Push Presents

[laine]

Push presents made the NY Times. I saw this article and thought of some of the ladies here (hope this isn't a repost).

 

[luckystar112]

Wow I'm really torn on this one.
I gotta say that 85% of me agrees with the dissenting opinion on push presents. I DO think it implies that the child isn't enough for you. I can just see it now..."labor was so intense and painful! Luckily in the end it was all worth it. I got the new earrings I was pining for!!!" Not that it's like that now, but I could see it getting like that in the future by a select amount of women.

At the same time, I wouldn't turn down a new pair of earrings.

Then again, I would be okay with some flowers or a nice card too! I think that as long as it isn't expected, it is a really nice gesture from a husband. In other words, I don't think any woman "deserves" a push present. Besides, we already have an occasion for that, and it's called Mother's Day. Happens every year!

To sum up...I think it's a sweet idea that could go awry if women get greedy about it.

 

[Jas12]

Interesting!
Funny b/c I was just asking about this on the pregnancy thread--i had never even heard the term before--it must be more of an American thing b/c it is certainly not something I''ve heard from my mommy friends around here (i am in canada)
No one I know has received or asked for a push present....
But it''s only a matter of time and the term/expectation will spread North--of course it makes perfect sense there would be a commodity attached to birth--nothing is free from the reach of commercialism and marketing! And the combo of guilt-tripping the husbands and the significance of an event like birth is pure marketing *gold*
(note: despite my cynicism i am all about working the guilt for a new diamond

) haha

Tiff and Co has their brilliant ''celebration rings'' line--ensures the upper crust will be consistently purchasing baubles their entire adult lives--> from engagement to babies to promotions to retirement

And another one I saw a while back'' ''the right hand ring''--gotta love that campaign ''to celebrate your independence'' or something like that--perfect for the singles market.

I guess a pat on the back doesn''t cut it these days (unless you can buy one that is)

 

[mrssalvo]

i had never heard of them until someone mentioned it here on PS. I do know my uncle gave his wife some type of ring b/c he wanted to do something special for her b/c she carried their baby and yes, you've got the child, but he wanted her to have something that would forever remind her of his love and represent the birth of their first child. I think the meaning behind them can be special. I didn't get a push present for either of my kids and probably won't for this one either. It's not a big deal to me, but if hubby went and did something on his own, we'll that would be special in it's own right. For those gals who like the idea and whose hubby's are on board, why not??

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 12/7/2007 11:37:51 AM
Author: mrssalvo
i had never heard of them until someone mentioned it here on PS. I do know my uncle gave his wife some type of ring b/c he wanted to do something special for her b/c she carried their baby and yes, you''ve got the child, but he wanted her to have something that would forever remind her of his love and represent the birth of their first child. I think the meaning behind them can be special. I didn''t get a push present for either of my kids and probably won''t for this one either. It''s not a big deal to me, but if hubby went and did something on his own, we''ll that would be special in it''s own right. For those gals who like the idea and whose hubby''s are on board, why not??

You pretty much summed up what I was trying to say! hehe


On another note, I think what bothered me so much about the argument for push presents, is that it focused on the negative aspects of pregnancy. To some, pregnancy and creating a new life is no longer a beautiful thing. It''s an ugly, stressful, "sacrifice" that warrant a gift now. That just rubbed me the wrong way. It implies that the woman is having the child for the husband, and not herself. I just think that''s really sad.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I didn''t have time to read the article but I agree with MrsS. If your DH is ok with it why not? Of course my daughter is worth any pain I went through. I wanted a child more than a present. I doubt any woman cares more about diamonds than her child. In my case DH doesn''t buy me jewelry that often. In fact we hardly celebrate v-days, anniversaries, or birthdays. I LOVE the idea of getting something to celebrate the most important thing in our life. I plan on one day giving it to my daughter. I am lucky that my DH *wants* to get me something. It isn''t like I am demanding it.

 

[TravelingGal]

I think if anything, women want some sort of acknowledgement for having kids. It''s a big deal in my opinion...if you are younger, you put your career off hold to do in many ways. If you are older, you have more physical issues to deal with (I am SO over getting pricked with needles) and are more established in your career, which again, has to go on the back burner. I mean, you have monthly doc''s visits, more visits if you are "mature", vials and vials of blood drawn, needles in your gut, no wine in your life, more whine in your life, and for some strange reason your car seems to have a bullseye on the bumper which random BMWs decide to go for.

