Repeat Baby Showers

[amc80]

Please, tell me if I'm wrong here...but I don't think there should be baby showers for babies after baby #1. When DH and I were expecting DS, we purposely chose gender neutral items so they could be used for future babies.

Last month, a friend had a baby shower for baby #2. Her other kid is only 2, so they still have all the baby stuff. Yesterday I got an invitation for another repeat baby shower. This one is slightly more ridiculous because baby #1 will only be 18 months when baby #2 is born. AND, they didn't find out the sex with either, so everything they got for #1 is gender neutral.

I could see a few instances where a second baby shower could make sense- a long time (5+ years) between babies ("we thought we were done having kids and got rid of all of our baby stuff...surprise!"), a multiple pregnancy after a singleton (where you really would need additional stuff), etc.

Am I crazy? Is it the norm now to have a shower for every baby? Is this just the natural progression of the engagement party/wedding shower/bacherlorette party/etc. gift feast?

 

[momhappy]

I tend to agree that showers for subsequent babies are overkill. However, if family/friends wanted to throw a shower, I don't necessarily think that there is anything wrong with that either. I don't think that there is a norm when it comes to this sort of thing. I suppose that people just do what feels right for them.
It reminds me a little bit of the thread a short while back on attending a second wedding. It was my opinion that second weddings (the actual ceremony, not the marriage itself) didn't carry quite as much "weight" as first weddings and I feel the same way about baby showers. It doesn't mean that the second baby is any less special, it just means that family & friends have been there/done that and might not feel as obligated to attend.
Anyway, if you're feeling uncomfortable about attending multiple baby showers, then simply RSVP that you can not attend.

 

[amc80]

I tend to agree that showers for subsequent babies are overkill. However, if family/friends wanted to throw a shower, I don't necessarily think that there is anything wrong with that either. I don't think that there is a norm when it comes to this sort of thing. I suppose that people just do what feels right for them.
It reminds me a little bit of the thread a short while back on attending a second wedding. It was my opinion that second weddings (the actual ceremony, not the marriage itself) didn't carry quite as much "weight" as first weddings and I feel the same way about baby showers. It doesn't mean that the second baby is any less special, it just means that family & friends have been there/done that and might not feel as obligated to attend.
Anyway, if you're feeling uncomfortable about attending multiple baby showers, then simply RSVP that you can not attend.

It's funny you mention that. I was talking with a friend (who is also friends with the girl that had the shower last month) and I mentioned my opinion on repeat baby showers. She agreed, but then also said that she will want to throw me a shower when I'm pregnant again. I told her it was such a nice gesture but that I would decline. I wouldn't be able to shake the feeling that it was just a gift grab, regardless of the intention. I'd much rather spend the time and money going out to a nice lunch or something. No gifts, no games, no registry.

 

[baby monster]

Is it a full repeat of first shower with registry, gifts, etc or just a get together to celebrate the second baby? I'd attend a second one if it's more like a party. Most parents of young kids don't get out much so it's nice to see friends and family for a fun occasion.

I know some people who refuse to reuse any baby stuff even from siblings because new baby needs everything new. Most ridiculous, I'd say.

 

[amc80]

Is it a full repeat of first shower with registry, gifts, etc or just a get together to celebrate the second baby? I'd attend a second one if it's more like a party. Most parents of young kids don't get out much so it's nice to see friends and family for a fun occasion.

I know some people who refuse to reuse any baby stuff even from siblings because new baby needs everything new. Most ridiculous, I'd say.

Well, the one last month didn't have a registry, but there were gifts, games, activities (paint a onesie), etc. Basically a full on shower. I think the one I just got the invitation for is more like a party.

And, that's sort of shocking that people refuse to reuse baby stuff. We've already figured out what we will need for #2 and it really isn't all that much. If we have a girl we would need clothes, but nothing big.

