Question for the ladies.

[qnbrew88]

Have you ever been proposed to with a ring that you didn''t like? What did you do or tell him?

I''m shoppping around for a ring but it''s giving me nightmares literally. I''m scared she won''t like what I chose.

 

[Noahsmom]

Have you thought about asking her friend to help you? I found an ugly ring that my DH had found to propose to me, before he asked me. I told my friend about what I found, and she approached him "You know she''s thinking that you''re going pop the question soon, do you need any help with the ring?" and took it from there. He ended up taking it back and together we picked out 3 or 4 rings that I loved and I let him suprise me with which one.

if she has a friend she is close to, a sister, most importantly, someone who can keep a secret! As them to help you out, I can promise you they know what she wants or has an idea of what she would like.

 

[Deelight]

No FI and I basically picked most of it together, if your really worried I would:

A) propose with a temp ring and buy the permanent ring together
B) propose with no ring and pick one together later
C) pick one together now and propose with that

It doesn''t have to be stressful .

 

[qnbrew88]

wow, thanks NOahsmom and deelight. I didnt know couples actually went shopping for rings together cuz i thought it''d take the surprise factor away but ok. I guess that''s one way to consider.

 

[Noahsmom]

You can still surprise her with how or when. Just because you are getting ideas doesn''t mean you have to do it ASAP. We looked at rings in October and he proposed on St. Patty''s Day.
Good luck and congrats!

 

[paeony]

I know everyone might not agree with me on this, but I loved being surprised-- my hubby got me a Round Brilliant in a very simple (classic) relatively inexpensive 6-prong, white gold solitaire-- with the intention of letting me pick out a different setting after we were engaged (if I wanted something else).
The ring was so beautifully classic

Just one girl''s opinion

Best wishes on the engagement!

 

[jstarfireb]

I also picked out the ring with my fiance...we picked out the stone together online, and I chose the setting I wanted. After all, I'm the one who'll be wearing it for the rest of my life. I didn't care one bit about the loss of surprise. The surprise was all in how and when he proposed. That said, I'm not a "romantic" type; we're both very practical, and this was really the only way to do things from our standpoint.

So, what it comes down to...is your girlfriend a romantic type who loves surprises? Or is she more of a Type A who would rather pick out things herself (like me) and wouldn't mind losing a bit of the surprise?

 

[caribqueen]

Chiming in for the extra particular, opinionated, control freaks:

My BF and I initiailly had arguments, yes arguments, about how he wanted to do it himself and how I was going to be the one to wear it. I did eventually back off and let it go and then a couple months later one day out of the blue he came to me and said, "you know what, I want you to love it, so I want us to go together." And unlike you, my BF to my knowledge, did not seek out help from a board or s/thing like PS and neither he or I have family or close friends who know us well enough where we''re living. So, we went and picked it out - the exact ring, and for me the suprise will be the when and how. That''s plenty enough of a surprise for me personally. I ended up doing the research (not him), so in the end I think it worked for us and our situation. Everyone''s different, but by all means, don''t stress yourself out over it. What I hear from my male co-workers is that they want to get it right. And that could mean doing together, or not.

 

[qnbrew88]

Date: 2/5/2009 12:48:28 AM
Author: jstarfireb
I also picked out the ring with my fiance...we picked out the stone together online, and I chose the setting I wanted. After all, I''m the one who''ll be wearing it for the rest of my life. I didn''t care one bit about the loss of surprise. The surprise was all in how and when he proposed. That said, I''m not a ''romantic'' type; we''re both very practical, and this was really the only way to do things from our standpoint.


So, what it comes down to...is your girlfriend a romantic type who loves surprises? Or is she more of a Type A who would rather pick out things herself (like me) and wouldn''t mind losing a bit of the surprise?

That is a very good question. She''s a bit of both.

 

[swingirl]

I admit to being one of those who is very picky about my fashion/jewelry choices and don''t like surprises. My now-husband and I shopped around together but I eventually picked out my stone and setting myself. I am sure he was relieved at not having to make decisions about my ring. The most romantic moment was me handing my man the completed ring in a box and him getting down on one knee and proposing. I didn''t need a "surprise" dinner or weekend away.

But every woman is different. Some love the surprise. Some love the effort and thought their bf puts into picking out a ring. Some just want the ring they want. I was the one having nightmares imagining my bf would present me with a hideous marquis in a thick gold setting! (I love marquis now but not 25 years ago!)

The bottom line is find out what your lady wants. A surprise or some input.

 

[Gypsy]

You can definitely surprise her. There''s a board for Proposal ideas on here and there are some great ideas.

You can propose to her with a fake ring, or a cute inexpensive band, or just a diamond (with a good return policy).