All this before you even get to the part about a 8 pound kid being squeezed out of something the size of a peanut butter jar lid.

With all that said, however, I think it''s a bit...much...to EXPECT a push present. I am not getting one. I joke that my new earrings are a push present, birthday present, and a job finders fee present all in one. In reality, it was a birthday gift, and somewhat of a thank you for being so supportive through TGuy''s unemployment. TGuy doesn''t believe in push presents. He asks, isn''t the baby enough? I do agree....HOWEVER, I remind him from time to time that while no present is necessary (or even wanted), a healthy appreciation for all the crap that women go through for babies is a good thing. Guys don''t realize that if they were totally excited and supportive in every way through a pregnancy, instead of thinking it''s just "normal", we women would probably want a physical token much less.

All that being said, I wouldn''t trade being a woman for the world...I have a 9 month head start to fall in love with this child (which I already am) and honestly, that to me is reward enough.

 

[laine]

I think its the actual term "push present" that bothers me. The idea of celebrating a wonderful, momentous occasion with a special something that you''ll have to forever commemorate it and become an heirloom, that part is great. But the phrase "push present" just kinda sounds dirty somehow, like more of a bribe than a special memento, and as others mentioned, it focuses on the ugly parts.

 

[sumbride]

We actually talk about these a lot in my office as our cause is women and babies, particularly newborns. It''s very popular around here, but not as an entitlement, just as something sweet.

One of my friends got a gold lower-case e that could be added to her diamond necklace she already wore because her daughter''s name starts with E. I didn''t ask her what she got for her son whose name begins with M. If she put it on the other side it would be "ME", which makes me think she didn''t.

 

[Mara]

oh TG you''re turning into such the sap. it''s the hormones i hear!! they do ya in every time!

i love the idea of a push present personally! not because i''d have the kid BECAUSE of getting one, but JEEZ...isn''t pregnancy quite hard on the body?? everyone who i know has had kids definitely goes through a lot of ups and downs. and if i''m going to get diamonds anyway at some point (because yanno i just will!), might as well make them related to some sort of ''joyous occasion'' so that it has nice memories attached to it.

i like the idea of a really meaningful push present, aka my neighor had a boy this summer and she had WF make her a beautiful ACA and sapphire eternity band with i think 13 pointers. i was saying oh how awesome and you can give it to your son''s future wife when she has their first boy or something like that....stuff like that is very cool and specific i think for the birth.

plus let''s face it..some men won''t buy their women jewelry at all or think about it for special occasions so this may be the only opp that women have to try to get something nice in the bauble way. i know a few men who are totally clueless about jewelry and the items they get their wives when they have their kids are almost the only jewelry the women have.

 

[TravelingGal]

LOL Mara....it''s not the hormones. It''s the fact that the baby MOVES. That is without a doubt, the best part of pregnancy for me so far. It just has a party in there and you think, good grief, this is inside ME. It''s growing in ME! And then you start doing goofy things like talking to it and wishing it a good morning and poke and prod it in the hopes it responds. I tell you, it''s nuts.

Like you Mara, I like the idea of a meaningful gift to commemorate the event. But a gift loses a bit of its meaning to me when the receiver tells the giver that she''s ENTITLED to it. Now mind you, I''m all about lists and telling TGuy what I want for my birthday and stuff like that, but in the case for a push present, I would not ask for one. The meaning in the gift lies with TGuy thinking about me and showing his appreciation on his own, if that makes sense.

 

[surfgirl]

I had to smile reading the title of this thread...I have no problem with a husband/partner gifting the mother of their child with something to commemorate the birth of their child, it's a sweet gesture and as others said, can become a very wonderful family heirloom to be passed down the the child one day. But...I know a group of women who probably are more well represented by the phrase "push presents", than saying "it's a token of our child's birth." These are women who run in a very high society circle and believe me, they shop hard for their "push present", and it's not just an expensive piece of jewelry, it usually comes with stock/cash deposits in a bank account that is in the sole name of the woman giving birth. Often, more stocks/cash are given if it's a boy, if you can imagine that in this day and age! So when I think of that, which is very common in wealthy social circles, it seems wrong, more like a business transaction..."I gave you a son, to carry on your name, so how much is that worth to you?" Often, these folks have the "rules" put into their pre-nups so that it's clear from the get go. To me, that seems very odd. And while that is the extreme, I think that's where the concept of push presents comes from. In fact, the person I'm referencing on this got a gorgeous sapphire HW style ring (birthstone of her daughter) as a push present, which I thought was sweet, but then I learned she also got stocks and cash in a private account as well, and that that was "common practice" in her circle of friends so...

