re-introduction + waiting over 5 years

[mochamamasita]

Hi ladies,

First, I just wanted to re-introduce myself. My boyfriend and I met in college and on October 5th, we will have been together for 6 years, (eeeek). I went MIA from this site about a year ago because after my boyfriend saved up for the ring, he decided that he wasn't ready to get engaged yet . The frustrating thing was that he said that he'd have no idea when he would be ready.

Well, it's now been almost a year, and he said that now he's mentally ready and it's just a matter of saving up for the ring again . So I have some questions for those of you who have been waiting 5 years and more...

1. How long have you been together?
2. What's the reason you haven't gotten engaged yet?

 

[Grlsbestfrnd]

Hello and welcome back! That's wonderful that your BF has let you know that he's ready to get engaged. As upsetting as I'm sure it was for you to hear he wasn't ready, it could have been for the best. I know I would be heartbroken if my BF said that to me but I've seen a few friends get engaged before the other was really ready and it didn't end well. I'm so hppy for you that your back on track! Congrats

My BF and I have been together about 6 1/2 years so I know how you feel. I think at this point he's probably just saving up for the ring. He doesn't want me to ask anymore questions about when it will be or really even mention getting engaged because I could "ruin the surprise" so I stopped asking or mentioning it. It took us a while to get to this point. First he wanted to wait til he graduated. After that I'm not sure what happened to make him change his mind but that was a couple years ago. This year he's talked a lot more about getting engaged but he wanted to wait til we were living together. Now we have an apartment together so I guess it could be any time now!

Sorry, I just realized how much I wrote lol.

 

[bee*]

I was with my DH for 8 years before we got engaged. We met when I was 17 and he was 18 so we dated throughout my last year of school, all through college and then getting our first jobs. For us the reason that we waited for so long was that we needed to be independent from our parents so it took a little while saving up once we got jobs. We had a chat about a year and a half before getting engaged and DH asked me to give him 2 years to get himself set up and to get his savings in order. He proposed about 19 months after that chat as he had enough savings by then.

 

[Jessie702]

C and i are comming up on our 3 year Anni in novemeber. I think part of the reason why havent gotten engaged is his fear over us not working out, due to his ex, and money. I was just layed off of my job and we are waiting to see if we gets laid off or not this month. I keep hoping he has been saving up, supposedly it was suppose to happen this year, so im keeping fingers crossed it does, and staying postive. O, BTW, welcome back

 

[mochamamasita]

Thanks for welcoming me back . From you guys' responses it sound like the main reason is money. Rings ARE pretty expensive, so I guess it makes sense, or cents. hehe.

Grlsbestfrnd- My boyfriend is all stuck on the "surprise" thing too. My boyfriend won't give me any clues about how much he has saved or give me any sort of a timeframe for when he thinks he'll have the money saved because he says it will "ruin the surprise". I understand that he wants me to be surprised, but it would be nice to know whether I'll be surprised this year or next year. I told him that even if he tells me that it's a year from now, then he'll still have 365 days to surprise me and I won't know which day he'll pick. Unfortunately, he didn't buy my logic. hehe

 

[kelpie]

We were together over 5 years before he proposed. For him I think it was the last step to feeling like a grownup which led to his reluctance. I didn't want to put my life on hold while I waited for him to come terms with growing up, we bought out home together, got pets together, combined our bank accounts but somehow marriage was that last bar he couldn't jump yet. It was never a question of were we going to last, we knew that from the start.

ETA- I told him how much I hate surprises. The proposal was a surprise but them he let me pick what ring I wanted. It's a lot of pressure for him to get something your taste if he's keeping everything closely guarded.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

We were together over 5 years before he proposed. For him I think it was the last step to feeling like a grownup which led to his reluctance. I didn't want to put my life on hold while I waited for him to come terms with growing up, we bought out home together, got pets together, combined our bank accounts but somehow marriage was that last bar he couldn't jump yet. It was never a question of were we going to last, we knew that from the start.

ETA- I told him how much I hate surprises. The proposal was a surprise but them he let me pick what ring I wanted. It's a lot of pressure for him to get something your taste if he's keeping everything closely guarded.

I have had the feeling that being "grown up" is/was one of my SO's issues too, though I have not been LIW nearly as long (just two years). I understand the want to hold on to youth, but we are not having children so at least that part of "growing up" is never going to happen.

He is 30.

We are both quite goofy and dont take much seriously, but I take relationship things more seriously I sometimes feel. He thinks everything is "gay", grrrr... at least anything romancy or slighty that way inclined. Does my head in sometime lol.

 

[jenmarie]

We got engaged a week after our 5th anniversary. We always knew that we'd get engaged, but for a long time, when was the issue. I agree with the whole "feeling like a grown up" thing. He knew he wanted to marry me, he just didn't see the rush, since we're only 24. He disagrees, but I think the turning point for us was our interest in him buying a house. I think he saw US in the house, TOGETHER, as opposed to him in the house alone. I think that was the final push he needed to want to move forward now instead of later. It's so funny. As soon as he was ready, boy was he ready! FI is not nearly as mushy about anything as I am, and he started saying things like, "I can't wait to come home to you every day." I really think that with guys, they have to be ready to get married to be ready to get engaged.

