Queen Bee, It''s all about me....

[Ellen]

Yes. Only she is a rare breed, where it''s all about her, and all about MY stuff.

And I preface with, she is not a "friend" I picked. She ended up marrying one of hubbies best friends, so I have no choice, except to avoid her as much as I can.

Every single thing is about her. If I start a conversation about something in my life, it invariably ends up about her or something in her life. It''s the most annoying thing EVER. And, she loves my stuff. My clothes, my jewelry, my xmas decorations.... you name it, she''d go out and buy it. It got so bad, I started lying (or saying I didn''t remember) about where I got things if she asked. This goes WAY beyond "immitation is flattery". I don''t need, nor want, a twin.

Prime example. We were over there recently for a superbowl party. I went out in the back yard, and what did I see? The same copper tiki lights I bought last year.

 

[Lorelei]

Yes I have in the past!

 

[tlh]

Date: 2/27/2009 9:34:28 AM
Author: luvthemstrawberries

Haha aww tlh I don''t think it''s really describing you. My friend doesn''t do it to crack me up... she seriously just rambles. She''s very serious. Haha I honestly don''t know that I''ve ever noticed her breathe, so she must have it downpat.

I wish people would email more. I really wish she would email more. She doesn''t email at all, at least not to me. It''d make my life a lot easier, and she could easily get an email from me almost every day if she wanted! And I probably would care more about things that are going on, because it''s less distracting than phone convo. I''m just so much better at email. Then we could just talk on the phone to schedule a get-together. I''d love that actually. Then I''d actually be willing to hang out with people more. I do prefer hanging out to phone conversation too, as you do.

Hehe, I think she''s on hyper overdrive all the time. Not kidding. She''s just a really really fast talker. But she''s still a great person at heart.

awww, thanks! and you changed your AV! cute poochie (sorry for the TJ!)

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Date: 2/27/2009 9:44:59 AM
Author: tlh

awww, thanks! and you changed your AV! cute poochie (sorry for the TJ!)

Aw thanks!! She''s a larger sized chihuahua, who eats too much and is spoiled rotten.

Hehe yeah I used to have the puppy up there in a different picture, and I changed it for a while. DiamondDiva007 told me a day or two ago that she missed the avatar, and I realized I did too!! She lives at my parents'', so I don''t get to see her every day - so now I can!

 

[AprilBaby]

My MIL and unfortunately the gene passed to my daughter.

 

[dragonfly411]

I had one, and I got rid of her

 

[musey]

Date: 2/26/2009 10:54:03 PM
Author:Kaleigh
Have you ever had a friend like this?

I wouldn''t call her a friend...

but yeah, I''ve known someone like this. She was... interesting.

The people I''m friends with tend to be the polar opposite of this type.

 

[Girlrocks]

OMG, my SIL (DH''s sister)! This is ONE of the more recent examples:

We went out to dinner for my FIL birthday to this really nice restaurant at the beginning of February. We had a really cold January, and everyone that i know has been complaining that their electric bills were double in January, mine included. Well, just as the salads are being passed out, SIL digs through her purse and throws her electric bill out on the table and starts crying the blues about how she can''t afford to pay it. I looked at it, and said "yeah, so what, mine was $600", after which my FIL chimes right in that his was $500, FIL''s girlfriend says hers was $400 and she lives in a 1 bedroom condo. Burst SIL''s bubble. She shot me a dirty look and then collected all of the scattered pages of her electric bill off of the table/floor (remember, this is during my FIL 70th birthday "fancy" dinner). The next weekend my kids spent the night so DH and I could out for Valentine''s day, and she proceeds to tell one of my 8 year old daughters how upset she was with me at pop-pop''s dinner party because she was hoping he would offer to pay for it, and I ruined it by acting like her bill was no big deal.

My FIL has a vacation home at a mountain resort, and he has been trying to sell it for a couple of years because he is just getting too old to keep up with it anymore. SIL is FURIOUS that he would sell "her" vacation home, and has TOLD him that if he does, he has to pay for everyone in the families summer vacations for the next 10 years because he is getting rid of the "free" vacation rental, and since it isn''t her choice, she shouldn''t have to pay for her vacation for at least 10 years!

I really have too many to mention...we have been having 2 issues just this week with a funeral in the family and kids'' birthday parties that I just got calmed down about an hour ago, so I won''t go into those!

Did I mention she is not only a Queen Bee but also a bi-yatch!

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Not anymore! I actually just closed the books on a very toxic friendship. I don''t miss the drama and sense of entitlement.

As i get older, it more about quality than quantity of friends.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Not that I can remember...I am not sure that I would want a friend like that!

 

[bee*]

I have but I''m not friends with her anymore. I''m on the MIL thing too though-FMIL is 100% like that, although she really doesn''t mean to be.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/27/2009 1:02:37 AM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 2/27/2009 12:49:13 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
Queen Bee ?? yes, there are a few of them on PS.

