Rant...our older daughter said that ...

[VRBeauty]

Wow...some of these posts are vicious. It defintely makes me think twice about posting any issues I might have. I wouldn't want to be called "stupid" and an "enabler". Some of posts have really surprised me. I've always loved PS for all the support and care the poster's give. I have a feeling that DF is actually posting just to vent. We don't know his family dynamics, so I don't think it is our place to judge. I think we can offer advice, but it is his choice whether to take it or not. Those who believe he is on this site just to brag about his wealth, you also have the choice not to read his post, if his posts bother you so much.

Blingy - There are many times when PSers offer "tough love" and sometimes it's tougher than other. I think DF is probably more open to our criticism/tough love than some other PSers. BTW DF has been entertaining us with his questions for years, and from time to time he's posted questions about his daughters' spending habits... at least the ones that involved spending his money. You're right that we don't know much about his family dynamics, but we do know a bit because of other rants he's shared with us. In threads like this one:

https://www.pricescope.com/communit...ughters-spending-habit.120504/?hilit=daughter

and this one:

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/just-receive-my-daughters-cc-statement.104576/?hilit=daughter']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/just-receive-my-daughters-cc-statement.104576/?hilit=daughter[/URL]

and there are more.

 

[SomethingSinful]

I also think you should give DD#2 the bracelet she wanted for her graduation. I think it will mean a lot to her that you listened.

 

[orbaya]

DF -

You and your wife clearly love your children so much, and want the best for them. There is no doubt about that at all.

However, I do think that setting limits with your kids will benefit you (and most importantly, THEM in the long run). Yes you may get a ton of grief now, and your first instinct may be to appease them because it's the easiest thing to do, but by doing that you aren't doing them any favors.

I have one sister, who is younger than me by 4 years. Our parents did the best they could, and were extremely fair in everything. When it came time for college, they paid for both of our undergraduate degrees, which we can't express how thankful we are about that! The agreement was that if we went on for additional degrees and then the payments were on us, which was fine by her and I. When it came time for college, we were each given a car!! Mine cost $3000, and when my sister went off to college, my parents paid about $8000 for hers. That didn't bother me in the least....I knew how lucky I was to even have a car in college! My college was only 2 hours away, while my sister's was about 7 hours away. I never said a word about the fact that that her car cost way more than mine. It never even entered my mind that they may have "loved her more than me" because of this. If I had car trouble, I was only 2 hours away and easy to get to, where my sister was not. It was my parents who felt horrible and apologized to me about the cost difference! I couldn't care less!

My point being, your kids (especially DD1) doesn't "get" that. She's not appreciative of everything that you and your wife have done for her. She's being selfish and controlling everything. Tell her to be grateful for what you have provided for her. Most kids don't even have ANY of the things or opportunities you are able to give the girls.

It makes me so sad to see adults act this way, and the parents enabling such behavior.

 

[orbaya]

Wow...some of these posts are vicious. It defintely makes me think twice about posting any issues I might have. I wouldn't want to be called "stupid" and an "enabler". Some of posts have really surprised me. I've always loved PS for all the support and care the poster's give. I have a feeling that DF is actually posting just to vent. We don't know his family dynamics, so I don't think it is our place to judge. I think we can offer advice, but it is his choice whether to take it or not. Those who believe he is on this site just to brag about his wealth, you also have the choice not to read his post, if his posts bother you so much.

That said, I think it is possible that your daughter is equating the amount spent as an indication of love. Like one poster said, is it possible that you do favor D1 over D2? Maybe your personalty meshes better with D2 and your D1 senses that?

When I was growing up there was a definite discrepancy on how much my parents spent on my older sister and I. They definitely spent more on her, and to some extent I understood that. We had very different personalities. I was quiet and studious and my sister was vocal and outgoing. She was also older and always got things first whereas I got all her hand-me-downs. There was one time I really wanted a new pair of pants that were really popular and I had saved up enough to pay for half of it and asked my mom if she could pay for the other half. My mom said no, that we didn't have the money. The very next day, she gave my sister $300 to pay for a trip to a jr. high school conference and gave her $50 for spending money. My pants would have cost her $15. I think my dad felt sorry for me, and took me on a secret trip to the mall and told me he would buy the pants for me, but I figured after all the money they used for my sister, they really didn't have any left over for me so I ended up not getting them. I never asked them for anything ever again.

Growing older was similar. I went to a state college which happened to be close to home so I could commute. I worked a part-time job and paid my parents $700 a month for rent, and used the rest of the money I earned as a payment for a car I purchased. My parents bought my sister a newcar and paid off all her credit cards each semester.