Do you know her ring size? If she''s a size 7... I have a nice idea.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/4/2009 11:47:44 PM
Author: Deelight
No FI and I basically picked most of it together, if your really worried I would:

A) propose with a temp ring and buy the permanent ring together
B) propose with no ring and pick one together later
C) pick one together now and propose with that

It doesn''t have to be stressful .

i like A. buy a loose diamond and propose with a temp ring.

 

[ButterBean]

What we did: He doesn''t know the first thing about diamonds, so he trusted me to commit his money wisely. I came here, did research and figured out what I would like to see on my hand every day. The hardest part was deciding on a setting, and because I am the fussy type - he was right not to surprise me, though initially he wanted to. So now the surprise will be the "When, where and how" of the proposal. That way, he knows for sure I will love the actual ring.

It was ordered a couple weeks ago, and still don''t know when ... though I''m hoping for Valentines. Best wishes!

 

[Ellen]

My hubby proposed without a ring. I had no idea it was coming, and it was no less exciting without it.

He knew I was/am very particular about my stuff, so he avoided any possible disappointment. We then went shopping together for the ring. And I''ve never been sorry he did it that way, because I got exactly what I wanted.

 

[chrono]

Firstly, I''d try my best to find out what shape diamond she likes. There quite a few ladies out there who don''t like rounds. For example, I myself prefer step cuts like emerald cuts.

Other than that, everyone else has given excellent advice.

 

[T L]

I hated the ring/diamond. I eventually sold it. I don't like colorless diamonds though. I know that sounds harsh, but I would never wear it. It was also a pear shape, which I can't stand. Hubby didn't mind, he bought me a platininum scatter band instead.

This is a stark generalization so I hope I don't offend, but I believe most women will like a nice white colorless diamond (I'm in the minority). Therefore, based on that assumption, find out what shape she wants, and try to buy the best quality in that shape that you can. In regards to diamonds, I think these factors should be weighed from highest to lowest.

1) cut
2) color
3) carat weight (if she wants a big diamond, then move this to #2 priority and move color to #3)
4) clarity (you'll save quite a bit if you get an SI diamond with non-eye visible inclusions rather than a VS, or VVS).

If you get a plain solitaire ring with no side diamonds, you can always easily upgrade it on an anniversary or some special occasion if she doesn't like the ring. However, the center diamond should be the showstopper.

ETA: I just wanted to add that I still love my husband even though I didn't like the ring. I wasn't marrying the ring, but him. You should have seen the first piece of jewelry he bought me when we were dating.

 

[Pippin]

DH proposed to me 20 years ago, long before the internet became what it is today. He went to local jeweler and got a .25ct. horrible looking, pathetic diamond ring! And when he proposed, I said "YES!!!" because I loved him, and I wore that ring for many years. Just a couple years ago, we decided to get matching wedding bands and I finally got a gorgeous engagement ring. It's much smaller than most people on here have: .55ct. But it's an ideal cut VS2 I, and I adore it, and DH.

If she loves you, the ring is totally beside the point, is what I'm trying to say.

 

[Babyblue033]

I was involved in the ring selection process and it was quite romantic to go through the whole process together, discussing options, and finally finding something we both really loved. I''m quite picky about what I like, didn''t wear much jewelry at all, and was/is very sentimental about the ring, so I was really happy to put in my voice into the most important piece of jewelry I''ll ever wear.

Because I knew exactly what he was getting me I thought that meant I''ll lose out on the romantic surprise factor, which I was ok with. But he managed to pull that off as well by surprising me with the most romantic proposal I would''ve never expected. So you can do both, take the stress out of trying to figure out what your lady likes and risk getting something not quite right AND still figure out a way to surprise her with a romantic proposal

 

[Kelli]

Date: 2/5/2009 7:33:33 AM
Author: ButterBean
What we did: He doesn''t know the first thing about diamonds, so he trusted me to commit his money wisely. I came here, did research and figured out what I would like to see on my hand every day. The hardest part was deciding on a setting, and because I am the fussy type - he was right not to surprise me, though initially he wanted to. So now the surprise will be the ''When, where and how'' of the proposal. That way, he knows for sure I will love the actual ring.


It was ordered a couple weeks ago, and still don''t know when ... though I''m hoping for Valentines. Best wishes!

I hope you get your ring and proposal soon Butterbean!

I am all for letting her have some input on the ring. You can wander into a shop together or bring it up in such a sly way that she doesn''t really know YOU''RE looking if you want to surprise her. (See a diamond ring commercial on tv-- which shouldn''t be too hard right before V-day-- and casually comment about a particular diamond shape you see. I bet she will take the bait and give you some opinions.)

 

[md74]

My husband and I knew we were planning on being together and marriage was in the future, but that we wanted a traditional engagement (with proposal) and wedding.

