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PSer's with "adult kids"....how often do you talk to them?

When my now 29 yr old son went off to college in 2010 I thought I was going to die.. the first year is the hardest, I missed him soo much, but I also wanted him to experience a full life, so we made a deal that I could text anytime and Sunday call.. So in the beginning I texted him every night Goodnight I love you but after the first semester I stopped that, it's so hard.. One grows up and away from their child when they are in college. My son graduated and was hired in Bentonville AR as a programmer and I went into shell shock that was so far away, but he did fine, now I talk to him 2 - 3x a week because he's in NYC and he's working from home and the Covid fiasco started 6 months after he moved there for a new job in banking and so he didn't really make many friends etc so I asked him would it be okay if we talked a few times a week because of the isolation? and he was happy about it.. we love our kids.
 
Wow thanks for everyone that responded. You all made some good points about both of us needing to adjust to his new college life.

My son has always been way more of an introvert like my dh, so I wasn’t expecting long conversations or texts, telling me about his adventures. I was just hoping he would respond to my questions about his roommate etc. apparently the roommate (they share a 2 bedroom apartment on campus) is just as quiet or introvert. They have barely spoken in the week that they have lived together under one roof! I was hoping that he would have a roommate who is more outgoing, and propose exploring the campus together or go to the dining halls together. But, no....they mostly keep to themselves in their own rooms and say hi if they run into each other in the hallway or common areas. I keep telling my husband to tell my son to be the first to break the ice and start “talking” to the roommate.

All of you are wondering how I’m getting this info from my son.....my husband has dropped by and visited him 3x in the last week! Yes....my husband is in the biomedical field, and his key accounts are all around the UCSD! He took my son out for lunch 1x and dropped off lunch and additional things for him 2x last week. We are allowed to pick the students up for lunch etc, parents are just forbidden to go into their residence or take them overnight. I’m so jealous my husband works right by his campus....but trying to get info from my husband is just as hard....did I mention they are both quiet introverts? Perhaps that is why they get along so well, they probably just eat in silence and no nagging or prying from dad!

Anyway, an update. Got another “group text” asking my husband and I whether he should charge text books to his school account or 520 credit card....that is the extent of stuff he texts. So I let dh respond. Ball is in his court, he knows I miss him, and I think I will drive down once a month or so to have lunch with him. He is slightly more chatty in person. Thanks for all the sage advice!
 
@jaysonsmom, I forgot to mention that bribing my DD with shipping trips went a long way! Lol. That’s practically all we did when I visited her and even so, she only cleared a couple of weekends a year for me:lol:

also, appreciate that he is an introvert and you don’t have to worry about him partying!
 
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When I was in college (mid 70's) I called my parents (collect) every Sunday morning. I was a good boy! Pay phone on every floor. No excuse!
Today I talk to my son every day and my daughter every 2-3 weeks. Their choice. Both late 30's.
 
I have a 20 year old in college. A local school, but she lives on campus. Snapchat is her only language lol. We snap every day, multiple times a day. She comes to hang out a few times a month. I don't really worry about her at all. She's very level-headed and responsible.

I feel you, though. My son is 16 and talks about going into the military like my husband and I know I'll be a wreck when he leaves. He is the polar opposite of his older sis.
 
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My college kids have to check in with me daily. Just a quick text is fine. I fully support them establishing their own lives, spreading their wings. But really they have their phones on them allll the time. It takes a second to send a text to your mom!
FaceTime or a longer phone call weekly, at their convenience.
@jaysonsmom, Text your son if it makes you feel better! He can spare a second for you. It’s not asking too much.
 
