proposal deadlines

[mochamamasita]

Hi guys,

So, last March (200, I gave my boyfriend a 2 year deadline for proposing to me. Now that it''s July of 2009, I still have 8 months to go and I''m beginning to wonder why I gave him so much time. He''s assured me that he''s already picked out the date that he''s going to propose and that he''ll meet the deadline, so now I''m just playing the waiting game. Anyways, my question to you guys is.... for those of you who gave your boyfriend a deadline for proposing to you, how long did you give him? (I''m just curious)

 

[pluck15]

I wish I could be so brave! I told FF about how some girls do that, to gauge his reaction....he said something along the lines of "if you give me an ultimatum or deadline...you probably won''t like the outcome" Eeek! Mostly just meaning that he''d wait just to spite me!

But in May of this year, he told me that it would happen within a year. And I''m definitely holding him to that! Although I hope it comes sooner

I guess the timeline would depend on where you are at in your lives. If you are still in school, trying to find a job, doing the long distance thing....Sometimes 2 years is perfect if you are in one of those situations. But if you are both financially stable and have been ready....go for 6 months girl!

 

[Dreamgirl]

I never understood ''deadlines'' because what happens if he doesn''t propose by said date/month? You break it off? Then maybe it isn''t right. Things shouldn''t be so forced. If he claims he has a date picked out to propose....then just be patient!

 

[tlh]

I gave a deadline. Dh couldn''t propose when I wanted because of $ reasons. But I figured after awhile, if no ring... then he didn''t want to get married. the deadline was for my sanity. Yes, I would have left. NOT ONE QUESTION about that. But I meant that, and I don''t write checks my mouth can''t cash. I was expecting a proposal by march, april, may of ''07. (Unbeknownst to me he didn''t want to propose when we had roommates, so he was thinking of purchasing the ring and proposing, MAY or June.) But in APRIL, the dog got sick. It cost THOUSANDS just to figure out what was wrong with him, not including the following years of subsequent treatment, and the escalating costs that entailed. I wish I was kidding... bye bye ring fund. So I cut the DH some slack, and told him after he started dishing out the dollars for doggie treatments that he had untilt he end of ''07. I would honestly have left him before Xmas even though I gave him until the end of the year - because I don''t like procrastinators.... and I wouldn''t want to be someone''s last minute item. Also, I wouldn''t want to come in last after a pet. No matter how loved he is... he is a DOG, and I''m a person. After I gave the very openly discussed 7 month deadline - in May, I waited about 5 months. I knew my DH was serious about proposing - I just didn''t want to sit around forever and wait. When I want something, I get it. case closed. I''m not good at waiting. I just wasn''t going to live my life in wait, on someone else''s timeline. I mean, dang, I can''t even go to Sweet Tomato w/o getting the icecream FIRST!

Best wishes!

 

[Bdiddy26]

Last June I gave my bf a 1 year deadline, well needless to say since he is still my bf he did not make it. He did it on purpose and the whole month of June sucked. BAD. All we did was fight and I felt sorry for myself. Finally we talked about it and he told me that this is the only thing in life that he can really control and damnit he gets to decide not me (I''m very controlling and have to have everything my way)

Everyone found out about the deadline and always made/makes comments to him about it and it really gets on his nerves. I just really wish I didn''t give him the timeline b/c I''m pretty sure I would be getting married this summer or next if I hadn''t. Sorry if that scares you, just letting you know what happened to me.

 

[Jessie702]

I have not given C a timeline, BUT i have told him, im not going to wait forever, so dont think i will. I too hate procrastinators and C can be a big one at times. He has about another year, but he has a SET timeline before i walk. Not because i dont love him, but i love me more, and i dont want to be with someone and COMMITTED to someone who doesnt want to be with me. PERIOD. I have been there, done that, aint (not a correct word, i know) doing that again. I seriously doubt he will wait a year, ive been told i wont be waiting past the end of the year, but we all know how men get

. So no, no timeline yet, but i will IF i have to

 

[Indylady]

Date: 7/8/2009 4:53:00 PM
Author:mochamamasita
Hi guys,


So, last March (200, I gave my boyfriend a 2 year deadline for proposing to me. Now that it''s July of 2009, I still have 8 months to go and I''m beginning to wonder why I gave him so much time. He''s assured me that he''s already picked out the date that he''s going to propose and that he''ll meet the deadline, so now I''m just playing the waiting game. Anyways, my question to you guys is.... for those of you who gave your boyfriend a deadline for proposing to you, how long did you give him? (I''m just curious)

If he''s already assured you that he''s got it under control, don''t stress!

