Please Help! Husband bought new diamond

[Stunning]

Hi all! I have been visiting this site for over a year, and i have learned so much from you all- THANK YOU!

Well, now I need your help. My husband, who always surprises me with EXCELLENT gifts, and is so loving, surprised me by upgrading my engagement ring! (Not the band, but the main diamond. I think (as sharp as he is) he may have been ripped off. I hinted around for him to be careful, as he was trading in my 1.20 princess cut slightly yellow vs 1 (sorry, that's all the info I have on it). The old ring was appraised at $7,600, but it has a band with 30 brilliant round diamond with a total carat weight of 1.55. He replaced the big diamond with.... a 1.82 princess cut E SI3, very thin to slightly thick polished D=75% T=82% girdle=62.4%. He traded in the 1.20 diamond, and paid an additional $5,000-7,000. (not sure of the exact amount). Oh boy. Was that not good?

The color is beautiful!!! But, I noticed inclusions that are visible if you stare at it hard enough.

I am heartbroken and I don't know what to do. He has such great taste, and always buys top quality items, but I KNOW he rushed on this (it was for our anniversary). I tried to ask questions when I suspected he would upgrade, but he took pride in this project and would not let me give input. (Normally we make major decisions together, and he respects my opinion. But this was to be a surprise.)

What do I do? Was this a bad deal? If so, how do I tell him, and since it has been 5 days since I received it, is it too late to return/exchange? He said that we would be upgrading again in the near future. I love the ring, but I am worried that it might chip. Oh-EGL certified, new diamond (with the 30 small diamonds on the band) appraised by jeweler he purchased from for $17,000.

I respect you all so much, and now I need your help!

Thank you!

 

[Lorelei]

Welcome to PS

Oh dear.....tricky one this.....an SI3 clarity very well might show inclusions, especially in a Princess. Whether you can return or exchange it depends on the policy of the store where he bought it. You say that he said " we would be upgrading again in the near future" as he said that, maybe as you know this diamond won''t be around for too long you could just enjoy the new size and lack of colour to avoid changing it out for now ? Or you can say to him as tactfully as possible that you would prefer to change this diamond? You know him best and how much upset it might cause him ( or not) to mention doing this...

I don''t know how accurate the appraisal is as they are normally a lot higher than the price paid, I shouldn''t think an EGL cert of that size and specs would cost as much as that. I am thinking more about this dilemma....here is what I would do for what it is worth and I am sure you will get other opinions saying the opposite!!!!!!

Your Husband meant this upgrade to be a surprise, which is a MAJOR thing that many women have dreamed of ( myself included

) How did you train him to do THAT????????

As it was a surprise and he is probably so proud of himself for getting you the big rock that you wanted, it might really burst his bubble BIGTIME if you say you want to change it, especially as you will be upgrading again soon. If yoiu weren''t upgrading I would encourage you to change it for sure, but as you are I would hold my peace if it was me and make sure I had a lot more input on the next upgrade! You said below " he took pride in this project" I wouldn''t want to spoil that for him! This is what I would do anyway, you have to decide what is best for the two of you. I can imagine the disappointment you felt, next time you will get it PERFECT!!!!

 

[Stunning]

Hi Lorelei! Thank you so much for your reply! Wow. Your solution is what I wanted to do in my heart, but after I came here and stared reading and researching (which I love to do), I wanted some input. Bless you! I actually did not notice any inclusions at first-I just saw this beautiful diamond, and to me it looks like a little over 2 carats, and oh-the color! It wasn''t until further inspection that I did see inclusions.

But my husband''s surpirise (he has always surprised me somehow) melts my heart, and Lorelei you are so right with everything you said. Thank you for making it even more clear to me ( no pun intended!!) You made excellent points. I am enjoying the ring, and he did mention upgrading again soon. I just have to somehow direct him to this site in the meantime so that he is well-prepared next time!

Thank you again!

 

[Lorelei]

Glad to have helped!!!

Stunning is there any chance you could post pics of this ginormous rock please?

We are all picture junkies here! Almost 2 ct Princesses are thin on the ground!

