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Pre-wedding Abstinence....? (thought that would get your attention)

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Jas12

Ideal_Rock
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Hi ladies

Maybe this topic is a little too personal for PS--but I am interested anyway
"So Happy''s'' post about her wedding night made me think of it. A couple of years ago a friend of mine got married and he was complaining about how difficult his 3 month long, pre-wedding abstinence plan was going..i had never heard of it and was even more surprised to hear that his officiant/minister (not sure what religion or organization) had suggested it at their wedding meetings.
Since then, I have had a couple of close friends ask me if i will be doing the same thing...

Anyone else planning this or knows of it to be common among dating couples who have not ''waited till marriage'' and want to make the wedding night and honeymoon a bit more exciting?.....
 

AmberWaves

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 19, 2005
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3,672
Jas, we''re "planning" on doing that. I hope that works out well for us. I kinda like the idea of that night being a little bit more special for us. We''d have to start in September, so that''s a ways away! I don''t know anyone personally who has done that, though.
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
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11,534
Oh man ... all I can think of is Bridezillas becoming BRIDEZILLAS and mild-mannered grooms morphing into GROOMZILLAS.


I''ve heard of spending the night before the wedding apart (we did that ... & I ended up on a futon in my family''s rental house
while he was comfy in our own bed
)

But THREE CHASTE MONTHS ?? (For couples who haven''t been, um, "waiting" previously)
 

qtiekiki

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 14, 2004
Messages
3,880
I don''t know anyone who had done it. I thougt it would be kind of sweet, but not for DH. We talked about it and we couldn''t really agree on the length of time. I thought at least one month and he thought at most 2 weeks. Then we said ok let''s just do 3 weeks, but
.

IMO, your wedding night is going to be special regardless. The feelings and emotions we had on our wedding day are stronger and that in itself made the night very special. P.S. you might be too tired at the end of the day for serious exercise.
 

Fancy605

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 3, 2006
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1,446
THis is a REAL common thing where I live. About 1/2 of my friends waited until marriage period... but the other half all did this pre wedding abstinence thing. It could be a regional thing. I am smack dab in the middle of the bible belt, and I feel like everyone who was "doing it" is now doing it. I think a lot of my friends who did not wait do the pre-wedding abstinence thing for spiritual purposes (sort of like a born again virgin type deal.) Most people I know begin doing this within a week or two of becoming engaged. (And stick with it stubornly)
 

FacetFire

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2006
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1,879
One of my good guy friends got married last year and his wife made them do 3 months abstinence before their wedding. He was not a happy camper, and honestly, I think it was an excuse for her not to have to for awhile...she isn't the type who is really into sex. I understand the desire to make your wedding night more special, but a couple weeks to a month has to be able to do that, doesn't it? I really don't see a difference between three weeks and three months as far as making it special. What's with the three month number? FI and I were thinking maybe a week or so...
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
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11,242
3 months is probably the accomodating amount of time for couples who don''t do it very much to begin with
if you only do it once a week anyway, taking only one week off won''t be that exciting I guess!
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Hee hee. This thread is cracking me up. I swear I''m mature! This idea sounds really not fun at ALL! I agree with Deco about the Bride and Groomzillas! Talking about taking it away is easy but once it''s done.... eesh! Not my cup of tea for such a stressful time in the first place, IMO.

*M*
 

Jas12

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2006
Messages
2,330
interesting....i didn''t realize it was so popular in certain areas, in canada (at least in my area) i don''t think it is a well known idea

i totally fear the bridezilla turning into BRIDEZILLA prospect that decodelighted cautions against--too funny and very likely!
 

rainbowtrout

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 2, 2005
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2,105
Yeah....no. Never heard of it. May have to by necessity of being long distance until right before the wedding.
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2006
Messages
3,867
I''ve heard of it but I doubt we''ll go that route... we don''t need any added stress and we certiainly want to continue to relieve stress!!!

