Questions about an engagement ring for a 10 year couple.. Finally popping the question

[BooDaddy]

Hello everyone. This is my first post, and I have a question and am seeking some help.

My girlfriend and I have been together for close to 10 years. We have been living together for over 6 and bought a home together just 2 years ago. We have essentially been living a married life...like share bank account for 6 years, 2 new cars, new home, and the whole nine.

We have never really talked about marriage due to the fact that we are both afraid it will ruin the great relationship we have had over the years.

But, I have recently been raised as a Master Mason, and Freemasonry teaches us to live a moral life. I cant help but feel that I should do the right thing and marry her. I am well aware that the 2 of us living together unmarried isnt very moral.

Now... enough of the backstory... heres my questions
I am wanting to propose to her, but I would like it to be a surprise. We also dont have alot of spare cash that I could "sneak" out of the account in order to buy a ring (after the mortgage and bills, we dont have alot of spare cash to play with).

What do you all say if I were to hand make a ring from a coin. I''ve made a few rings from quarters and dimes before , and they actually look pretty nice for a $.25 ring Would this come off cheap if I proposed to her with a ring that I had made myself?

I would like to let her pick her "official" ring out by herself once we can afford to buy one, but that would ruin the surprise proposal.

Can you all offer up some suggestions?
Thanks!

 

[rockzilla]

It is rather unusual...how do you think she would react?

At the risk of sounding materialistic, after 10 years I''d be a little miffed if I got a 25 cent ring.

That being said, you have to consider your budget of course. Perhaps propose with a pretty eternity band? Would you consider a colored stone ring?

Folks here would be happy to help you, regardless of your budget - we can help you find something nice!

 

[JulieN]

Oh, you mean stamp out the center?

I''m pretty sure that after 10 years, she''s going to be surprised no matter how you do it.

You can propose with anything. I don''t know her preferences/style. Do you think she would like this coin ring if you just gave it to her (no proposal?) If yes, then I think it''s ok. If she might be more like, "uhm, that''s nice, honey..." then never wears it, I think you might propose with something else.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 6/13/2008 11:14:59 PM
Author:BooDaddy
Hello everyone. This is my first post, and I have a question and am seeking some help.


My girlfriend and I have been together for close to 10 years. We have been living together for over 6 and bought a home together just 2 years ago. We have essentially been living a married life...like share bank account for 6 years, 2 new cars, new home, and the whole nine.


We have never really talked about marriage due to the fact that we are both afraid it will ruin the great relationship we have had over the years.


But, I have recently been raised as a Master Mason, and Freemasonry teaches us to live a moral life. I cant help but feel that I should do the right thing and marry her. I am well aware that the 2 of us living together unmarried isnt very moral.


Now... enough of the backstory... heres my questions

I am wanting to propose to her, but I would like it to be a surprise. We also dont have alot of spare cash that I could 'sneak' out of the account in order to buy a ring (after the mortgage and bills, we dont have alot of spare cash to play with).


What do you all say if I were to hand make a ring from a coin. I've made a few rings from quarters and dimes before , and they actually look pretty nice for a $.25 ring Would this come off cheap if I proposed to her with a ring that I had made myself?


I would like to let her pick her 'official' ring out by herself once we can afford to buy one, but that would ruin the surprise proposal.


Can you all offer up some suggestions?

Thanks!

Kudos to you for thinking outside of the box. I think that anything that is heartfelt and handmade is very appropriate for an engagement, especially if you are willing to allow her to help select her "upgrade" e-ring. I don't know your level of skill in ring making, but there are very nice synthetic diamond simulant stones that are very reasonable (see ebay, Diamond Nexus Labs, etc) that you could either set in your handmade ring, or use outright until the time comes to let her select something. Also, make sure she isn't allergic to any materials in the home-made ring, if you want her to wear it!

If you do want something that looks traditional, but isn't the "real thing", I think it will be easy enough to explain why you did it based on shared finances... but if there isn't a rush, then you can always squirrel some money away over the next year... there are great rings in every price range

Congrats for making this huge step, I am SUPER excited for the both of you, as I am sure that she will be THRILLED to know that you want her in your life forever!

All the best!

 

[trillionaire]

http://www.ringpopproposal.com/

here is another non-traditional ring proposal!

Alls well that ends well!

 

[Deelight]

I think that is really sweet to me it would have such a wonderful sentiment and yup she would definitely be surprised .

