Post Partum Depression/Anxiety

[LitigatorChick]

So the diagnosis was really slow in coming, but here I am, almost 2 years after having my baby. Finally, the weight loss, mood swings, crazy intense need to never leave my son, racing heart beats, random crying, all fit together.

Anyone got any experience with this?

 

[lyra]

I had a serious case of PPD. It was 21 years ago when the docs didn't recognize it much, but my doc was about ready to have me committed. Counselling and meds help a lot. I was afraid to ever have another baby. As it turned out, we were all prepared for disaster when it came to the birth of my second daughter 3 years later, and I didn't have a single day of PPD, not even just the normal hormonal letdown blues. Very odd, but it happens. Take care. I hope you receive good care. If you don't like the care you're receiving, you have to push for better care. I had to do that a few times. It was worth it.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Thanks, Lyra. Currently, I am having some counselling, which is only helping a bit. It is the anxiety side of things that gets really hard, and counselling is not helping that.

Unfortunately, I have some other medical issues that were, in one doctor''s opinion, making depression/anxiety drugs not an option. So I have been stuck on that front. Finally, I told my mom this weekend, and she talked to our family doc, and he said that is crap, and I can get on Paxil. So I have an appointment this Wednesday for a second opinion, and hopefully getting on some depression/anxiety medication to help me out of this.

 

[neatfreak]

Litchick,

I am so sorry that you are going through this! I don't have experience with PPD, but I do have lots of experience with anxiety. The one thing that has helped me immensely, is not regular therapy, but cognitive behavioral therapy. There they work with you on techniques to manage the anxiety rather than just "talking through it". Since I have anxiety about everything, not just one event in my life, regular therapy just didn't cut it. But CBT works wonders for teaching you coping techniques. It has really helped me manage my anxiety well.

Luckily my HMO has a fantastic one on staff, but where you are it might be harder to find someone (you are in Saskatchewan right?). Here is a website where you can see if there is someone in your area who specializes in it:

http://www.nacbt.org/

Hugs and hope you start feeling better soon.

 

[diamondfan]

I never had PPD to a serious degree but I have GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and the birth of my kid increased my anxiety levels. From what I know of PPD you have bonding issues frequently, you cannot feel a connection to your child, which clearly is not one of your symptoms, which is great. I think medications are usually prescribed, and having someone who specializes in PPD as a therapist might be a good thing. Another positive is your are able to leave him to go to work, so hopefully your case is more mild. Whatever the case is, it is good to know about this and be able to treat it. It can be scary to feel those feelings and not know why.

 

[Independent Gal]

Another vote for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for anxiety! I''ve never been through it myself (no problems with anxiety). But I have two formerly VERY anxious friends who both swear it radically changed their lives.

And apparently, it''s not just anecdotal. Statistics support that too (that CBT works best, with the most lasting results).

Sorry to hear you''re dealing with this! I hope CBT can help!

 

[VegasAngel]

I will just say that I am right there with you. I'm going to throw some things out for you to look into:

Vitamin B complex

SAM-e

5-HTP

 

[LitigatorChick]

Thanks everyone. I actually feel excited that the end of this could be near.

 

[lyra]

LC, another good anti-depressant (that I''ve been on for years) is Lexapro (Cipralex). It has virtually no side effects. I have been on every AD there is. Not saying this is the only solution, just that it is a good med, and it can be used in combination with other meds. It does not compound things.

I guess I''m the only other one who had PPD so far in this thread. I had sort of the opposite problem to you. I had trouble bonding with my oldest daughter because of it, rather than being anxious about her. It was really awful, I don''t like to think about it much. She doesn''t even know about it now (she''s almost 21). Today, she is my best friend and we share absolutely everything. We have a great relationship and she is her own person. I think I had a few factors that are similar to you too. My mom lived very far away, so I had no family help at all. DH''s parents were still working at the time, and we lived about 45 mins. away, then they moved a few hours away. My mom didn''t visit because the next year, she was actively raising my irresponsible sister''s baby boy. Yeah. BTDT too. All I can say is it eventually turned around, like a lightbulb going on. I just remember it ended and that was it.

I''ve had other issues over the years, a lot stemming from situational stresses. I fully agree about the CBT *training*. It is training that enables you to use your inner resources anytime, anywhere. But you need a little relief from all the stress too. I hope the meds work out for you. It all takes time, just go a day at a time.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Be sure to do extensive research on all the meds before chosing one. Even find a forum that is specific to that type of issue so you can gain more insight. Some meds like Paxil have terrible withdrawls when you go off of them.

