Reply cards MIA?!

[Izzy03]

So I am freaking out here a little. The "reply by" date on my reply cards is February 25th. The guests have just under a week to let me know if they are coming or not. I sent somewhere between 60-70 invites out and I have received less than half of them back in the mail.

Is this normal? Do people usually wait until the last minute to reply? I mean, you know if you are coming or you don''t, at least most of the guests should!

I was really relying on these replies so I could figure out if I could invite a few people who I really didn''t have room for, but would be able to invite if we had a lot of declines.

I really don''t want to make over 30 phone calls to these people, and it pisses me off that I paid for the postage!

 

[Sparkalicious]

Sorry, Izzy. I''m not looking forward to this either. Entirely frustrating.

I have to agree that, yes, most people do know well in advance if they are able to make it or not, unfortunately, from what I gather, it appears that people, in general, tend to procrastinate. I''m sure that you will start getting a whole bunch of them back a few days before and after your deadline.

If you haven''t received them about a week or two after the deadline or whenever it really starts to impact your ability to go any further with your planning, you may then consider making a few calls as irritating as that may be.

I''ll keep my fingers crossed for you that those reply cards start flooding in soon!

 

[Haven]

We received a lot of DH''s side''s replies the last few days before our "reply by" date.

I wouldn''t stress out about this yet, and if it does come down to the wire and you have a lot of people to call, delegate! Give a list to your FI for all of "his" people who couldn''t be bothered to reply, and a list to your parents for "their" people who couldn''t be bothered to reply.

 

[Izzy03]

The biggest problem is that my venue needs a final head count on March 5th, 30 days before the wedding. Yes I know this is early, but it is their policy. So if people decide they want to come after the fact, I will be charged a $250 fee to change the head count. Rude as it sounds, I would rather tell the people they will not be able to attend because arrangements have been finalized than pay the fee. I am so irritated by this!

I expected to get missing RSVPs but if I have to make more than 10 phone calls, I will not hesitate to inform these people what the reply card is for and WHY a postage stamp was included!

Sorry for the vent....I am in panick mode......I'll feel better tomorrow!

Thanks for your quick replies! It is comforting to know that last minute replies are common!

 

[Haven]

Yikes, that''s a tough deadline for the final head count. I would definitely call people, and I''d start the day after your "reply by" date. All you have to say is "We are so excited to celebrate our upcoming marriage with you, will you be joining us? I don''t mean to be pushy, but we must make a commitment to our venue this week and we certainly want to count on your attendance if you''ll be there."

 

[Sparkalicious]

Date: 2/19/2009 12:12:11 AM
Author: Haven
Yikes, that''s a tough deadline for the final head count. I would definitely call people, and I''d start the day after your ''reply by'' date. All you have to say is ''We are so excited to celebrate our upcoming marriage with you, will you be joining us? I don''t mean to be pushy, but we must make a commitment to our venue this week and we certainly want to count on your attendance if you''ll be there.''

Ditto - that is a tough deadline. As usual, Haven''s advice sounds spot on. Forget the "week" leeway I suggested ... get on their tails the day after the deadline so that you can figure out your headcount. If they are bothered by it ... too bad - should have sent the reply card in by the requested reply by date, right?
People can be infuriating, can''t they?

I also love Haven''s delegation idea. Maybe this is something that you can do over the next week to help you with your nervous energy. Take a look at the outstanding responses and split them up amongst who will have to call the party''s involved if it will not be you. As you receive responses over the next week, you can cross names off the delegate''s list. Hey ... at least it gives you something to do or "busy work", so to speak, to try to keep your mind off of it??

 

[Izzy03]

Oh yes, there will be delegating! Especially with my fiance''s side of the family. Seeing that I have never met half of them, I do not feel right calling, and my temper is flaring a little over the situation, I would hate to accidentally unleash the bridezilla in myself!

I know it is a little early to be jumping to this conclusion, but I really have the feeling that a large number of people are not going to reply. What do people do, think "oh, free stamp!" and use it mail off their cell phone bill?!

Wow! I feel better! That really helped! Thank you Sparkalicious and Haven! And thank you to all to read my vent...it has helped quite a bit!