After growing up, I brought up the issues I had with this. She told me that it was because my sister and my personalities were different. My sister was more like her, and thus she could understand her thought process better. If my sister wanted something, she would ask a hundred times for it (which gave my mom time to think of whether it was something she really needed), whereas I would only ask once and if she said no, I never asked again (so she made the assumption that it wasn't something that I really wanted.) But I have to say growing up, that I really did feel that my mother favored my sister.

So, my long winded point is that perhaps your D1 is inadvertantly picking up that you care for for D2 more by the way you treat them? Perhaps D1 is always having to ask for things from you whereas D2 doesn't have to because you just give it to her? Maybe D1 feels that you resent the things you do for her, whereas it seems like you do things for D2 without her having to ask since you are trying to be fair?

I do have to re-iterate what some other PSers have said about D2 feeling sad about not getting the gift that she had asked for. I do think
that you need to have a talk with D1 about all that you have done for her and let her know that you have been much more generous to her than her sister. But I feel that perhaps there is something else that is driving her to be dissatisfied. That's just my 2 cents.

Blingtastic -

PLEASE don't let this thread deter you from posting things! This are a bit more heated in this thread because there is LONG history with the original poster in regards to similar issues, so this is a bit of a different situation than normal

 

[Kaleigh]

I really hope you give DD #2 the bracelet. You asked her what she wanted. If you don't give it to her DD#1 gets her way. That is just wrong in my book. JMHO.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Often we teach people how to treat us. DD #1 should never have been asked about DD #2's gift. That is inappropriate. It seems like there may be some diffused boundaries in your family. The damage is done, however, I think if you can afford it, you should give DD #2 the gift you want her to have, which seems to be the bracelet.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I really hope you give DD #2 the bracelet. You asked her what she wanted. If you don't give it to her DD#1 gets her way. That is just wrong in my book. JMHO.

i didn't ask her what she wanted...she gave a hint...

 

[radiantquest]

I think you should give DD#2 the bracelet. If you have the means to do things like that then do it! If that is what you and Mrs. wanted to do then you should do it regardless of what the other child thinks about it. DD#1 should put on her big girl panties and get over it. Gift giving is about giving what you want to give.

I do agree that you have started something that has turned into a monster, but telling you that you have done something wrong isn't helping anyone.

I have a much younger sister. She is treated much differently than I was.

I was working at 14 because my parents didn't pay for anything for me. They didn't buy my clothes or shoes or school supplies or anything. She is 17, a senior in high school and got her first job 2 weeks ago because they gave her money and provided her with a car and paid insurance.
I was never given a gift for anything I accomplished in life. Nothing for graduating high school or getting a degree. I got a $25 check (not even a thoughtful gift) for getting married. This does anger me. I don't think they love her more than me, I just think they are terrible parents and cant get it right to save their lives, but I don't hold it against my sister. I have never complained to them to not give her something because I didn't get it.

Life isn't fair. The sooner your daughters learn this the better. Would DD#1 complain to her boss that CoworkerA got a raise and she did not?

 

[Haven]

Life isn't fair. The sooner your daughters learn this the better. Would DD#1 complain to her boss that CoworkerA got a raise and she did not?

Employers are reporting this kind of behavior! Mothers are also calling in after interviews to put in a good word for their children.
DFire--Hang up that phone!

 

[movie zombie]

worse: mothers are calling in when a kid gets a reprimand at work. i can't even imagine..........

 

[ksinger]

worse: mothers are calling in when a kid gets a reprimand at work. i can't even imagine..........

A friend of mine has a brother who is the head of personnel at an oil company. He can tell you many stories of parents who have stomped into the office in a snit because their little darling was "unfairly" reprimanded or fired. He gets the satisfaction of informing them that their children are adults and this is a private business and see the door?

Creating a sense of entitlement and helicoptor parenting: the great defining parenting sins of my generation. I don't even have kids and I'm ashamed of us....

 

[mrswahs]

The bangle is very nice!

For reference, which daughter did you help buy a house?

Daughter #1 ...how soon she forget..

Ok, she's just being silly. You helped her get a HOUSE and she's crying over a bracelet?

I agree completely.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

The bangle is very nice!

For reference, which daughter did you help buy a house?

Daughter #1 ...how soon she forget..

Ok, she's just being silly. You helped her get a HOUSE and she's crying over a bracelet?

I agree completely.

Specially after all the talk that he would never give her a down payment for a house (sorry, I just reread the old threads and this jumped out at me).

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="Lady_Disdain|

Specially after all the talk that he would never give her a down payment for a house (sorry, I just reread the old threads and this jumped out at me).[/quote]


when did i say that?.. we don't mind helping them with d/p if they can show us they been saving $$$.our #1 daughter saved up $30k in two yrs that's the reason why we decided to help her with d/p.