 

[Sundial]

My husband also surprised me with an upgrade (a whole new ring) from our local jeweler when I was in the process of researching an online purchase. He knew I wanted a three stone ring with ideal cut diamonds so he bought a Hearts on Fire ring and way overpaid compared to what I could have gotten off the internet. Also the center stone was a little smaller than I had planned, it was SI1 clarity when I wanted VS2, and the setting was white gold not platinum. But you know what, once I got over the initial shock I realized that it is a beautiful ring and that it meant a lot to me to have him involved in purchasing it. Only you know your husband, but it sounds like he was trying very hard to please you. Unless the new diamond is just completely lifeless my advice would be to try and learn to love it. And please post some pictures for us!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I guess a forum is to get varied opinions, so I''ll give you a different one! Although I understand and sympathize with the above advice, I would never, ever be happy with an SI3 diamond with visible inclusions no matter what other features it has. I could handle Sundials situation where he surprised her with top quality hearts and arrows stones with SI1 instead of VS. But there is no way I, personally would keep an SI3. Obviously the jeweler was interested in making the sale and not giving him quality for the money. Thta''s why a site like PS is SO valuable!!! We learn about the 4 C''s and what our personal parameters are for the qualities we want in a diamond. I learned years ago that I was more particular about jewelry and quality than my husband, so we made a deal early on that there would be no expensive total surprises in jewelry. If an anniversary is coming up, I may select 3 or 4 things I like and let him choose from those. I am not looking for a new diamond for out 30th anniversary, and I could never take the chance of him walking in a jewery store and coming out with what I wanted. And I know that because I went to the finest jewelry stores in my area when I started this search and they didn''t have a single diamond within my parameters of cut, color, clarity, and carat weight. But if I did know that he was shopping for a surprise and he did not want me to pre-select, he''d have these parameters: round brilliant, AGS certified Ideal cut, VS clarity, F-G-H color, 1.35 or more carats. That way the surprise would be a very good one!

I guess I''d approach him with something like: Honey, I was looking at this beautiful diamond and I noticed I can see these inclusions with my eyes, without magnification. As much as I love you for getting me a new diamond, I am feeling that maybe we should consider exchanging this one for a VS2 or SI1 so that there will be no visible inclusions. I would do it very quickly to have the best shot at getting the jeweler to comply. I hope it turns out well for you!

 

[Lorelei]

Don't forget that this diamond is a temporary one as they will be upgrading again soon, Stunning won't have it for too long anyway, so if she holds her peace for now she can have far more input next time when they get THE ONE and leave Hubbie's pride intact too! Just wanted to point that out!

But....I have an out for you should you need it Stunning...you could always say that you love the diamond but are very concerned about the very thin girdle chipping and could use that to change it without hurting Hub's feelings maybe.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think he really overpaid as well and the jeweler grossly over appraised the value. Here's a 1.86 carat, E, SI2, very good cut GIA certifed (which would be worth more than the one he bought which was EGL and SI3) and it is $10,853 at Blue Nile.

http://www.bluenile.com/diamonds_details.asp?pid=LD00204667&filter_id=0

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 6/1/2006 9:11:19 AM
Author: Lorelei
Don't forget that this diamond is a temporary one as they will be upgrading again soon, Stunning won't have it for too long anyway, so if she holds her peace for now she can have far more input next time when they get THE ONE and leave Hubbie's pride intact too! Just wanted to point that out!

My thinking is that I wouldn't want to ever do business with that jeweler again since I feel he is ripping them off, so she'd be better off getting her old diamond back, set it in a pendant or something, and start over with a better diamond at a fair price from somewhere else and then upgrade from there. It just makes me mad when people get taken advantage of and I hate to see them in a trap like that.

I do agree with you feelings, Lorelei, it's just that I couldn't be happy knowing I was cheated. Sundial's husband also overpaid, but the item was excellent quality.

 

[Lorelei]

If it was at a B&M he probably did overpay for it which is usual it seems, but maybe they are locked in with this store for trade up as they took the first diamond as a trade.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 6/1/2006 9:15:04 AM
Author: diamondseeker2006

Date: 6/1/2006 9:11:19 AM
Author: Lorelei
Don''t forget that this diamond is a temporary one as they will be upgrading again soon, Stunning won''t have it for too long anyway, so if she holds her peace for now she can have far more input next time when they get THE ONE and leave Hubbie''s pride intact too! Just wanted to point that out!

My thinking is that I wouldn''t want to ever do business with that jeweler again since I feel he is ripping them off, so she''d be better off getting her old diamond back, set it in a pendant or something, and start over with a better diamond at a fair price and then upgrade from there. It just makes me mad when people get taken advantage of and I hate to see them in a trap like that.

I do agree with you feelings, Lorelei, it''s just that I couldn''t be happy knowing I was cheated.

I do understand what you are saying DS and as we are old timers at this I would in no way ever buy that route either, your suggestion is a good one. How about it Stunning? If online is ever an option for you we can help you find a diamond to match your user name!

 

[Gypsy]

Okay... so my turn.

I see both Lorelei and DS's points.

