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Puns R Us

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Madam Bijoux

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 15, 2005
Messages
5,141
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur''s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it''ll still be stationery.


7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.


8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, ''You stay here; I''ll go on a head.''
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
''Keep off the Grass.''
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse
said, ''No change yet.''

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.


22. In democracy it''s your vote that counts. In feudalism it''s your count
that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.


24. Don''t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!


 

Lorelei

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
42,064
LOL!!! Thanks Madam for the giggle!
 

Ellen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2006
Messages
24,427
OMG Madam these are hysterical! I laughed so hard my head hurts. Although they''re ALL good, for some reason, 14 killed me.

Maybe because it was so easily visual?



Thanks for posting, you come up with some of the funniest stuff.
 

Lorelei

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
42,064
Date: 2/17/2009 8:53:50 AM
Author: Ellen
OMG Madam these are hysterical! I laughed so hard my head hurts. Although they're ALL good, for some reason, 14 killed me.

Maybe because it was so easily visual?



Thanks for posting, you come up with some of the funniest stuff.


I think storm will get a kick out of these!
 

Ellen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2006
Messages
24,427
Date: 2/17/2009 8:55:02 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 2/17/2009 8:53:50 AM
Author: Ellen
OMG Madam these are hysterical! I laughed so hard my head hurts. Although they''re ALL good, for some reason, 14 killed me.

Maybe because it was so easily visual?



Thanks for posting, you come up with some of the funniest stuff.


I think storm will get a kick out of these!
I fink you''re right.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Those were a riot!

I didn''t get number 3 though.
 

Madam Bijoux

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 15, 2005
Messages
5,141
Hi, Gypsy
People who make their own whisky make it in a vat called a still.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Date: 2/17/2009 2:52:41 PM
Author: Madam Bijoux
Hi, Gypsy
People who make their own whisky make it in a vat called a still.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thank you for the clarification MB!!
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Oh, I love these! Thank you for sharing.
 

Savvymon

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2008
Messages
120
Hahahah
Awesome! Thanks for the laughs!

 

Deelight

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
5,543
HEHEHE those were hilarious thanks for the laughs :)
 

platinumrock

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2005
Messages
2,238
Date: 2/17/2009 8:45:07 AM
Author:Madam Bijoux


1. The roundest knight at King Arthur''s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.


4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.


5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
work.


6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it''ll still be stationery.




7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.




8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.


9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.




10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.




11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.


12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.




13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, ''You stay here; I''ll go on a head.''


14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.


15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
''Keep off the Grass.''


16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse
said, ''No change yet.''


17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.




19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.


20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
veteran.


21. A backward poet writes inverse.




22. In democracy it''s your vote that counts. In feudalism it''s your count
that votes.


23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.




24. Don''t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!




That was my favorite.
 
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