 

[Pandora II]

I''m sorry you''re going through this, hope things get better soon.

Having been on most AD''s on the market at some point, I just wanted to add that just because one doesn''t work or makes you feel bad that doesn''t mean they all will. You may have to try a few to find the right one for you.

The first one I ever had was Paxil (which is called Seroxat in the UK) - I have never felt so awful. I came off it after a month and refused to touch another AD for 2 years which was a HUGE mistake.

My GP finally convinced me to try Prozac which I loved and did great on (The generic didn''t work as well as the branded).

Citalopram was also pretty good and I got on very well with Amitryptiline which they don''t really prescribe these days as it''s one of the old tricyclics and is very easy to fatally OD on.

I''m not allowed any of them anymore as I have Bipolar II and they send me hypomanic very quickly. The GP did used to think it was odd that I went from very depressed to feeling fantastic in less than 48 hours as ADs normally take 2 weeks or so to kick in. They put it down to my not ''really'' being depressed... 8 years and 3 shrinks later they finally clicked!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I cannot believe it took this long before your doctor diagnosed you! I am just glad (s)he finally did. I hope the medication helps. No one should go with extended periods of depression without help. The fog will lift soon. (((hugs)))

 

[diamondfan]

LC, just curious but your symptomatology does not present as PPD as much as a general depression/anxiety. I am not saying that it makes all that much of a difference as you are feeling what you are feeling and it is impacting the quality of your life, but you luckily lack the most key feature which differentiates PPD from classic depression...you have bonded, clearly so, with your son, and the crying, anxiety, weight loss, fear of leaving him, are all features of a depressive issue combined with anxiety disorder. It only makes a difference in some of the treatment and drug modalities that a therapist might employ. I am not trying to get too picayune and am glad you are on the road to finding some relief, but it seems a positive thing that you do not have one of the hallmarks of PPD...I know women who had it severely and did not connect with their baby at all, did not want to hold or touch their baby. One of my friends had it so severely she continually imagined horrible things happening to her son, and could not bear to be near him. She was treated and with her daughter she was fine. That can be one of the toughest aspects of PDD and one that causes new moms tremendous guilt.

As I mentioned, I have GAD, and each birth worsened some of the fears that I have. I now have a son close to driving age and college is looming large and I get into freefall panic mode if I allow myself to think about him behind the wheel of a car or leaving home. Each time I had a baby I started to worry about things that were so not in my control and I started really getting terrible panic attacks. I take xanax occasionally, when the feelings really overtake me. I manage reasonably well most days, but can be obsessive about certain things that get into my head. I have a clinician I see, but need to bump it up a notch because I am in a really panicky time right now, and finding it hard to manage. We just came back from a trip and I could not fully enjoy a lovely time with my hubby because I could not stop thinking about my kids and what if something happened to us and they never saw us again. I started to hyperventilate over it at one point.

 

[miraclesrule]

I might get beaten up here, but I''m going to say this anyway. It has been my experience in caretaking that many of these meds create more severe mood disturbances in latter life. I don''t think it''s abnormal for a mother or human to be feeling fantastic one moment and depressed in another moment, any more than I think it is abnormal for the skies to be cloudy and dark one moment and sun to burst through and shine the next. We are, at the micro level, part of nature. As women, and particularly mothers, we worry. It''s what we do.

Now, when the thought process becomes borderline psychotic and irrational for extended periods of time, (i.e PTSD) then it is time to do something about it. But it has been my experience that we have been "programmed" by society, marketing, pharmaceutical companies and our own feelings of inadequacy or someone projecting those feelings onto us, into feeling that something is "wrong" with us. This is perhaps true. But more often than not, we are trying to be "superwomen" and when we fall short of our own (or societies) unrealistic expectations, we run for a pill, or a drink, or sex, or food, or whatever our poison is for the moment.

It''s that moment of undiluted fear. Fear, or the realization that we lack control over life. It''s true, we have no idea what will happen in the next instant. Something horrific may happen to you or someone you love. And it''s even more awful when you read everyday, 24/7, about some horrific thing that has happened to someone else and you feel guilty for saying, "thank god is wasn''t me, or my loved one".

Medication can help...for awhile, in severe cases. But it can be a crutch. A crutch that you may not need if you are able to change your thought process. It''s not easy because these are powerful thoughts and your thoughts become your reality. They can be paralyzing in so many ways. School, grades, your future, your mortgage, your children, your marraige, your job, your car, your neighborhood, your politicians, the possible sources are nearly endless.