Could I have expected anything esle? You are so bad. NO IRL.. kwim??? Figure that out..

Bed time!!!

naah...men don''t do that.

 

[coatimundi_org]

I have two former friends who are like that...

 

[Tuckins1]

Yep, used to. Not so much anymore... I just don''t have the patience.

 

[LGK]

I think we've all had friends and family like this! I tend to attract these types of people, since I'm a good listener and tend to talk only when I've got something to say. (I'm a classic introvert- people in groups exhaust me.) So, a lot of my friends over the years have been the sorts who love to be the center of attention. As long as they're good people and there's a low level of drama, it's all good. I've found a lot of the queen-bee types can actually be a lot of fun to be around, as long as they aren't the sort to hate other girls as a matter of course.

Some of my friends whom I've known for decades have evolved a lot over the years. When they were teenagers and young adults, they were definitely a LOT more self centered; as 30 something adults, most of them have learned they aren't the center of the known universe, and life isn't going to present a perfect existence on a silver platter just because you're a pretty girl. Hell, I was way more self centered too as a teenager- but not outgoing.

I do know that something that both myself and my close friends have learned over the years- painfully in some instances- is that you don't have to have everyone like you, nor do you have to like everyone. You'd think that would be obvious, but it sure isn't.

And, I know a lot of my friends/acquaintances like to create drama in place of real motivation and action. If you have a big group of friends buzzing around you all the time, it's very easy to pretend things are actually happening in your life, when it's just an illusion. I learned pretty quickly to cut the drama out of my life if I wanted to accomplish anything, and in fact I dropped most of my friends cold for a couple of years to finish college and put my life together, because the level of drama and weirdness had gotten totally out of hand. Now, most of them have mellowed out and I've gotten more tolerant too- I can deal with my friends making mistakes and not feel like I have to judge them for it, and though I can offer advice judiciously, mostly you just have to be there for them.

Interestingly, the sort of queen bee type we're all talking about, is one of the types of personalities that grates on my husband very intensely. Present him with a cute girl who thinks she's all that, and he'll detest her in about two seconds flat, and not in a cute flirty way either. I rescue him from one of our regular shoppers who's like this anytime she comes in, because I know he'll just be borderline rude. I'm not sure what it is that irks him so much, other than he's a *very* forceful personality himself.

Ok, this was long and rambly! Yes, I'm a bit caffeinated today.

 

[bebe]

Oh, most definitely had a "friend" like that! She was/is the most vile, toxic woman I have ever known. Truly, her world is all about her, her grandchildren
and her husband. They, like herself, are perfect and can do no wrong. She also validates her self worth by having nicer, more expensive things than you.
And she is very competitive. I once mentioned I loed snowmen and would like to hae a collection someday. This was around the holidays, and 2 weeks later
she invited me over. Guess what - a snowman collection - huge! If I said something was too expensive, she''d buy it just to prove she could.
I have to say she no friends because of her personality. On the rare occasion she snags a friend, the friend leaves within a year or so.
No one can stand being around her.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I met a gal at one of my DH''s professional gig''s--she had a PhD in Engineering. We hit it off and became fast friends. As I got to know her better I realized that we never really had conversations--she would talk and I would listen. Nothing was ever good enough or correct enough or anything enough--she was unhappy and conplained nonstop and interrupted what little I had to say. I beleived if I was empathetic she would eventually become a good/fun companion, but that was impossible since the world revoled around her. I would drive her around (she had no car) and became the person she need for "help". I eventually stopped seeing her b/c she was "toxic". I feel bad for saying that!

cheers--Sharon

 

[luvmyhalo]

My younger sister! I love her dearly and she''s getting better but she always seems to make everything about her and the "drama" that''s going on in her life!!!

 

[decodelighted]

Most folks I''ve known have been through at least a phase of this type of behavior (including myself) ... usually sometime between the ages of 16-25. After that age peers stop "playing that".

Of course, some folks NEVER grow out of it. Dump ''em! (Unless, you know, they''re related etc & you have to just tolerate them. Blerg.)

 

[Sparkalicious]

Yep. One of my bridesmaids who just bailed on being in our wedding.
It just wasn''t enough about her.

I should have known.

 

[anyname]

hmmm....i think a friend of mine is like this. She''s very dramatic and over the top. But what got me is when she compared the break-up with her boyfriend of a year to the death of my father and told me i just "don''t understand".

 

[Ellen]

Date: 2/28/2009 12:45:14 AM
Author: Sparkalicious
Yep. One of my bridesmaids who just bailed on being in our wedding.
It just wasn''t enough about her.

I should have known.

Spark, this sounded so funny, considering... But I really am sorry!

