Popular Kids and Geeks-How Did They Turn Out?

[iLander]

I think this thread has gotten a bit silly.

I should learn the PS threads tend to be seen through the emotional lens of the observer and the words that are written will not be read for what they are.

I say that "I was bored and looked up (googled) some of my old high school classmates" and posters read it as "gossiping/gloating" and deem it "sad", because I "have nothing better to do with my time". An extrapolation that isn't supported by my original words.

I say " those popular kids won't have the world on a string for long" and someone decides I'm "teaching children to be judgmental and not open-minded towards their peers," Ummm . . . no.

The intent was to compare and contrast the difference between my naive, high-school aged expectations (hence the words "lives to be full of limousines, sequin dresses, and glamour, just the way they looked at school dances") and their eventuality.

Other posters mentioned picked-on people that ended up in prison. Wouldn't it be silly to think they are saying "picked-on people will all end in prison"?

Let's everybody read all the words and take a generalized musing for what it is. If the popular kids turned out well, let's hear it! If the geeks did, let's hear it! Also, let's hear if the reverse is true.

Or if you have better things to do with your time, just skip this thread entirely.

BTW: I asked the mods to close this thread, and they haven't. I'll ask again, because JustGinger's assessment is 100% correct.

 

[Autumnovember]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

 

[Lauren8211]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

Blah. "Measure Success" sounds like a euphemism for "Judge People."

I sit around all day with a baby and essentially do nothing, but ya know what? I feel successful. If you judged my career, well no, obviously that wouldn't be the case, but my LIFE is successful. I completed college, married someone I love, and had a baby I adore. Whether DH repairs A/C units or runs a huge company, I'm HAPPY. That is successful at life... and happiness, IMO, is paramount.

 

[Imdanny]

...the ex-popular kids are rallying that they were always nice people (bullies conveniently never remember being total asshats)

Interesting.

 

[Autumnovember]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

Blah. "Measure Success" sounds like a euphemism for "Judge People."

I sit around all day with a baby and essentially do nothing, but ya know what? I feel successful. If you judged my career, well no, obviously that wouldn't be the case, but my LIFE is successful. I completed college, married someone I love, and had a baby I adore. Whether DH repairs A/C units or runs a huge company, I'm HAPPY. That is successful at life... and happiness, IMO, is paramount.

Well, maybe to you thats what "measures" means or sounds like but it doesn't to me. Like I was saying, I don't think that its a black and white area, there are a lot of factors that go into (imo) of how successful a person is. It isn't just about their job or just if they are happy and content - I would LIKE to think that happiness is all it takes for me to think someone is successful but it isn't, not in my world anyway.

 

[Imdanny]

I see this thread, started as a bit of "isn't life funny", Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion-style, tongue in cheek fun as going downhill very quickly. The ex-geeks are rallying that the person who gave them swirlies is a lifetime WalMart greeter and they're a Nobel Prize winner, and the ex-popular kids are rallying that they were always nice people (bullies conveniently never remember being total asshats) and are happy with 3 pageant-winning children and a house at the lake, all y'all are just still jealous losers. There's already a 2 paragraph soliloquy about how the normal girls never understood the difficulties of being gorgeous... Talk about a can of worms, ilander!

And for the record, I was Jill Average in HS, so thankfully no old wounds or axes to grind!

EXACTLY! It was supposed to be a no-big-deal, light, thread. But no. . .

It IS a can of worms! I will ask the mods to close it, since people are taking it SO personally.

If it helps anyone, I was BEST FRIENDS with one geek girl and one popular girl, both are on that list, and I keep in touch with both, so no axes to grind from me either.

And I don't sit around thinking about it, I just saw an ad from Classmates dot com, and it made me think of it plus I said I was bored . . .

***WARNING*** tongue-in-cheek, light-hearted reply!!!

iLander...were you a theater student in high school? Your response is a *bit* dramatic, don't you think? Also, if you indeed WERE a theater student, I would like to know how famous you became.