I was actually kind of thinking about this today... about the new wedding traditions. we''re not leaving for our honeymoon until about 3 days after the wedding... which is unusual to say the least. My mom is thrilled we''re doing that so that we can spend more time with the out of town guests. It''s "no skin off our backs" but if we had been waiting this whole time, I bet it would be excruciating to spend the first few nights as a married couple surrounded by family. (we WILL be staying at a hotel!)
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
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7,074
We''re actually waiting until marriage, even though we''re moving in together next summer, so... I guess so, for 5 years!
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Man, I thought I was exercising herculean restraint by just spending the wedding eve apart!
If Deco''s theory is right, no wonder I was a generally relaxed bride.
 

Anastasia

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 23, 2005
Messages
451
This is a funny topic! DH and I abstained for three weeks before our wedding. We were living together, but for some reason (I can''t remember why anymore), I stayed at my parents house for the three weeks before the wedding.

Anyway, this was absolutely my idea. He was not into it at all. (No big surprise there!) There was one night during that three week period that I did stay overnight with him. Imagine how surprised he was when he found out that I really meant it about abstaining! I honestly think that is the only time in 17 years together that I have said no!

Anyway, I was really tired on our wedding night and would have been willing to wait until the next day, but he did not agree! I did manage to rustle up the energy to do it that night, and I must say it was very special.

Honestly though, I don''t really know if it was any more special because of the abstinence period, or whether it was just the emotion of the day that made it special.
 

kcoursolle

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
10,589
I thought it could be fun to do this for a month or so before the wedding...but then I realized neither fi nor I are capable of it LOL!! Good luck though if you do decide!
 

Kit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
501
No offense to anyone's choices, but my thoughts are...How strange!

I mean, if you really want to have special sex, why don't you just do the things you normally do when you want to have a night of special sex??

How is going on a 3 month long sexual hiatus going to make the sex any more special??

I don't get it...


ETA: Come to think of it, right now while FI and I are long distance, it makes us more out of practice, and it makes sex LESS special.
Anyone feeling me on that one??
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 2/12/2007 11:28:54 PM
Author: Kit
No offense to anyone''s choices, but my thoughts are...How strange!

I mean, if you really want to have special sex, why don''t you just do the things you normally do when you want to have a night of special sex??

How is going on a 3 month long sexual hiatus going to make the sex any more special??

I don''t get it...
hehehe...I kind of agree...I would just think that abstaining would cause wedding night sex to go...er...faster.


The best lead up to wedding night sex is the wedding itself. We were really feeling the love - although the Irish Car Bombs may have had something to do with it.
 

So_happy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
1,084
Right on, Kit!!!

And I just want to add that my handle would NOT be what it is if I chose to go this route
In fact, I can''t wait to spend justifiable extra money on some fabulous La Perla underthings for this night!!! (I know....I could do it now.....and FI won''t know the darn diff between LP and Target stuff anyway.....but I''ll know and THAT''S what will make our night remarkable
)

Okay, WAY too much info, right ladies??

For those who want to do this...Great! It may do the trick that my LP underthings will do......and for FREE!!!


I love this forum. Let me just say that!
 

Kit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
501
Date: 2/12/2007 11:35:14 PM
Author: TravelingGal
hehehe...I kind of agree...I would just think that abstaining would cause wedding night sex to go...er...faster.


The best lead up to wedding night sex is the wedding itself. We were really feeling the love - although the Irish Car Bombs may have had something to do with it.
LOL TG!! FI just needs to remember to bring a bottle of tequila up to our suite that night...
No re-virginization necessary!
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 2/12/2007 11:42:09 PM
Author: Kit

Date: 2/12/2007 11:35:14 PM
Author: TravelingGal
hehehe...I kind of agree...I would just think that abstaining would cause wedding night sex to go...er...faster.


