Realizing you're not so young anymore.....

[April20]

I realized I was old the first time someone called me ma'am. Ugh! I hate that!! It's just all downhill from there.

I'm southern and was raised that when asked a question, you respond with "Yes/No, ma'am/sir" if you thought there was a chance they were even slightly older than you. It's was beaten into me (not literally. well, okay, a few times) and I do it by habit now to nearly everyone. I'm probably offending people all over the place, but I can't stop now.

 

[zoebartlett]

My DF and I are both 31. We realized we're old when we would see what teenagers are wearing and shake our heads. I'm sure our parents said the same thing about us. But seriously, I do not get the fashion these days.

Another wakeup call was when Nick at Night started airing shows I grew up on.

A wake up call for me was when they started airing Nick at Night.

 

[Natylad]

I realized i'm not so young any more, when i started reading this thread and saw one post after the other going: "i'm 27, 28, 31... etc and i realized i'm not that young any more when..." I'm 37 and i thought i was still very young but after reading this thread i feel like a grandma...

 

[ksinger]

Turning 49 in...let's just say...shortly. I work in a field (IT) that is heavily 35 and under, and I feel ancient at times. Especially when talking to a 26 year-old I work with. She is wildly intelligent, more worldly/informed than I was at her age (but then she was born and grew up with instant access to a universe of info AND the 24-hour news cycle) and yet in some ways, much younger than I was at her age too.

I really do see some huge differences in how each generation was raised. And I'm also sad to say that I see a dismissal at times for what has gone before. A disdain I certainly didn't have, although I realize that I am likely not the most middle-of-the-road of my generation.

We've been having rousing discussions about the OWS movement, and she was grousing that the police were being heavy-handed and said, "I guess that's how things are these days.", as if it was something new. I laughed inside, and outwardly said "THESE days? This is not new you know" , and gently pointed out that American history was replete with such situations and times. Her depth of historical knowledge is just not there (as one might expect if you aren't a history-weenie), and she hasn't had enough planet-time to have actually SEEN it more than once, so she's busy being outraged and thinking everything is new, AND that somehow it has some tie-in to HER. Her ire at MY generation for allegedly "messing things up" is actually quite chilling.

She thinks her generation is uniquely scarred because they were raised seeing lots of war, and because of 9/11. She accuses my generation of not being willing to make sacrifices for HER generation, and throwing them under the bus. I wonder how representative she is of HER generation's attitude. Scares me. I see things in class war terms, and she sees a generational war, as if somehow history began with her parents generation, and with nothing before that having any bearing. Naturally I think her analysis of the current situation is wildly flawed and short-sighted.

But as for when I realized I was not so young? It may have been precipitated by the obvious gulf between me and a 20-something, but also I realized that I had changed somehow, that I was no longer focused inward, on ME, and that I was seeing the world in a larger, more integrated way than in my 20's. Started around 40 I guess? And of course, realizing that no one in their late teens/early 20's gave a damn what I thought or knew! lol! Pretty much like I didn't care back then what some hoary old mid-40's oldster was blabbing on about either.

ETA - the other day, I had a song going through my head. I told another co-worker ( a few years older than me) that she wouldn't believe what it was. I said, "I've been hearing innagadadavida in my head for some reason." She busted out laughing, and of course my 26 year-old looked blank blank blank. Think it just hammers it home, yes?

 

[Imdanny]

I realized it about a year ago when it dawned on me that I am as old as the men I thought were on-a-different-planet-too-old-for-me when I was 21. Luckily, I prepared well by promising myself even then that I would never be a 40 (or 70) year old hitting on 20 year olds, and I met someone when I was 21 that I'm with today. Now it's very clear to me that people in their 40's, 50's, 60's, and 70's muddle through romance somehow.

 

[HollyS]

We've been having rousing discussions about the OWS movement, and she was grousing that the police were being heavy-handed and said, "I guess that's how things are these days.", as if it was something new. I laughed inside, and outwardly said "THESE days? This is not new you know" , and gently pointed out that American history was replete with such situations and times. Her depth of historical knowledge is just not there (as one might expect if you aren't a history-weenie), and she hasn't had enough planet-time to have actually SEEN it more than once, so she's busy being outraged and thinking everything is new, AND that somehow it has some tie-in to HER. Her ire at MY generation for allegedly "messing things up" is actually quite chilling.

