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Question about jewish wedding band traditions...

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AllieGator

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I just have a couple of questions about the jewish traditions involving the wedding band. My boyfriend (well, practically fiancee) is jewish, and I was just curious about the wedding bands.

I know that according to tradition, it is supposed to be a plain gold band. Is it acceptable to have a different metal, such as titanium or platinum, or does it have to be gold?

And also, I''''m not jewish, but is my wedding band supposed to be gold as well?

Thanks so much, to anyone who knows!
 

Rockdiamond

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To the best of my knowledge you are fine with any metal.
Tradition does dictate the use of a plain band- although many people do use a band with a stone or stones in them.

May I wish you a hearty MAZEL TOV!! ( it means good luck!)
 

SYC

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I think it depends on how observant of the traditions your fiance and his family is. A great book on Jewish wedding traditions is Anita Diamant''s "The New Jewish Wedding." It contains a discussion at some point about wedding rings.

My understanding is that it doesn''t matter what metal the ring is, although gold is traditional, but it should be simple and unadorned... i.e., no diamonds, etc.
 

neatfreak

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No holes, so no diamonds. But many jewish brides get a plain band for the ceremony and wear a diamond one in it''s place everyday. And if you aren''t converting you can really do whatever you want as long as your FI is ok with it.
 

AprilBaby

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I don''t know anything about tradition, (I think tradition is an awesome thing!) but I bet you could wear a diamond band next to your wedding band and e-ring.
 

musey

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There''s something about this tradition that I just love. Plain bands are so romantic and straightforward.
Anyway, congratulations!
 

AllieGator

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Thanks, everyone! I was hoping it could be any metal, because I like white metals for myself, and I want our wedding bands to match. I don''t want to deal with rhodium plating. I would get yellow gold if we had to to in order to follow the tradition, but I''m glad whatever metal we choose will be fine!

Musey, I agree with you! I want us to have matching plain bands--it''s such a classic, traditional look, and since I travel a lot in poor sections of latin america, I need something plain and un-flashy. I want to always wear my wedding band I got married with, so I want a plain one. I''m very sentimental about things like that.
 

glitterata

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I was told Jewish brides are given a plain gold band, which is put on the right index finger during the ceremony; some of my friends had plain rings for the ceremony and diamond rings for daily wear. The ring has to exceed a certain value, and a rabbi (? or maybe a respected member of the community?) inspects the ring at the ceremony and pronounces it suitable.

My husband and I chose plain platinum bands (we''re Jewish, but not observant). I love their elegant simplicity.

Anyway, the real reason I''m posting is to share a link. I was at the Metropolitan Museum of Art recently to see their show about love in Renaissance Italy, and they had an amazing Jewish betrothal ring. Take a look:

Renaissance Jewish betrothal ring
 

brooklyngirl

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It does have eto be a plain band, and any metal is ok. DH has a titanium band, and our Rabbi was fine with that, as long as it didn''t have any stones on it. I have two wedding bands, one plain, on eternity. Our Rabbi allowed us to use both of my bands during the ceremony -- plain placed on index finger, and eternity placed on ring finger.

It all depends on your Rabbi, but there are different options


CONGRATULATIONS!!
 

pyramid

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Does the band having no holes, in Jewish wedding and also in Christian wedding the officiant will sometimes say ''a band is round it has no end'', does this mean I have always wondered that the ring must be cast i.e. poured. Because some handmade bands are made from wire and then joined/soldered? to make them a circle. Can anyone knowledgeable in Jewish traditions or otherwise answer this?
 

Imdanny

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Date: 2/18/2009 6:57:52 PM
Author: glitterata
I was told Jewish brides are given a plain gold band
and that is my understanding as well.
 

mayachel

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My understanding is that a solid gold band is a custom, but not a requirement for a religious ceremony. That being said, a friend who is very observant has two rings from her wedding. A gold band that was placed on the right hand at the wedding, and she wears there still, as well as another band she wears by fashion choice on with her engagement ring.
 

krockie

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I always understood the tradition to be that the band is unbroken. So, no stones, no holes, just a solid ring.
 

AGBF

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Date: 2/18/2009 11:14:07 AM
Author:AllieGator

I just have a couple of questions about the jewish traditions involving the wedding band. My boyfriend (well, practically fiancee) is jewish, and I was just curious about the wedding bands.

I know that according to tradition, it is supposed to be a plain gold band. Is it acceptable to have a different metal, such as titanium or platinum, or does it have to be gold?

And also, I''m not jewish, but is my wedding band supposed to be gold as well?