 

[princesss]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

Okay, so what defines "success"? Honest question. Because feeling happy and fulfilled is pretty huge, and I would rather feel happy and fulfilled than a whole lot of things I've felt in life. In fact, I think that's pretty much the hallmark of a successful life. Being happy and fulfilled, enjoying the life you've chosen, and not caring at all what anybody else thinks of it.

 

[stephbolt]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

I don't think at all that you can just look at someone's job to determine whether they are successful or not. Looking at two of my close friends from high school, one is a doctor and one is a social worker. Is the one who is a doctor automatically more successful? Both of them have worked hard in school and gotten graduate degrees to be where they are right now. And both love their jobs and wouldn't want to be in another field.

I think measuring success by how much money someone makes, how big their house is, or how many fancy cars they have is a very narrow minded lens. I have no idea how successful anyone I went to high school with is, other than those who I am still close with and know their personal view of their success. Everyone else, all I know is what I've seen on the internet, and people put what they want to there for the most part. I hope that everyone has found a path that makes them feel happy and fufilled, beyond that, I don't care.

 

[Lauren8211]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

Blah. "Measure Success" sounds like a euphemism for "Judge People."

I sit around all day with a baby and essentially do nothing, but ya know what? I feel successful. If you judged my career, well no, obviously that wouldn't be the case, but my LIFE is successful. I completed college, married someone I love, and had a baby I adore. Whether DH repairs A/C units or runs a huge company, I'm HAPPY. That is successful at life... and happiness, IMO, is paramount.

Well, maybe to you thats what "measures" means or sounds like but it doesn't to me. Like I was saying, I don't think that its a black and white area, there are a lot of factors that go into (imo) of how successful a person is. It isn't just about their job or just if they are happy and content - I would LIKE to think that happiness is all it takes for me to think someone is successful but it isn't, not in my world anyway.

Well to measure is to judge. You're just making up your own ruler.

I would think being happy, and taking care of your own needs is what would be considered successful. It doesn't matter what your job, and comparing careers to judge "success" is what I find judgmental. If you can pay your bills and love your life, that's success.

 

[TravelingGal]

In my experience with people in general in life.

The nice people stay nice.
The mean people stay mean.
Most people though, are in between.

 

[Clairitek]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

Blah. "Measure Success" sounds like a euphemism for "Judge People."

I sit around all day with a baby and essentially do nothing, but ya know what? I feel successful. If you judged my career, well no, obviously that wouldn't be the case, but my LIFE is successful. I completed college, married someone I love, and had a baby I adore. Whether DH repairs A/C units or runs a huge company, I'm HAPPY. That is successful at life... and happiness, IMO, is paramount.

Well, maybe to you thats what "measures" means or sounds like but it doesn't to me. Like I was saying, I don't think that its a black and white area, there are a lot of factors that go into (imo) of how successful a person is. It isn't just about their job or just if they are happy and content - I would LIKE to think that happiness is all it takes for me to think someone is successful but it isn't, not in my world anyway.

The older I get, the more my definition of success changes. I am very very much with Elle and Steph and others in this thread who have said that they think successful = happy with their life choices. I think once you get a bit older AN, there's a chance your feelings will change. I used to think a lot like you when I was your age, but now that I am a few weeks off from 30 and settled into my life path (at least the one that makes me happy right now), I find that I no longer look down on women who would choose to stay home with their child or the guy who loves his A/C repairman job like I would have 6-7 years ago. Had you asked me about the definition of success at 23/24 I would NOT have mentioned happiness as part of the definition. I would certainly have thought it had more to do with homoeownership, money in the bank, job title, and salary.

 

[Aoife]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

Blah. "Measure Success" sounds like a euphemism for "Judge People."