ETA, OTOH, a dear friend of mine's hubby gave her a sapphire and diamond bracelet for the Sept. birth of her baby. She wears it everyday and she'll hand it down to her daughter one day. To me, that's very sweet.

 

[lyra]

Date: 12/7/2007 12:34:26 PM
Author: laine
I think its the actual term ''push present'' that bothers me. The idea of celebrating a wonderful, momentous occasion with a special something that you''ll have to forever commemorate it and become an heirloom, that part is great. But the phrase ''push present'' just kinda sounds dirty somehow, like more of a bribe than a special memento, and as others mentioned, it focuses on the ugly parts.

That''s my problem too, the terminology.

I had 2 c-sections, no pushing. I did get a gift after our second daughter was born though--a large gold locket with names and dates engraved and baby pics of both girls. So I can see that this "trend" may have started a long time ago, but now the media (and perhaps the jewellery/diamond industry) is making it into something less special than it should be.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

You know, I like bringing back little trinkets from great vacations. I don''t need the bowl or whatever to remind me that I went to Italy in 2006, but every time I see the bowl it makes me remember that time specifically.

Push presents certainly aren''t a need, but I personally find the idea of a blue or pink sapphire eternity band like those at Signed Pieces really charming. I do not have children yet, but not unlike those who have had rings made with the birthstones of each of their children or hidden diamonds in remade anniversary rings, I have been able to visualize my ring finger "transforming" as my family grows.

There''s something charming about envisioning 40 year old me in the future, looking down and seeing (hypothetically) a diamond band (wedding/husband), blue sapphire band (son), and two pink sapphire bands (daughters) or whatever.

Of course, I didn''t read the article. Perhaps there are a lot of women out there who think that the birth of a baby is a good excuse to get a PSP.

 

[snlee]

Date: 12/7/2007 11:37:51 AM
Author: mrssalvo
i had never heard of them until someone mentioned it here on PS. Yes, you've got the child, but he wanted her to have something that would forever remind her of his love and represent the birth of their first child. I think the meaning behind them can be special. If hubby went and did something on his own, we'll that would be special in it's own right. For those gals who like the idea and whose hubby's are on board, why not??

Ditto. My thoughts exactly. I also agree that women should not expect it or feel entitled to it.

ETA - I don't like the term "push present" either.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 12/7/2007 12:20:04 PM
Author: TravelingGal

All this before you even get to the part about a 8 pound kid being squeezed out of something the size of a peanut butter jar lid.

All I gotta say is, you ladies are BRAVE!

 

[E B]

Date: 12/7/2007 1:02:02 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Like you Mara, I like the idea of a meaningful gift to commemorate the event. But a gift loses a bit of its meaning to me when the receiver tells the giver that she's ENTITLED to it. Now mind you, I'm all about lists and telling TGuy what I want for my birthday and stuff like that, but in the case for a push present, I would not ask for one. The meaning in the gift lies with TGuy thinking about me and showing his appreciation on his own, if that makes sense.

I agree.

 

[SarFarSuperstar]

I didn''t even think about it that way, but Surfgirl is right. In some circles, it could totally be seen as a business transaction or a payment for service rendered- isn''t that sweet?

I''m definitely in the camp of "it''s nice but not necessary" and doubly nice if it''s representative, aka pink stones for girls or a birth stone of some sort.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/7/2007 2:11:00 PM
Author: SarFarSuperstar
I didn''t even think about it that way, but Surfgirl is right. In some circles, it could totally be seen as a business transaction or a payment for service rendered- isn''t that sweet?

If that''s the case, I''d rather get diamonds for doing the dishes every night. That''s way more a joyless pain in the a$$.

 

[somethingshiny]

My husband gave me a gift after we had our son. I was still in the hospital when he presented me with a three-stone princess WG pendant. It''s nothing huge (it was just $200, I know because I balance the checkbook), but when he gave it to me he said, "baby makes three." That was so sweet. He went on to tell me how I was his hero and he could never do anything that compared to giving birth. I wore it with my hospital gown and my IV. I never considered it a "push present", but I guess he kind of did. I was certainly euphoric with having our son and didn''t want/need anything ever again. But, every time I see that pendant, it reminds me of when my husband thought I was the toughest woman on the planet and it brings a smile to my face.

So, basically, I think it''s weird to ASK for or DEMAND a gift, but if one is presented, I think it''s very sweet.