 

[junebug17]

I dunno, I think it's nice to celebrate an upcoming birth with friends and family - I had a shower for my second and I appreciated that people were happy and excited about my baby, the fact it was my second didn't make it any less special to me and I was glad others felt the same way - I didn't receive "big" gifts the second time around, just outfits, photo albums, smaller things - and I think it's nice to get a few new things for the second - everyone knew I was having a boy, and since my first was a girl I got some cute boy outfits.

I don't know, I love buying baby stuff, so I wouldn't mind attending a second baby shower. If the idea of a second shower bothers you, you can just opt not to attend.

 

[Sparklelu]

I'm beyond the age of my friends having babies, but my daughters friends throw each other "sprinkles" to shower second arrivals. They are not nearly as elaborate and the gifts are mostly mom centered cause they know she has all the stuff already. They go a little bigger if baby # 2 or in a few cases #3 is a different sex of the kids they already had!
They do go all out with the decor, thanks to Pinterest. Plus, really any excuse to have party.

 

[Gypsy]

I don't know.


I think a nice ladies brunch and with friends and a very small registry of needed items would be fine for baby 2 and even baby 3.

No shower games or anything. Just a nice gtg.

Nothing extravagant but definitely an acknowledgement and celebration of the new addition.

 

[Ximena]

Grabby? Yes. Begging for gifts is normal these days
Unfair? Yes. Why only celebrate the first born? That just doesn't seem fair to me.
For a second or third baby one must keep guest list to family and close friends only. My mother hosted a baby shower for my SIL [second child, different gender from her first]. We had a great time, no registry, NO gifts.
It's an invitation, not an obligation.

 

[monarch64]

Amc, I totally agree with you. I don't understand it myself. I'll refrain from further comment so I don't offend anyone reading, because I have some very strong opinions on the topic. I just wanted to say you're not crazy, and you're not alone. I don't attend showers under the circumstances you've described. I may pop in for a quick visit about 6 weeks after baby arrives with a small, token gift for baby and older child/ren, or a meal for the family depending on how close we are. That's it.

 

[momhappy]

Grabby? Yes. Begging for gifts is normal these days
Unfair? Yes. Why only celebrate the first born? That just doesn't seem fair to me.
For a second or third baby one must keep guest list to family and close friends only. My mother hosted a baby shower for my SIL [second child, different gender from her first]. We had a great time, no registry, NO gifts.
It's an invitation, not an obligation.

I always thought that the main purpose of the baby shower was to acquire baby items that the new mom would need (and not so much the "celebration" of baby).
Is it really considered normal to beg for gifts these days?

 

[NovemberBride]

I agree that every baby should be celebrated, but I also feel that over the top showers with registries are a bit much for babies after the first. Amongst my close group of friends, we have a tradition of taking the mom-to-be out to brunch and giving her gifts there instead of a shower for all babies after the first (often clothes if she is having a baby of the opposite gender or sometimes we will go in together to purchase a larger item she may have not gotten the first time around.). Most of us have had our children fairly close together, so we have no need for a lot of additional stuff. I find it to be a nice compromise between a second shower and not celebrating subsequent children. It is not seen as a gift grab because these are my closest friends and I would be buying them a gift regardless of whether there was a party.

 

[msop04]

This happened in my family... both of my little sisters (who are twins) seem to get pregnant around the same time. #1 already had one child, and #2 had suffered several miscarraiges prior to carrying her first baby to term. Since they were pregnant at the same time, the family thought it would be fun to have a "double shower" for them. #1 didn't think she should have another shower, but the family insisted and she went along, but no registry for her second baby. Twin #2 had a full registry since it was her first baby.

I do think each baby should be celebrated, but I felt like Twin #2 deserved her own shower for her first baby... maybe I'm being a little dramatic about it, but it just didn't seem as special as if it would've been just #2's shower, KWIM?

FWIW, Twin #2 has two boys now and twin #1 has 3 boys and is currently expecting -- TWIN BOYS -- that's FIVE boys!! (I really need to have a girl when the time comes!!)