 

[Shoopy]

My ex-bridezilla friend is a major queen bee. She turns everything into something about herself. If your toe hurts, her whole foot hurts. If you have 3 main problems in your relationship, she has 4.

It was annoying now its just funny. Mr. Fiery does a hilarious impression of her.

 

[icekid]

My best friend from high school... but she wasn't always an all about me! After I went off to college, she started dating a guy. Nice guy... and she (with encouragement from her CRAZY mother) got it in her head that I hated him and wanted them to break up. By the time they got "engaged" at age 19, she was basically completely out of contact with me. Oddly, when they started having problems, THEN I was good enough to talk to her because she needed advice

Then she would drop me again when things were good with the guy. This cycle didn't continue long for me; it didn't really make me feel too great. After another couple years or so of her drama, the boyfriend broke up with her. I know b/c of facebook that I am still in touch with her boyfriend (remember, I hated him

) while she is not! Waaaay too much effort.

 

[gemgirl]

I''ve had quite a few Queen Bees in my life. One cousin of mine still to this day believes the whole world revolves around her. It''s hard to believe since she is nearly 60. I haven''t spoken to her in more than 25 yrs. and I don''t miss her. She was quite nauseating.

My husband''s mother is a Queen Bee who after sixteen years, is still battling to be the center of my husband''s life.
I have been banned from her house because I won''t cave in to her pressure to take second place in my hubby''s life.

I''ve had a friend for the last ten years who is definitely a Queen Bee. I push aside her Bee-isms and let her ramble because she''s a somewhat interesting person. I can''t even honestly say that I like her qualities as a human being, she just helps to make life interesting. She would never hurt a fly either. She''s an interesting combination of qualities of QB.

 

[diamondsrock]

I have a friend that is somewhat like this. There is a lot of drama involved with just about every conversation. She is always looking for support, advice, etc....which I'm happy to give, just not all the time. It's kind of exhausting. I think the fact that I am a good listener is why I am the one she comes to, although I know there are a handful of others. And I am glad she does come to me. I just can't deal with it too often because I become drained. I'm not big on drama and psychoanalyzing every detail of my life.
And she talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, etc....I'm just not one of those people who always has to be talking to someone all the time, and she is. I don't usually say much, just kind of uh huh my way through the conversation. I prefer email too!

 

[risingsun]

Date: 2/26/2009 11:48:29 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I actually do have a friend like this, at least when it comes to conversation, not intention. I seriously might as well disable the mouthpiece when I get the on the phone with her - no need for it.

When she had kids, EVERY conversation was about them. I told her finally that she was doing it. She was really sincerely shocked and said she wondered if she actually was like that, but couldn''t tell, and asked me for tips on working on it. I told her to try and find time to read the news, no matter how fluffy. Then at least there would be current events to talk about! She''s been my friend since I was 17, so she''s more like a sister. Plus she lives 3 hours from me, so I don''t have to deal with it much. She also does really have a heart of gold.

In college, I had a friend whose heart was as rotten as a roadkill under Arizona sun. She would encourage girlfriends to ''go for'' guys they admitted to liking, then making a huge play on them herself. Completely in need of attention and a total drama queen. A liar. She was charming and manipulative. She never did anything to me, but when I saw what she did to others, I cut her off. Even back then, I had very little tolerance for drama.

I will be borrowing this phrase for my personal use

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 2/27/2009 8:34:33 AM
Author: luvthemstrawberries

Date: 2/26/2009 11:48:31 PM
Author: Gypsy
I have a coworker like this.

And a friend who is .... weird. She does monologues. We get on the phone she rattles off EVERYTHING going on in her life for five minutes straight... like it''s a news report, then I''m supposed to do the same. It''s very weird. I''ve started emailing. At least that way I''m not counting after a few minutes to see how many sentences she''ll go through before she takes a breathe. It''s very distracting and very strange. She''s a sweetheart though, and there is give and take... just in segments.

I have a good friend from HS like this. FI likes to say ''it''s all about her, all the time.'' Which is kind of true. But she''ll call every once in a while, and talk for 10 minutes straight about herself and the goings-on of her life. After trying and not being able to get a word in edge-wise, I finally just ''uh-huh'' through those 10 minutes, then she''ll finally ask ''so what have you been up to?''

By that time, I''m too tired of holding the phone up and listening to say anything more than ''eh, not much. Same old thing.''

One of my relatives is a monologuer. . .which is ten times more difficult to deal with because a person isn''t suppose to dump toxic relatives. She wouldn''t just monologue for 10 mintutes, she would go for *AN HOUR*. When she went on and on, I would develop brain fog and become dizzy, so when she asked me to comment, I simply couldn''t think straight, so she''d ask me why I''m so quiet and if I''m depressed!!!

We haven''t talked in a year because I simply couldn''t take it any longer.