She thinks her generation is uniquely scarred because they were raised seeing lots of war, and because of 9/11. She accuses my generation of not being willing to make sacrifices for HER generation, and throwing them under the bus. I wonder how representative she is of HER generation's attitude. Scares me. I see things in class war terms, and she sees a generational war, as if somehow history began with her parents generation, and with nothing before that having any bearing. Naturally I think her analysis of the current situation is wildly flawed and short-sighted. (ksinger)


Moronic. Selfish. Entitled. Completely without perspective or perception.

Or maybe it's just a case of recent college grad know-it-all-ism. Eventually that blows over in the face of real life in the real world. Well, we can hope.

 

[ksinger]

We've been having rousing discussions about the OWS movement, and she was grousing that the police were being heavy-handed and said, "I guess that's how things are these days.", as if it was something new. I laughed inside, and outwardly said "THESE days? This is not new you know" , and gently pointed out that American history was replete with such situations and times. Her depth of historical knowledge is just not there (as one might expect if you aren't a history-weenie), and she hasn't had enough planet-time to have actually SEEN it more than once, so she's busy being outraged and thinking everything is new, AND that somehow it has some tie-in to HER. Her ire at MY generation for allegedly "messing things up" is actually quite chilling.

She thinks her generation is uniquely scarred because they were raised seeing lots of war, and because of 9/11. She accuses my generation of not being willing to make sacrifices for HER generation, and throwing them under the bus. I wonder how representative she is of HER generation's attitude. Scares me. I see things in class war terms, and she sees a generational war, as if somehow history began with her parents generation, and with nothing before that having any bearing. Naturally I think her analysis of the current situation is wildly flawed and short-sighted. (ksinger)


Moronic. Selfish. Entitled. Completely without perspective or perception.

Or maybe it's just a case of recent college grad know-it-all-ism. Eventually that blows over in the face of real life in the real world. Well, we can hope.

Well, I'm a bit more sympathetic. These kids were often raised to be the bright, hot center of their parents' lives - so that attitude can't entirely be laid at their feet - their parents (our generation, sadly) gave it to them. So reality is hitting a bit later, and a bit harder, but I have faith they'll step up to the challenge. Growing up IS hard. We did it with less complaint maybe, but this generation really IS heading out into a genuinely tough time. The rules HAVE changed on them - that old adage that WE were told, (and which wasn't really even totally true when WE heard it), of work hard, keep your nose clean, and you'll succeed - they see as a big lie. I'm not so sure I'm not on their side in this assessment. I'm more resigned to the reality, but I can hardly fault their upset at that age. EVERYTHING is upsetting at that age.

The challenge is getting them to see that the rules have changed not just for THEM (that me-center again) but for EVERYONE. As I said, I gently try to redirect the focus of her ire away from a narrow group (it's almost as if there is a bit of the old "my parents are to blame for everything BAD" mentality of the teen years, hanging on), and to understanding her, and our places in the larger picture. We didn't have much perspective back then either, did we? I didn't. I think perspective only comes from life-experience, period. Sometimes it comes hard and fast and early, but mostly it takes chronological time to ponder and make the connections.

 

[HollyS]

Oh, Karen, you're so much more . . . understanding than I am.

Can you tell that my own mother was a "Get over yourself!" kind of mom? I guess I come by it naturally.

Come to think of it, because my mom and dad were educators, they could see the handwriting on the wall in the way kids were starting to be raised - - even as far back as the Dr. Spock generation (boomers like me).

For some reason, by the 1980s, it was as though everyone became obsessed with their children. Nothing was too good for them, nothing was ever out of reach to do for them, etc. Parenting became a lifestyle, (complete with magazines, how-to-books, and celebrity pregnancy exercise videos and other drek), not just a normal function of human life. Mine is the generation that gave rise to the baby industry. As though children had never been born and reared before.

