Pregnancy anger/what comments made you angry?

[Prana]

I'm actually a very jolly, happy and lucky pregnant lady, so the title might be misleading.

But I'm wondering if these feelings I'm having are normal...

I get really angry when people are insistent that they KNOW our baby's gender.

My DH and I are team green. We don't know what we are having. I don't get angry when people say that they think it's one or the other, I find it cute and I like to hear why they feel it's a girl or a boy.

However, my SIL, her mother and her sister are very direct with their assumptions. They'll say things like "Oh those are HER feet you feel there." Or they'll look at me and say "Yeah, that's a girl. Mmm hmm. Yup." Or "How is baby girl doing today?" Or... "Oh yeah, your face has changed and you're drained around your eyes. Not saying you look like sh*t, but that means you're having a girl."

It makes me so so so SO angry! I've thought a lot about it and I think I get so angry because it feels very invasive to me. I don't like the way that they think they know it all. And If I have a girl and one of them says "I told you so!" I seriously think I might lose it on them. Seriously. I guess I just find them and their assumptions to be extremely intrusive.

I would love a little girl so much, but I'm almost wishing for a boy just to prove them wrong And that's not my personality at all! I normally don't care what people think.

I've learned to take people's body criticisms with a grain of salt. I put more energy into thinking about all the positive things people tell me and consider the source when people tell me how huge I am or ask me for the 900th time if I'm sure I'm not carrying twins. Hardy HAR!! I havent' heard that one yeT!!

What comments made you seethe when you were pregnant?

 

[Enerchi]

it was a long time ago for me, and this isn't a comment thing but a physical thing: I hated that people felt my protruding belly was public domain and would rub me or try to feel the baby move - EW! DON'T TOUCH ME! Mainly it was by people I did not know well, so I find it bizarre that strangers felt touching was an ok thing to go, because those that knew me... knew better than to lay hands on me!

Its still *my* body and I hated that once I was so large, people would have their hands on me so fast... it was creepy! Maybe others love that kind of thing but it was not something I enjoyed. I'd usually arch away and grab hands and just say "thanks it is exciting' or something bland, but I still remember that... and its been 19 years since the last baby was born!

 

[decodelighted]

Just say ... "Well you've got a 50% chance of being right!" And laugh it off. Hormones are crazy -- they strike at the weirdest times. I imagine lots of other things slide off your back but for some reason this burns. Do you usually hate Know It Alls? Or is it the backhanded criticisms of your appearance that you're steamed about? (Drained, how you're carrying etc.)

Never been pregnant myself so I don't *truly* relate!

 

[Skippy123]

HORMONES are NUTS!!!! People are Nuts too (they tend not to have filters around preggos)! I use to have crazy mood swings when preggo and a few months post preggo! hugs!!!!

 

[Prana]

it was a long time ago for me, and this isn't a comment thing but a physical thing: I hated that people felt my protruding belly was public domain and would rub me or try to feel the baby move - EW! DON'T TOUCH ME! Mainly it was by people I did not know well, so I find it bizarre that strangers felt touching was an ok thing to go, because those that knew me... knew better than to lay hands on me!

Its still *my* body and I hated that once I was so large, people would have their hands on me so fast... it was creepy! Maybe others love that kind of thing but it was not something I enjoyed. I'd usually arch away and grab hands and just say "thanks it is exciting' or something bland, but I still remember that... and its been 19 years since the last baby was born!

I feel you on the "public domain" aspect of pregnancy. Luckily I haven't had too many people touching me yet, but those who have, it didn't bother me. I'm happy to know that they are excited for me. We'll see how I feel when I get bigger though. Who knows how I'll be feeling in the next 2.5 months.

 

[Prana]

Just say ... "Well you've got a 50% chance of being right!" And laugh it off. Hormones are crazy -- they strike at the weirdest times. I imagine lots of other things slide off your back but for some reason this burns. Do you usually hate Know It Alls? Or is it the backhanded criticisms of your appearance that you're steamed about? (Drained, how you're carrying etc.)

Never been pregnant myself so I don't *truly* relate!

