Promise Ring

[KimberlyH]

Date: 1/18/2007 12:13:35 AM
Author: TravelingGal
LOL Kimberly...Deco is much more attractive than what I imagine a 'wise sage' to be. But she ain't no dummy, that's for sure...(even if she does watch reality shows)

**ducking**

Musey, here ya go. I've used this one once before on some thread here on PS...

You'd better be agile, I watch the same dumb reality tv shows deco does!

Her advice was written with such authority I thought the moniker was well earned, but not the looks associated with it. Can't you picture her sitting in a barn somewhere, staff in hand, surrounded by whimsical metal flowers dispensing advice?

 

[allycat0303]

Well I think your being really hard on him, and putting your expectations etc. on him. I think that depending on the guy 21 can be really mature, or it can be really immature. He''s young and he did pick it out for you, (looked at the website). My guy gave me two rings when we were young. The first I showed him and said "that''s exactly what I want" and he bought it for me. I wore it for 3 years and loved it (he was 18 at the time). It had a tiny diamond and cost $250 and the second was an eternity band that he surprised me with. I wore that one for a long time until my cat ate it. There was no ceremony involved in either of them, and no *promise ring* behind it. I LOVED, LOVED both of those rings. And the sentiment, memories behind those rings probably more then my engagement ring. Mostly because I remember what it is to be young, to be in love, and to appreciate the awkward phases, and the the fact that he loved me enough at that time to buy me any sort of ring! And honestly, at that time, the money he spent on me was a lot harder to come by for him then anything he buys me now.

Guys change as they grow older, maybe they fit more into the *traditional* definition of romance. But I think your Dad is right in waiting, there''s no rush at 19 years old to get married or engaged. If you don''t want to wear the ring then don''t. But if you are looking for a ring, etc., to believe that he is serious about you then maybe it''s best to take it slow. Things, presents, engagement rings have very little bearing on how serious a guy is about you. My friend''s boyfriend of 7 years, bought a beautiful three stone diamond ring as a promise ring...and then he dumped her 3 months later for a girl he met on a business trip.

 

[devientdrow]

Hello...I would not worry about it. Sounds like you are working things out. In my lifetime I have been given 2 promise rings and 2 engagement rings. The first promise ring I got was from a guy I started dating when I was 17 and dated for 3 years. He had been going through HELL to design and have custom made an engagement ring for me, but it wasn''t done in time. So he went to an antique jewelry show and bought me a yellow gold(of which I don''t like) sapphire ring. It was really neat looking and he gave that to me "promising" there would be better jewelry to come. A few months later, while I was working retail he came into my job with his acoustic guitar and tried to sing to me there. I got embarassed and made him wait until we left, then we drove to a historic place around where I live and he sang me the song and proposed to me. He had a white gold sapphire and diamond ring made. It was expensive for two 19 year olds, in school, working part time. Sounds romantic too, right? Thing is I said yes, but it was pressured. I got that big romantic proposal and effort from someone who I knew I would not be with forever. Our relationship had too many issues. Not too long after we broke up.

The next promise ring was given to me as a Christmas gift from a guy I started dating when I was 20. I did think I was going to be with this guy forever. We were very much in love and living together, and stayed together for a little over 2 years. I was 21 and we had been talking about married. It was very natural in our relationship, we just assumed we would get married one day. We would look at jewelry and back then there really wasn''t a lot of marketing for promise rings. It was Christmas and he handed me what looked like a bracelet jewelry box. Assuming I was getting a bracelet I opened the box and inside was a 1/4ct white gold enternity band. And he asked me if I would accept his promise of getting engaged one day. We broke up about a year later.

The man I ended up marrying has not one romantic bone in his body. Yet, it''s the only relationship i''ve ever felt truly loved in. Accepted. We fought tooth and nail over getting engaged. We started arguing over it when we were 23. He knew he wanted to marry me sometime but I couldn''t get over being impatient and wanted it RIGHT THEN. We didn''t have good jobs then and we ended up going out on what was supposed to be looking around at rings and researching cost ect. We ended up seeing one that seemed decent at the time at Gordons on super clearance for $500. It was tagged as a .50 in total carat weight. A diamond in a platinum setting with baugettes on the side. Honestly $500 is a fair price considering the only thing worth anything on it is the fact that it''s plat. He bought it for me and one night we were sitting on his bed watching TV, and he was brushing my hair. He asked me to sit up for a moment and then presented me with the ring box. He held it open and said, "Here you go. I love you." I know it ended up how it did because it was my fault. I should of never pushed him....I''d like to believe that he would of put some sort of romantic effort into it...but we were engaged for a year, then got married and the Christmas after we got married we upgraded my diamond. I researched it, but he helped and bought it, and yet again...didn''t really do much in the way of saying anything romantic or doing anything romantic. I feel like i''ve missed out sometimes but that''s just the way he is, and he has plenty of great qualities that the two others guy I mentioned didn''t have!