Thanks so much, to anyone who knows!
I am so glad that this thead was moved from Jewelry Pieces! I was going to post there and suggest that it be moved to Around The World where I knew that it would get the attention that it deserved, but this is even better! I kept looking at it to see if there were any responses, because I wasn''t very knowledgeable (although I am married to a Jew, he is not a practicing Jew). I am learning a lot. I hope to learn more. Maybe some of the Around The World posters can be induced to come over and contribute to this thread!

Deborah
 

AGBF

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According to this website, the Talmud says nothing about the wedding ring at all. I do not claim to be an expert, but I thought that this site, with the information written by a rabbi, was worth reading.

Deborah



http://www.askmoses.com/en/article_print.html?h=166&o=2069846


Rabbi Yosef Resnick

No Ring For The Jewish Groom!

Looking into the actual religious laws is getting dicey! According to the Talmud, the bride cannot give the groom a ring at all. That makes one start to wonder if he wants to start obeying any of the religious "rules" at all! (At least that is the effect that it has on this Unitarian!!!)


Here is an excerpt from the article on why a bride may not give a groom a ring under the chuppah (i.e. during the actual wedding ceremony):


"According to Jewish law, there are different ways to purchase something. One method is by giving cash, kesef. When a groom gives something of value (a ring or blender) to the bride, he is obviously not buying her. She is a human being, not a piece of property.

So this is not a perfect analogy. However, he is acquiring exclusive rights to her hand in marriage. From this moment onwards no other man can be intimate with her. Thus the ring isn’t merely a sentimental gift given to the beloved; it actually effects the transformation from "people in love" to "married couple".


When a woman gives a man a ring in return, they are simply exchanging articles of value. They could exchange blenders, too. Now they have just made a trade, and not effected a change of her status, to a married woman.


If the bride gives a ring to her groom in return, the legal transaction implied by the groom giving the bride a ring has now been matched one for one, and thereby cancelled. Her status remains unchanged. It is as if the bride has not received anything at all, or as if she has given back the gift.


One may ask, but what about the feelings and intentions of the groom and/or bride as they give their rings? Don’t the feelings and intentions count for something? What if the bride has in mind that she is giving a ring simply to express her profound love for her groom, and not for any legal purpose?


Nevertheless, a) the external factor is quite compelling. While one couple may have this intention, another may not. b) When dealing with a ceremony as sensitive and important as marriage – a ceremony whose ramifications will (hopefully) affect all future generations, we want to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.


Under the Chupah, the groom recites the words “You are betrothed to me...according to the laws of Moses and Israel.” It is important, especially in matters with long-lasting ramifications such as a wedding, that we put aside our own desires and ask ourselves, what is the Torah really asking of me, and what is the law?


If the bride feels that she must give a ring to her groom, it should be done after the Chupah is over, in private as a personal expression rather than part of the wedding ceremony.


Jewish marriage is known as "kiddushin," which means holiness and separation. A Jewish bride and groom elevate themselves to new heights of holiness by going through a proper Jewish wedding ceremony. When it comes to such momentous occasions in life, it is important to respect halachah, so as to avoid creating any doubt.


Getting married in a manner that is fully in keeping with Jewish law is the best way to start out your life together with blessings and happiness!"


 

AllieGator

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Another quick question...does milgrain count as an unacceptable decoration? I am probably going to get a bezel set 3/4 eternity band from Whiteflash (the Danielle ring) as my engagement ring, except with larger stones. In the size I am looking at, however, the Adwar setting is only available in milgrain, so if it was to match well my ring would have to have milgrain. It would be a plain band, with no stones or anything.

Thanks so much to everyone who helped me out with this question!
 

pyramid

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Date: 2/19/2009 11:42:23 AM
Author: krockie
I always understood the tradition to be that the band is unbroken. So, no stones, no holes, just a solid ring.
Ah but does that mean no solder also or does manufacture method not count, i.e. must be cast - there again that would not be solid when it is a liquid?
 

Haven

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ETA: AGBF's post has great information!

Ask your rabbi about this question, as the response you will get will vary, and it depends entirely upon your own involvement in the religion.

DH and I are Jewish (just posted our newly-framed ketubah here here). We are practicing Jews, and by that I mean we live a Jewish life, we have a Jewish home, we belong to a synagogue, we attend Friday night services, perform regular acts of tzedakah, etc. In other words, we do not just attend synagogue twice a year on the high holidays and call ourselves Jews, Judaism is actually an active and important part of our lives. My father is also a cantor, so my own family is very involved as well.

