question fo'' the ladies

[DanTheMan]

First of all, great site. Been lurking here and getting a great education.

What I''m wondering is... how would a girl react knowing that an e-ring was bought used. see, I have an opportunity to buy a really nice ring... nicer than I would otherwise be able to afford, from someone who is trying to unload it. Now, I know that much of this will depend on the particular girl in question, but IN GENERAL, do you think that a girl would likely be offended that the same ring had previously been on another woman''s finger? Even if she SAYS she doesn''t mind, I think it would always be in the back of her mind... even worse, I think it would always be in the back of MY mind. It is a damn nice ring, though...

comments?

 

[Upgrading_finally]

Is it possibile for you to buy the ring and just "reuse" the center stone? You and her together can pick out a setting that you both want so it's not like she's wearing someone's old ring.

That would be my preference.

 

[Talonnav]

I personally wouldn't want a diamond that was meant for someone else, but that's your choice.

For example, I have a friend who has a really nice diamond. So, when we were thinking about upgrading my diamond, we questioned her & the husband about the diamond. Come to find out she always thought her diamond was from a broken engagement that her hubby had. He told her no! He traded the first diamond in for her diamond. So, she had been wearing a diamond for 2 years that she thought was bought for someone else. You should have seen her crying when she found out the truth.

Heather

 

[Lanee]

I agree about just reusing the center stone. However, I am a little superstitious (and maybe naive) but if the ring is available for purchase due to divorce I would worry about bad karma. And do you guys socialize with the seller?

 

[Mara]

This may sound odd but do you have to tell her? Diamonds in general may have been purchased and/or worn by others in the past. What about antique cut stones? They obviously have been around for years! Diamonds in general have also been around a long time...so who knows how many people own stones that they bought from a retail jeweler or online that were returns and/or trade-ins from other people? I don't think it's a huge deal at all. Now if you had a broken engagement and just kept the ring for the next girl that comes along...THAT is a little odd. But if it is changing hands to a new owner...different.

The setting MAY be another matter but again, I don't really think it matters. Esp if its something like a solitaire...it could be anyone's ring! If you feel a little sketchy about the setting, buy the ring at the great deal, unset the stone and buy a $300 platinum setting from whiteflash.com or similar and have the stone put into there. Or have a setting custom made (not as expensive as you may think).

If you have the opportunity to get a great deal...then I would go for it. But I will offer my 2 cents on a 'great deal'. Get the stone checked out BEFORE you buy it. I would take it to an independent appraiser in your area and have them run a series of tests on the stone. This 'great deal' may be a dud stone that the original owner does not even know about. Many people in the general public have no idea what they bought or own, and you don't want to get saddled with someone else's dull stone. A great deal sours into no deal at all if you find that the 1ctw F VS1 'ideal' stone you bought is really a J/I2 1ctw with a fish-eye. I hope that this stone really IS a great deal and you come out a winner, but be sure before you buy....don't take anyone's word for it but a professional. And the local jewelry in-store gemologist with a certification from IGI does not qualify. Get it independently appraised.

Good luck!!

 

[Lanee]

My other thought was along Mara's line that's why I asked if you socialize with the seller because she would probably find out her ring was from a split union.

 

[Hest88]

Personally, I wouldn't mind as long as it didn't come from one of *your* exes. (Yeah, I'm the jealous type.)

I guess this question means you can't pose this question to her even as a hypothetical situation, huh?

 

[justme]

I'll chime in - I wouldn't mind the diamond (center stone) being 'used' but I certainly wouldn't like the whole ring. I agree with Mara I LOVE antiques (furniture and stuff) I also have a couple of pair of earrings and a bracelet that I never even think 'gosh this was used'! I have gone to police auctions and bid on jewelry never giving a thought to 'gosh this is used and was owned by someone who did something illegal' - my thoughts are if I buy it it's mine.

As long as it wasn't purchased by YOU for someone else - then presented to GF - It's 'new' to you and her.

I as a GF would be thrilled that I was receiving a great stone (as long as it is - check it out, see post about purchasing from friends),that you were resourceful enough to get a 'deal' and I was lucky to get something better than I would have otherwise.

But this is only how I would react - as you stated it could bother her and you really need to explore if it bothers you. Your comment that it would be in the 'back of your mind' needs some thought as to how YOU feel about it.

If it does bother you, maybe you get what you can afford with and during the honeymoon tell her this story and that you'll upgrade the stone to what you really would LIKE her to have at your 5 year anniversary. Never mention it again and surprise her on that date.

Just my thoughts.

Justme

 

[BetsyA]

Dan,

You asked so here goes....I don't think for an e-ring it is a good idea to go with a used one. It is nice to think one has something really special for an e-ring.

It sounds like you may have doubts about the used one too....and if it starts to bug you there is no return policy on a used ring.

So there you have it. Happy shopping!

 

[fire&ice]

I would not mind the "stone" being used. If the setting is modern (i.e. - not from an era past), I, as a women, would not like the original setting.

What are the circumstances surrounding the ring in question. As others state, is this ring something your future fiancee would recognize?

 

[DanTheMan]

Thanks for all the responses!