I used to work in a large psychiatric clinic and I saw really sick schizophrenic people who I thought "Wow, they look totally normal" and then I would see them looking totally dazed and confused and swear I was looking at two different people. It was then that I really learned that there are truly sick and psychotic people that only medication and medication compliance will control.

However, more disturbing was the emerging culture. I did a study a while back because I thought American was becoming "The Stepford Nation". Aside from the top selling chronic condition medications such as hypertensive medication, cholesterol, hormones and blood thinners ( I put them in the aging category), the top selling medications were Viagra, Prozac and Ritalin. I couldn''t help but imagine a world where women were kept docile, children were pre-occupied and quiet while the men were "yahooing" their way through life. So I started studying this phenomenon. It didn''t really hit me how ingrained it had become until one day I was in my doctor''s office and I was crying because I was sad over a situation the day before and I just wanted to talk about it to a stranger and have him say "That sucks" Instead he gave me a 30-day trial of Lexapro. I was like "What?????" And then I remembered, this was my family physician and I was only there to get a pap smear and blood test. My insurance wasn''t paying for him to "listen" to me. I told him to keep the box, I already knew the fine print.

I''m sorry, I don''t mean to write a book here, and I will if I don''t stop myself. :::skidding to a halt::::

Litigator Chick. I think you are awesome and I think Diamond Fan and the other women on this board who talk about CBT and other behavioral techniques are steering you in the right direction. I doubt you have PPD as others have noted. Be cautious. Be skeptical. Consider the phrase: Physician, Heal Thyself. And Breathe. Explore your options. We are here with you and for you.

 

[diamondfan]

Miracles, I do see your point. I recall going to a doctor about my chronic pain (fibro/migraines/myfascial pain/disc issues) and before I even started going into detail he wanted to put me on an antidepressant. Did not even really listen to me at all, it was almost a reflexive action, get out RX pad and write. I have been in therapy for a few years because of my GAD and I am NOT depressed. Anxiety ridden, neurotic about certain things, prone to some obsessive stuff, YES. Depressed, no. I think we, as a nation, sometimes default to pills to fix things, a quick fix. However, there are times when meds are soooo important and lifesaving, along with great therapeutic intervention. Chemistry that is not right is chemistry that is not right, and it needs to be balanced by meds, but with a competent doctor and proper monitoring.

But, at the end of it all, WE must be our own advocate, and not be afraid to question or delve into alternatives and second opinions. Some issues seem to require meds for the long haul, like bipolar/mania, to keep people from cycling out of control and potentially getting themselves into harmful situations. Or shizophrenia and some of the shizo-affective disorders, since the issues are not typically resolved with therapy alone, again, due to the brain's chemistry. Other things, like a situational depression, can be short term treated, perhaps with meds when it is at the lowest ebb and some sort of therapy, with the goal being to wean off meds as soon as is logical.

My son has OCD and Tourettes and anxiety and at 12 this idiot psychiatrist, who trained under one of the BEST pediatric neurologists at Childrens Hospital in Philly, put my son on PAXIL two weeks before sleep away camp. He was lethargic, gained weight, was miserable, and she ignored me every time I called her to discuss it. He came home from camp after a tough summer, which we did not fully know til September, and by Thanksgiving it was horrendous. He would lie on the floor and fall asleep at 4 pm. He was so totally not himself and it was not helping him at all. I read a lot of literature stating that Paxil was NOT the drug of choice for children under the age of 18. I finally marched in there, with hubby, and flat out told her, titrate him OFF it now, and we will see where we go from here. I also told her she was ineffective with him (cancelled usually one out of four meetings a month at least, never returned calls, would go away, not leave another doctor covering, let her machine get full and go days without clearing it or listening to messages). Bottom line she sucked, but I was so worried for my son and she came with high credentials so I let myself be cowed by her. Finally got my cojones back, my son is now 15 1/2, on different meds, in high school, solid A and B student, runs varsity track and plays guitar in the jazz band, has tons of friends. Just doing amazingly. My point here is, doctors make mistakes too, and they are not all knowing. If something does not add up, or make sense, speak up. I always ask, Doctor, if I were your wife (or daughter or mom or sister), is this what you would be telling me?