We are responsible for the 'no child left behind' concept of awarding prizes for mediocre performance. A trophy for everyone! Woo-hoo! But, at the same time, we had to hover over the kiddies, lest they scrape a knee. I know! Let's give them kneepads when they tricycle, bicycle, skate . . . or walk. Let's take away their freedom to just be kids, while we smother them with our constant attention and a schedule full of activities.

We worshipped the child idol. And we're reaping what we've sown.

And, since there is no change on the horizon in child rearing, we're still sowing. Bumper crop coming, I'm afraid.

 

[JewelFreak]

Holly, you put it beautifully! Couldn't have said it better myself. We boomers were raised with, Hey, sorry you're feeling bad about it, but get over it & find something else to think about. We didn't raise our kids that way -- and here's the harvest. However, remember how WE were going to be the first generation to do everything right? With Honesty? Not caring about money & status? How's that worked out? What's Bernie Madoff if not a boomer? Half the crooks in Congress & other places? I'm not into class warfare -- it disgusts me; I love living where somebody can invent something in his garage & end up a billionaire -- even if it's not me. But man, did our "non-materialistic" generation get into it.

First feeling older? When I looked at a bin of 2nd-hand CDs marked "Oldies." They were all so past my time, I hadn't heard of most of them! Didn't know whether to crack up laughing or burst into tears.

--- Laurie

 

[Black Jade]

I went a 12 mile bicycle ride today to celebrate my 54th birthday (It's not my birthday today, we were just celebrating) and the fact that I'm very active again after a knee operation last year.

I felt great.

I had a lot of great role models growing up who were older people (I think of my grandmother especially, but there a few more) and I don't ever remember being worried about getting older. To me, its more about, are you mature enough for the age you are. I don't know if you know what I mean, but I think 40 year olds trying to behave like 20 year olds are ridiculous, I've always been more afraid of that that of getting old. Or of becoming inactive and stuck in a rut. this is not a function of age to me but of laziness and complacency. You have to force yourself more to be active when older, but it's worth it.

I don't think kids today are sillier than they were in past times. I was a pretty silly kid. I think adults nowdays might sometimes be more reluctant to give advice, or if parents of minors, do some necessary restraining. Boy, my kids used to hate me when I said that they couldn't go to this or that that "all my FRIENDS are going to." They understand better now.

I actually like looking older than I did. I am a petite person with smooth skin and I looked younger than I was for a long time. WAY younger. When I was in college people thought I didn't belong there yet. When I started teaching in college at age 38, I remember having to dress really severely because people routinely thought I was an undergraduate if I didn't (and sometimes even when I did). I got carded in a restaurant at my 42nd birthday celebration (or something like that. I don't remember the exact year, but I remember I was in my forties). Others thought it was funny but I was so humiliated. I also got really sick of being talked down to all the time. I don't think people realize how much younger people get condescended to unless they've had the experience of being a 39 year old who looks 20 and get talked down to like a twenty year old does, and has people assuming they don't know things they do and giving them advice. If I could count the times I heard--"when you got to be my age--" from someone I was as old or older than!!! Or, "you weren't born yet when--" and then they'd tell me about something that happened when I was in high school or was a young married woman.

I don't have these kinds of problems anymore and its a real relief. I'm not sure how old I look now, but people have started treating me like a grown up and an equal within the last ten years, and I like this MUCH better.

I remember people saying how beautiful my grandmother was, when she was in her eighties, and she REALLY was lovely, beautiful skin, beautiful hair, lovely soft voice, lovely mannerisms, and she looked every bit of her age and not pretending to be anything else--elegant and classic. I always aspired to be like that.

And she was active, too. I remember her helping people who were certainly younger than she was to cross the street. She made sure she walked and exercised every single day and kept information about her aches and pains to herself; conversation was always about YOU, not her.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I realized I was old when I had a 19 year old intern working for me last summer. She chatted about everything with me, school, boys, and hairstyles, and I felt that we were relating so well, and she thought of me as her age. Then all of a sudden she told me, that I should meet her mom. she said we'd get along So well be cause her mom and I are close in age! I was 37 at the time, and her MOM was only 42! Then I realized I could be my intern's mom!