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Rate your childhood

Rate your childhood

  • 1

    Votes: 7 7.2%

  • 2

    Votes: 11 11.3%

  • 3

    Votes: 18 18.6%

  • 4

    Votes: 5 5.2%

  • 5

    Votes: 4 4.1%

  • 6

    Votes: 4 4.1%

  • 7

    Votes: 13 13.4%

  • 8

    Votes: 19 19.6%

  • 9

    Votes: 6 6.2%

  • 10

    Votes: 10 10.3%
  • Total voters
    97
  • Poll closed .
YT said:
Dh would probably say 9 or even 10. Wonder what that feels like...
Click to expand...
Me, too! I feel lucky to be a part of such a normal family now, by extension. I want my kids to have that. And, going off of almost ten users of observation ... It appears to feel pretty damned good.
 
Mine was a 3-4, I think. My parents were never abusive. But they were depressed, and very strained by the process of immigration. They're also highly insular - it took me until I was in my 20s to figure out how odd and ... isolating ... that was.

Bigger part of the below average mark would be due to other children: I genuinely sucked at being a child.

On the other hand, childhood was such a disaster that every stage since has been a step up. Go, progress!
 
Mine was a 9. I am extremely blessed. There were challenges and crisis that we went through as a family but I never for one second doubted that I was infinitely loved. They have me confidence and poise. I had absolutely no idea until I went to college that there were some things girls weren't supposed to be able to do.

My mom had pretty serious, untreated depression and it had significant ramifications on my life. It took a few years of intense reflection to understand and come to peace with it. And my sister almost died in an awful accident that took months in the hospital (and years of work post hospitalization) to survive. But I and my sibling were so very loved through it all. I really believe the best thing a parent can do is love their children unconditionally and teach them to give and receive love. Cheesy I know but I'm amazed at how powerful love is!
 
I followed instructions and went with my gut and picked 7. Actually I was waivering between picking 7 an 8. In retrospect, I should have picked 8. My teenage years were probably a 9.

I am truly sad at the number of people that had horrible childhoods, I never expected that many people had childhoods rated below 5. Hugs to all of you. My DH had a horrible childhood and I think partly that is what has driven him to become a workaholic and successful.
 
I'm sorry to see so many 1's and 2's in the group but glad to see so many had good/great childhoods.

Kenny -- I'm sorry your father had to experience that. I can't imagine the pain of being tossed aside. To hear that his parents chose to keep other children but give him up is horrible.

Isaku -- Congratulations! 50 years is such a great milestone.


My mother and father were not wealthy and still struggle to make enough even to pay the bills. Both are alcoholics but my father was the worst. His temper is awful and he gets very violent & emotional when drunk. The memories I have of my years before they divorced are pretty much limited to hiding in a corner trying to just not be there or waking up to find the police in the house again. They divorced before I was seven years old. My mother, younger brother and I spent some time (I think only a few months?) living in a truck in my grandparents' driveway (picture something like a 16 ft U-Haul) before moving into a little rental right next door to them. The rental was about 100 years old and had been converted from a chicken coop. It was small with only one bedroom (that I shared with my brother until 6th grade), no washer/dryer, no dishwasher, and cold in the winter. The only good thing about it was that my grandparents were next door and my brother and I spent a lot of time there. Sadly the time spent there has caused me problems now that I never anticipated then. My aunt told me a few years ago that she felt I'd stolen her mother just when she needed her most and that she resents me for that. Things are tense between us and I spend most of the time I'm around her trying to compliment her and downplay any of my achievements. She gets upset if I so much as bring the wrong thing to a family dinner like the whole thing is a competition.
Visits to my father were unpleasant. The house was freezing (windows open in winter so they could smoke inside) and there weren't many blankets for me or my brother. What little I had, I gave to my little brother to keep him warm at night. I curled up in my bathrobe or a jacket and spent most nights awake shivering. Food was also in short supply for us and we'd frequently have only one meal a day while we were with him. Sometimes they'd go out and leave me alone with my brother (I would have been 9-10 by then?). Most of those times, I scrounged together enough food so that my little brother could eat something but would skip eating since there wasn't enough.
Due to the increasing violence and other issues with my father, I chose to end all contact with him after high school. It has been nearly 10 years since we last spoke.
My mother was sober for a long time (10 years or so) but has now gone back to drinking.


I know that my life was not good but I have used it to learn what I don't want to be. My heart breaks every time I hear about another child in a bad situation. No one should ever have to see such things. I know that I am one of the lucky ones. There are others out there who were in much worse situations than I was.