Think of the anticipation as a blessing; you''ll more all the more excited when the time comes!

 

[Squirrly]

i''ve never given M a deadline but he knows i''m not moving across the country if i''m not married since i have jobs and people i know here, and 6 months after graduation, college debt. we''ve decided we want to get married next may, so i''m not concerned about waiting for much longer but since i have friends and family from japan, hawaii, and alaska that want to come, i''d appreciate giving them as much notice as possible, something i have mentioned to him in the past

if he says he has something planned then i vote for waiting to see what he''s been planning for you, and getting manis in the time being just in case

 

[katomm]

Personally I don''t believe in deadlines being said outloud. If you have a timeframe in mind keep it to yourself. It automatically puts pressure on the guy and takes some of the fun out of it. Just my opinion of course.

I would never give M a deadline but he knows I won''t wait forever. In my mind the deadline is October though. If he doesn''t ask by then I''m going to take over do the proposing myself. I want to be married before the end of the year dang it.

 

[jaylex]

I didn't give bf a deadline.. i'm not a huge fan of them for the most part.... but I understand waiting!!

We picked out our diamond together in December... and it took us MONTHS to decide on a setting. Well, he's had the completed ering since June 2 (exactly 6 months since he bought the diamond) and now I just have to wait for him to propose. He wants to surprise me.

I have a feeling he will pop the question around our 4 year anniversary (in december). But he keeps telling me things like "well, it may be sooner, it may be later.. Heck. What's in January? or February, or even March or April?! Those might be good months for me to propose in

."
But knowing him, he's probably just trying to throw me off so that i'll be surprised (he knows that I think it's coming in december).

But I've waited 3 and a half years for this.. what's another 6 months? i'm not really bugged by the anticipation.. actually, i'm rather enjoying it. I know he's trying his best to floor me with a surprise proposal and I truly love and appreciate him for that.
I can rest assured knowing that it's coming and that he has some dates he's choosing between.. in the meantime, i'm going to make sure my hands/nails are in tiptop shape for ering handshots

and enjoy the last few months as "bf and gf" before the proposal.

BTW, 8 months isn't too too terrible. Especially when you consider that you are already 2/3 of the way there!

But *DUST* for you!
And (if you're not already) get yourself on the LIW list, it's so fun to watch your name climb up towards the top!

 

[PrincessLily2009]

I gave BF a watered-down version of a deadline. He has until our 4th anniversary to propose. After that date, if we are still not engaged, I am going to propose to him.

We discussed this, and I made sure he was completely comfortable with the idea. It was more of an agreement than a deadline. Our 4th anniversary will be September 29, 2010, so he has about a year. Honestly, I''m kicking myself for agreeing to wait so long. I really wanted to be engaged by the end of this year, and I was already pushing my limits to wait until then.

 

[Dannielle]

I never gave my FI a timeline but when we talked about our future together I made it clear when I thought would be a good time to get married.. I don''t think there ever would of been a point where I would have said "Propose by xx/xx/xxxx or we are over" because I would rather of just been has GF than not with him at all.

 

[KimberlyH]

My husband and I agreed on a timeframe together (engaged by X) rather than me having a "deadline" for him to follow. It was about 5 months from the time we decided we were going to get married to getting engaged.

 

[ckrickett]

I haven''t really given my SO a timeline, he has given me them. Saying a few months which means over a year, which then again he says a few months.
Also REMEMBER boy time is different then girl time, and WAY different then LIW time. I mean I had a talk with him the other day on the matter and it feels like WEEKS!!
That''s were patience comes in.

some will tell you if you want to spend forever with him forever is forever with or without a ring, and others commitment is very important. You know whats right for you.

If you gave him a 2 year deadline then sit back and relax, yes it will be tough, but you can do it!