I think when something interferes with your quality of life, with being able to go out and do what you need to do, it must be taken care of. I do NOT think anyone suffering should "tough it out", as if it is this simple decision we were in control of all along. To someone NOT dealing it, it might seem that way, but it is not.

 

[miraclesrule]

diamondfan: It''s been happening for centuries. When I was researching hysteria and women''s diagnoses in particular, I was shocked to discover that the drug of choice for physicians to prescribe to women in the earlier part of the century were amphetamines. (It was also rather humorous, but sad to discover the rationale behind prescribing vibrators as well...but that thread might get a bit out of control).

I''m sorry you have had to go through so much to care for your son. It sounds like you had to bear a great deal of sorrow and worry and anxiety. And I am glad that he is doing well. Your bravery sounded a lot like what I felt Jenna McCarthy showed during her tumultuous times with her son''s illness and diagnosis. I have had my share of "Terms of Endearments" moments when I went ballistic on medical providers myself. It''s unfortunate that it has to come to that.

I do not mean in any way to minimize the impact of serious emotional or physical pain and it''s effect on one''s quality of life. I meant only to challenge the assumption that a medical provider or a pill is the long term solution to the root cause of the symptom. It''s something I myself have had to confront several times in my own life path and those of the people I have had to care for. I don''t mean to offend anyone, and I hope that I haven''t. Trust me, my father probably kept a few pharmaceutical companies in business just surviving his AIDS, bipolar manic/depressive schizo-affective disorders and anxiety.

 

[diamondfan]

I totally agree with what you said about ritalin prozac viagra...we do run the risk of becoming sort of subdued versions of ourselves. A lot of geniuses in the last centuries had a bit of the unusual in them, Mozart, Da Vinci, Einstein, etc...if we always seek to blunt things, we run the risk in some cases of dimming what makes someone special. But no one should be in pain or suffer, and it is not for anyone but that person to determine how much is too much. And there is a standard of life quality and the ability to feel competent and successful that must not be overlooked. I hate when I feel so worked up over things, things that I cannot change or control, and it ruins my experience.

I recall from grad school some of the stuff you are referring to. Recall too that the term hysterical comes from the root hysteros or something like that, which means uterus, and meant only WOMEN could be hysterical. A rose by any other name...

I in no way meant to imply you were saying not to treat things. And I agree with the need to challenge norms and conventions sometimes. Sometimes we can so mute out what makes us who we are in our attempt to fix things. I think anything serious or anything causing worry or trauma to someone needs to be addressed. But not all doctors are great, and not all of them really listen. I am almost in tears some days for the pain, and I am SICK of hearing I am a woman with time to dwell on such things. It hurts, fix it or don't, but do not patronize or condescend to me that my monthly hormonal migraines are within my purview to control.

I just hope that LC finds relief, and I wanted her to really know her options, and know that it did not sound like PPD, which to me is a better thing, though I have not practiced and have been out of school a long time.

ETA: with anything in the psychiatric realm, as you state Cara, it can be murky in terms of the stigma that can be involved. I like to think we are more evolved nowadays, but I know it is still a tender topic for some people. Many people forgo getting aid because of shame or feeling like they should be able to just "snap out of it" at will. This can be very damaging to the person suffering, especially if this view is promoted by those around them. (NOT saying LC is in this boat, this is a general comment).

 

[cara]

miraclesrule, your comments can be read as discouraging psychiatric medications in situations where they might be useful. how about being pro-appropriate treatment? while overprescription of certain drugs is certainly an issue, at the same time there are problems getting people with mental health issues to address their illnesses and receive appropriate treatment, which sometimes includes medication. Both these issues exist, and you''re not really in a position to evaluate whether medication would be helpful or not for the OP.

One should be skeptical of any medical treatment, and that skepticism should include an evaluation of the risks of treatment, risks of non-treatment, other options, possible "path of least resistance" issues in the doctor''s recommendation of option A over option B, etc. One should always be one''s own advocate in receiving health care, but there is a line between being one''s own advocate and stupidly substituting google, anonymous internet postings and a shelf at borders for the opinions of professionals IRL.

Of course the situation is complicated - doctors get things wrong, doctors take easy ways out sometimes or are not up to date on the latest treatments, or insurance policies bias treatment paths. And the situation is more complicated in psychiatry, as the diseases are not well understood, the patient is often not in a good position to be their own advocate, there is a stigma to receiving treatment, and the available drugs are highly variable in effect and efficacy.

