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Proposing to my Ex-Wife - Need Ring Advice

Discussion in 'Proposal Ideas' started by Silverado62, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. Silverado62
    Rough_Rock

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    by Silverado62 » Apr 23, 2019
    I plan to propose to my ex-wife. I already know 100% know she wants me to and that she will say yes, though she is not expecting anything to happen anytime soon. It will be a surprise in that regard.

    I am 56, she is 58. We first married in 1991. We've been divorced since Sept 2017 and have been dating again since Nov 2018.

    She is naturally beautiful with olive skin (half Mexican/Irish), light brown hair and wears little to no makeup. Kind of a hippie chick, dresses casual 90% of the time (jeans, t-shirts, yoga gear) except on date nights.

    She is active, slender, we hike and walk a lot, she swims regularly and teaches Yoga. Also likes to paint and knit. So I'd like her to have a ring that is "active friendly", if that is such a thing, as I know she'll want to leave it on as much as possible.

    My own limited research says I should consider a platinum ring with a single bezel-set diamond. Platinum for its strength, and bezel-set for her active lifestyle to reduce instances of having to take it on and off.

    Questions:
    Do you agree on the ring I described?
    What else should I consider?
    Is a Diamond still the standard, or should I consider something else?
    Do I need a wedding ring also or can a great ring serve alone, as I've read some ladies now prefer?

    I plan to spend about $10Kish. We won't have a big wedding, just some friends/family by a creek or somewhere outside in nature.

    Thanks for any feedback.
     
    


    


  2. foxinsox
    Ideal_Rock

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    by foxinsox » Apr 23, 2019
    I think that a bezel set platinum solitaire sounds very sensible and active-lifestyle friendly. Is it her? You’re the only one who can answer that. What is her general jewellery style? Does she wear any jewellery? What was her engagement ring first time round like? What did she think about that? Did she love it or never wear it or somewhere in between?
    I think a diamond is still the standard for engagement stones but if you think there are other stones she loves more, and they’re hard enough for daily wear, those are always options instead.
    She may choose to wear a wedding band with her ring but you don’t need to buy it now - that’s usually something she should choose to make a set that works for her imo rather than just whatever matches the engagement ring.
    Do you know what sort of diamond you want to buy her? Would she want a super ideal with perfect optics and sparkle or maybe a vintage diamond with a petal pattern and broad facets? Does she like square or round (or oval) stones?
     
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  3. seaurchin
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    by seaurchin » Apr 23, 2019
    Okay so now I'm wondering if it would be poor etiquette to just use the first ring again. ;))
     
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  4. cmd2014
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    by cmd2014 » Apr 23, 2019
    Just a thought - scratches are easier to buff out of white gold. I got my e-ring in platinum as I thought it would be more durable, but it has held up less well than DH’s white gold ring and I have been told it is way more difficult to buff the scratches out than it would be for gold.

    I like the bezel idea though.

    And on a completely overly personal and intrusive note...it gives me hope that you guys have figured out what didn’t work originally and have found a way to work around it. It’s encouraging to see long term couples find a path forward after rough times. Especially since I have hit a rough patch in my own relationship over the past year.
     
    


    


  5. elizat
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    by elizat » Apr 24, 2019
    If you want to go the diamond route, a bezel should be good for an active person.

    You can do whatever you want. Will she want a diamond? Does she just want a band? If she likes colored stones, those are fine too. For most folks, they go to diamond as the standard, but you can do whatever and I think it's probably more relaxed now than it was in the early 90's.

    I did want to throw an unconventional idea out there. Marla Aaron makes contemporary pieces and she has a ring that you can engrave a good amount inside and it's a puzzle ring.

    I think it's personally really neat and you have plenty of room to say something.

    It would also stack well with another ring.

    https://marlaaaron.com/collections/di-me-rings

    Here is a platinum one with diamonds that's pretty:

    https://marlaaaron.com/collections/di-me-rings/products/platinum-di-me-ring-with-diamonds
     
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  6. missy
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by missy » Apr 24, 2019
    I think that a bezel set diamond platinum ring is a good choice but what does your ex (soon to be non ex) wife want? She’s the one who will be wearing it so her preference is of paramount importance. If you want to keep it a surprise propose with another piece of jewelry (or something else that might have a special meaning between you two) and explain to her you wanted to choose her ER together. That’s what I would do. Good luck and congratulations on finding love with her all over again!!! Love this. :kiss2:
     
  7. Silverado62
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    by Silverado62 » Apr 30, 2019
    Thanks for all the feedback. I guess I should find out what she wants but if I ask too many questions it spoils the surprise that I want it to be. She assumes it's a "down the road" possibility and doesn't know I'm ready to ask sooner.

    We were poor first time around, she had her great grandmothers diamond wedding ring, which she didn't like (too delicate, old looking) so had remade into something she liked (gold with a bezel) and re-used the diamond. That diamond was eventually lost (fell out). Then she put some sort of gem stone into her original ring because we were still poor at that time.