Many girls help pick out there rings and I think that is a fantastic way to get something you both love

 

[Circe]

Not that there''s anything wrong with living together (hemhemhem, to quote Dolores Umbridge), but congratulations on your decision! I think your plan sounds quite lovely, though Rockzilla makes a very good point. Personally speaking, I have no idea how one goes about making a ring out of a coin (do you forge it into a completely different shape somehow? is there any soldering involved?), but if it''s a process you''re comfortable with, how about tracking down a coin with ... significance to do it with? When I started working with mixed metals, I used to use old copper pennies for the base material: could you maybe find a coin from before they were adulterated with a date significant to you? I.e., this silver dollar has been around for 100 years, may it symbolize the purity and duration of my own intent ... or possibly, from an old bridal tradition, incorporating an old sixpence? Just a few slightly random suggestions. Alternately, Trillionaire''s suggestion sounds very nice1 Either way, good luck!

 

[BooDaddy]

Rockzilla, This would merely be a proposal ring. IF she accepted my proposal, then we would begin the search for her engagement ring. She isnt a very materialistic person, and the only jewelery she wears is her few body piercings. I would still want her to pick out her actual engagement ring. I was just thinking that I could give her one my handmade rings for the proposal.

Heres a site that shows how one person made a coin ring:
http://homepage.mac.com/johnhuber/CoinRing/PhotoAlbum20.html

Thats just one method of making them. I use a spoon to hammer my rings. ITs very time intensive, and finding 50 year old coins isnt very easy

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

WOW! I was thinking it sounded kinda corny, but it''s actually pretty cool!

I think you should talk to her about it. Ask her what she wants to do ( just a band or the whole sha-bang setting) I''m sure no matter what you decide to do she will be VERY relived.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 6/14/2008 12:36:38 AM
Author: rockzilla
At the risk of sounding materialistic, after 10 years I'd be a little miffed if I got a 25 cent ring.

Yeah, I have to say that in July my boyfriend and I are going on 10 years together as well. I expect something grand from him. Sorry if that sounds terrible but 10 years people, 10 years...

a. We have been together THIS long
b. I waited and waited for him to finish college so I've waited patiently for him. So I honestly feel that he owes me! lol
c. He actually knows I want a ring

so its a bit of a different situation
Also, not quite sure when he will propose. That may be at our 11 year mark. And at my own risk of sounding even more materialistic and selfish, I would be upset that after 10 years, this is what he gives me? lol But like I said, a bit of a different situation and thats just me.

I mean, its kind of a cute idea, I get your point on the other hand on letting her choose her own ring. Tough situation. I think it would depend on her personality on how that would go over. You know her best and I think that is your answer right there. Is there anyway you could purchase it with a credit card, ask her shortly after and then when the credit card bill comes, pay it off with the money then? Because she will already know she has the ring by the time the bill comes. I dont know.

Good luck though!

What a happy and exciting time!!!

 

[HollyS]

Why do guys feel they need the ring to ask the question? Just tell her how you feel and ask her if she will marry you. Then let her choose her own ring; she knows what you two can afford. She may not even want an e-ring if she wasn''t planning on being married at all, but just living together as is.

 

[firstrock]

my now BIl proposed to my cousin with a ring he hand carved out of wood. She cannot stop gushing about it till today and they are celebrating 10 years of marriage.

My Dh proposed to me with a non-diamond ring because he didn''t want to do what everyone else around him did and I actually never had an issue with it. Now after 5 years I am picking the ring we cna afford and we both like

from what you are saying, I get the feeling that she is not expecting anything at all. So I say go for it

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 6/15/2008 2:57:45 PM
Author: BooDaddy
Rockzilla, This would merely be a proposal ring. IF she accepted my proposal, then we would begin the search for her engagement ring. She isnt a very materialistic person, and the only jewelery she wears is her few body piercings. I would still want her to pick out her actual engagement ring. I was just thinking that I could give her one my handmade rings for the proposal.

Heres a site that shows how one person made a coin ring:
http://homepage.mac.com/johnhuber/CoinRing/PhotoAlbum20.html

Thats just one method of making them. I use a spoon to hammer my rings. ITs very time intensive, and finding 50 year old coins isnt very easy

Boo,

Another very affordable option... (Total = $20-100+)

http://www.multicolour.com/front.html <--- choose a beautiful and affordable gem here (ANY color! pick her fave!)

http://www.tripps.com/store/product_list.htm <-- choose an easy mount ring here... Gold is not as inexpensive, but sterling is practically FREE!

You could make a FABULOUS ring, and it would still be "made by you". Danburite (VERY affordable) has a beautiful look if you want something more diamondesque, but many of the colored gems are incredible! There is a to die for blue sapphire heart, if she is into blue and/or hearts. Just look for something eye clean.