The problem with the phrase "Physician, heal thyself" is that it can be read as saying that the problem is all in your head and can be solved without seeking outside help. True for many things in life, but a serious impediment to getting appropriate treatment for mental illness in some instances. Heal thyself by getting appropriate treatment, be it medication, therapy, surgery, a good cry or a new "thought process"

 

[LitigatorChick]

DiamondFan, thanks for your input. I think also that my depression and primarily anxiety is post partum related - but maybe not typical PPD. I have always been anxious, but the birth of my son has cranked it up to extreme levels - that is the "post partum" bit. Really, I don''t care what medical label is slapped on it, I have deep anxiety that needs some help.

I know that a lot of people have strong views on medications for depression/anxiety. My husband (who is not coping well to say the least and going into flight mode) believe medication is not the answer. I feel that I need a bit of relief to help me cope better. I will be cautious and ask a lot of questions. I have a lot of friends and family that love me, and I am confident that I will find a good solution. I just believe, for a period of time, I need some medication to help.

I also believe that therapy and counselling are a critical part, and I am taking those steps. I know that will be a long term solution, and an evolving one.

I''m just looking for some PS hugs, support, and loving guidance. Thanks.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

LC: I am glad to hear you are taking steps to help remedy your current situation. Are you needing time away from work? I can only imagine how difficult it would be to manage your workload when you are not "up to" the task.

Perhaps you are at a time in your life where your "well" is having a hard time replentishing it''s source of strength--you keep dippiing into it''s reserves and those are running low and manifests itself in the kind of reactions you are suffering. If you require medication to get over the low ebb, and to help recover your mental and physical strength, then perhaps it is a viable option for you, but doesn''t necessarily mean that it is a permanent or long term solution. Many of the new SSRI''s are very clean vs. first generation meds and help with minimal side effects and virtually no withdrawal. I also advocate Psychotherapy (cog behavioral) as it can offer tangible solutions to managing extreme reactions/feelings that can become useful lifelong tools.

Keep in touch-- I am not so far away.....

Sharon

 

[jas]

Lit -- I have no specific advice, but huge hugs for taking care of yourself in such a responsible fashion!

Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs!

 

[diamondfan]

LC, that was sort of my point. Whether or not you might meet the DX criteria for PPD or not, you are dealing with anxiety and depression. It needs supporting, whether or not it is PPD or regular depression and anxiety. I just wanted to focus you on a bit of good, you clearly love and have bonded with your son, so you are not having to overcome that.

I have extreme anxiety and it can cause me to spiral. I thought I had something wrong healthwise aside from the known stuff that I have which is not life threatening but is hard to live with. I was convinced about this thing, (this has happened more than once) and until I could get tests and see the doctor I was paralyzed with fear. I would get nauseous, sweaty, my heart would race, I could not concentrate...until the doctor said I was fine. I had to take Xanax to deal at all. I was worried to let my kids see me upset but could not help it, I was in the grips. Hubby tries to get it, but once I am fine says, Okay, Caroline, you do not have MS or cancer etc. Can you relax now and know that you have some chronic pain but it is not MS etc? Will you remember for next time that you are okay and stop putting yourself through this? Uh, NO. Because it is not logical and I am NOT trying to do it, it just happens. Literally one weekend til I heard from the doctor I was swallowing Xanax and in bed. Hubby said, go to bed and get through the weekend, you are visibly a wreck. He was helpful but did not get it all, I can assure you it was hard for him because HE is not one to feel those things. I try to tell him, lucky you that you are never gripped in fear or terror like this, it is a horrible thing. I would seriously not wish it upon anyone.

Is there someone hubby can speak to about this too? Maybe he can see that meds might be a short term solution and not a permanent one. He needs to be on board with you, but truthfully, if for whatever reason he cannot be right now, you need to take care of YOU no matter what, for your sake and your son's.

 

[lyra]

*hugs*

Take care LC! You''re in my thoughts. Do whatever you need to do. My doc has always told me and my husband that you need to take care of "mom" first, for the whole family to be happy. So regardless of what you have to do to get to that point, it''s in the best interests of everyone in your family. Nothing to feel guilty about. Hope you have better days soon!

 

[somethingshiny]

LC~ I''m glad you have been formally diagnosed so that treatment can begin. I can''t really relate to the ongoing nature of your depression, but just the normal "baby blues" was hard enough. So, BIG HUGE HUGS to you!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/6/2008 9:43:09 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
DiamondFan, thanks for your input. I think also that my depression and primarily anxiety is post partum related - but maybe not typical PPD. I have always been anxious, but the birth of my son has cranked it up to extreme levels - that is the ''post partum'' bit. Really, I don''t care what medical label is slapped on it, I have deep anxiety that needs some help.

