Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

question for Brides

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

Gwyn

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 5, 2007
Messages
745
My sister is getting married and I am one of her bridesmaids.

My issue is, I cannot stand the dress she picked out, and there is no getting her to budge on it.

What I am wondering is, is there a point during the reception (say after the wedding/pictures/intro and such) where I can take the dress off.

If it were just a question of me not liking the dress that would be one thing but, after alterations and everything the dress just looks bad. Its not a good fit for my body type. Even my boyfriend, who would never say anythign hurtful, cannot bring himself to say it looks okay.

I like across the country from all my friends and family and havent seen them in almost a year. I just want to be comfortable/look nice for when I see people.

I am not trying to sound selfish. Am I though?
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
Unfortunately, yes you are being selfish. She chose it for a reason and thinks it looks nice. It''s her special day, so just do as she asks. Unless she suggests it, I don''t think it''s appropriate for you to change.

Sorry!!!
 

hikerchick

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 29, 2006
Messages
804
I would just bite the bullet and wear the dress. I wouldn''t risk upsetting her and changing either. It is just one day, one of HER most important days so just gring and bear it. Just my $0.02
 

cara

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Messages
2,202
You have to keep the dress on but you can bring and wear a wrap, shrug, shawl, shirt, etc. at the reception. Best you can do.
 

So_happy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
1,084
Sorry to hear you don''t feel pretty in your dress
That really isn''t an ideal situation.

First, I''d talk to your sis if you can and tell her how you feel and see if she wouldn''t mind you doing what you''re suggesting. It may be that she will be just fine with you changing after a certain part of the wedding is over. However, if she does mind, my guess is you may have to make your peace with the gown you''re wearing. I suggest getting alterations done that really "fix" the parts you hate. Lots of really great improvements can be made that can help you like the style more. Also, you can do a fantastic job with your hair, makeup, jewelrey etc. Maybe get a beautiful faux glow goin'' etc. so that you look amazing even if the dress is not your thing. Make sure you wear the right undergarments, too....they can really make a huge difference!!!

If, after all that, you still don''t like it but your sister wants you to wear it, I''d say it looks like you should drop it, be happy your sis is getting married, and remember that this day is a wonderful one and the memories will be joyous for years to come. Letting some people whom you haven''t seen for a long time murk the waters on that is not logical (over a dress).

If you do decide to talk to your sister, I''d recommend not even mentioning that you don''t like the gown. Just ask happily how she feels about you changing into something more comfortable afterwards. Some brides really like this idea so it could be possible :) Good luck!
 

Blenheim

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
3,136
I don''t think that you sound selfish not wanting to wear an unflattering dress that you don''t like and I really don''t blame you for not being happy that she didn''t listen to your concerns, but at the same time you really should suck it up, and be smiling and supportive. It probably means a lot to her, and she is your sister. If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn''t think badly of you at all if I saw you wearing an unflattering BM dress. I''d just wonder why the bride put you in something ugly and unflattering.


I love your asscher, by the way. Is it set yet?
 

staceybelle

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 3, 2006
Messages
84
I agree with the above posters -- you need to wear the dress to avoid hurting your sister''s feelings on her wedding day. Imagine how you would feel if one of your bridesmaids changed her dress halfway through the wedding. I know I would be very insulted.

As far as your friends & family go, I think they will understand that bridesmaids'' dresses are normally uncomfortable and unflattering. Also, you will probably have additional time at the rehearsal dinner and other wedding-related events to spend with yoru family & friends when you''re wearing something more cute and comfortable.

I know it''s no fun to wear a dress that looks horrible on you but think of it this way -- to you, it''s a few hours of your life; to her, it''s going to be one of her most important memories. If you make your concern over your appearance more important than her enjoyment of her wedding day, she''s going to be upset about it for a very long time.

Also worth noting: most people aren''t going to notice how you or any other bridesmaid looks because they''ll be focused on the bride. (That''s what I kept telling myself when I had to wear an exceedingly unflattering dress when I was in a friend''s wedding last summer. There were three bridesmaids, and the dress didn''t look good on any of us. It was purchased off a sale rack. Yikes.)
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Has she seen you in it? If your boyfriend even dislikes it then maybe seeing you in it might change her mind. Maybe send her pictures of your fitting (not under the "look how terrible it is!" pretense, just to share the experience with her? perhaps) and that may inspire a change of heart in her.

If she doesn't decide based on that (without you complaining more about it) then I think you're stuck.
Hopefully your post will help the brides on here remember to keep their BMs feelings close to heart when choosing their dresses!

What if instead of changing during the reception, you accessorize? Post-pictures, your sister probably won't mind too much if you threw a pashmina or something over your dress. If anyone asks, say you're cold
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
I don''t think you''re being selfish, but I do think that the best thing to do is say or do nothing. It''s just a few hours... I''m sure your sister would appreciate it.
 

FireGoddess

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 25, 2005
Messages
12,145
I feel your pain, but unfortunately there really is no proper opportunity for you to ''shed the dress'' any time during the reception. If there are viable alterations or adjustments you can do to make yourself feel better in the dress, by all means discuss them with your sister (shawl, wrap, etc) but it isn''t exactly appropriate for you to change.
 