That being said, my wedding band is a diamond eternity band. My rabbi approved the ring, and as he taught us, in ancient times the tradition was for the groom to give the bride something of value, the minimum value being a coin that would be equivalent to today's penny. Over time, the ring came about and some say that the round shape of the ring is to mimic that of the coin used in ancient times. The significance of this whole exchange was that the bride is now the property of the groom, so in an Orthodox Jewish ceremony the groom gives the bride a ring, but the bride does not give a ring to the groom. For our own wedding, I was having none of this "property exchange", so I gave DH a ring, as well. We also each circled the other, instead of the tradition of the bride circling the groom seven times.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
 

purrfectpear

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In a strict Orthodox community, no milgrain, no engraved sayings, nothing but a plain band. YRMV (your rabbi may vary)
 

Haven

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YRMV--Ha Purrfectpear! Love it.
 

Rhea

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I''d always heard what ABGF wrote about the man not getting a ring in return.

PP - love the YRMV!
 

swimmer

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For the ceremony you might want to ask your husband''s mom if there is a family ring to use. I don''t know what sort of Jew, (so many flavors out there) your FI and his family are, but eastern europeans tend to use a family ring for the ceremony as a reminder of the connections and as an inspiration to have a marriage like the grandparents''...

But fwiw, if you do get a plain band and if they are conservative in their interpretations of texts written over a millenia ago in a different vernacular, your husband must purchase it for more than two silver pieces. Of course, YRMV applies to all statements
 

AGBF

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Date:
2/23/2009 11:02:09 AM
Author: John Pollard

Great information Deb.
Coming from you, John, that means a lot ;-). As I said, I know nothing at all about the subject; I just like to do research.


Deb
 

AllieGator

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Thanks for the information, everyone, swimmer, could I ask you a little more about that tradition?

My boyfriends parents are eastern european (His parents immigrated from Russia/USSR during the Cold War). His parents attend a reform synagogue, although his father doesn''t go that often. I like this tradition, but his parents are divorced, so I doubt his mother still has her original wedding ring. There is a strong chance, however, that she has his grandmother''s wedding ring. Is this something that she will most likely offer me? She and I are very close, but I would feel awkward taking it, since I''m not jewish and he has two younger brothers who could very well marry Jewish girls.
 

AGBF

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Date:
2/24/2009 9:24:20 AM
Author: AllieGator
Thanks for the information, everyone, swimmer, could I ask you a little more about that tradition?

My boyfriends parents are eastern european (His parents immigrated from Russia/USSR during the Cold War). His parents attend a reform synagogue, although his father doesn't go that often. I like this tradition, but his parents are divorced, so I doubt his mother still has her original wedding ring. There is a strong chance, however, that she has his grandmother's wedding ring. Is this something that she will most likely offer me? She and I are very close, but I would feel awkward taking it, since I'm not jewish and he has two younger brothers who could very well marry Jewish girls.
I thought that swimmer meant that it could be used for the ceremony, but I may have read it wrong and now I have to run to take my daughter to school! Maybe you could borrow it to use under the chuppah!

Deb
 

AllieGator

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AGBF, You''re right...I didn''t read it close enough! In that case, if she offers for me to use it for the ceremony, I''ll gladly accept...I love his mother, and the tradition behind it.

Unfortunately, no Chuppah for us (I think it''s pretty cool). My family is conservative christian, and his are fairly Jewish (they don''t go to synagogue every week, but they do care about the traditions) We''ve decided that when we get married, it will be a civil ceremony that we tie some of the traditions of both into, like we''ll have the Love section of 1 Corinithians read for the Christian side, and he''ll step on the glass for the jewish side.
 

AGBF

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Date:
2/24/2009 11:37:11 AM
Author: AllieGator


Unfortunately, no Chuppah for us (I think it''s pretty cool). My family is conservative christian, and his are fairly Jewish (they don''t go to synagogue every week, but they do care about the traditions) We''ve decided that when we get married, it will be a civil ceremony that we tie some of the traditions of both into, like we''ll have the Love section of 1 Corinithians read for the Christian side, and he''ll step on the glass for the jewish side.
First, why do you have to wait for someone to offer a ring? No one is going to be able to read your mind and know that you would like to borrow one, you know! ;-). Ask to boorow one!

Second, we had no chuppah, either. We got married in my church (the Unitarian-Universalist Church). I urged my cousin and his wife to do the same, but my cousin''s Jewish fiancée thought it would upset her parents too much. So my Christian cousin married his Jewish wife in a civil ceremony outdoors. Their ceremony was conducted by a Justice of the Peace. They had a ceremony similar to yours, with a crushed glass...but they also had a chuppah! I remember a chuppah from another weddding of Christian and a Jew (both anesthesiologists) I attended many years ago. They were married by a female, Protestant minister, I think.... It all gets a bit mixed up!

Deborah
 
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