Good luck!

 

[Rhea]

I love the idea! You can give her something to celebrate and mark the moment and if she wants a ring you two can pick one out.

 

[honey22]

Just from the persepctive of someone who has been in a relationship for over 10 years without getting engaged or married. I would be a bit unsure about your intentions. Are you really sure you are asking her for the right reasons, or to gain acceptance with the Masons. I am not saying you don''t really love her, but if you have been against marrying in the past, she may be a bit resentful that you are only doing it now to fit into your new role.

I am sorry if this post is blunt, I don''t mean to offend. I am sure your intentions are honorable - I just wanted to point out that you may have a bit of convincing to do with her that''s this proposal is for the right reasons and not just to do the ''right thing'' in the eyes of the Freemasons. I would be a bit suss on my man if he had that kind of turn around which happened to coincide with something as significant as your new status.

PS - congrats btw on being a Master Mason

 

[valleygirl]

First: Congrats on becoming a Master Mason

Second: A handmade placeholder ring sounds fantastic. I think if you found a coin or coins from the year you guys started your relationship would be so sentimental.

Third: I think building a ring as you guys can afford is the way to go. My BF (soon to be fiance) and I are both going through school and are building a ring as we have funds. The jeweler I am working with actually suggested that I do it this way just so we can get exactly what we want. Sounds to me that you guys have all the time in the world.

Fourth: I agree that it is the "right thing" to do, but you shouldn''t compromise the way you both feel just for a new status. She may just say "FINALLY!!" you never know. girls can be tricky. Yes or no, it sounds like you both will still continue to be with eachother. Maybe you can say that you feel ready to be totally commited and want to let the whole world know that you love her and will always continue to do so.

Fifth: I can''t wait to hear what you decide to do!!

 

[Amethyste]

Buy her a "pop-ring" and propose to her with that.
THen go shopping for a ring tee hee....
I always wanted to be proposed to with a pop ring hehe...

 

[LaraOnline]

There is no way I would wear a novelty ring every day for the rest of my life. However, it could make a really cute proposal ring.

If you are on a strict budget, you could consider getting a ring without her finding out how cheap you are

You could print out a choice of three, five, ten (or more) ring styles that fit within your budget, and make a little 'ring catalogue' before the proposal, for her to flip through after the proposal.
With no prices whatsoever on display.

(An eternity style really might be one great way of getting bling for low bucks... it's elegant and classy. Also, consider sapphire centre stones, etc etc)

I had to select my own engagement ring, and found that having a really really tight budget totally dominated my experience of finding a suitable engagement ring...I had to shop really furiously, and eventually went back to my man for more bucks. He simply said 'later baby!'

Don't let this happen to your bride. Let her think you've spent THOUSANDS...

PS Whiteflash and Good Old Gold (and I think, James Allen?) have really great upgrade policies. I know with Whiteflash and GOG, you get the full amount of your cost price of your diamond back, to put towards a new purchase, should you decide to upgrade your diamond in the future. Something to think about, if you go the diamond route!
Also, thefacetscollection.com have really great, discounted eternities, if you could stretch it that far...

 

[omieluv]

Personally, I think proposing to her with a ring you made yourself is very sweet. I really like the idea of using a coin from the year you two met.

However, I am also wondering how she will 'receive' the proposal. Have you talked to her about your new feelings on marriage? I know you want the proposal to be a surprise, but, it would devistate you if she does not give you the reaction you were hoping for, especially if you take the time to put so much love and effort into creating her ring for her.

 

[Elegant]

Wow, what a great proposal idea. I think that once you propose and she accepts (

) and you tell her that you would like to let her pick her "official" ring out by herself once you can afford to buy one, she can still use the coin ring on her right hand if she wants and still be able to wear it. I think you know your gf well enough to know if this will go over well with her or not. I don''t think I would want to be proposed to with a cz because I just never wear anything fake. I think the ring that you put so much hard work and toil into would be fabulous...and you are proposing to her - your ring isn''t proposing to her. I want to see pictures of it before you propose though! Is there anyway you can put some glittery diamond chips on that coin ring?

 

[LaraOnline]

Elegant, are you a guy?

Because I seriously doubt any girl is going to want to show off that coin ring as her engagement ring until the wedding (when she can wear the wedding band alone) ...

and newly engaged girls *do* like to announce / show off their engagement (usually by wearing a ring on that finger)!

Get her an expensive ring down the track, by all means, but I do think you should have a few hundred put aside to get her a proper engagement ring without faffing around for months(like I did) trying to find something in the lowest possible price bracket!