We talked in passing about what I liked, and went together and browsed through rings, without announcing:
"We are picking the ring". It was more like, "Hey, here''s this jewelry store, let''s go in, oh, and while we are here, let''s try on rings to see what you like for someday in the future".

So I tried on rings, and then told my husband my two preferred shapes. He then found a stone and had it set in a simple setting (didn''t tell me when he did this). Then he surprised me with the proposal and what he had gone with on the ring. I LOVE my ring. Trying on the rings to see what I/we liked was fun, and I found out I liked a shape I never would have thought of. But I still got a surprise on the ring and when the proposal was. This combo of factors worked for us, ensuring I got something I liked (and he did, too), but retaining the romance of the whole thing.

I know some people are fine with picking out the ring together, start to finish, but I wouldn''t have been, so I just thought I''d give you another option that gives you a better chance of getting something she''ll like but also having the whole surprise proposal. Good luck with whichever way you go.

 

[bgray]

Date: 2/5/2009 12:03:06 AM
Author: qnbrew88
wow, thanks NOahsmom and deelight. I didnt know couples actually went shopping for rings together cuz i thought it''d take the surprise factor away but ok. I guess that''s one way to consider.

jewelry is very very personal. a couple of thoughts. does she like jewelry--is she into it? if so letting her participate may be a good idea. if she doesnt wear much jewelry and doesnt seem that interested then you may be able to do it on your own. being someone crazy into it--i had to be involved. i would recommend a costume jewelry ring--------then you go together for the real one

 

[hoofbeats95]

I urge you to get some input. You can search on some of my earlier posts. But the summary of the story is that he totally surprised me. We didn''t even talk marriage. He picked out a ring that he thought I would like - got the cut right, got the gold color right but I just didn''t like it. It was smaller than I like . . . than what looks good on my finger. It has side stones and I think I knew all along I wanted a simple solitaire. Anyways, THANK GOD he bought it at a store with a 90 day return policy. He bought it in Aug and proposed in Nov. I told him quickly that I didn''t like it so we could return it. He was hurt. REALLY REALLY hurt. He insisted he had to surprise me. I wanted to go shopping together for a ring. I dreamed of that my whole life. With my love of jewelry I wanted to go from store to store and try on every engagement ring I could! So not only was he hurt but I was hurt too. Something I had dreamed of doing was taken away from me. He didn''t know this. We hadn''t talked about it. Ironically we did the day he proposed. That very morning the subject came up as we were in a jewelry store (in Vegas on vacation) and I said I''d want to pick it out. I cried and cried over the situation I was put. Telling him I didn''t like it hurt his feelings. Telling him it was too small for my hand made me look like a money hungry snob. If it was any other stone than a diamond that connotation might not apply, but to say a diamond ring is too small implies $$$. It was a very difficult situation. We took the ring back and went to my favorite store to look. They had the same ring in a larger carat weight and I ended up getting that one because he really liked the setting. That was what he picked out. I felt pressured to stay with it. I felt like the larger size but same setting was a good compromise. A week later we returned it. I now have a diamond from Whiteflash set in a cathedral setting from the jewelry store where we returned the second ring. My memories of my proposal are forever tainted. In my memories I see THAT ring. And then all the hurt feelings come to surface. I highly suggest getting some advice. Or there are ways you can maybe pick out a diamond and get a temporary setting just for the surprise of the proposal. If you end up picking out a ring check on the return and/or trade-in policy and try not to be so upset if she doesn''t like it. Just make sure there are enough options to correct it if necessary. If he had waited till the 90 day return was over (I''m surprised there was 90 days as most are 30) I would have been locked into trading in at that store. Knowing what I know now that would not have been good. We got a much better diamond at a lower price from whiteflash. In any case, that''s my big sob story. It was beyond stressful. It happened right before the holidays. And as romantic as the proposal was (top of the Eiffel tower in vegas) the memories are just not good. I would give anything for him to have asked me for 3-5 rings and then he went from there. He was so insistent on the surprise - he said if we had shopped together that I would have been waiting for the proposal. He didn''t like that idea. I would have preferred that. I might be more picky than your girl.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 2/5/2009 12:03:06 AM
Author: qnbrew88
wow, thanks NOahsmom and deelight. I didnt know couples actually went shopping for rings together cuz i thought it''d take the surprise factor away but ok. I guess that''s one way to consider.

Your welcome

You know your GF best so you know how best to go ahead with it , for me it didn''t ruin the surprise I didn''t know when or what country he would propose in but some girls like to be completly surprised.

 

[Liane]

I picked out my own ring and told him what to buy -- but I''m very particular about my jewelry, and he doesn''t know much about it.