The best lead up to wedding night sex is the wedding itself. We were really feeling the love - although the Irish Car Bombs may have had something to do with it.
LOL TG!! FI just needs to remember to bring a bottle of tequila up to our suite that night...
No re-virginization necessary!
Oh no...don''t do that. Tequila will make your wedding night look something like this:

 

So_happy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
1,084
I''m sorry but what more does a woman need than:

to be the center of adoring attention all day long,
to have your favorite songs playing by a DJ that will do whatever you''ll say,
to have your best girlfriends with you again after many years,
to be wearing silver sparkly Charles Davids
an open bar
to be wearing a designer dress that costs more than any ohter dress you''ll ever buy
to have had your hair, nails, tan, AND makeup done professionally
to know that the fun is only begining because you leave the next morning for the freakin carribbean
to know that your best friend is now your husband for the rest of your fabulous days and nights
to know that your loving family and friends will send you off that evening in a cloud of bubbles or rose petals


to make THAT night''s sex be the most fantastic and remarkable EVER????
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
So Happy, this is what your post translates to for me:

to be the center of adoring attention all day long, My cheeks hurt from smiling.
to have your favorite songs playing by a DJ that will do whatever you''ll say, Whew, I''m spending a lot of energy boogying down!
to have your best girlfriends with you again after many years, Not enough time to catch up with all of them!
to be wearing silver sparkly Charles Davids Pinched toes
an open bar Everyone''s getting a bit fuzzy...
to be wearing a designer dress that costs more than any ohter dress you''ll ever buy Can''t wait to get into my comfy PJs.
to have had your hair, nails, tan, AND makeup done professionally I''ve been up since o''crack hundred to look this good...
to know that the fun is only begining because you leave the next morning for the freakin carribbean Crap...did I pack everything I need?
to know that your best friend is now your husband for the rest of your fabulous days and nights Yup.
to know that your loving family and friends will send you off that evening in a cloud of bubbles or rose petals The evening is finally over...

to make THAT night''s sex be the most fantastic and remarkable EVER????

Not a bloody chance! The perfect way to top off the evening is SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I have to say, I know lots of couples that did not have sex on their wedding night. We did, and it was good, but I was really, really tired. Actually, we did it our wedding afternoon (after the reception but before the after party later on that evening). After the after-party, TGuy wanted it again - much to my exhausted dismay (yes, I admit it!). He was getting amorous as we were standing, and I wooed him over to the bed, hoping that once hit the mattress, he would pass out.

He did.
 

So_happy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
1,084
Well, I am just going on my usual reactions where about once a month, my friends and I primp all day (it just seems to take that long for 3 women to do all that fun stuff I guess), go shopping for a new outfit, go to the hottest new club in the city, drink right to the point of being effected but not out of control, dance the night away...............ahhhhhh......it''s a great stress release and the night of getting pretty for once and then going out dancing just really lifts my spirits. And when I come home to my sweet man who is cuddled up on the couch with one of my cats............grrrrrrrrrrrr watch out!!!
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
He mentioned taking a month off before our wedding and I just gave him my ''do you want me to injure you?'' glare. Which was undoubtedly the intended result!


I have great respect for those who wait until marriage alltogether, but taking a couple month break from sex before your marriage seems a bit like closing the barn doors after the horse is long gone.
I don''t know if that''s the right analogy, but you get my drift.
 

sarie_j

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 15, 2007
Messages
130
I agree with the comment about waiting making it less special -- my FI and I were separated for a while and when we were able to be together again it was kind of a wham-bam thing (on both our parts) just because it had been so long -- Not to mention what a vile person I would turn into if I had to wait that long
 

ellaila

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 7, 2006
Messages
1,643
OMG this thread is hilarious!!

I think that waiting till you're married is great -- if that's your thing. It wasn't my thing.

But I don't get this "waiting three months" thing. In my world, that's just called a "dry spell" and not something you aim for! (hee hee)

Honestly, the time right before you get married (for us at least) was really exciting and filled with so much love and togetherness (as in, "we're in this $h!t together" when dealing with planning and famly members
) -- why would you want to distance yourself from your soon-to-be husband at that stage? I just don't get it! I'd feel like I was putting up a barrier between us during a time when I wanted to be the closest to him.

And yes, TG, you're right, by the time the wedding night hits, it's a big yawnfest for the newly marrieds -- that's a looooong day! But somehow, between yawns, you can find the energy
 
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