 

[musey]

I think of push presents more along the lines of Tiffany's celebration rings, like Jas mentioned.

I got one ring each for both high school and college graduation. The former I bought for myself, the latter my parents asked me to choose for them to buy me. I didn't think of it as a "this is your prize for working so hard" gift, but a "to commemorate the wonderful occasion" gift. Something more tangible than my diploma hanging on my wall at home.

It's a little different with push presents, obviously (a baby's a pretty tangible reminder!). I think it can be a very thoughtful thing to be offered... and though I wouldn't ask for one, I certainly wouldn't turn it down

 

[asscherisme]

I have 4 kids, no c-sections, all 4 "pushed" and I never heard of a push present before this forum. I don''t think its necessary and am not really crazy about the trend.

I could totally see giving my daughters and daughter in laws one day a nice present for them after having a child but not what I would consider a "push present" but more becuase after I had my kids everyone focused on the baby so much it can leave the mother feeling left out.

Am I the only one who really hates the term push present? Like others have pointed out, it does seem like a business transaction. I just don''t like it.

Gifts are fine and great but I hate the title and the entitlement with the concept.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Haha, I guess I am the only one that finds the term "push present" so funny. I don''t know why but I think it is hilarious. I don''t take it so seriously. Like I said before I don''t feel entitled to anything just like I don''t feel entitled to an expensive birthday gift. I did find some of that article insulting (finally had time to read it). Of course here I am with a crying baby at 4:30 am totally deprived on sleep, still remembering an uncomfortable pregnancy, difficult delivery and an even more difficult recovery. So maybe my opinion is jaded. I told my husband mine could be in lieu of an x-mas gift but he really thinks it should be separate and special. I think that is romantic (for a very unromantic guy). I think I really surprised him (physically and mentally) and he sees that dealing with a newborn is NOT easy. In fact NO ONE tells you just how hard it is. But one day all these moments will be diluted but I''ll still have my precious little girl and a thoughtful, beautiful ring.

 

[Dee*Jay]

I have no children but I am mother to two large furry four legged sons and sometimes I think I deserve a PULL present. As in "if these damn dogs PULL me around the neighborhood one more time..."

Seriously, if people wan to commemorate special events (the birth of a child, or whatever) with gifts then go for it--just post pics please!

 

[Steel]

Whatever!

For me a special occasion = gift (presupposing there is money or opportunity to fund a gift)

Live and let live.

 

[Joolskie]

Hmmmmmm, it took two c-sections to get my kids into the world. As I did not push anything, I am going to inform DH that I need two retroactive "Third Party Baby Removal" presents. LOL!!!!!

Hey... if a father wants to honor the mother of his child and the birth of his baby with a special piece of jewelry, I say go for it! And any PSers receiving such a gift must share it with us. And post pictures.

I have hinted to Mr. Joolskie that should he ever want to "surprise" me with a blue sapphire eternity band from Signed Pieces to represent our boys, I would totally be okay with that.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I wonder if it works retroactively? I could get 2 girl and 1 boy presents! Although one girl was adopted...yet that was labor of another kind, believe me.

I''m just kidding, but I do think it is a lovely thing to commemorate such a special occasion with a token of love. I just think someday it would be special to the child to be told that their father gave the item to their mother to celebrate when they were born. And then to give the item to the child someday when they are grown. I think it is romantic, but most men would need a little hint in order to do it. It has been so long I can hardly remember, but I think my husband got me roses both times I gave birth, and I thought that was very sweet. However, I might remember it more vividly had it been diamonds! Haha!

 

[NYCsparkle]

i agree w/ mara...I don't think a push present is necessary, but a bit more bling never killed anyone. my dh got me a ring for the birth of my son. his birthstone was suppossed to be peridot, but he was born a bit early and it is a ruby...but i loved the ring and kept it---he wanted to change it to rubies, but i already have some of those. besides who's gonna turn down a white gold, diamond and 2 carat center peridot w/2 .50's 3 stone ring? lol

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Double post! Oops!

 

[DiamanteBlu]

OK, I am a dip-poopie. I had no idea what a push present was! LOL! Then, again, I had a scheculed C-section [breech position]. What do I know? Maybe I deserved one after all that?

I think a push present is very appropriate whether you push or not. How about a carry present?

In any case, I did not get a gift from anybody for the birth of DD [other than having her in my life which is the best gift of all]. If somebody had offered one I would have been very happy and certainly would not have turned it down.