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 7/9/2009 10:59:24 AM
Author: ckrickett
Also REMEMBER boy time is different then girl time, and WAY different then LIW time. I mean I had a talk with him the other day on the matter and it feels like WEEKS!!
That''s were patience comes in.

yes oh yes about the guy vs girl time. when eric said soon, he meant within 2 years. i thought that meant within 6 months. ha!
I didnt give him a direct time line, but if we were not engaged by december then i would have had a talk.

(fyi 6 months into our relationship i told him i am not in it just to have a "date". it was either a full commitment or none at all, and i wasn''t going to date for 5 years for nothing. fortunately, that worked out for me, even though it was rather bold to say it).

 

[iwannaprettyone]

the dangerous deadline....


If you are giving the ultimatum you better be ready to bail!

Men like for things to be their idea- if you keep bringing it up you''ll ruin it for the both of you.....

ENJOY!


p.s. remember- what''s the rush??

 

[mochamamasita]

Thanks for all the comments guys. It was interesting reading all of your responses. Ya, at first I was reluctant to give my bf an actual deadline, but then I considered the fact that we''d already been together 3 years, and I''m very bad at waiting (like some of you guys

), so I needed some sort of timeframe. The way that we actually decided on his deadline is that we went to counseling (hehe) in March of 2008 and the counselor asked him when he''d be ready to propose, and my boyfriend said in two years. After that we discussed it again and he confirmed that the plan is for him to propose in 2 years. For those of you guys who said that you think your boyfriend is waiting longer to propose because of the deadline, I hope you don''t have to wait too much longer

.

 

[radiantquest]

I gave 6 years. He was with his previous for 11 years and did not marry her. When we got serious I told him that he will marry me. I told him very nicely and matter of fact. I said that marriage was something that I wanted and if he was not willing to marry me then I would meet someone else who would. He had until 2010. When the time came and we were ready we did. BTW it was in 2008.

 

[MrsHToBe]

I''ve never given FF a deadline, and I''m glad I haven''t. Although we''ve been together nearly 8½-years now, and have a 4-year-old DD, our relationship is strong, and we know we''ll make it down the alter when the time is right (a.k.a. when we''re financially able to do-so). I''d hate to pressure him into it for my own selfish reasons.
That being said, he told me last year that the proposal would come by the end of December (''0, and he felt like cr*p when he had to retract it, due to work/income issues..

 

[Still_Waiting]

Part of me wishes I could proclaim a deadline. However, I know how much SO loves being pressured into things!

I suppose no one does though.

In just a couple of weeks, we''ll be celebrating 3 years. It was shortly after our 2-year anniversary that I braved bringing up "the talk." So, I''ve been waiting for a year now and I know financially, he''s not a cent closer to buying a ring than he was a year ago. I think he thinks the money is just going to magically land in his lap. (He was hoping for a bonus at the beginning of next year, but his company has been pissing away money lately so that''s a doubtful dream.) So, I''m going to have to bring up the dreaded subject again and I''m pretty sure neither of us are going to like how it goes.

Even still, I don''t think I could just flat-out give a deadline. But, for my own sanity, I don''t think I could wait more than another year. I''ve told him he could give me a twisty-tie or a ring pop. We could just go down to the courthouse. Sure, there are things I''d really like, but it''s HIM that I really want. But, if he''s not willing to give me that, well, that''s where I make my exit. I know he loves me and I know he wants to marry me, but it just doesn''t seem important enough to him right now. Yeah, so, I''m coming pretty close to setting an internal timeline, for myself. I''m not going to wait forever. Maybe I''ll propose to him at that point. I''m not sure...we''ll see.

Waiting two years is a long time! But, I suppose by the time I hit my internal timeline, it''ll be two years for me too. So, I wish you the best of luck! If you can make it, then maybe I can too!!!

 

[princesss]

I''m definitely not in a deadline-friendly relationship. Mostly because I love deadlines. LOVE THEM. Love to set goals and accomplish things by them, and I love to see a deadline, postpone things, and then feel the rush of trying to get things done in time to make the deadline. I am a deadline junkie.