He's doing GREAT! one of the things I DIDN'T like about my son's college experience was for the first year his room-mate was a kid from Virginia.. they got along well but room-mate got a girlfriend and so the room was often 'occupied' so my son then started hanging out with a kid who he was in high school with down the hall, although they hadn't been friends at all in HS, (there was 667 kids in his graduating class and this boy was never in anything with my DS) so at the end of the year my son is going to be room-mates with the kids from high school for their sophomore year, which in turn turned into junior and senior year, junior year a boy also from high school transferred to my son's college and the roommates grew to 3, but I feel my son didn't get the best college experience since he ended hanging out with kids who he went to high school with, so this is why I hope your son can make a friend - my son is introverted also - while my son graduated got 2 great jobs since 2016 and seems very happy in life it still bugs me a bit that maybe his life would have been richer had he been forced a bit to stretch his ability to make a friend. YES if i mentioned this to him he'd look at me like I had 3 heads.. my sons are MYOB mom - 4 ever and ever and ever .....


you're a great mom and I think throwing your thoughts in Hangout was a smart thing because you get all kinds of answers, thoughts and reflections... remember: he's fine, he has ALLL you taught him in life to be a good human, smart, successful and happy, you will be able to tell if things are not great at school.. how I found out about my son's roommate's live in gf was because all of a sudden he started coming home every weekend, eventually I found out what was up.. he handled it in his own way, he's a peacenik not a fighter and coming home was best for him.. sorry for the rant, but in my life, my sons are my most valuable jewels, my most bright jewels, and I'd throw all my stuff away for them.. you get it I'm sure. peace to you and love and remember, he's got all you taught him.


jaysonsmom said:
Wow thanks for everyone that responded. You all made some good points about both of us needing to adjust to his new college life.

My son has always been way more of an introvert like my dh, so I wasn’t expecting long conversations or texts, telling me about his adventures. I was just hoping he would respond to my questions about his roommate etc. apparently the roommate (they share a 2 bedroom apartment on campus) is just as quiet or introvert. They have barely spoken in the week that they have lived together under one roof! I was hoping that he would have a roommate who is more outgoing, and propose exploring the campus together or go to the dining halls together. But, no....they mostly keep to themselves in their own rooms and say hi if they run into each other in the hallway or common areas. I keep telling my husband to tell my son to be the first to break the ice and start “talking” to the roommate.

All of you are wondering how I’m getting this info from my son.....my husband has dropped by and visited him 3x in the last week! Yes....my husband is in the biomedical field, and his key accounts are all around the UCSD! He took my son out for lunch 1x and dropped off lunch and additional things for him 2x last week. We are allowed to pick the students up for lunch etc, parents are just forbidden to go into their residence or take them overnight. I’m so jealous my husband works right by his campus....but trying to get info from my husband is just as hard....did I mention they are both quiet introverts? Perhaps that is why they get along so well, they probably just eat in silence and no nagging or prying from dad!

Anyway, an update. Got another “group text” asking my husband and I whether he should charge text books to his school account or 520 credit card....that is the extent of stuff he texts. So I let dh respond. Ball is in his court, he knows I miss him, and I think I will drive down once a month or so to have lunch with him. He is slightly more chatty in person. Thanks for all the sage advice!
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my oldest son is 34 married and has a baby, his life is very busy, I seldom talk to him maybe once a month...he will texted me usually about once a week but it normally a picture of my grand daughter, I try not to push too hard, my husband is a momma/daddy's boy and talks to them every damn day and has for years....now that they are very old I get it...but when they were younger it drove me up a freaking wall, I dont want to be that kind of parent so I give my son space...my youngest son is 23 and he still lives at home and probably will for a long time lol
 
My daughter, when she lived in La, would call nearly every day on her way home from work. When she lived in France we Skyped regularly. But my son is like me, not a big phone talker. We text every so often, usually to inform us of his grades in clinical, and he comes over to eat every 2-3 weeks when he's not doing a weekend rotation at the hospital. We have a family WhatsApp account to keep in touch/complain about political matters, basically sharing the latest misadventures from the White House lol.
 
I think once a week is a safe bet, enough to check in and feel reassured but not nagging them. My parents wouldn't dream of calling me daily when I was 18 yrs old! Definitely time to let him spread his wings and grow up a little. In my 30's now and still usually chat once a week maximum even though we are a very close family. A group WhatsApp chat is a fun way to share picture and updates too.
 
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