I sit around all day with a baby and essentially do nothing, but ya know what? I feel successful. If you judged my career, well no, obviously that wouldn't be the case, but my LIFE is successful. I completed college, married someone I love, and had a baby I adore. Whether DH repairs A/C units or runs a huge company, I'm HAPPY. That is successful at life... and happiness, IMO, is paramount.

Well, maybe to you thats what "measures" means or sounds like but it doesn't to me. Like I was saying, I don't think that its a black and white area, there are a lot of factors that go into (imo) of how successful a person is. It isn't just about their job or just if they are happy and content - I would LIKE to think that happiness is all it takes for me to think someone is successful but it isn't, not in my world anyway.

The older I get, the more my definition of success changes. I am very very much with Elle and Steph and others in this thread who have said that they think successful = happy with their life choices. I think once you get a bit older AN, there's a chance your feelings will change. I used to think a lot like you when I was your age, but now that I am a few weeks off from 30 and settled into my life path (at least the one that makes me happy right now), I find that I no longer look down on women who would choose to stay home with their child or the guy who loves his A/C repairman job like I would have 6-7 years ago. Had you asked me about the definition of success at 23/24 I would NOT have mentioned happiness as part of the definition. I would certainly have thought it had more to do with homoeownership, money in the bank, job title, and salary.

Interesting thread.

I think Claritek hit the nail on the head here. I'm on the shady end of the 50+ mark, and definitions and perspectives about success vs. happiness have changed for me as I've gotten older, as they have for most of my friends. I know plenty of people who have all the outer trappings of success, but are miserable for various reasons, and others who have made unconventional life choices that some people look down on, but who lead satisfying, fulfilled lives. I also know people who still consider their high school years the peak of their lives, which is sad on a lot of levels, but money does not equal success, which also doesn't necessarily mean happiness. Ultimately, is someone's measure of success depends on being more affluent than, or having higher social status than someone else, it says a very great deal more about that person than it does about anything else.

 

[iLander]

At no point in the OP had I said anyone was successful or not. I was pointing out that they turned out differently than I had expected. I guess I stupidly expected some people to become international supermodels and presidents of their own small countries. You'll remember I also thought some of the geeks would crawl into a hole.

I found the contrast between my expectations and their current situation (25+ years after high school) interesting. I think happiness is plenty of success. How that's defined is not the point.

BTW: The judgement/label of "success" was initially brought to this conversation by those saying not to judge/label "success". It was never intended to be part of the conversation.

 

[steph72276]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

No problem, your definition of success doesn't have to match mine, it's all good. I'm at the point in my life that I don't care if anyone thinks I'm not a success because I'm a SAHM by choice. BTW, my kids never got the memo that SAHMs were supposed to sit around and do nothing, I need to get on that Anyway, I love my life and am proud of the choices I've made and do feel like living a happy fulfilled life is a success. If you don't agree, no problem with me!

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="elledizzy5|


I would think being happy, and taking care of your own needs is what would be considered successful. It doesn't matter what your job, and comparing careers to judge "success" is what I find judgmental. If you can pay your bills and love your life, that's success.[/quote]


i agree with elle...

 

[Aoife]

At no point in the OP had I said anyone was successful or not. I was pointing out that they turned out differently than I had expected. I guess I stupidly expected some people to become international supermodels and presidents of their own small countries. You'll remember I also thought some of the geeks would crawl into a hole.

I found the contrast between my expectations and their current situation (25+ years after high school) interesting. I think happiness is plenty of success. How that's defined is not the point.

BTW: The judgement/label of "success" was initially brought to this conversation by those saying not to judge/label "success". It was never intended to be part of the conversation.

Actually, you did use the word "success" in your original post, which is why I think the conversation took off in that direction for some of us. I understand that that wasn't your original point, though.

 

[Autumnovember]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

Blah. "Measure Success" sounds like a euphemism for "Judge People."