People seem to take one of several approaches, which move along a continuum roughly as follows:

1. Guy picks out ring with no input from girl. (All the disappointment stories I''m aware of were in this category. Usually the disappointment had more to do with the guy paying no attention whatsoever to hints that the girl had dropped than with the cost or size of the ring itself -- like buying a round solitaire in white gold when she''d always talked about loving princess cuts in yellow gold. It''s about thoughtfulness, not money.)

2. Guy picks out ring after asking girl''s mom, friends, and/or siblings for input.

3. Guy asks for girl''s input under pretenses (getting her opinion on a co-worker''s ring, looking at pictures of celebrity rings in magazines, etc. Girl usually suspects what''s up but this still leaves a lot of room for surprise).

4. Guy and girl go shopping for rings together and girl points out a few different things that she likes, but leaves it up to the guy to make a final decision from among the options she''s selected. (This sometimes leads to disappointment/shock if they haven''t spent any time figuring out his budget and what''s reasonable to expect.)

5. Girl picks out ring with no input from guy. (This is considered unromantic by some, but for me personally it was way more important to get a ring that I loved. I''m big on control and not a fan of surprises.)

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 2/5/2009 3:18:50 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/4/2009 11:47:44 PM

Author: Deelight

No FI and I basically picked most of it together, if your really worried I would:


A) propose with a temp ring and buy the permanent ring together

B) propose with no ring and pick one together later

C) pick one together now and propose with that


It doesn''t have to be stressful .

i like A. buy a loose diamond and propose with a temp ring.

I agree. If you can figure out what diamond shape she likes, great. Otherwise, go with a beautiful round cut. I''d put it in a classic solitaire setting for the proposal and then tell her that if she wants to pick her own setting later, she can. Maybe she''ll want to do that, maybe she''ll want to keep the ring as is.

 

[denverboy]

I''m going to just repeat the points that have been made that I personally agree with:

- I think some girls love the idea and romance behind being surprised and you picking a ring, and other girls are just way too picky and want one thing and one thing only - so think about what your girl likes then go from there
- do NOT propose with no ring... that would be such a let down
- If you think you need help with selecting a ring, go to a friend/sister first, and to your girl last so that it can still be partly a surprise if the friend/sister shopping works out
- I personally think an engagement ring should reflect both people .... have an idea of what style she likes but if you select the specific ring then that''s still surprising to her but fits her taste and the result is a ring that has both of your inputs... just like a RELATIONSHIP / ENGAGEMENT (can you tell yet that I hate it when girls want to pick a specific ring themselves

) .... but some couples are totally ok w/ that and thats fine

the fact that you are on here and doing research and thinknig carefully about the process is a promising sign that you''ll end up with a good ring no matter which option you choose. good luck!

 

[mryan]

having just done this i'd say go shopping/surfing the web with her. not only is she the one who has to wear the ring forever but it was actually fun (oddly) to research it. She wasn't as into learning the diamond details as I was but the setting is VERY important. we actually have opposite tastes as far as the setting goes so thankfully she was helping in the process. not to mention, taking the girl diamond shopping puts them in VERY good moods

I basically found the diamond in the style and size range she wanted (with the details i found important - cut, clarity, color, etc). it will still be a surprise for WHEN she gets it and atleast you know she'll love it.

 

[hoofbeats95]

Date: 2/5/2009 11:59:59 AM
Author: denverboy
- do NOT propose with no ring... that would be such a let down

That''s funny that you say that. In my case I''d have rather had no ring. Actually I wanted to take it back, take a deep breath and go without a ring while I decided what I wanted. He refused that. So it was a huge rush of activity. I spent HOURS on PS in the course of just a couple days to pick my WF diamond. It was crazy and I wish I would have had more time. I would have rather him said "Will you marry me? We can go pick out a ring together." Of course that would have been a good compromise so he could have surprised me and we could have chosen the ring together without all the hurt feelings.

 

[JSM]

My guy picked out my ring, and while it is very very special to me, I would have liked some input.

I would have LOVED if he picked out a plain band (platinum, whatever) to propose with. I would have had something on my finger immediately, then we could have gone shopping together. But you know your lady best, good luck!

 

[musey]

Date: 2/5/2009 12:03:06 AM
Author: qnbrew88
wow, thanks NOahsmom and deelight. I didnt know couples actually went shopping for rings together cuz i thought it'd take the surprise factor away but ok. I guess that's one way to consider.

Yep, lots of people do. You have to weigh the surprise factor with the "she might hate it" factor, and see which wins out for you

many women will just LOVE whatever their guy chooses automatically, if for no other reason than that he chose it for her!

We chose my engagement ring together, not because he was afraid I wouldn't like what he chose or vice versa (because he has impeccable taste), but because we thought it would be a romantic experience. We were right. I look back at those ring shopping trips as some of the most romantic moments of our life together.

For the record, his proposal was no less romantic or surprising than it would have been otherwise (but then, I tend to think that a proposal should not be a complete surprise

).