I usually do laugh it off on the outside, but it really makes me steam on the inside! I don't particularly care for know it alls, and usually I don't let people like this phase me, but I think it's because I feel that by them saying this, that they know something that I don't about myself that is so personal for me. I can't really fully explain it. I just really don't like it. I don't really care about the comments about my appearance. I mean, I'm not happy to hear that my face has changed, but I still know that I look great and most people are telling me that I look really healthy and lovely so I try not to take the negative things to heart. I know that there have been changes in my face, and I know that once this pregnancy is over, my looks will return to what they once were. (Honestly, I'm reataining A LOT of fluid, and I always puff up in my face when I'm retaining.) And if you go by old wives tales, I'm carrying like I'm having a boy so who really knows?

 

[Prana]

HORMONES are NUTS!!!! People are Nuts too (they tend not to have filters around preggos)! I use to have crazy mood swings when preggo and a few months post preggo! hugs!!!!

thanks for the hugs Skippy! Maybe this is a hormonal thing for me. People really are nuts! And some people have no filter regardless of pregnancy.

 

[that_someone_special]

My mother said to me last week: "Maybe you can lose more weight before your next one." Just what every pregnant lady wants to hear... You are overweight!

Thanks, mom.

I get asked like 20 times a week how I'm feeling- which is very sweet- but I always feel like crap. I'm still throwing up, getting sick, and needing Zofran. Most people are understanding but my BFF is kind of being a jerk about it.

 

[Haven]

The only thing that's really made me angry so far is when a family friend insisted that I'm not *really* sick, it just must be in my head.
I was diagnosed with HG early on in the pregnancy, and I spent over five months being extremely ill with it. I'm still sick every morning and some nights, and nauseous most days all day long, even though I'll be 32 weeks on Tuesday. It is not in my head, and the fact that anyone would suggest that is so callous.
Whew, now I feel better!

Oh, I almost forgot about the woman at work who, upon asking me how I was at 21 weeks and hearing that I was nervous because the baby wasn't moving as much, told me that the same thing happened to her and she lost her baby. Way to make a pregnant woman paranoid. I don't talk to her anymore.

I don't get angry much, but there are a lot of things that make me uncomfortable. I'm extremely private IRL, and I don't like the way people feel that pregnancy gives them the right to ask questions or make comments that are completely inappropriate in any other situation. The next time someone makes an observation about the way my body has changed I'm going to be tempted to make the same observation about theirs! You think my face looks swollen because of my pregnancy? That's interesting. I think your ass looks much bigger, did you change your diet over the summer? You want to know if we had to try for long before conceiving? Well, before I answer that, please tell me how often you have sex with your partner, and whether you use any sort of protection against pregnancy. What? That's none of my business? Exactly.

I also find speculation annoying when it's clear that people are unable to conceive a reality that doesn't match what they, themselves experienced with their own children and babies. I am not you. I do not make the choices you make or behave in the way you behave. My husband is not your husband; I'm sorry your husband was no help and that put a terrible strain on your marriage, but just because you experienced that it doesn't mean we will.

Well, now don't I feel better now?

I know people mean well, but meaning well doesn't make it okay to step over appropriate boundaries.

Prana--The gender guess does get annoying after a while. We're team green as well, and everyone's favorite game is Guess the Gender! I tell myself that people don't realize that the only thing anyone wants to talk to me about now is this baby, so they don't know how tired I must be of the subject by the time they bring it up. I also love that everyone's reasons always have to do with the way I look as a pregnant woman--thanks, but I don't need your evaluation of my changing body and what that means gender-wise. My good friend just gave me a shirt that says, "Yes, it's either a boy or a girl." I think it's hilarious. Maybe you need one!

GOSH! I'm really not that angry or annoyed! It's just really hard being so sick for so long, and I'm soooooo bored of everyone always wanting to talk pregnancy and baby stuff with me. I have so many other things going on that I'd much rather focus on. While I'm excited for what's going to happen in about 8 weeks, the last thing I want to do is talk about how sick I am, or all the lovely side effects that accompany growing a human. Yes, my back hurts. Yes, I am looking forward to the end of the semester. (WHO ISN'T??) Yes, I realize this is going to be life-changing. Yes, I can still wear my regular shoe size. (Why is this such a popular question?) YES, I AM HAVING DIGESTIVE ISSUES, WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME IN THE LOO NEXT TIME? These are not interesting topics of conversation, and in some cases, they are the sorts of things I don't wish to share with anyone!

Oh boy. Maybe I am angry. I've been cooped up in the house working all weekend because I was too nauseous to go anywhere. This must be the unhappy result of my prolonged solitude.

 

[Miscka]

Haven - I can't believe your coworker said that!!