I sit around all day with a baby and essentially do nothing, but ya know what? I feel successful. If you judged my career, well no, obviously that wouldn't be the case, but my LIFE is successful. I completed college, married someone I love, and had a baby I adore. Whether DH repairs A/C units or runs a huge company, I'm HAPPY. That is successful at life... and happiness, IMO, is paramount.

Well, maybe to you thats what "measures" means or sounds like but it doesn't to me. Like I was saying, I don't think that its a black and white area, there are a lot of factors that go into (imo) of how successful a person is. It isn't just about their job or just if they are happy and content - I would LIKE to think that happiness is all it takes for me to think someone is successful but it isn't, not in my world anyway.

The older I get, the more my definition of success changes. I am very very much with Elle and Steph and others in this thread who have said that they think successful = happy with their life choices. I think once you get a bit older AN, there's a chance your feelings will change. I used to think a lot like you when I was your age, but now that I am a few weeks off from 30 and settled into my life path (at least the one that makes me happy right now), I find that I no longer look down on women who would choose to stay home with their child or the guy who loves his A/C repairman job like I would have 6-7 years ago. Had you asked me about the definition of success at 23/24 I would NOT have mentioned happiness as part of the definition. I would certainly have thought it had more to do with homoeownership, money in the bank, job title, and salary.

You're completely right, it absolutely has to do everything with my age. I have no doubt that my opinions on what success will change as I get older.

Princess - at my age right now, 24, to me success is about a lot of things. Happiness is definitely one of them but right now I can't achieve happiness completely unless I have the job that I have been working toward (and when I get it - that will be ONE of the factors that determines if I feel successful). This in turn will allow me to go ahead and work towards owning my own home someday (big or small, doesn't matter it will still be SUCCESS), having the ability to pay for bills, having kids someday, etc. I can go on forever. What I'm saying is, that at my age success = completion of my own goals which IS ultimately happiness. Right now, I just can't see success being JUST happiness because I can't picture myself being happy without being able to have the job that will allow me to reach that happiness. I hope this makes sense. For the record, I purposely made sure to put in "artists, journalists, photographers," in my original post. I would have added more because I don't believe that just because you're a lawyer or a doctor you are successful (actually, I think a lot of them are NOT successful in other areas of life and I'm saying this only because of the lawyers/doctors I *do* know). My father does electrical work (used to be an engineer for a big name company) and while its no longer a white collar job, I consider my dad extremely successful because he's achieved so many goals in his life.

 

[Autumnovember]

Well, I think it's very narrow minded to judge someone's success by their career path. I had very high grades all throughout school and could have done many many things, but chose to go to a small school and become a teacher because that's what I was passionate about. I didn't care about having a high powered career or making a ton of money. Then after I had kids, I chose to stay at home with them because that's what made me fell fulfilled as a person. I think happiness and fulfillment in one's life is a better indicator of success than chosen career path. There are a lot of unhappy people that make a lot of money, and I wouldn't trade my life with those people for anything. I also think that being secure and happy with yourself lends to not putting others' choices down to make yourself feel better.

I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

Blah. "Measure Success" sounds like a euphemism for "Judge People."

I sit around all day with a baby and essentially do nothing, but ya know what? I feel successful. If you judged my career, well no, obviously that wouldn't be the case, but my LIFE is successful. I completed college, married someone I love, and had a baby I adore. Whether DH repairs A/C units or runs a huge company, I'm HAPPY. That is successful at life... and happiness, IMO, is paramount.

Well, maybe to you thats what "measures" means or sounds like but it doesn't to me. Like I was saying, I don't think that its a black and white area, there are a lot of factors that go into (imo) of how successful a person is. It isn't just about their job or just if they are happy and content - I would LIKE to think that happiness is all it takes for me to think someone is successful but it isn't, not in my world anyway.

Well to measure is to judge. You're just making up your own ruler.

I would think being happy, and taking care of your own needs is what would be considered successful. It doesn't matter what your job, and comparing careers to judge "success" is what I find judgmental. If you can pay your bills and love your life, that's success.