 

[FrekeChild]

I''d be upset too! But big fat ditto Haven. And delegate!!!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 2/19/2009 12:29:09 AM
Author: Izzy03
Oh yes, there will be delegating! Especially with my fiance''s side of the family. Seeing that I have never met half of them, I do not feel right calling, and my temper is flaring a little over the situation, I would hate to accidentally unleash the bridezilla in myself!


I know it is a little early to be jumping to this conclusion, but I really have the feeling that a large number of people are not going to reply. What do people do, think ''oh, free stamp!'' and use it mail off their cell phone bill?!


Wow! I feel better! That really helped! Thank you Sparkalicious and Haven! And thank you to all to read my vent...it has helped quite a bit!

Oh Izzy, don''t feel bad hon. We''ve all been there. Just try to remember that these people don''t **mean** to cause you so much stress. Most of them probably hung it on the fridge or put it in their "to do" list and just haven''t gotten to it yet. We had a very small wedding (invited 45) and I had to make maybe 8 calls too, people just don''t remember.

I''d wait to make calls until 2 days after the deadline maybe as a lot of people might drop it in the mail the day it''s "due". But then start the calls in full force, and I think Haven''s line is perfect as usual.

 

[mayachel]

If they are anything like me, they do WANT to RSVP, they just get distracted and busy. If I don''t send back a response card the first day it comes, you can bet I''m one of those sending it in the day before the deadline.

 

[Winks_Elf]

I''m not very nice, so if people don''t respond by the time they''re supposed to but they call last minute, and the final headcount has been given, I''d tell them straight out "I''m sorry, but we had to give a final headcount already. We''ll miss you."

 

[Lanie]

I hate to tell you this Izzy, but I used to be one of those that would send it at the last minute. Now, as a bride, I can see how important it is to have them on time. I used to send them in last minute because I would forget, and I figured that if I sent it by the deadline, then there was no problem.

I would try not to stress about it as the others said (try...) and then a couple of days after the date, get on the phone! You could also delegate to your parents, your maid of honor (if you have one), and your FI's parents.

 

[Elmorton]

Or send out an e-mail...?

I completely missed a friend of mine''s RSVP cut-off because I thought it was the standard two weeks before the date (usually I hold off a little on RSVP cards for local stuff since my DH''s weekend schedule often changes and I don''t want to RSVP for two when there is really one), but the response was actually due a month and a half before the wedding - I felt awful.

I''m guessing that your guests may just not have noticed that it''s a smidge early. I''d send out a quick mass e-mail (polite of course), and then maybe your phonecall list will be shorter. I think our phonecall list was only about 5 or so families, which I would consider normal.

 

[Winks_Elf]

I asked my ever-so-gracious FSIL about this, and she said that the bride should turn to both mothers at this point (let the moms do the calling), and allow the guests to save face by talking to them instead of the bride herself.

 

[musey]

Yep, totally normal. It''s good to plan ahead for these things.

We set our reply-by date for a full month before the wedding, so that we''d have a week of leeway for late replies, and another week for follow-up phone calls or emails before the 2-week head count deadline for our venue.

If you want to do a B list, it''s best to set your reply-by date even earlier.

But yeah, it''s completely normal to not receive reply cards well ahead of time. We got the last 1/3 or so of ours in the 7 days leading up to the ''deadline.'' In this economy especially, many people are probably waiting until the last minute to see if they''ll be able to swing it. Wouldn''t want to send an early reply of ''no'' only to find out that you''ll be able to make it later.

 

[Izzy03]

I am feeling a little better today. I completely agree that I would rather people wait to send replies when they are SURE they will attend, rather than RSVP and not show up. Oh well, hopefully I start receiving a flood of replies this coming week. Thanks for they reassurance everyone!

 

[teapot]

This is totally normal. I got a lot of my RSVPs that last week. If I were you, I would have your friends and family spread the word that you need a headcount and have your mothers call 2 days after our due date.

I''m sorry for all the stress. I know it''s difficult, I had to call a lot of people so I feel your pain.

 

[Izzy03]

So the good news it that I got a whopping 8 replies today?!

The bad news, I counted invites to day.... I sent out 80, and I have now only received a total of 31.

They have 6 days left, and then I will unleash the wrath within me!

On a happier note, my parents are totally OK with me telling people they cannot come the wedding if they respond after the final headcount is given. I was afraid they were going to make us pay the "late fee" for people who couldn't follow directions.