So what i''m saying is you may never get your speech or romantic to do. You may not even end up with this guy forever. My guy was 23 years old and dragging his feet about marriage. Most guys that I know aren''t too keen on getting married so young. I give your guy props for asking your dad. Thats a really thoughtful thing not many men do anymore.

 

[anchor31]

Something strikes me as a little odd. This isn''t about your age; I became a LIW at 20. But I remember that time, over a year ago, when I became a LIW at 20 after 26 months with my then-BF and knowing him for almost 3 years. I was happy and excited to be at that point in my life and relationship, and never once did I feel like I had to defend him or my relationship on here. There was once where I became very frustrated about the waiting, and once we had a hitch about the ring, and both times what I learned here is that talking to him was a much better solution than talking to people here. We can give you our opinions and give you advice, but we can''t do anything for you...

Reading your posts, however, you don''t seem to be happy or excited at all. To me, at least, you seem to be very unhappy with your relationship, like there''s always something about your boyfriend that''s bugging you. I don''t remember reading anywhere that that he makes you happy and want to spend the rest of your life with him. So I asked you in your first thread and I''m going to ask you again: You''re 19, in college, you''ve known each other for about a year, you''ve never dated anyone else, you don''t have plans (even tentative) for a wedding... Why is it so important to you to become engaged now?

Maybe I''m reading this wrong... I just don''t get any "happy LIW vibes" from what your saying.

 

[Cehrabehra]

the promise rings I got over the years were more of a symbol of "we''re together" and not really a promise of something more down the road... they never came with fancy words or anything - they were gifts of rings that were called "promise" to convey something other than "engagement". I wouldn''t be promising anything until you''re really ready to promise something - what is "promise"?

 

[Bunnifer]

What are the odds that we scared poor Pookie away?

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/18/2007 8:51:55 AM
Author: pookie
Well, he''s actually a little older than me, so a bit older than 19. The promise ring thing happened before he asked my dad''s permission to propose. The thing is that he had no idea what the promise ring was supposed to represent or anything. I tried asking him after that and he''d just say something like, ''You know, I love you and stuff.'' He knew that he should have had some explanation since he''s given a promise ring before, and she (the ex) was upset that he didn''t explain that one, either.

About my old threads... He''s realized that he needs to give up some stuff so that he can save up to get an engagement ring someday, so we''re past that.

what does the word "promise" mean to you? what does it mean to him? Is it truly a promise? Or is it just a cute name for a ring?

 

[luckystar112]

Pookie....

When it comes to the yellow gold thing, guys are just dense. When my boyfriend and I first got together a little over 3 years ago, I remember one of the VERY FIRST things I told him was that I didn''t like yellow gold jewelry. Since then he has gotten me a yellow gold cocktail ring, a yellow gold heart necklace, and yellow gold diamond earrings. (Every piece of jewelry he''s ever given me.) Point is, it''s very possible that information went in one ear and flew out the other! The difference between you and I though, is that I wear all of those peices of jewelry because HE gave them to me. And it''s all Zales mass-produced stuff that I never would have picked out on my own...it''s just the thought that counts, you know?

The other thing I want to say is that my boyfriend also isn''t very romantic...he''s sweet, but he doesn''t ever take the extra steps to make stuff truly special for me. He has gotten me flowers once, and that was after I begged. It doesn''t make him a bad person. Does you boyfriend make up for his lack of romance in other ways? For instance my boyfriend is putting me through school and letting me live with him practically rent free. Thats how he shows me that he loves me. Not every guy is a romeo!

 

[emilina22]

ok pookie im only a year older than you and like a a few others have notcied i also got the feeling that you dont seem to exited about things....i mean when i first got my prmise ring when i was 17 it wasnt much it was a .10 ct. round stone tiny tiny in a 10k. white gold setting that atually looked yellow. my bf isnt the best at expressing himself but he tried and now since them we''ve upgraded to a .50 ct round with two .15 ct pears on the side. but the rings not the point. no matter what he got you should be happy with it no matter what maybe thats all he was able to afford...maybe he did put thought into it but he doesnt know how to tell you or express it. i like to give people the benifit of the doubt...but in a way i dont know how serious this guy is i mean to me my ring has alot of meaning alot and my bf wouldnt have given it to me if he didnt know it had meaning. its a big deal...in a way a step closer to your real ring...and i would def. wanna talk to him about what his intentions are...why he got you the ring? does he feel that it has a deeper meaning than just a ring....if that ring means more to you after this time resize it and wear it you shouldnt be ashamed....remeber tho the ring doesnt not save a relationship nor does it define one...

sorry if i didnt make sense.