Q. for PSers whom decided not to have kids...

[OoohShiny]

So everyone, the next couple or woman you meet who hasn’t had kids, say and assume nothing. Not everyone wants kids and sadly not everyone who wants one can have one.

And, of course, some have had and lost...

 

[Austina]

I don’t consider myself to be a maternal person, I told DH before we married that if he wanted children, then don’t marry me.

We did have a child 5 years after we married, not because of any outside pressure, because none of my friends were married or had children. I can’t say why I changed my mind, I really didn’t enjoy being pregnant, or found it particularly easy being a mother, but I do know that if anyone had ever hurt my child, I’d have torn them to pieces with my bare hands!

 

[AGBF]

I have often wondered what my life would be like if I had not adopted my daughter. I know that I love her as much as I would have loved a biological child. She has brought enormous pleasure, but more than that-enormous richness and experience, into my life. I had oodles of maternal instinct and knew I could not live without at least one child. One of my best friends said recently when I was playing with one of her grandchildren, that I should have had six (children). (She was wrong. I could not have handled six.)

Having had a child who turned out to be mentally ill turned out to be more of a challenge than I expected in life, I think. Not that I knew what to expect, but I don't think I expected to endure as much as I have, alone, with nowhere to turn and have no solace from my child, no solace of leaving someone behind, no solace of grandchildren.

I do have other things in life. I am not saying my life is desolate. What I am saying is that I do not think I expected the part that included having a child to be quite so difficult and desolate. I could not have lived without having had the experience of mothering, though, so I have to thank my daughter for giving me that.

 

[clumberlove]

I was never sure I wanted children when I was younger. Dogs definitely, children not so sure. Then I was diagnosed with a dermoid cyst on one ovary, which the gynaecologist wanted to remove. No guarantees they could save the ovary though. That really brought a clarity to my thinking about children. I found the thought of never having them gave me a feeling of deep deep sadness. That was the point that I realised it was actually something I definitely wanted.

I now have two beautiful girls, age 3 and 1. I also still have 2 ovaries, so I didn't need to worry so much! I don't regret it at all, although we're still very early in our parenting journey. They have enriched my life so much and changed my sense of perspective.

I think the biggest thing that causes regret is having choice taken from you. Choosing to have children or not is a huge decision, but for happiness I think it is the act of choosing that colours how you feel about the outcome. Anecdotally, the people I know who feel regret are those who did not choose their outcome, it was forced upon them by circumstance.

 

[anne_h]

I have 3 kids, and a demanding career.

Sometimes I do regret having kids, but usually only for small periods of time when I'm tired. I am an introvert who needs alone time to recharge (especially after work) and it's hard to get that when caring for kids!

That said, as they get older, life gets easier. And as they grow up, they are turning out to be great people. So that's definitely fun to watch and be a part of.

Overall, I'm glad I chose to have kids. Although sometimes I would prefer to be alone. lol

Anne

 

[qubitasaurus]

I don't think it is possible to regret having children. Even in the worst case scenario where something terrible happened to one of us I would not regret the time I have shared with them -- they give you a sort of transcendant joy. It spreads through all parts of my life, even the parts they haven't directly touched.

But I do sometimes wonder why they dont come with an 'on-off switch'. I totally understand that this sentiment sounds awful but I will try to justify it with an example. My daughter never really slept more than 3 hours in a row after 11 pm. At 9 months I gave up and shifted her into my bed -- where she has now happily established herself by sleeping horizontally and monopolising most of the bed. Right at the moment I am coming down sick and the last thing I want to do is wake up in the middle of the night to contemplate the sharp pain in my throat and how I am going to manage all the work I need to do before I schlep everyone out the door next week to the UK. So when my daughter gleefully stamped on my face last night at 3 am and let out a squeel of delight when she dislodged my face from my pillow (allowing her to plant her but in the middle of the silk pillow case and rub it backwards and forwards over her (full) nappy), I thought where on earth is the sleep button. Why dont they come equiped with a 'sleep mode' a 'quiet mode' or an on-off switch of any form ?

 

[LLJsmom]

Never saw myself as a mother, and not maternal at all. Had kids b/c DH wanted them. Now no regrets at all. Wish I could have a third, but too late.

 

[missy]

I think the biggest thing that causes regret is having choice taken from you. Choosing to have children or not is a huge decision, but for happiness I think it is the act of choosing that colours how you feel about the outcome. Anecdotally, the people I know who feel regret are those who did not choose their outcome, it was forced upon them by circumstance.

Wise words and I agree completely. Not having the choice, not having the control is what causes regret and sadness.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

We never regretted our choice.

I don't have a maternal bone in my body. I never wanted human children. From the time I was little to the present time. My sister OTOH is the opposite and from the time she was a little girl she longed to have children of her own. And she does. 2 wonderful amazing kids.

One of the reasons I never wanted human kids was because of the pain I would feel should something terrible happen to them. I know it sounds crazy to make a decision based on that and it was only part of my decision but it was a part of the reason I did not want human children. And when we lose our furbabies it reinforces my decision because the pain I am feeling right now is almost unbearable. I say almost because somehow I am going on despite wanting to give up.

So to answer your question no I never regretted the choice and atm I am regretting the choice to have fur baby kids.

i think of that when i watch the news and awful things happen to kids
my old cat Tinky died a few years ago and i still miss him every day
just like with human children one does not replace another