Prana - I would be the same way. I would enlist my DH to ask them to lay off and esp not mention anything after the birth! If its bothering you, it's bothering you.

 

[Circe]

I had a guy in Sweden jocularly assure me that the frequent ultrasounds favored by Americans would cause birth defects.

I was five months into a high risk pregnancy, and having them once every two weeks.

I spent the rest of the evening shivering on the porch, trying not to cry. I'm normally good at standing up for myself - AND I knew he was full of it - but the one-two punch of vulnerability re: pregnancy and past experience really got to me.

I continue to violently hate that dude. And he is one of my husband's oldest friends. Alas. Even odds that one of these days, I bite him.

 

[bobbin]

The comments that I hated the most where people's judgements on how I planned to birth.

Either condemning me for not wanting an epidural or condemning anyone who had an epidural. Looking down their nose at the hospital I chose to birth at as it has a higher rate of c-secs.

I also really and truly hate the term natural birth. When people ask me that I never truly know what they mean - do they mean vaginal birth, or vaginal birth with NO DRUGS? I also just hate it as it implies some births are unnatural. Which I think is crap.

 

[Dandi]

I get really ticked at the number of people who absolutely drill me to find out what named we have chosen. DH and I are the only ones who know, and we make it clear that we intend for it to stay that way until the baby is born!! Grrrr!!

 

[candy]

Timely thread! I'm almost 6 months pregnant and am generally a private person, so it's hard for me to deal with people scrutinizing and commenting on my growing belly. People, I'm pregnant... what do you think is going to happen?! Do you really need to tell me that my belly has grown since you last saw me? The comment that got under my skin the most was from a 60 year old male colleague who saw me for the first time in three weeks and exclaimed, "Oh my GOD!" -- apparently he was shocked that I was suddenly showing at 5.5 months. Thanks, clueless man! Now is it my turn to comment on the fact that you are looking especially wrinkly these days, or that you have lost a lot of hair in the time that I've known you? Oh, that would be rude?

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I didn't mind being asked about the baby's sex or the name, because I was happy to share, but the comments that galled me the most were ones that said that I must be glad to be having "my own baby" (my first was adopted) or how my husband must've been happy to get a boy, since the first is a girl.

 

[Mrs.W 514]

I'm almost 38 weeks now and I am uncomfortable but I'm not gigantic, miserable, swollen so ready to be done uncomfortable. Everybody assumes that I am and it drives me nuts! At our baby shower last week an old family friend glared at my husband the whole time we were dancing and kept trying to beckon me off the dance floor to the chair and the glass of water she had. Umm yeah since being pregnant (and before) I have been backpacking, rafting, kayaking, hiking, biking and swing dancing. I think I can handle some more dancing and please stop glaring at my husband like he is doing something wrong. After dancing I had no less than 4 people ask me if I was trying to make the baby come early. Umm 37 weeks isn't early and no she is going to come when she is ready to come

I had a lady announce to the entire party(in rapid succession without pauses) that I had just walked into that we were "going to need a wheel chair to get me out of here!" "wow are you sure its not twins?" and "you're so much bigger than the last time I saw you!" Umm seriously? I just climbed a lengthy flight of stairs to get to this room and I'm not out of breath. I am totally not the one who pulled a muscle slowly jogging to the outfield during our kickball practice this summer and had to sit the rest of the season out. Also I just put the smack down on some people outside playing badminton...I'll show you where you can put that wheel chair!

Also every time I see my grandma she looks at my butt and rubs my love handles and makes some comment about how big I'm getting back there! Wtf! My pre preg pants still fit, I don't wear them because they are super uncomfortable, but I can get them on! Yes I have gained about 25 lbs but I'm pregnant, rub my belly Grandma not my rounded booty!

My Aunt told my mom that It looks like I have a 12 lb baby in there because I'm so tall and she could be "hiding in my body rather then all out in front" Sounds a little creepy...baby is like 6lbs right now...

At 32 weeks my cousin said I looked like I was full term.

I don't take these comments to heart because I know that my weight gain and bump size are right on track. Plus my husband can't keep his hands off me so I can't look that bad. My midwife even commented on how perfectly I'm following the weight gain curve It just irritates me that people think its ok to talk about how huge pregnant women are. Yes I am bigger than usual but that is none of your business and it is still bad manners to draw attention to it. I have always thought pregnant women are beautiful and have always told them so.

