon a solid foundation. The choices may not be the same for everyone, but at least, we as a society, can recognize something that it simply wrong.

+1

No, maybe +1000

 

[Circe]

I do not want to get into an argument, but express an opinion. I think we have crossed a line with politcal correctness and moral relativity. Some actions are just inappropriate. In all my years as a counselor, I have never heard a woman who has miscarried express an interest in a reproduction of their lost child. I think they would be horrified. In our hospital, miscarriages are cremated and the remains offered to the parents, if they choose to accept them. They are given in a presentation box, which shows respect and caring. If everything is a choice and nothing has limits, we have lost our ability to develop values and beliefs based upon a solid foundation. The choices may not be the same for everyone, but at least, we as a society, can recognize something that it simply wrong.

+1

No, maybe +1000

Make it a 1002 - the phrasing here made me consider how I'd feel if I were to die and my husband were to commission a Circe-shaped RealDoll. Answer: NOT GOOD. Both because I'd be worried about his hypothetical sanity in this scenario, and because there's something ... insulting ... about the suggestion I could be replaced with a doll.

That said, the existence of RealDolls and ReBorn make me feel like we're in some kind of creepy William Gibson/Neal Stephenson cyborg future where the only ones who actually need to be, you know, autonomous, are dudes. Erk.

 

[missy]

That said, the existence of RealDolls and ReBorn make me feel like we're in some kind of creepy William Gibson/Neal Stephenson cyborg future where the only ones who actually need to be, you know, autonomous, are dudes. Erk.

Remember Stepford Wives...That was one creepy movie.

 

[Loves Vintage]

From my limited understanding of this phenomenon, some women get these dolls and treat them as their babies, bring them out to stores, pretending they are real, etc. My point is that the dolls do not necessarily represent a loss. I am not sure if I find that more or less bizarre. Perhaps equally?

LD, I don't understand a lot of what you posted, but sorry you have to deal with it, nevertheless! We are all entitled to our opinions.

And, your daughter is just beautiful!! Thank you for sharing.

 

[LJL]

LD, I'm sorry for your losses but happy that you have a little one now to shower with love.

For the record, I'm HORRIFIED by those dolls and I have never had a miscarriage/child/anything like that. The only thing that seems worse than someone owning one is that there was someone who took the time to make those creepy a$$ things. I'm typically not weirded out by much but I don't understand the purpose those dolls serve. I understand the idea of "to each their own" but I (and everyone else) reserve the right to judge hardcore when something makes people feel bad about life experiences they cant control. Though I doubt the people who have those dolls care about how the dolls affect other people.

 

[bee*]

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. Your little girl is a dote!

 

[Bliss]

I am so sorry to hear about your experiences, LovingDiamonds. I also had a miscarriage that still makes me sad, even after having a beautiful baby girl. That pregnancy affected me very deeply because it was the first time I became a mom. I still think about it and shed a small tear sometimes. And I hope to meet that angel baby one day in heaven. Anyway, I understand some of how you feel. Around that sad time, I remember seeing a pic of some fetus Christmas ornaments on here and even that made my stomach do flip flops. Hugs hugs hugs. Your beautiful girl is such an angel! Such light and beauty!

I agree that those dolls can be upsetting. I saw a TV show about it once that made me sad for the women who felt a need to buy these types of dolls. Some of the preemie dolls are even sold with tubing and aspirators...hospital equipment to hook them up to. Horrifying. I don't understand it but it seems like a sickness. Maybe the people who need these type dolls are suffering as well? My friend had a preemie and it was the most horrifying time of her life. Even now, she feels deeply emotional talking about how tiny her baby was in the hospital and how touch and go things were. I can't imagine going through that and seeing people selling dolls made to look like tiny babies going through so much.

 

[Pandora II]

LD, I'm so sorry for what you have been through and so glad that you have your beautiful daughter.

Regarding the dolls - I can see the attraction is trying to make one. In the same way that I like doing trompe d'oeil painting, I would be quite intrigued to see if I could produce something that looked realistic and the techniques involved are quite interesting. However I haven't done one because I wouldn't know what the heck to do with it afterwards. I also wouldn't ever try and produce one that looked like a premie.

I'm afraid I just do not understand people who buy these and especially those who take them shopping and treat them like a real child. It's a harmless hobby though so each to their own...

 

[AGBF]

I don't know who Rockhugger is and I don't care to. This is a bizarre story. Please know I am on your side 100%, LD. I have a friend who is, right now, at 24 weeks and hoping to make it longer into her pregnancy!

Your daughter is a real beauty; I just love her big, blue eyes! I am terribly sorry for all your losses!

Many warm hugs to you,
Deb/AGBF