Right, I understand.

But I can't pay my bills unless I have the job that will allow me to do that. I don't have that job yet. We can go on forever about bills too though. The basics? Or other things too?

I think the reason why so many people equate success with the kind of job you have is because....the "higher" (ugh) up your job is, the more money you make. The more money you make, the more luxuries you can afford in life. The more luxuries, the more happiness. We live in such a materialistic world. My husband is 13 years older than me, so obviously he understands life and what really matters much better than I. However, only 4 years ago it wasn't like that. He was always chasing something bigger and better and it is only now that he understands, lots of luxuries doesn't make you happy. Simplicity is sometimes better but I also believe that he knows he NEEDS to make the kind of money he does no matter what. But we're on a diamond forum here, how can we avoid equating happiness (not FULL happiness) with materials? ESPECIALLY on this forum, a forum where we all like diamonds and either do spend lots of money on them or would definitely want to.

 

[LAJennifer]

This thread reminds of something my six year old nephew said the other day. He was watching a football game with his dad (my brother). His Dad asked him, "Do you want to be a football player when you grow up?" He replied, "No." His Dad then asked him, "How about an astronaut?" Again, his reply was simply "no." "Well, what do you want to be?"

His answer was, "Just an ordinary man with a regular job, and I want to come home from work every day and listen to Pink Floyd."

He is popular, by the way.

 

[rosetta]

This thread reminds of something my six year old nephew said the other day. He was watching a football game with his dad (my brother). His Dad asked him, "Do you want to be a football player when you grow up?" He replied, "No." His Dad then asked him, "How about an astronaut?" Again, his reply was simply "no." "Well, what do you want to be?"

His answer was, "Just an ordinary man with a regular job, and I want to come home from work every day and listen to Pink Floyd."

He is popular, by the way.

Smart kid. Can I join him?

I'm a successful career woman.

But I'm a happy wife.

 

[jaysonsmom]

This thread reminds of something my six year old nephew said the other day. He was watching a football game with his dad (my brother). His Dad asked him, "Do you want to be a football player when you grow up?" He replied, "No." His Dad then asked him, "How about an astronaut?" Again, his reply was simply "no." "Well, what do you want to be?"

His answer was, "Just an ordinary man with a regular job, and I want to come home from work every day and listen to Pink Floyd."

He is popular, by the way.

Smart kid. Can I join him?

I'm a successful career woman.

But I'm a happy wife.

Ditto

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="Aoife|1329505372|


I think Claritek hit the nail on the head here. I'm on the shady end of the 50+ mark, and definitions and perspectives about success vs. happiness have changed for me as I've gotten older, as they have for most of my friends. I know plenty of people who have all the outer trappings of success, but are miserable for various reasons, and others who have made unconventional life choices that some people look down on, but who lead satisfying, fulfilled lives. I also know people who still consider their high school years the peak of their lives, which is sad on a lot of levels, but money does not equal success, which also doesn't necessarily mean happiness. Ultimately, is someone's measure of success depends on being more affluent than, or having higher social status than someone else, it says a very great deal more about that person than it does about anything else.[/quote]


true,but i would rather be rich and sad than poor and sad...

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I had a friend in High School who pushed the boundaries of the school uniform as much as one could. She had a different color in her hair every week and and out of school she wore black lace gloves, punk hair and too short skirts. She never got into any trouble, she was academically excellent, she just looked like a wild child and she had a strong mind, she was very confident.
She came to my house once to see if I wanted to hang out. My Dad took one look at her and told me I could not associate with her, he said she looked like a hooker and was a bad influence, he judged her as having loose morality simply by appearances.

That was in the 80's, today she is a leading scientist in the field of fighter jet technology, she's a genius!
I couldn't wait to tell my Father when I found out on my last trip home to the UK.
Just goes to show, don't judge a book by its cover.