 

[Prana]

My mother said to me last week: "Maybe you can lose more weight before your next one." Just what every pregnant lady wants to hear... You are overweight!

Thanks, mom.

I get asked like 20 times a week how I'm feeling- which is very sweet- but I always feel like crap. I'm still throwing up, getting sick, and needing Zofran. Most people are understanding but my BFF is kind of being a jerk about it.

Ugh I would probably politely tell someone off who said that to me. That's so not OK!

I'm sorry you're so sick. I think that gives you a good excuse to be miserable.

 

[Prana]

The only thing that's really made me angry so far is when a family friend insisted that I'm not *really* sick, it just must be in my head.
I was diagnosed with HG early on in the pregnancy, and I spent over five months being extremely ill with it. I'm still sick every morning and some nights, and nauseous most days all day long, even though I'll be 32 weeks on Tuesday. It is not in my head, and the fact that anyone would suggest that is so callous.
Whew, now I feel better!

Oh, I almost forgot about the woman at work who, upon asking me how I was at 21 weeks and hearing that I was nervous because the baby wasn't moving as much, told me that the same thing happened to her and she lost her baby. Way to make a pregnant woman paranoid. I don't talk to her anymore.

I don't get angry much, but there are a lot of things that make me uncomfortable. I'm extremely private IRL, and I don't like the way people feel that pregnancy gives them the right to ask questions or make comments that are completely inappropriate in any other situation. The next time someone makes an observation about the way my body has changed I'm going to be tempted to make the same observation about theirs! You think my face looks swollen because of my pregnancy? That's interesting. I think your a$$ looks much bigger, did you change your diet over the summer? You want to know if we had to try for long before conceiving? Well, before I answer that, please tell me how often you have sex with your partner, and whether you use any sort of protection against pregnancy. What? That's none of my business? Exactly.

I also find speculation annoying when it's clear that people are unable to conceive a reality that doesn't match what they, themselves experienced with their own children and babies. I am not you. I do not make the choices you make or behave in the way you behave. My husband is not your husband; I'm sorry your husband was no help and that put a terrible strain on your marriage, but just because you experienced that it doesn't mean we will.

Well, now don't I feel better now?

I know people mean well, but meaning well doesn't make it okay to step over appropriate boundaries.

Prana--The gender guess does get annoying after a while. We're team green as well, and everyone's favorite game is Guess the Gender! I tell myself that people don't realize that the only thing anyone wants to talk to me about now is this baby, so they don't know how tired I must be of the subject by the time they bring it up. I also love that everyone's reasons always have to do with the way I look as a pregnant woman--thanks, but I don't need your evaluation of my changing body and what that means gender-wise. My good friend just gave me a shirt that says, "Yes, it's either a boy or a girl." I think it's hilarious. Maybe you need one!

GOSH! I'm really not that angry or annoyed! It's just really hard being so sick for so long, and I'm soooooo bored of everyone always wanting to talk pregnancy and baby stuff with me. I have so many other things going on that I'd much rather focus on. While I'm excited for what's going to happen in about 8 weeks, the last thing I want to do is talk about how sick I am, or all the lovely side effects that accompany growing a human. Yes, my back hurts. Yes, I am looking forward to the end of the semester. (WHO ISN'T??) Yes, I realize this is going to be life-changing. Yes, I can still wear my regular shoe size. (Why is this such a popular question?) YES, I AM HAVING DIGESTIVE ISSUES, WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME IN THE LOO NEXT TIME? These are not interesting topics of conversation, and in some cases, they are the sorts of things I don't wish to share with anyone!

Oh boy. Maybe I am angry. I've been cooped up in the house working all weekend because I was too nauseous to go anywhere. This must be the unhappy result of my prolonged solitude.

Haven!! You've got about 8 weeks left, girl! I can't believe you've been sick the whole time, and I'm sorry you're still so sick! But you are almost there!

haha I love the shirt that your friend got you. And I had always heard pregnant women say that suddenly your body becomes public domain, but damn. I know that nobody has actually meant to sound negative with what they've said, but enough is enough sometimes. Please don't tell me that you think I'm having a boy because in your culture "boys steal your beauty" or that I'm having a boy because "you carry weight in your legs and ass when you have boys" or that I'm having a girl because my face is swollen. Keep it to yourself! And for the record, my ass isn't swollen, I can still fit into all my prepreg pants without having to wet the legs first, thanks. It's just truly unbelievable sometimes!