I think that if your budget is super tight, you should do some of the leg work, and maybe save yourself some arguments in the process, by making the first edit of ring choices that fit in your budget...

I mean, I don''t know your girl, maybe some carved stirling silver choices should go in there as well? But, usually an engagement ring should or could have some kind of stone centre...

 

[Circe]

I''m not a dude (not since the last time I checked, this time paraphrasing Surfgirl from another thread), but I have to say, I do think the coin-ring proposal could be very sweet, and kinda practical on a limited budget. I''m not saying, ONLY on a limited budget - I think it''d be very emotionally fulfilling no matter what the budget. But especially in a situation where coin is tight, if you''ll pardon the expression, why waste a few hundred bucks that could go towards the e-ring of their mutual choice, when the interim symbol carries so much significance?

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 7/18/2008 1:35:44 AM
Author: Elegant
Is there anyway you can put some glittery diamond chips on that coin ring?

That would be cool. If it''s sparkly and kinda ''indy'' then she might be inclined to wait that five or so years until ''the real one'' comes up. She''ll be married by then anyway, and might prefer to wear just her wedding ring.

Hey, the coin ring looks like a wedding ring...

You know your girl better than we do, this coin ring might really match her style ...it''ll not only be a nice momento, but could be ''the real thing'' for her...

I probably shouldn''t put myself forward to answer this question, as I''m still waiting for my ''flash'' ring (two kids later

)

Not that I really care... really

Gorgeous jewellery is a pleasure I guess, not a necessity. Just don''t tell her you''ll get her a nice one if you won''t. haha

 

[Elegant]

Date: 7/18/2008 2:24:13 AM
Author: LaraOnline
Elegant, are you a guy?

Because I seriously doubt any girl is going to want to show off that coin ring as her engagement ring until the wedding (when she can wear the wedding band alone) ...
and newly engaged girls *do* like to announce / show off their engagement (usually by wearing a ring on that finger)!

Get her an expensive ring down the track, by all means, but I do think you should have a few hundred put aside to get her a proper engagement ring without faffing around for months(like I did) trying to find something in the lowest possible price bracket!

I think that if your budget is super tight, you should do some of the leg work, and maybe save yourself some arguments in the process, by making the first edit of ring choices that fit in your budget...

I mean, I don't know your girl, maybe some carved stirling silver choices should go in there as well? But, usually an engagement ring should or could have some kind of stone centre...

Nope, I am a woman!

No, no, no...my point was that the coin ring is a great REPLACEABLE engagement ring - she can keep in on for a few weeks or maybe at most 2 months before she gets the REAL DEAL... see?

I still think that after she replaces the coin ring with the real one she could STILL use it as a right hand ring for sentimental reasons IF SHE WANTED TO. You know? I understand where you are coming from - sort of (I am not engaged nor will I ever be, probably

).

Maybe BooDaddy should wait until he does save up to get a legit ring! What is the hurry? You've already been together 10 years...what's a few more months of you intentionally saving money for a ring you want to give her, a few more months of trying to get a feel of what style she likes, and then giving her the real thing?

How does that sound BooDaddy? Hmmm.....

What would be worse, something he spends money on that is within budget that he isn't happy giving her, or him giving her a heart felt ring with the intention of replacing it? I can just see her now, "Look mom and dad, BooDaddy proposed and I accepted, we're engaged!" And they will look at the ring with this face

and then she will explain that they are saving up to get another ring...right?

BooDaddy, will you make her where that ring until you get the real one? Will you pressure her to wear it?

 

[Elegant]

Date: 7/18/2008 4:14:21 AM
Author: Circe
I''m not a dude (not since the last time I checked, this time paraphrasing Surfgirl from another thread), but I have to say, I do think the coin-ring proposal could be very sweet, and kinda practical on a limited budget. I''m not saying, ONLY on a limited budget - I think it''d be very emotionally fulfilling no matter what the budget. But especially in a situation where coin is tight, if you''ll pardon the expression, why waste a few hundred bucks that could go towards the e-ring of their mutual choice, when the interim symbol carries so much significance?

I agree with this...

And me too, the last time I checked I am not a dude either.

 

[vespergirl]

After 10 years, I''m sure she''s be happy with anything (just kidding) But seriously, I love the coin idea, what a sweet way to propose. Then, you can tell her that you guys can go ring shopping together for an engagement ring that you can both pick with your budget in mind. She''s going to love the special hand-made coin that you gave her years down the road too, though - what a special & unique proposal idea!