Yup, that was me in high school. Blue hair, leather spiked dog collar, big ol black leather boots.
I'm about to graduate from a top tier medical school in May.
No, I don't still have blue hair...

 

[Black Jade]

[quote="elledizzy5|1329499534|3128160
I sit around all day with a baby and essentially do nothing, but ya know what? I feel successful. If you judged my career, well no, obviously that wouldn't be the case, but my LIFE is successful. I completed college, married someone I love, and had a baby I adore. Whether DH repairs A/C units or runs a huge company, I'm HAPPY. That is successful at life... and happiness, IMO, is paramount.[/quote]

Taking care of a baby all day is definitely not 'essentially doing nothing.' I loved my three babies and loved being home with them but taking care of them would definitely count as work. Look at it this way. If you didn't take care of your baby yourself, would anyone else do it for free?

I bet your husband doesn't think you do nothing, either. Enjoy your raising your baby, enjoy these happy years and take it from an older lady (55) who was a SAHM sometimes and worked sometimes--when the day came that my oldest grew up and went away to college, I didn't think, oh I could have spent so much more time at my job and I'm sorry I didn't--I just couldn't believe how time had flown and it didn't seem as if I had had enough time with my KID.

 

[Black Jade]

...the ex-popular kids are rallying that they were always nice people (bullies conveniently never remember being total asshats)

Yeah, this is an interesting remark. So, being an ex-popular kid defines you as having necessarily been a bully?

I thought a bully was someone who picked on/insulted/beat up other kids. I don't think being popular has anything to do with it. In fact, I would think a bully would NOT be popular. Though they might well have an entourage of scared kids afraid to stand up to them and laughing weakly while they pick on other kids, because they are afraid that if they don't laugh, they'll be next.

I also have to go on the record as saying, I don't think anyone commits suicide solely because of being bullied. I think bullying is an awful thing and should never happen to anyone--and I know whereof I speak, before I went to high school, I was bullied to an extent you would not believe. My mom actually changed my school eventually because it was so bad and the adults didn't seem to be able to manage to do anything about it. But miserable as it was, it didn't make me want to die. It just made me not want to go to school--which is quite different. I think something else is going with a suicidal kid and that it's more than just school. They are lacking some other kind of support system, and that needs to be looked at.

BTW one of the girls who bullied me the most and wouldn't stop ended up swallowing a whole bottle of aspirin one day in a suicide attempt. Fortunately, she didn't die. She was gone from school for a bit and then came back a lot nicer, though I can't say that we exactly became friends. I met her 'gang' years later though at a school reunion--the posse that used to follow her around and laugh while she picked on me, and we had quite a nice evening together--twenty years later, it didn't seem that important, and the fact that they used to pick on me didn't ruin my life or anything, so who cares? They seemed to have grown up happy with themselves and weren't being nasty anymore so we all forgot about it.

 

[Black Jade]

[quote="Autumnovember|1329499126|3128154I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...[/quote]
Yes, it would be interesting to discuss what success is.
I think often in our society we feel that people who don't have nine to five jobs with paychecks attached are 'sitting at home all day and doing nothing' but in many cases this is not true at all; I think it's a kind of prejudice that we as a society have (i mean no offence to the person who posted this); jsut bringing up that this is a common opinion in the US and I don't think its necessarily the right opinion.

 

[Black Jade]

In my experience with people in general in life.

The nice people stay nice.
The mean people stay mean.
Most people though, are in between.

I have known people to really and honestly change. Fortunately, usually it's bad changing to good--not the other way around.

Most of us do change quite a bit from high school years to adult years--teenagers are hormone-driven, insecure, and ruled more by their peer's opinions than most adults, and in the years between 15 and 25 most people change a lot--mostly for the better, I think. It's called 'maturing'.