 

[Prana]

Haven - I can't believe your coworker said that!!


Prana - I would be the same way. I would enlist my DH to ask them to lay off and esp not mention anything after the birth! If its bothering you, it's bothering you.

Miscka- THanks! I did talk to my husband about how it made me feel, but sometimes he doesn't quite understand my emotions. He's supportive, but things tend to be more simplified with him, and in depth talks about emotions sometimes go a little over his head. Don't get me wrong, he's wonderful and brilliant, but emotions aren't really his thing.

 

[Prana]

I had a guy in Sweden jocularly assure me that the frequent ultrasounds favored by Americans would cause birth defects.

I was five months into a high risk pregnancy, and having them once every two weeks.

I spent the rest of the evening shivering on the porch, trying not to cry. I'm normally good at standing up for myself - AND I knew he was full of it - but the one-two punch of vulnerability re: pregnancy and past experience really got to me.

I continue to violently hate that dude. And he is one of my husband's oldest friends. Alas. Even odds that one of these days, I bite him.

hahaha your last sentence cracked me up. Sorry about your high risk pregnancy. And yes, I have found certain people to be completely terrible with some of the things they say. I had one guy that I work with chewing my ear off for about 1/2 hour the other day about how his sister just had a baby and everything was terrible, the delivery was traumatic and everyone almost died. Great. Thanks. I made it very clear by my mmmhmm's and ah hah's that I was not listening to what he was saying and that he was annoying me, but alas, he didn't get the picture and kept going.

Your husbands friend sounds like he is the most harmful type of ignorant.
It's amazing how ignorant people can be.

 

[Prana]

The comments that I hated the most where people's judgements on how I planned to birth.

Either condemning me for not wanting an epidural or condemning anyone who had an epidural. Looking down their nose at the hospital I chose to birth at as it has a higher rate of c-secs.

I also really and truly hate the term natural birth. When people ask me that I never truly know what they mean - do they mean vaginal birth, or vaginal birth with NO DRUGS? I also just hate it as it implies some births are unnatural. Which I think is crap.

Yeah I understand what you mean. People ask me a lot about whether or not I want an epidural. I'm not opposed to them if that is what somebody wants, but I get a lot of judgement from people when I say that I would like to not have one. Personally, I want to feel the pain of labor. I want that experience. I don't like it when people tell me I'm crazy and then say, "you'll see. You'll cave and get that epidural." In my head I'm thinking to myself, "phew! It's a good thing you know me so much better than I know myself! Where would I be without other people telling me what I can and cannot do!" Even my thoughts are cheeky.

 

[Prana]

I get really ticked at the number of people who absolutely drill me to find out what named we have chosen. DH and I are the only ones who know, and we make it clear that we intend for it to stay that way until the baby is born!! Grrrr!!

Ooooh I have been evading that question with "we haven't talked about it yet." Which always makes people look at me like I'm a terrible human being for not having thought of our future child's name when we are 7 months in. haha. I'm going to have to start telling people we are keeping it a secret. I love people who ask me and then say "good, don't tell anybody. You don't need to know peoples opinions-it'll drive you crazy." It makes me feel like they're on my side.

 

[Prana]

Timely thread! I'm almost 6 months pregnant and am generally a private person, so it's hard for me to deal with people scrutinizing and commenting on my growing belly. People, I'm pregnant... what do you think is going to happen?! Do you really need to tell me that my belly has grown since you last saw me? The comment that got under my skin the most was from a 60 year old male colleague who saw me for the first time in three weeks and exclaimed, "Oh my GOD!" -- apparently he was shocked that I was suddenly showing at 5.5 months. Thanks, clueless man! Now is it my turn to comment on the fact that you are looking especially wrinkly these days, or that you have lost a lot of hair in the time that I've known you? Oh, that would be rude?

The men are the best. They are generally clueless as to what a pregnant person is supposed to look like at each stage. Although, some men have more tact than women when it comes to commenting and I'm always grateful to them for their sensitivity. People love to tell me how much bigger I get every time they see me. They also love to tell me how much bigger I am than their (insert relation here) that is due next month. I know! I'm a ham beast! I'm gonna need to be taken to the juicing room like Violet soon! I'm so happy that your 9 months pregnant 6' tall niece is so much daintier than I am at 5'3" and 7 months!