ETA: I nearly forgot my ex-step-father who is a manipulative and cruel person. My father's GF wasn't (isn't?) any better. She hated me and my brother. While we had nothing and spent our time there cold & hungry, she was spoiling her granddaughters and daughters with all sorts of outings and gifts. A conversation that I heard many times over the years was her telling my father that she hated us and didn't want us around only to have him agree with her. He made sure to remind her that he didn't want us around either but since it upset his ex (my mom) they'd keep having us stay.
 
I'm one of the 10s. Technically, the environment wasn't super great during my childhood -- the crumbling years of the Soviet Union (grew up in one of the Central Asian republics), then the early post-Soviet years... tough, tough times. But my parents are amazing people, grandparents are amazing people... and my generation was probably one of the last (in that part of the world) to be technology free, and just carefree. Climbing trees, playing outside, going to dachas all the time to eat produce fresh off the vine/tree/bush (and help raising it and picking and preserving it, too)... I dunno. It was just so awesome. I'm lucky. .

Though sometimes i feel like maybe I haven't had enough adversity in my life (knock on wood, though). My parents are definitely stronger and more hardworking than I ever will be. Then again, who knows. Maybe when I have kids, I'll turn into my hardworking mom ::)

ETA: My teens were "meh." Like a 5 maybe? 4-5. But 20s are fun. It's nice to be more or less grown up.
 
YT|1363217430|3404321 said:
Dh would probably say 9 or even 10. Wonder what that feels like...
Click to expand...
i'll let you know when i get there... :))
 
vtigger86 said:
YT|1363217430|3404321 said:
Dh would probably say 9 or even 10. Wonder what that feels like...
Click to expand...
i'll let you know when i get there... :))
Click to expand...
Are you Benjamin Button?
 
9. There was room for improvement, but I have always looked back happily when thinking of my childhood. My parents did the best job they could at the time.
 
I chose 9 - I'm not sure why not 10, in retrospect. I had two parents in a healthy marriage who were always there for me. I suppose I docked myself one point because I remember being a lonely child at times. My only sibling is 12 years older than me, so he was out of the house by the time I was 6, leaving me with only adult company. My dad earned enough on his own that Mom could stay at home with me until she decided to work part time when I was around 12-13. We had yearly family vacations, new cars, I could take lessons and go to the camps I wanted. I was spoken kindly to, told I was clever, hugged, tucked in, cooked special meals for, had wonderful birthday parties, got the Christmas presents I wanted, and was clearly loved.

Before reading this thread, I thought this childhood was normal. I now see it is not, and appreciate the reminder to be grateful for the good things in my life. Big hugs to everyone who has fought an uphill battle out of a sad childhood.
 
A 10 til I was 8 years old and we moved. My Mom never got over it, my parents separated (eventually, they got back together). From that point on, I'd say a 5. I had everything I physically needed (food, clothes, camp, etc.) but not much in the way of affection or anyone to talk to. My Mom was very critical and my self esteem still suffers today.

That said, I was pretty lucky. My heart breaks hearing some of the things many of you endured and overcome. I am humbled (and awed) by your strength!
 
I immediately thought 2, but charitably gave it a 3.

My father was a WWII veteran who survived the horrors of a brutal prison camp and came home with severe PTSD which wasn't acknowledged at the time. My mother had epilepsy. Together they were beyond toxic. My mother considered the three daughters she gave birth to competition, not children. My father was incapable of handling stress and became an alcoholic in addition to being bi polar. The only time there was peace in the house was when my paternal grandparents came to visit--they were great.My father behaved himself then. There was absolutely no joy or happiness in the house and I escaped as soon as I could and never looked back.
 
I am so sad to read of all the hard childhoods. I feel so naive. I'm amazed at how resilient and positive people appear despite such unbelievably difficult beginnings.

I think I will start a new thread about what makes a childhood a "10." As a mom I'd love to know people's perspective!
 
Rosebloom|1363272146|3404694 said:
I am so sad to read of all the hard childhoods. I feel so naive. I'm amazed at how resilient and positive people appear despite such unbelievably difficult beginnings.
Click to expand...

+ 1. So sorry to hear about people's difficult beginnings. It really is eye opening, which I greatly appreciate.
 
