question for you ladies

[swingirl]

The only thing I can add (having been married for 27 years) is that most of the time a setting will not last forever. Finger size changes, styles change, lifestyles change, medal wears down, etc. Start getting BF used to that idea. I have had my original setting replaced and most of the women I know who''ve been married for a while have done the same thing. I have my original stone set into a pendant that I wear all the time for sentimental reasons.

For me, I feel the engagement ring is a gift and promise from your BF and should be paid for by him within his budget. But I also believe in upgrades and replacements down the road. It seems today women want what they want and are willing to buy it themselves but I prefer the tradition path---at least until you are married.

 

[Patchee]

Thanks London

I thought my post may bring up some different feelings for some but yep, I mean when you get engaged your boyfriend he gives you, buys you a ring. A ring that says "Hey I love you and want you to be my wife, will you except?" The ring is presented. From there you are potentially on your way to be husband and wife. Now, if you want to chip in for your wedding band that is perfectly fine because "with this ring I thee wed".

What would you do if your boyfriend gave 10K to your enagement ring, you gave the other 10K. You end up not getting married, who gets the ring??? Rings are hard to sell so you would never get your 1/2 all back.

This is why I would never pay into my engagement ring. He would get it back if it was called off.

Someone said our finances are already together so what''s the difference... With that, all I will say is "finances intwinded before marriage" is a whole nother thread!!!

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Date: 7/17/2009 12:51:57 PM
Author: Patchee
Thanks London

I thought my post may bring up some different feelings for some but yep, I mean when you get engaged your boyfriend he gives you, buys you a ring. A ring that says ''Hey I love you and want you to be my wife, will you except?'' The ring is presented. From there you are potentially on your way to be husband and wife. Now, if you want to chip in for your wedding band that is perfectly fine because ''with this ring I thee wed''.

What would you do if your boyfriend gave 10K to your enagement ring, you gave the other 10K. You end up not getting married, who gets the ring??? Rings are hard to sell so you would never get your 1/2 all back.

This is why I would never pay into my engagement ring. He would get it back if it was called off.

Someone said our finances are already together so what''s the difference... With that, all I will say is ''finances intwinded before marriage'' is a whole nother thread!!!

I agree this is the more *traditional* way to go, but these days not everyone as traditional as this. For us, we''ve considered ourselves "married" for a LONG time. So, the ring is more of a symbol of us actually, finally making that official "committment" to each other. We are sort of already way beyond the traditional approach, did *almost* everything backwards!! Don''t have kids yet...but, who knows, there is still time before the wedding...ha ha!

Guess I''ll move over to that new thread!!

 

[cleokizzy]

hmm. FI NEVER allowed me to share with the ER cost. i''m seriously working on having him allow me to put some in for my WB bec i want some bling on it and he wants a plane band.

 

[diamondringlover]

Date: 7/17/2009 12:29:48 PM
Author: swingirl
The only thing I can add (having been married for 27 years) is that most of the time a setting will not last forever. Finger size changes, styles change, lifestyles change, medal wears down, etc. Start getting BF used to that idea. I have had my original setting replaced and most of the women I know who''ve been married for a while have done the same thing. I have my original stone set into a pendant that I wear all the time for sentimental reasons.

For me, I feel the engagement ring is a gift and promise from your BF and should be paid for by him within his budget. But I also believe in upgrades and replacements down the road. It seems today women want what they want and are willing to buy it themselves but I prefer the tradition path---at least until you are married.

Ditto what she said in the first paragraph, I have been married 25 years and I am on ring #3

Your taste changes, most peoples finger sizes will change and some of the elaborate rings out there today will not be able to be sized so that could be an issue (especially after kids!!) so the odd''s of having a "forever" ring might not happen, in my experience I would think the only forever type of ring would be a simple solitaire and simple gold band, they can almost aways size those and rebuild shanks if they get to thin.

I wouldnt have a problem chipping in on my engagement ring, way back when I first got engaged he did pay for that one and of course the upgrades came out of our joint account.

 

[purelily]

Hmm...I'm not sure... My SO is very "traditional" and believes that my family should foot the costs of our entire wedding. Mainly, because I have to help save for the wedding costs. I see it as a sort of compromise. I'll probably elaborate more on this later.

ETA: Ooooh I love that tacori setting. So beautiful!

 

[thatsthegirl212]

Ironically enough, a friend of mine got engaged where her bf paid for the ring only to have him call off the wedding a month before they were to walk down the aisle, he sued her to get back the ring (it was a 2.79 ct, platinum, d color with diamond melée but the judge sided with her since she was the one ''jilted''. She''s now considering selling it, not because she needs the cash, but she really has no use for it.
I think if you do end getting divorced, there will be a lot more than just a ring at stake. My bf''s sister got divorced after being married only 3 years and there was the apartment, furniture, etc that all had to be settled, the ring was barely given much thought because according to her, it was just one more thing to add to the list of assets that had to be dealt with. I know she paid half of the ring when they got engaged because she wanted something ''up to her standards'' and he was in med school at the time making nothing (she was a lawyer making decent money). She said that when they got divorced it was just one of the things on the ''who gets what list'' and it paled in comparison to everything else on the list. I told her about this thread and she laughed and said if you''re going to quibble about who keeps the ring then you''ll probably also be fighting over who gets the china and the dog. She then said that it''s a matter of dividing up property and assets and if one had a strong sentimenatl attachment to something, say the ring, and the divorce was amicable than that could be worked out.

For me personally, I would pitch in if I wanted more than what my bf could afford and hope for the best! Although truth be told I don''t know if my bf would let me pitch in because he makes a lot more money than I do and he''s old fashion in some ways.

 

[gwendolyn]

I am MORE than happy to contribute towards my forever ring. We are currently using an heirloom that cost neither of us any money.

 

[AllieGator]

I think if it''s within his budget, he should pay for it. I think part of the symbolism of the engagement ring is that he saved and spent the money he could have spent on toys for himself, and then spent it on you.

That being said, I think if a girl wants something that''s a little out of budget, there''s nothing wrong with her chipping in to get what she wants. Getting engaged is about giving from BOTH sides. This is the 21st century, and most of us have or will have jobs, so there''s nothing wrong with us using the feminism we''re lucky to have, if your man is willing to allow it. I know some men, including my bf, wouldn''t like it very much.

 

[kat6]

Date: 7/17/2009 12:51:57 PM
Author: Patchee
I mean when you get engaged your boyfriend he gives you, buys you a ring. A ring that says ''Hey I love you and want you to be my wife, will you except?'' The ring is presented. From there you are potentially on your way to be husband and wife.

Why does it have to be that way? You don''t have to have a ring to be engaged. My fiance and I were well on our way to being husband and wife long before we ever started looking at rings.

Someone said our finances are already together so what''s the difference... With that, all I will say is ''finances intwinded before marriage'' is a whole nother thread!!!

Different strokes and all. Just because you wouldn''t do it yourself doesn''t mean it''s not the right decision for someone else *shrug*.

 

[Patchee]

Hi Kat

I never said that you have to have a ring to get engaged or be married. I am simply resonding my thoughts to this thread.