Ha, on that note, my DH and I were in the shower the other day (hey, sometimes it's the only quality time we get to spend together due to alternating schedules) and he looked at me and was like, "Holy moly! You are PREGNANT!" Then he proceeded to laugh and look and get giggly. From him it was cute though.

 

[Prana]

I didn't mind being asked about the baby's sex or the name, because I was happy to share, but the comments that galled me the most were ones that said that I must be glad to be having "my own baby" (my first was adopted) or how my husband must've been happy to get a boy, since the first is a girl.

That's just some messed up stuff right there. Stupidity, ignorance... I don't even know.

And your comment about the "happiness to have a boy" reminded me. I was thinking about all this last night, and when my SIL was pregnant, my brother was adamant that it had to be a boy because that's what he wanted. So I think in their minds, boys are better than girls. And I think that generally my SIL's whole family feels that way. (SIL's sister has two girls, and her brother just had a baby girl too, btw). But I'm wondering if they don't want me to have a boy because they think they are special to have their boy, and everyone on their side was so happy to finally have a boy.
That might be a long shot or reading into things, but there's just something in the way that they are saying things to me that is very aggressive and I feel like there are negative undertones when they tell me they think it's a girl. Like there is a cloud of doom. I don't like something about it and I don't know if I'm just being weirdly sensitive or not.

It's amazing how society still prizes boys on so many levels. I don't think that one is any better than the other, I believe it is the quality of the human being and their spirit and soul that is what is really important.

 

[Prana]

I'm almost 38 weeks now and I am uncomfortable but I'm not gigantic, miserable, swollen so ready to be done uncomfortable. Everybody assumes that I am and it drives me nuts! At our baby shower last week an old family friend glared at my husband the whole time we were dancing and kept trying to beckon me off the dance floor to the chair and the glass of water she had. Umm yeah since being pregnant (and before) I have been backpacking, rafting, kayaking, hiking, biking and swing dancing. I think I can handle some more dancing and please stop glaring at my husband like he is doing something wrong. After dancing I had no less than 4 people ask me if I was trying to make the baby come early. Umm 37 weeks isn't early and no she is going to come when she is ready to come

I had a lady announce to the entire party(in rapid succession without pauses) that I had just walked into that we were "going to need a wheel chair to get me out of here!" "wow are you sure its not twins?" and "you're so much bigger than the last time I saw you!" Umm seriously? I just climbed a lengthy flight of stairs to get to this room and I'm not out of breath. I am totally not the one who pulled a muscle slowly jogging to the outfield during our kickball practice this summer and had to sit the rest of the season out. Also I just put the smack down on some people outside playing badminton...I'll show you where you can put that wheel chair!

Also every time I see my grandma she looks at my butt and rubs my love handles and makes some comment about how big I'm getting back there! Wtf! My pre preg pants still fit, I don't wear them because they are super uncomfortable, but I can get them on! Yes I have gained about 25 lbs but I'm pregnant, rub my belly Grandma not my rounded booty!

My Aunt told my mom that It looks like I have a 12 lb baby in there because I'm so tall and she could be "hiding in my body rather then all out in front" Sounds a little creepy...baby is like 6lbs right now...

At 32 weeks my cousin said I looked like I was full term.

I don't take these comments to heart because I know that my weight gain and bump size are right on track. Plus my husband can't keep his hands off me so I can't look that bad. My midwife even commented on how perfectly I'm following the weight gain curve It just irritates me that people think its ok to talk about how huge pregnant women are. Yes I am bigger than usual but that is none of your business and it is still bad manners to draw attention to it. I have always thought pregnant women are beautiful and have always told them so.

Mrs. W. I feel like I could have written everything you just said! Good for you for maintaining your pre pregnancy activity level! I have also kept doing everything from my vigorous (but not heated) yoga practice several times a week for at least an hour at a time, to hiking large mountains, 10 mile walks with my dog. I just became a certified chair yoga instructor. I still cycle, but not on the road because I don't want to get hit by a car, which is all too common.

You would think that I am trying to kill myself and my baby by the way that some people react. Personally, I think my pregnancy has been easier because I've been so active. And I really wouldn't want to see/feel what I would look like right now if I didn't maintain my activity level. Now there are new studies that show that active mama's give birth to babies who have larger, healthier lungs and better/healthier functioning hearts. My doctor's love that my husband and I are so active, and they tell me all the time that they have never had a problem arise from a mother who is too active.