    OK, sounds like I just need to ask her straight up "hypothetically" what she woul like if I was to propose again. I'll also ask diamonds versus something else.

    The reason I think re-using the old band would be weird is because the marriage that band represented ended in divorce. Maybe I'm overthinking it.
     
  8. AV_
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by AV_ » Apr 30, 2019
    I would guess that a diamond in a classical setting would be a good start - let it be known that making a different setting remains an option & this will be a gift in itself. Sellers somtimes acomodate these happy uncertainties - potential changes of stone & ring rhiming with the stages of an engagement, etc. (see @Wink )

    Then, an interesting bezel setting happens to be on the block - www

    2c
     
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  9. cmd2014
    Ideal_Rock

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    by cmd2014 » Apr 30, 2019
    No, that would feel weird to me too. I think something symbolizing a fresh start with the people that you both are now would feel more fitting.
     
  10. bludiva
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by bludiva » Apr 30, 2019
    That setting is beautiful but high and I would go with a liw bezel for an active lifestyle....the idea of proposing with a placeholder setting (<$400) is a nice one if you want to surprise her....or even the stone in a stone holder and go select the setting together. I usually am in the side of looping the fiancee to be in on the purchase but in this case it sounds like it would be an unexpected and joyous surprise. Best of luck!
     
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  11. Bron357
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    by Bron357 » Apr 30, 2019
    My thoughts, I’m also 58 (great age btw).
    Might she prefer a diamond set band, rather than an solitaire ring?
    Do you know what shape diamond she prefers or what other gemstones she likes?
    I would definately find out her preferences regarding a ring because $10k is a lot to spend on something she mightn’t love.
    I know you want the surprise aspect but see if you can find out what she style she loves most (apart from you).
     
  12. Silverado62
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    by Silverado62 » May 4, 2019
    Update:
    I can't express the degree to which the advice and viewpoints here provided the clarity I needed for the next right thing to do.
    My probing and "cat and mouse" questioning of her caused a spilling of the beans and my full blown confession:
    "I do intend to propose to you, and want you to have a ring that you will love and will cherish forever, so I want you to help pick it, unless you want me to surprise you with something I choose myself".

    She said she would very much like to pick it it with me. So that was the right move. Whew!

    I'm giving up the actual "surprise" but not the specific moment of the formal proposal, which I can still be coy about and try to make special. I'm going to take her to a jeweler to pick exactly what she wants, or have it made, then I will hold on to it until the moment.

    Thanks for all the feedback. I'll post a pic when it's done.
     
  13. bludiva
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    by bludiva » May 4, 2019
    That's fantastic news! Can't wait to see what she picks!
     
  14. LisaRN
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    by LisaRN » May 4, 2019
    I love how you approached finding out what she will love in an engagement ring. So very caring and thoughtful- I am sure it warmed her heart. Let us know what she picks and congrats on your upcoming engagement.
     
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  15. OoohShiny
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    by OoohShiny » May 4, 2019
    Excellent news :))

    Try things on and see what you and she likes - you could then come back here and we could help you find an awesome stone that's much better than those available locally ;-) :)
     
    


    


  16. MollyMalone
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    by MollyMalone » May 4, 2019
    Oh, I think it's wonderful that you two will be exploring together the possibilities :dance: -- and not just because she may want something very different now than the bezeled solitaire ring she wore for a number of years, years ago. I thought it was fun & romantic to shop for the e-ring, and wedding bands, with my then future husband; as a joint "project," it was another way of bonding with each other that I still have fond memories of.

    Looking forward to seeing photos!
     
  17. lucyg00se
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    by lucyg00se » May 5, 2019
    What happened to the first one you gave her? Just use that
     
  18. Daisys and Diamonds
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    by Daisys and Diamonds » May 9, 2019
    what a wounderful story
    congradulations and good luck to you both
    all will be well
     
  19. missy
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    by missy » May 9, 2019
    Yassss! Now you both get exactly what you want. Happy wife (to be) happy life it will be.:appl: Congrats and looking forward to seeing what you choose and seeing your photos.:love:
     
  20. GearGirly
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    by GearGirly » May 13, 2019
    Good for you guys! I can’t wait to see ring pics, congratulations!
     
  21. HNGN
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    by HNGN » Jul 20, 2019
    Great gesture to propose again to your ex-wife. Definitely a good way to choose the diamond/ring together... Keep the ring once done and make the proposal a memorable one (like completely unexpected)!!! :razz::razz:
     
  22. dk168
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    by dk168 » Jul 20, 2019
    How about a 3 or 5-stone ring for a second wedding?

    All bezel set and low profile for an active person.

    Just throwing ideas into the pot.

    Wishing you both much happiness in future!

    DK :))
     

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