 

[msop04]

I guess I could see a shower for the second baby if it were a different gender... But, a formal registry after #2 seems a little much IMO. It's nice just to get together for brunch or something for additional babies, but it should be understood that no gifts are being given. If someone wants to give a gift, they can of course, but no gifts should be expected.

 

[junebug17]

.

 

[momhappy]

For what it's worth, I also agree with the concept of "celebrating" subsequent babies in ways other than formal showers. The idea of friends and family gathering together for brunch, etc. is a wonderful idea and sounds like a lovely way to celebrate the birth of a child

 

[yennyfire]

Amc, I totally agree with you. I don't understand it myself. I'll refrain from further comment so I don't offend anyone reading, because I have some very strong opinions on the topic. I just wanted to say you're not crazy, and you're not alone. I don't attend showers under the circumstances you've described. I may pop in for a quick visit about 6 weeks after baby arrives with a small, token gift for baby and older child/ren, or a meal for the family depending on how close we are. That's it.

Monny, that's how I usually handle it too...unless I know that the family is struggling financially, in which case, I attend the shower and give a generous Babies-R-Us gift card and a few packages of diapers!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I, personally, think it's ridiculous. With a few exceptions noted by the OP, it's just greedy. I have seen some people actually send out the invites calling it a "sprinkle" instead of a shower, like that's supposed to make it cute and OK. I actually just went to one and it annoyed me quite a bit. I will not be going to any others. Even family, I don't agree with it so I'm not going to go.

I wanted to add that all of the sprinkle invitations I received included registry info, that's why I thought they were ridiculous. And the ones I have been invited to are not people I am close with at all, adding to the greedy factor. For an actual friend, it would be a different story.

 

[qtiekiki]

I don't think there's anything wrong with repeat baby showers. Each baby should be celebrated. Every baby needs diapers. I actually asked my co-workers not to throw me a shower at work because of what you said, but, you know what, they said they want to do it. I told them I didn't need anything (my kids are 18 months apart; we found out the gender, but bought neutral anyways to reuse for second kid), and they said they will just give me the cash collected. Anyways, I don't think people, generally, are out to get gifts.

 

[Lulie]

Traditionally you only had a shower for the 1st baby. Boy, times have changed!
I can only speak for the ladies in my age group. Now it's more common to have 5+ age difference between babies due to career, infertility and/or new spouse.
I will agree that every baby deserves to be celebrated. To me second [or third] baby showers are totally fine if I'm close to the parent. I’m talking about 'girly showers' with cheesy games and good food for family and very close friends. Time to time you'll get greedy invites with a registry; I tend to stir away from those.

 

[monarch64]

I was the second born of two children. My mother wasn't given a shower for me. I feel slighted now--my existence wasn't celebrated enough. I'm gonna have to go pay someone to help me work through all these feelings. (Also I missed out on some trophies when my team didn't win when I was growing up, that's gonna take another 10 years of therapy!)

 

[luv2sparkle]

I think I had a few baby showers. I have never been fond of them or even wanted them but others insisted. I did appreciate a few new things for each baby and I have kept some of them. I really appreciated handmade things and have kept every single one.

I love to make quilts for babies and do that often. The thought of a sweet two year old dragging around a old and loved blankie makes me happy. Many times, I like to give the mom something just for her as well.

 

[Laila619]

Baby showers aren't for celebrating the baby. They're specifically for showering the mom-to-be with gifts she needs. So showers are not appropriate for second or third babies IMO.

If you want to celebrate subsequent babies, there are other ways to do that without a shower! Second and third and fourth showers just look greedy. And I say this as someone who has been pregnant four times myself.

 

[amc80]

Baby showers aren't for celebrating the baby. They're specifically for showering the mom-to-be with gifts she needs. So showers are not appropriate for second or third babies IMO.

If you want to celebrate subsequent babies, there are other ways to do that without a shower! Second and third and fourth showers just look greedy. And I say this as someone who has been pregnant four times myself.

That's what I thought as well. If I wanted to celebrate my 2nd/3rd baby, I'd wait and host a "come meet the baby" bbq or something, after the kid was born.