And I'm quite sure you don't have any love handles. Everyone is such an expert on your body and pregnancy, aren't they?

 

[MissStepcut]

Oh man, thank you for this thread.

I am sick of people who aren't doctors telling me how to 1) be pregnant, 2) birth my baby and 3) raise a newborn.

Should I be drinking this caffeinated beverage, traveling (or being places that aren't home), wearing flip flops when it's 40 degrees out, swimming, eating clams? Yes. I should be. Thank you for your unsolicited advice.

Do I know the risks of hospital birth? That c-sections will ruin me and my child forever? That epidural babies are born drugged? That any mom who would get an epidural is selfish? Yeah, I heard all that too. Thanks for letting me know.

Do I realize I'll never sleep again, that the baby will want me and only me, that not breastfeeding will leave me with a decidedly below average student who isn't really bonded and that formula is basically poison, that if I do breastfeed alcohol is totally verboten, that our living situation is totally untenable, that I won't want to fulfill any commitment for a year after the birth so I need to clear my schedule? I've been duly notified.

Would you like me to sign a release waiver or are we good?

 

[Laila619]

Nothing bothers me too much, but I do find it odd that people are SO shocked when we tell them we didn't want to find out the gender, that we want to be surprised. They'll be like, "Whaaaat?! What do you mean you don't know what you're having?! I could NEVER not find out, I'm too impatient and I'm a planner." So anyone on Team Green is not a planner? Newsflash, you can still plan a nursery and buy clothing and pick out baby names even if you don't know the gender! It's not that hard. I don't see what one has to do with the other. Plus I love being Team Green, it's so much fun!

 

[yssie]

I didn't mind being asked about the baby's sex or the name, because I was happy to share, but the comments that galled me the most were ones that said that I must be glad to be having "my own baby" (my first was adopted)

That's just some messed up stuff right there. Stupidity, ignorance... I don't even know.

That's unbelievably awful. That people would assume that you'd feel that way is... there aren't words... I'm angry reading that!

 

[Shoopy]

My absolute favorite was being in the bathroom at work and having a new person strike up a conversation with me. She then asked if I was having a girl. I said yes. She said "oh I figured. You are very wide, your hair is greasy and you look tired. Girls take a mother's beauty". I was floored.

Of course looking back I agreed with all of it. I was not a cute pregnant woman at all (not that it had anything to do with having a girl, pregnancy just didn't look good on me). But when a pregnant woman is hormonal, you should try to stay away from comments that make then feel awful

 

[Haven]

I didn't mind being asked about the baby's sex or the name, because I was happy to share, but the comments that galled me the most were ones that said that I must be glad to be having "my own baby" (my first was adopted)

That's just some messed up stuff right there. Stupidity, ignorance... I don't even know.

That's unbelievably awful. That people would assume that you'd feel that way is... there aren't words... I'm angry reading that!

Seriously, what an awful, insensitive thing to say.

Reading about everyone's experiences makes me feel better that I'm not overreacting to the stupid things people say to me. Many people are really wonderful, too, but is it bad that I just tell myself they're lying when they say how GREAT I look One male colleague told me I had the pregnancy glow and I said, "I'm going to let you in on a little secret: It's not a glow, it's a fine sheen of sweat." We're friends so I can get away with saying that to him, but seriously--I know I look like shit lately, you don't have to lie and tell me I look great. Just don't comment on my appearance at all, that seems safest.

Of all the people I've encountered during my pregnancy, my students have been the best. They're mostly college freshmen, and they have yet to say anything that rubbed me the wrong way. The ladies say things like, "Your bump is so cute!" or "We're so excited to hear if it's a boy or a girl, promise us you'll send an email with pictures." The young men don't say anything, which is perfect, too, but they do offer to carry my books and bags for me, which never happened when I wasn't pregnant. Striking that my young students seem to handle the situation with far more grace than my experienced colleagues who have been-there, done-that, isn't it?

Fiery--That woman in the bathroom story is insane. People really don't think before they speak sometimes.

Laila--We've gotten the same weird comments about being team green, too. People love the "I'm a planner so I could never do that" line, but I agree--it's not like we're waiting to find out if we're having a HUMAN or a PUPPY--either way we're going to need basically the same stuff! It's not like we have to decide whether we're going to buy a crate or a crib, right?!

Oh, this thread is awesome!