I said 4 but it was better when I was very young. Somewhere around the age of 9-10 the bubble burst though. My parents were (still are, sadly) a bad match. They fought all the time and were never really happy people. As a result, their only child (me) was the target of irrational scream fests on a consistent basis. My father had drug addiction, my mother a gambling addiction (which she hid for a long time, but it's what contributed to us not having ANY money regardless of their income). At the age of 16 I was working nearly full time and supporting them because my dad broke his ankle on an ATV :rolleyes: a week after my mom had knee surgery. Ugh, yeah so happy to never have to rely on them again!

Now that I have my own kids, I can't fathom doing the kind of crap that they did. :nono: It makes you realize just how screwed up your own childhood was. I rated it a 4 though because I never was starved and they never physically abused me. I realize my life could have been much, much worse.
 
I voted a 1. I won't go into too much detail, but 22 years later I'm still trying to deal with my past. My siblings and I still have huge arguments about things that went on or didn't. I grew up without a dad, and my adopted parents were very violent and would really just take out their anger on us. They should NEVER have adopted us. ever. but, I try to think of how things have happened as things that made us stronger. What happened prior to being adopted is even more devastating so I really won't go there. But I promise from the bottom of my heart that I would never ever wish my life on anyone. Since meeting DH 9 years ago, life has definitely gotten better. We struggle and I'm still dealing with depression from time to time, but I seriously have the most amazing husband. I am so lucky to have someone that's only wanted to make me happy and protect me from those that to this day want to hurt me.
 
04diamond, I'm so sorry. That's just beyond awful. I'm going to pray for you tonight to find peace. You certainly deserve it.
 
Rosebloom|1363294258|3404986 said:
04diamond, I'm so sorry. That's just beyond awful. I'm going to pray for you tonight to find peace. You certainly deserve it.
Click to expand...

Thanks Rosebloom! I appreciate it. I could always use prayer, but I have found peace from the same place you have. Just the same thing that causes evil in the world gets to me from time to time. I'm grateful for the protection I've had in my life and know that it definitely could have been worse. And my heart breaks for those that have had worse.
 
yennyfire|1363266727|3404647 said:
A 10 til I was 8 years old and we moved. My Mom never got over it, my parents separated (eventually, they got back together). From that point on, I'd say a 5. I had everything I physically needed (food, clothes, camp, etc.) but not much in the way of affection or anyone to talk to. My Mom was very critical and my self esteem still suffers today.

That said, I was pretty lucky. My heart breaks hearing some of the things many of you endured and overcome. I am humbled (and awed) by your strength!
Click to expand...

Yenny- I'm so sorry. I struggled with this too. My mom would always tear us apart emotionally. If we weren't getting physically attacked it was a verbal, emotional and spiritual attack. To this day, even making my mom something she will tell me how I did it wrong (even though I'm an excellent cook). Big hugs to you. It's absolutely terrible how a mothers word can just cut you up.
 
One good thing, in retrospect, is I've lived years of my life dirt poor and other years quite well off.
I think this helps me "get" the difference between wealth and happiness.

When I was 19 my 25 year old brother (let's call him 'Jim") was murdered in prison.
I remember my mom came in my room and woke me up.
She was in her flannel pajamas; her arms were over her head and she was crying like a little girl and said in a little girl's voice, "Kenny the warden's on the phone and he says, "Jim" killed himself.
Later we learned it was murder, my dad was a convicted felon who had spent time in the Penn and understood the score.
My parents told my sister that "Jim" had a heart attack.
She never learned the truth; why bother telling her now?

When I was around 11 my 16 year old sister was molested and impregnated by my dad and ran away; I think the baby was put up for adoption, or maybe she had an abortion. It's not like it was an open family discussion, or anything.
I haven't seen my sister for around 10 years, but she has memory blackouts solid black of the years we lived in that city.

When I hit adolescence my dad made me sleep in my parents room.
I know he feared I was gay and he thought "some macho manly education" is all I needed to be 'normal".
Several times I witnessed him come home drunk when the bars closed, and have sex with my crying mother, while he viewed **** magazines.
To this day the sound of lubricant rubbed in moving hands makes me vomit.

Sometimes he'd get home from the bars at 2:30 AM and if the pots and pans were not cleaned to his satisfaction he'd quietly pile them up on my bed then wake me up with a scream, which scared the hell out of me as the pots flew everywhere as I woke up in a panic.
I had to get my @ss and the pots into the kitchen and clean clean clean them.
... or he'd wake up my brother and make him mow the lawn at 3:00 AM with a power mower.
I remember many nights my sister and I would cower silently in bed while we listened to one of my brothers getting beat up, yes fist fights with closed fists.
Who's turn would it be tonight?

Stupid little Kenny ... somehow I blamed myself.
I must be really really bad if dad had to do all this.
I was the youngest of 4, and morphed into a little agreeable smiling ball to avoid the violence.