 

[Autumnovember]

[quote="Autumnovember|1329499126|3128154I have to disagree with this a bit. I do think that a measure of someone's success is very much beyond just what they do but in my own defense I was under the impression that thats what we were looking at here. There are so many factors that one can use to measure success not just the job you have or how happy you are. I don't think it's that gray of an area. I can't picture myself thinking that a person who sits around all day and does nothing yet feels happy and fulfilled is successful. I think we all have our own ideas about what success really means because we all come from so many different areas, cultures, backgrounds etc. That would be a good thread...

Yes, it would be interesting to discuss what success is.
I think often in our society we feel that people who don't have nine to five jobs with paychecks attached are 'sitting at home all day and doing nothing' but in many cases this is not true at all; I think it's a kind of prejudice that we as a society have (i mean no offence to the person who posted this); jsut bringing up that this is a common opinion in the US and I don't think its necessarily the right opinion.[/quote]


Ok, honestly...enlighten me. Because I don't know why being a stay at home mom keeps being brought up in response to me saying that sitting at home and doing nothing all day = being a STAHM. I never ever mentioned anyyyyyyyyyyyyything that would even slightly point at that idea. I could not imagine someone arguing that STAHM's do "nothing." The person I was envisioning is someone kind of like how I was when I was a student in undergrad...someone who hangs out all day...surfs the net, watches some TV, hangs out, naps, see's a friend maybe...and while I was happy and content I certainly didn't think I was "successful." That's what I meant by "someone who hangs out all day."

 

[Autumnovember]

...the ex-popular kids are rallying that they were always nice people (bullies conveniently never remember being total asshats)

Yeah, this is an interesting remark. So, being an ex-popular kid defines you as having necessarily been a bully?

I thought a bully was someone who picked on/insulted/beat up other kids. I don't think being popular has anything to do with it. In fact, I would think a bully would NOT be popular. Though they might well have an entourage of scared kids afraid to stand up to them and laughing weakly while they pick on other kids, because they are afraid that if they don't laugh, they'll be next.

I also have to go on the record as saying, I don't think anyone commits suicide solely because of being bullied. I think bullying is an awful thing and should never happen to anyone--and I know whereof I speak, before I went to high school, I was bullied to an extent you would not believe. My mom actually changed my school eventually because it was so bad and the adults didn't seem to be able to manage to do anything about it. But miserable as it was, it didn't make me want to die. It just made me not want to go to school--which is quite different. I think something else is going with a suicidal kid and that it's more than just school. They are lacking some other kind of support system, and that needs to be looked at.

BTW one of the girls who bullied me the most and wouldn't stop ended up swallowing a whole bottle of aspirin one day in a suicide attempt. Fortunately, she didn't die. She was gone from school for a bit and then came back a lot nicer, though I can't say that we exactly became friends. I met her 'gang' years later though at a school reunion--the posse that used to follow her around and laugh while she picked on me, and we had quite a nice evening together--twenty years later, it didn't seem that important, and the fact that they used to pick on me didn't ruin my life or anything, so who cares? They seemed to have grown up happy with themselves and weren't being nasty anymore so we all forgot about it.

Interesting Black Jade. someone very close to me was also severely bullied (head bashed into a car windshield one day..) and there are many, many awful stories I remember. And let me tell ya, her attempted suicide when she was 15 was SURELY because of that.

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="Autumnovember|

Ok, honestly...enlighten me. Because I don't know why being a stay at home mom keeps being brought up in response to me saying that sitting at home and doing nothing all day = being a STAHM. I never ever mentioned anyyyyyyyyyyyyything that would even slightly point at that idea. I could not imagine someone arguing that STAHM's do "nothing." The person I was envisioning is someone kind of like how I was when I was a student in undergrad...someone who hangs out all day...surfs the net, watches some TV, hangs out, naps, see's a friend maybe...and while I was happy and content I certainly didn't think I was "successful." That's what I meant by "someone who hangs out all day."[/quote]


that's me!!... but then i'd feel successful..