Home Please tell me when you knew...

[zoebartlett]

Date: 3/9/2010 8:09:49 PM
Author: Mara
I ditto TG re: not being 'ready' but 'ready enough' to either not use BC or 'try and see what happens'... it took us about 2-3 years to get to that point after STARTING to discuss it. That may seem like a long time to some but considering that we had waited that long we figured waiting a few more years to be sure was not much in the scheme of things.


The irony for us is that we decided to throw caution to the wind figuring that it would take us a while (he was 41 and i was 34)...but we got pregnant right away, literally right away. So we were really glad that we had waited til we were at least 'ready enough' because we were much further along in our mental acceptance of it than if we had started throwing caution to the wind a few years earlier.


Though all that said, I DO feel like I wish we had been ready 3-4 years earlier because pregnancy was hard on my body at 34. I would much prefer being pregnant at 29 or 30 than 34 just for all the little extra aches and pains ... and also when the kid comes, the sleep deprivation to me would be EASIER when we were younger than when we are as old as we are. Even though we are young at heart, our bodies still are of age.


Whatever you decide, no answer is right or wrong. Also, my husband used to say things like 'whenever you are ready' but in reality he knew I wasn't ready so it was easy for him to SAY that.because he knew I wasn't there yet. I knew both of us were on the same page mentally, which was 'almost ready' a few years ago, but it took a little while longer to get there...we wanted to be in a better financial position and get more travel in, both of which we did in those few years we also mentally readied ourselves.

Mara, I hope I was able to bold one of your sentences correctly. I love how you said "Whatever you decide, no answer is right or wrong." I mean, I KNOW that's true, of course, but sometimes it takes hearing it that way to feel okay with a certain decision. There are times when I feel like I should be dying to have kids but I do think we'd have a perfectly great life if we didn't. I don't know, maybe we're conditioned to think we need to have kids because it's usually the next logical step in life after marriage.

KTF -- I know what you mean, and in some ways, I feel the same as you. We've been on the fence for years about whether to have a family. My husband has always said that although he'd like to have a family, if it doesn't happen, he'd be okay with that. I think I feel the same way (for a few reason -- financial, age, etc.). A big part, a huge part, actually, is that I'm with little kids all day long when I'm at work. I LOVE it, and I've ALWAYS felt that I needed kids in my life somehow. If I can use the word "fix," I guess I'd say that I get my "fix" of kids at work, and while they're in my class, I take care of them as if they were my own. So when people ask whether or when we'll have kids, I say that we're thinking about it. That's true, but at some point we have to decide whether to go for it or not.

Sorry for rambling, but this has been on my mind A LOT lately as well. I wish I had an answer for you.

ETA: I'm 36 and my husband is almost 38.

 

[ChinaCat]

Something that really helped me solidify my thoughts about trying to have kids (and has been mentioned above, I believe) is asking myself whether or not I would look back and REGRET not having kids or at least not trying to have kids.

When I thought about it, my gut instinct loudly said yes, I would regret it, and the thought made me sad. So for me it was a matter of being scared and not wanting my life to change and not being "ready" but not about whether I wanted kids at all.

ETA: If it helps, I was 34 when I got pregnant and 35 when my son was born.