BF, on the other hand, is a take it easy, do things as they feel right kind of guy. And he leads a more relaxed life than I do. I thrive on stress and a small degree of frustration. So while a deadline would work for me, it''s the exact opposite of everything I love about him. And while he understands (okay, more like accepts) that I love the pressure, he doesn''t, and it stresses him out and we get super crabby with each other. So while we have regular state of the union talks (where are we going/how are we feeling towards marriage/etc), it''s not with a clear deadline. Both of us understand that it''ll probably be 4-5 more years, but I can''t imagine he''d still want to marry me if I set up a deadline and decided to be strict about it.

 

[lulu66]

in may we *seriously* talked about getting engaged (we both finished our masters) but then decided we should wait till we''re both employed and a little more financially "settled." at that time he thought i really wanted to be engaged before graduation; i explained to him this was not at all my expectation BUT if we were revisiting the subject in 6 months to a year it would be a different story. so, i guess that''s my deadline...right now, it''s looking a lot more like a year but who knows!

 

[ProseCuter]

My boyfriend moved in with me in February. We had some serious discussions around that time and I made it very clear that I did not want to just live together forever- I wanted and expected to be married. Since we had already been together for nearly a year at that point, and are both over 30, I did not see the point in dating for years. I told him that something better happen by the end of this year or I would break up with him. I told him that if that happened, it would not be because I don''t love him, but because I don''t see the point of staying with someone if they don''t have the same goals for the relationship that I do.

It kind of shook him up when I said I''d break up with him, because I had been extremely patient with him up until then, letting our relationship move at a snail''s pace. I think it caused him to evaluate what he wanted and realize that he did want to be married. He ended up proposing in May.

 

[SeaStar]

Fi and I were together 3 years and 3 months when he proposed in ''07. I''d never dream of putting a deadline on our relationship. We moved very slowly, even though we moved in together after a year so that I could go to school to become an RN. We waited two years to say ''I love you'' and only talked about the future here and there. I think we both knew early on we were in it for the long haul so there''s no need to rush. It helped us to be able to relax and enjoy all the little things about our relationship.

 

[mochamamasita]

radiantquest & MrsHToBe : Wow, you guys must be very patient people. I''m very impressed by you guys because I think I''d go crazy waiting that long. So, how were you guys able to be so patient?

Still_Waiting: Aww, thanks. I hope that he proposes to you by your internal deadline.

ProseCuter: Yay, I''m so happy for you and your success story. Since you have a success story it makes me feel a little better about giving my bf a deadline. lol

 

[Laila619]

I had a deadline for my husband to propose BUT I did not verbalize this deadline to him. I was simply prepared to walk if he didn''t propose by July 2008. He proposed all on his own in June 2008. Lucky for him.

He had no idea how close he was to being dumped, lol. We are very happily married.

 

[gwendolyn]

Well, in our relationship, he was the one waiting. I told him that I wanted to live together (we''d lived in different countries for a couple of years and then 200 miles apart in the same country for a year) before I could seriously contemplate getting married. I told him that I wasn''t sure how long it would take, but that it might be 6-12 months for us to settle into our life together. He understood, and was ok to wait a year or longer if need be for me to figure out when I was ready.

As it turns out, 6 months after we moved in together, we talked and I said that I was ready to get married. He proposed the next month.

 

[LilyKat]

I wouldn''t ever give my boyfriend a deadline (as in, if you don''t propose by x date I''m walking), because I would only want to marry someone who really, really wanted to marry me. If I had to prod him into proposing with threats and ultimatums, to me that would be a sign that something was not right.

What I think is fine is a frank discussion and a mutual AGREEMENT (not deadline) that both people are happy with. That''s just good communication.

 

[misskitty]

Here''s a question for those of you with internal deadlines:

If he didn''t meet your deadline, would you just leave with no explanation, or would you tell him why?

I get the idea of not putting pressure on a guy by keeping the deadline internal, but what happens when it''s reached?

 

[Laila619]

Date: 7/16/2009 3:59:33 PM
Author: misskitty
Here''s a question for those of you with internal deadlines:

If he didn''t meet your deadline, would you just leave with no explanation, or would you tell him why?

I get the idea of not putting pressure on a guy by keeping the deadline internal, but what happens when it''s reached?

I probably would have just told him something like, "This relationship isn''t working for me, it appears we want different things." And then walked.

I don''t agree with ultimatums or forcing someone to do something if they aren''t ready. The internal deadline was really for my own peace of mind.

I''m impatient and didn''t want to wait for a long time.