Molly1024

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2006
Messages
493
I wore an ugly, ill-fitting dress for my stepsister''s wedding recently and I really disliked it. But, it was her wedding so I sucked it up and didn''t say a word about it. She wore the dress I picked out and never complained. It''s a few hours & it''s not a reflection on your personal style.
 

surfgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 5, 2007
Messages
4,438
Personally, I''d talk to her about it again. If she''s not seen you in it, perhaps showing her how awful it looks on you will make her change her mind. If she still refuses to let you choose another dress, then you''ll have to suck it up for the reception. I''d say if there is a late night afterparty you could get away with changing for that, but not the reception. If it makes you feel any better, most of us have been in your position and had to wear heinous BMs outfits. It goes with the territory!
 

Fancy605

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 3, 2006
Messages
1,446
I''ve worn a dress I really didn''t like in a wedding (the other BMs agreed). We thought they fit a little oddly, etc, but we wore them anyway because the bride wanted us to (blah blah blah, you know how it goes), and actually, it turns out that they looked really good in the pictures when all of us were all together. Maybe like the bride I am talking about, your sister has a vision that no one will be able to see until everything is all together.

I dunno--it''s only a few hours of one day. And no one will be looking at you for long anyway (except your boyfriend, who probably already thinks your smokin'' hot and won''t forget just because of one night in one non-flattering dress)
 

Kaleigh

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 18, 2004
Messages
29,570
I think you have no choice but to wear it for the whole reception. Everyone would notice a dress change on you and wonder why you changed. It would be very awkward IMHO. Maybe try talking to her again, but she seems pretty set on the dress she chose. Good luck!!!
 

Skippy123

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2006
Messages
24,299
Date: 4/19/2007 10:20:45 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I think you have no choice but to wear it for the whole reception. Everyone would notice a dress change on you and wonder why you changed. It would be very awkward IMHO. Maybe try talking to her again, but she seems pretty set on the dress she chose. Good luck!!!
I agree. Love your sister by wearing the dress for her.
 

chicagolawyer

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 13, 2006
Messages
71
I agree that you should wear it for all the reasons previously stated.

To second the thought that the dress may objectively look better than you think -- most brides want their sisters/family to look great on wedding day, even if the only justification for wanting that is selfish. Who wants to have their family looking their worst in pictures that will live on forever? I''m proud of my family and want to show off pics of us all looking our best!

It is icky to wear something you hate around tons of people though. I like the shawl suggestion, and the suggestion that you get it altered again to fit you as well as possible. Also,maybe your sister would let everyone wear a sash? Creating a defined waistline can sometimes dramatically transform a previously unflattering dress.
 

Jas12

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2006
Messages
2,330
I once had to wear a BM dress that was unflattering, the wrong colour, tone and level of formality for this particular wedding (in my opinion it was ALL wrong hehe) what did I do? I put on a smiling face and never said a word. I didn''t even notice I was wearing the dress most of the day, it was so busy ....I guess it just didn''t matter to me as long as the Bride was happy.

That said, this is your sister and you know her well. Have a serious talk with her and let her know that the dress is just not comfy and you don;t want to worry about being self-concious all day, you would rather have fun and take care of her...good luck!
 

janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2006
Messages
3,689
i also agree with other posters. the wedding is about the bride (ok and groom too, hehe, jk), not how the bridesmaids look. the bride is meant to be the focal point and bridesmaids dresses should compliment her without overshadowing. and in return, she''ll wear an ugly dress for you on yoru wedding day! :)

in all seriousness, since its your sister, you could ask her to see how flexible she is but if she''s firm on the dress leave it at that. my sister is my MOH and she was very picky on the dress (wanted something "very flattering"), but I chose something that flattered everyone (but not just her). However, if she came to me and asked if she could change for the reception, i might be ok with it. to me the ceremony is more important for uniform dresses, but taht''s just me. ultimately, it''s up to the bride..
 

Gwyn

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 5, 2007
Messages
745
I did get the dress altered, the tailor has done what she could with it, the dress is just a poor style for my body type. All the other BMs have similar body types and the dress looks okay on them which is why my sister didnt want to change it.

I had sent pics of me in the dress after the last alteration (my sister asked all the BMs to do so). She wrote me back saying she agreed that it just wasnt a nice dress on me.

AND, Since she plans on changing out of her gown after the bulk of pics and wedding stuff was done, she has no issue with me and anyone else changing out of theirs.
 

whenharrymetsally

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 21, 2007
Messages
471
You are not being selfish, but I do agree with everyones replies. I have been a bridesmaid (*cough, cough*) more than a few times and unfortunately, haven''t always agreed with the bride on dress choices, but what can we do? Even if we hate the dress, we have to support the bride in any way that we can...and if that dress is what she wants, then that is what she''ll get! I know its hard, but it''s only for one day...and she is your sister.
Hopefully the dress will grow on you and it won''t be so bad.
 

RoseAngel04

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 8, 2006
Messages
865
No, you''re not being selfish...but you should do as the others have said and suck it up for a few hours. She''s your sister and I imagine she''d be hurt if you changed at some point in the reception into a dress you find more flattering and comfortable....I know that I''d be hurt if one of my BM''s did this, especially is she was my OWN sister. I know it blows for you, but it''ll mean a lot to the bride!
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.
Top