I know that a lot of people have strong views on medications for depression/anxiety. My husband (who is not coping well to say the least and going into flight mode) believe medication is not the answer. I feel that I need a bit of relief to help me cope better. I will be cautious and ask a lot of questions. I have a lot of friends and family that love me, and I am confident that I will find a good solution. I just believe, for a period of time, I need some medication to help.

I also believe that therapy and counselling are a critical part, and I am taking those steps. I know that will be a long term solution, and an evolving one.

I''m just looking for some PS hugs, support, and loving guidance. Thanks.

LC, you are absolutely doing the right thing by seeking this type of help. If the anxiety is seriously interfering with your life, well that is exactly why anti-anxiety meds were invented--to get you out of the danger zone so you can benefit from a well-researched programme of therapy like CBT.

Two of my closest friends struggle with anxiety, both are, like you, extremely high functioning women, and one in particular found her anxieties worsened post-partum. Over the years she has developed a lot of coping techniques, but when her anxiety gets really bad she uses meds for about a 3-4 month stretch while she gets a "tune up" with her therapist. When she feels that she has learned good coping techniqes, she gradually ends the meds while continuing to apply the coping methods. This works really well for her, and she seems to need a "tune up" about every 18 months. I only wish she would get help a little sooner, sometimes, because as her friend it is hard to watch her stuggle.

Obviously, I don''t know you well, but from what I have seen here on PS you seem like exactly the type of person who will benefit greatly from CBT with (if needed) meds to take the edge off... CBT is work and sometimes the suggested changes contradict long-standing habits, but when you put your mind to it, it can really change your life.

Good luck, keep us posted, seek love and support from those who are strong enough to offer it, and do whatever you need to do to feel better!

 

[LitigatorChick]

Thanks everyone. You are so kind and supportive.

I am now stressed that all of this may be too late, and I may have damaged many of my important relationships. How do I re-build those, or can I?

 

[cara]

Oooh, LC sorry to hear you are so stressed.

Rather than worry about fix, fix, fixing relationships now, fix yourself now and worry about that. Worry about you and getting healthy. This is not to say you should neglect your other relationships or exacerbate them or not share with other people what you are going through (if you choose), but your focus should first be internal.

Rebuilding and repairing relationships is usually a slow process, as often the damage was done over time as well. Things to talk about with the pros.

 

[diamondfan]

LC, I need to just say this and I do not want it to sound wrong, but YOU are the priority right now. Life has good and bad patches, and if someone is not in it for the long haul, you really cannot be focusing your energies that way now. And that might not even be the reality of it, you might be worried but it might really be fine in the long run. I am sure anyone who is around you wants the best for you and understands that you are going through a rough patch.

I am not totally sure if you are referring to your husband and or others. To me, marriage vows say better and worse and in sickness and health for a reason. You need support now. I am not saying that the relationships are not important, but once you are on your way, things might fall into a better place. If not, cross that bridge when you get to it. You cannot put your energy in two places unless you feel that it is productive and helps you to do so. As long as your son is fine, just focus on what is necessary for you.

 

[sasa]

LitigatorChick, I''m sorry you are going thru this..*hugs* hope you will feel better soon...

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/6/2008 4:50:34 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
Thanks everyone. You are so kind and supportive.

I am now stressed that all of this may be too late, and I may have damaged many of my important relationships. How do I re-build those, or can I?

Oh honey, damage can heal, but stressing about that right now when you don't have the extra resources available might only make things worse. The best way to work towards fixing damaged relationships is to focus on getting yourself back on track, and by doing so, showing others that you are changing and working to be a better friend/daughter/partner/mother. Actions speak so much louder than words. But like diamondfan and cara said, step one is working on yourself... if you are still feeling anxious and overwhelmed, you can't possibly work towards building better relationships with others. When you are feeling more even-keel, you will have the emotional resources to work on those bonds.

Of course, damaged relationships come from an interaction between two people, but you can't control the other person and their reactions and feelings. All you can change is yourself. When you are feeling stronger and more centered, if you feel you have things to make amends for, then you can do so. In the meantime, I hope that your loved ones will understand if you simply say you are sorry and that you are working on changing. And hopefully, they will do the same. Either way, you can work to cross that bridge after you have gotten through the tough part of finding your own peace again.