Thankfully therapy gradually excavated all this, put it in perspective, and I finally got to understand HE was the bad one.
What happened was not my fault.
I'm sure this sounds stupid and absurd, but when you're a little kid you assume your parents are good so you must be bad.
To this day I'm uncomfortable around kids and my therapist said it's related to discomfort with my own childhood experiences.
Thankfully I've never been a parent.

If any of you with a tough childhood is having difficulty being happy and at peace in life, please give therapy a go.
I'm not saying it will work for everyone, but it worked for me.
It may take a while to find a good therapist with whom you feel safe, but keep shopping.
 
Oh my god kenny. I have no words except I am SO sorry you had to live through that. :(sad
 
Thanks.
Other kids had it worse than I.
My 3 older siblings certainly did.
I vanished into an agreeable ball ... till life landed me in therapy. :Up_to_something:
Then I came out swinging.

I think it is very important, to bear witness.
Everyone who hears will understand what's possible.
Awareness will make it less likely to happen again.

Silence and the secrecy that results from shame protects criminals and perpetuates what I call 'family crimes'.
 
Kenny - words can't describe.... I am so sorry that your childhood is what it was.
 
Oh Kenny. Oh my God. That is horrific. You are incredible for having the strength to put some of that behind you. As a mother and heck a human I am so disturbed by what you went through. I'm so sorry.
 
I am so touched and moved by so many stories of everyone's childhood here.
I am so glad that everyone has the ability to say it here in this forum. The support and understanding each has shown is truly amazing; from ppl that have 'met' online. Some have forged lasting friendships off line.

This shows the amazing bond of PSers and the endless love that we, as humans,can have, despite what has happened in the past.

I am so privileged to have read so many personal stories that PSers have shared.

Thank you for sharing.

X
 
Kenny... dear god... I'm out of words.
Rosebloom said it perfectly - that you've been able to move past that, and accept and embrace your humanity and orientation and everything else that you shouldn't have ever had to fight for... it's incredible, and it says so much about the sort of person you must be.
::HUGS::
 
Kenny you are right. I tried therapy but not for long. I wasn't able to and still can't remember anything about my childhood under the age of nine. I honestly don't think I want to remember anymore than I already do. But I do agree therapy can help, it has helped my sister tremendously. She had a habit of gravitating to abusive men and now she has learned that she deserves much better.
 
Kenny, your story makes my heart bleed. You and your mom were the victims of unthinkable abuse. Thank goodness you sought help and received healing therapy.

I've often wondered whether those who have blanked/blocked trauma ever re-gain those memories. I certainly hope not.

I'm so sorry for what you had to endure.

As a child, you must have felt as if you had no power and that it was you who was at fault for your mom's and your abuse. What a heavy load to carry...
 
CharmedOne|1363301837|3405136 said:
Kenny you are right. I tried therapy but not for long. I wasn't able to and still can't remember anything about my childhood under the age of nine. I honestly don't think I want to remember anymore than I already do. But I do agree therapy can help, it has helped my sister tremendously. She had a habit of gravitating to abusive men and now she has learned that she deserves much better.
Click to expand...

I can only respect your decision to end therapy.

I also stopped therapy before 'finishing'.
We went as deeply as I could.
I may or may not be able to finish my work some day.
When I stopped several years ago it was clear to my analyst and myself that there was more ... but we cannot open that door, as she put it.

Soon after therapy I painted this photorealistic watercolor painting (previously-posted) of a crystal doorknob on the door to the kitchen in our current 1920s home.
The painting is named, "Can we Close That Door?"
It is about the beauty on THIS side of the door (my post-therapy life), but also about the darkness behind a partially opened / or perhaps closing-forever door.

I'm pretty sure there is more much worse stuff yet uncovered.
I doubt I'll ever have the strength to open the door further.
Today, I don't want to know the worst of what happened to me.
What I know is bad enough, and frankly like I told my analyst I just want to go out and apply what I've learned, and just live now.
But like the painting's title, it's an open question, Can we Close That Door?

can_we_close_that_door.png
 
I love that, and I am so happy with everything I can see, feel and enjoy on my side of the door, that I almost feel whole.

BTW.. There were doorknobs like that in the house I grew up in. I think they are beautiful and I absolutely love the way they feel in your hand. The house was over a 100 years old and I found so many beautiful pieces of jewelry under the floorboards. How I wish I knew then, what I know now. UGH!!! I so wish I did!!!!
 
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