 

[ringbling17]

In my family, it's normal to have a baby shower for each baby. I personally don't see anything wrong with it.
But, we also don't usually do formal showers at a "catered" place or restaurant, normally it's at the mom's house and family and friends are invited, very informal. Also, everyone is invited. Family, friends, men and women, children, cats and dogs. Sometimes I think it's more of just a way to get everyone together than anything else.

I have had five kids and my mom threw me a shower each time. My age ranges would be 21, 13, 8, 5 and 3. First was a boy, then three girls and then another boy. I obviously didn't keep all the stuff from my first boy for my last boy and even the crib I had for my 13 year old was noncompliant with the current crib standards by the time I had my last boy. And yes, car seats have expiration dates on them.

I registered for my 13 year old girl only, I never registered for any of my other kids. I also never received any of the pricier stuff on the shower registry, except for the stroller from my sister, and that was way before the Bugaboo and Uppababy.

I missed two of my showers because I delivered earlier than expected so while I was in the hospital, people were celebrating at my mom's. I remember my last one, my mother got upset with me for telling some of my family who were invited that I had already delivered because she thought no one would show up and she had prepared all the food already.

I personally hate being the center of attention, even at my wedding, and so each baby shower was really uncomfortable for me. I can't stand when I have to do stuff in front of a group of people, my anxiety level goes up high and I start hyperventilating, lol!

As far as grabby or greedy, a lot of times the expectant mother doesn't ask for a shower, someone throws it for her, like in my cases. She also usually doesn't make or send out the invites either. I know I didn't, but if someone wants to do something nice for you, why not?

 

[Laila619]

Baby showers aren't for celebrating the baby. They're specifically for showering the mom-to-be with gifts she needs. So showers are not appropriate for second or third babies IMO.

If you want to celebrate subsequent babies, there are other ways to do that without a shower! Second and third and fourth showers just look greedy. And I say this as someone who has been pregnant four times myself.

That's what I thought as well. If I wanted to celebrate my 2nd/3rd baby, I'd wait and host a "come meet the baby" bbq or something, after the kid was born.

Yes, that sounds like a great idea to celebrate a sibling's arrival! If people do end up bringing gifts, well that's fine, but it's not expected and it's not called a shower.

 

[kenny]

I was the second born of two children. My mother wasn't given a shower for me. I feel slighted now--my existence wasn't celebrated enough. I'm gonna have to go pay someone to help me work through all these feelings. (Also I missed out on some trophies when my team didn't win when I was growing up, that's gonna take another 10 years of therapy!)

Mony, you can wear only diapers and sit on my lap any time.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

There are an insane amount of etiquette violations these days. I don't think having a second shower is an automatically one, though. It depends upon the situation. If someone is very polite and thoughtful and then has multiple showers, that is fine. If the person had their first shower, never sent thank you notes, you haven't heard from them in five years, you can't even remember what they named their first baby and didn't even know the woman is pregnant again, then you get an invite in the mail, then clearly it's probably NOT appropriate for them to be asking for more gifts especially if there is a note including where the mother registered at.

 

[monarch64]

I was the second born of two children. My mother wasn't given a shower for me. I feel slighted now--my existence wasn't celebrated enough. I'm gonna have to go pay someone to help me work through all these feelings. (Also I missed out on some trophies when my team didn't win when I was growing up, that's gonna take another 10 years of therapy!)

Mony, you can wear only diapers and sit on my lap any time.

LOL, that's a crazy weird visual but it's really funny! But are you going to charge me?

 

[kenny]

I was the second born of two children. My mother wasn't given a shower for me. I feel slighted now--my existence wasn't celebrated enough. I'm gonna have to go pay someone to help me work through all these feelings. (Also I missed out on some trophies when my team didn't win when I was growing up, that's gonna take another 10 years of therapy!)

Mony, you can wear only diapers and sit on my lap any time.

LOL, that's a crazy weird visual but it's really funny! But are you going to charge me?

Excuse me.
I'M the cute one.
I'm going to charge YOU!