I felt crappy for a long time about us not being in the same place. It's sucky and hard when your BF tells you he's not ready when you really really are! Now that you two are in the same place, I think you're going to see a difference in how you feel.

 

[mochamamasita]

The whole being "grown up" is a little different for my boyfriend. Instead of him viewing marriage as making him more "grown up", he felt like he needed to grow up BEFORE getting married. Now that he has a stable job and a car that he's happy with, he feels more like a grown up, which in turn makes him feel ready to get married.

 

[beezygal]

We got engaged a few weeks after our 6 year Anni. He wasn't ready to get married before. Money might have been a problem, but it has more to do with him not ready mentally. However, after one little breakup, like for a day, he realized how much he can't live without me. Soon after that, he wants me to pick out a ring with him. we have been more in love than ever.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

The whole being "grown up" is a little different for my boyfriend. Instead of him viewing marriage as making him more "grown up", he felt like he needed to grow up BEFORE getting married. Now that he has a stable job and a car that he's happy with, he feels more like a grown up, which in turn makes him feel ready to get married.

Well he is 2nd in charge of the company he manages (a company which monitor the pokies in Aus), we have a mortgage, nice cars, etc so being unmarried is all he has left lol.

 

[kateydid05]

Hi mocha! My 6 year anniversary is soon after yours! October 16 Anyway, as far as why it has taken so long, my boyfriend has mentioned wanting to pay down his debt a bit before a big purchase like a ring. He is on track and doing well paying his debts off and I would assume it would be sometime after that. Also, he is 27 and I am 25 but neither of us feel like it. There are days where I'm ready to get married and other days where I don't want to accept that I am growing up (despite full time job, grad school, out of my parents house, etc). There are times where it absolutely freaks me out to call someone my husband and others where I feel juvenile calling him my boyfriend. The one constant in this is that I love my boyfriend and do intend to be with him forever...it is just a weird transition I suppose! I did tell him that we do not have to celebrate our anniversary. We celebrated number 1 and number 5 and I'm done until we hit 10 or get married and change the date, haha. We both find it funny.

 

[Glitz]

Welcome back mochamamasita, glad to hear that your man is ready to take that next step now, hopefully it's not to much longer for you! ~DUST~

1. How long have you been together?
5 years & 3 months ... but who's counting

2. What's the reason you haven't gotten engaged yet?
We only started talking about getting married a year ago, before then we both just knew that we'd get married, but it wasn't something that we wanted right then. Now that we own a house together, a cat, have established careers and nice cars ... it feels like engagement/marriage will just be the cherry on top. And like PrincessNatalie, we aren't planning on having children. My SO has told me that he just feels young still (he's 24, I'm 25). I think the main thing holding us back is his issue with age or not "feeling" grown up enough. Seems to me that the 2 most commons reasons are the guy doesn't feel ready yet, and money.

 

[mochamamasita]

beezygal- It would be so nice if my bf and I got engaged around our 6 year anniversary too. We're taking a vacation to celebrate, but I don't think it'll happen because I doubt that he has enough saved for the ring yet.

princessnatalie- lol, yep, it does sound like he has everything except marriage. He's pretty darn financially stable too if he's 2nd in command

kateydid05 & Glitz_n_Glam- I'm 25 too. It's a wierd age because I feel like we're transitioning into adulthood, but still kind of want to hang onto adolesence. I even saw a book the other day about how some people are having a "quarter life crisis" at 25. hehe.

 

[kateydid05]

beezygal- It would be so nice if my bf and I got engaged around our 6 year anniversary too. We're taking a vacation to celebrate, but I don't think it'll happen because I doubt that he has enough saved for the ring yet.

princessnatalie- lol, yep, it does sound like he has everything except marriage. He's pretty darn financially stable too if he's 2nd in command

kateydid05 & Glitz_n_Glam- I'm 25 too. It's a wierd age because I feel like we're transitioning into adulthood, but still kind of want to hang onto adolesence. I even saw a book the other day about how some people are having a "quarter life crisis" at 25. hehe.

Quarter life crisis I can totally understand! Even though I act older than I am (but also look like I'm about 17 years old, haha) this is just one step that freaks me out...but not all the time. I think it has less to do with spending the rest of my life with him and more that I am coming to terms with getting older. I am glad that we have waited this long to do anything because it has given me the opportunity to be really sure (even though I knew he was "the one" after one event about a year and a half into our relationship) and throughout our relationship we have really gone through some things. It'll happen when it happens

 

[nkarma]

We waited almost 7 years to get engaged. The big factor for us was age, maturity, and accomplishing the things we wanted to. We met when we were 19. He actually wanted to move faster than me, but then once we moved in after 6 years of dating I got smacked in the face by LIWitis. Good luck to you and don't go too crazy like I did. The engagement goes by so fast!

 

[mochamamasita]

kateydid05-I feel the same way about how being with my bf so long gave me the opportunity to be really sure that my bf was the one. However, you realized it with your bf much faster than me, because it took me almost 4 years, hehe.

nkarma-Thanks for wishing me luck. (My bf and I met when we were 19 too).