No, she would not recognize it... she does not know the individual I would be buying it from. It's a Tiffany piece (with all of the original papers), so I am confident in the quality. She has always had her eye on it, and this is an opportunity for me to get a higher quality diamond than I would otherwise be able to had I bought it directly from the store (about 1/3 off retail is what they are asking). Therefore, I would not be able to change the setting, either.

I'm a little torn... I know she loves this ring, and she may not even mind that I got it for her in this way, but I think it takes a little away from it, knowing that it had been worn by someone else. Spending the few grand extra and buying it retail is the price to pay for that peace of mind.

DTM

 

[Spyder]

You could buy the whole ring and then have the stone reset in a new setting and still come out ahead, if I understand the deal correctly. A setting will be less than a grand normally.

 

[Mara]

Dan doesn't want to reset the stone as he is buying a Tiffany ring (stone AND trademarked setting). I can understand that...why bother to pay for the Tiffany ring and then have it reset?

Just a note...Tiffany markup is quite high. I don't know if you have visited their store to price things out, but it may be quite more than just a few grand difference depending on the stone and the ctw you are talking about. Their 1c colorless VS stones go typically go for around $12k I believe. Cartier is around $15k? If you were not just going for brand name, but rather seeking out a truly well-cut stone (which will look just as good if not better than the Tiffany) you can get a SC or ACA stone or a H&A 1c F VS for $8k if not less.

I don't know what size/specs you are seeking but that is just a general comparison.

Good luck!!

 

[DanTheMan]

That's right, the stone won't be reset, it's all Tiffany... the thing is, this opportunity has suddenly brought a previously unattainable ring into my price range. I like it, I know she likes it, and it's kind of a no-brainer from that perspective. I would just have to get it re-sized, which I'm assuming won't be an issue (if I have all the original documentation, I may even be able to take it into tiff's itself, I'm guessing). The only thing I'm trying to determine is how much stigma would be associated with receiving a "used" ring, from a female perspective. Would she be happy to get something that she never thought I could afford, or would she be upset that I "cheaped out" and bought used???

This purchase is of the kind that one certainly does not want to make a mistake!

Dan.

 

[fire&ice]

As for resizing, be careful not to obliterate the marks - as the tiffany name is important to you.

Again, as others have said, Tiffany's name (not the stone and/or quality) commands a hefty markup on the same stone elsewhere. If this name is important to you & *more importantly* to your fiancee then I think purchasing this used ring is an option to explore.

Call me crazy, jewelry does carry Karma. Just because the ring resulted in a breakup is not necessarily a bad thing (or bad Karma). Does your girlfriend think about Karma at all? If so, I would perhaps proceed with caution.

Either way, good luck!

 

[Upgrading_finally]

Dan,

Sounds like you are still at square one.

From the sound of it, you really don't want to give her a used ring. My guess is that you both love this tiff ring, but I'm sure you both would fall in love with a different ring/brand new just for her too.

My suggestion is for you to pulse her on other styles and see what she also loves. I know personally, I LOVE different styles and settings. Of course we only have so much money...

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Ginaworld]

Hi Dan,

All the advice you've gotten so far all sounds really good and comes from a few different perspectives, as it sounds like you were hoping for, but I think you're still searching for that definite answer. I can give you my opinion, from what I would want, but that doesn't mean your girlfriend thinks the same way I do. To me, this is a special item, with some very romantic feelings behind the whole concept. To throw that out the window because you can buy this for a few thousand less would not make me happy. I'd want a new ring, made for me, that the love of my life picked out just for me or with me. But again, that's just me. Maybe she won't care, maybe she's the practical type that would think I'm crazy to pass this up just because I'm living in a silly dream world, but you need to probe her on a similar type of issue to be sure.

If you can't get around her finding out, then maybe you should just give her the circumstances and let her decide. Better to be sure about it then spend any amount of money and wonder forever. Or worse yet, have her be unhappy with the ring. It's still a fair amount of money, right? There are a lot of really beautiful rings out there.

I detect your unease w/the thought of buying this used ring (let's face it, it's used), and I've learned that those quiet, little voices inside just get louder til I listen to them. If you decide to go ahead w/this, be absolutely sure you can't hear those doubting voices anymore. I hope I haven't made your decision harder and I truly wish you the very best of luck with this!

G.

 

[Charmed]

Dan,

It sounds like you already made your decision. I am sensing that you are looking for approval from others but are not really comfortable making this "used" purchase. Do what you feel and you will both be happy!!!! She is very lucky to have such a caring future fiance!!!! Good luck!!!

 

[pqcollectibles]

Giving your gal a used ring totally depends on your gal, and as others noted, the social circumstances. If she is gonna rub elbows on a regular basis with the previous bearer of the ring, the answer is definitely NOT, unless you intend to use the stone in another setting. Get the "rock" checked before you buy, have it loose, impress her with it, and go together to pick the set.

She might be thrilled (barring not knowing the previous wearer) you got such an impressive ring, much more than she knows you can afford. She will probably be curious as to how/why you went so overboard. Tell her good fortune placed you in the right place at the right time to snatch this beautiful ring for the right price. That is was worn proudly by someone else. And, if she prefers, you can remount the diamond in another set she loves.

Maybe one of her girlfriends could guide you. Try subtly asking her questions that might provide you with help. Your heart will lead you to the right decision.