IF you really are going to upgrade soon. I wouldn't say anything now. I would have it independantly appraised ASAP though (just tell him you want to verify the appraisal the guy gave you cause the PSers said it's a good idea)... AND if it comes back significantly problematic-- THEN I would say something to hubby and address the issue with the jeweler. If it doesn't come back bad, I would hold my peace until the next upgrade-- at which point I would make sure I was more involved in the process. And by that I mean I would tell him I want an excellent an excellent cut... the color you want and a clarity range say VS to SI1.

But that's how I would handle it.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think the appraisal is fine if they have the time. But the most true comparison of value is to pull up similar stones online. Even add 20% for the B&M mark-up. An EGL SI3 is probably a GIA I1 or worse and the E color could easily be F. Why continue dealing with this jeweler?

 

[Gypsy]

To spare her husband''s feelings DS. He''s feeling proud and happy. That''s why I suggested the appraisal.

 

[Lorelei]

Me again!

That is what makes the situation delicate is Hubby's feelings....I can imagine my Husband would be gutted if he dropped hints that he was going to upgrade my diamond and made it clear that this was a project that he didn't want any input in from me at all as it was his special gift to me, then I was disappointed in it after all his efforts when he thought he did so well. JMO...However the situation wouldn't arise as he wouldn't buy me a major diamond on his own, just say " look for what you want then I will pay for it

!!!) It is so hard to say what is best, DS and Gypsy you both make complete sense in what you are saying, but it is just a case of sparing this poor guy's feelings if Stunning can. If she feels she can't live with the diamond until she upgrades and overlook it's flaws then maybe the appraisal and or the thin girdle tactic might work. Or she can come clean and tell him she would rather change it for the cert and clarity and go from there, he might be fine with it or not, she will know the best thing to do.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

You are right, Lorelei. Only she knows her husband and how best to deal with it. I learned on some small things that it would never work for him to buy me a big jewelry surprise because he''d never put thousands of hours into the research like I would. Just as I wouldn''t attempt to buy him a car without knowing his exact specifications!

 

[Stunning]

Hi everyone! I appreciate all of your input-thank you so much! I will try to take pictures and post them soon. My husband got me a Sony digital camera that fits in my hand, and it takes excellent pictures. I just have to get them onto the computer to post here.

Back to the ring. There are some great points made here. I am usually specific (and very involved) in big purchases. I tell hubby what I like (and usually he knows or has an idea already), but I did not get specific with the details of my diamond. He knew that I wanted a princess cut, but beyond that, I only said I wanted an excellent quality stone. I thought I had time to give the specifics before he made a purchase, but I was wrong. He wanted to surprise me, and he did. He likes the best of everything, but with this purchase I just think he didn't do enough research, and the jewelers were not honest. Typically he is such a sharp, educated shopper. He does the research and/or asks me questions, or just pays attention to what I say I like. I think his excitement had something to do with it too.

I've already received several compliments on the ring-and it is blinding in the sun! But I also know that most people don't have the knowledge that this site is full of.

I think that since he mentioned that we would be upgrading very soon, and I know that he has always kept his word, that I will hold tight. Is upgrading not a good idea? Also, the very thin girth- I want to stay away from that. I've always had VS or higher, so I know the FIRST thing I will tell him is to STAY AWAY from SI. If I explain the difference, etc., he will always remember it. I will go with him next time to pick out the stone-or purchase online, maybe.

Thank you again for all input, and I'll be keeping everyone posted. I feel that you have my back here,

and that means so much!

 

[Sundial]

Stunning has received some good advice here and some varying opinions. Ultimately only she can say how her husband would handle it if she wants to change the diamond and whether or not she can be happy with this diamond. That's really the bottom line.

Edited to add: Stunning I see that you posted while I was typing this.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I do love this forum because it helps me to get varied opinions. It helps me with my own personal decision..and I haven''t even solved my own dilemma yet! But as Gypsy, Sundial, and Lorelei have said, it''s your decision how best to work it out in the end, Stunning! And we all wish you the very best!!!

 

[Stunning]

I think I will have it independantly appraised, in the meantime. That is a good idea.

 

[Lorelei]

I don''t want to complicate things here Stunning

but a properly graded SI1 or SI2 can be eyeclean, so consider them if they pop up during your next upgrade if the cut is good. The upgrade is a great idea ( many of us enjoy doing it

) so you can get your ideal diamond next time, you can be involved as he did it all last time!

Best of luck to you and look forward to the pics sometime of the Princess

 

[Stunning]

Thanks, Lorelei for the additional SI info. I will keep that in mind. One positive thing will come out of this-he will know what tostay away from when purchasing diamonds in the future! And next upgrade, I''m letting him know exactly what I want!

I can tell that he really enjoyed shopping for the diamond and surprsing me.

 

[Lorelei]

I can imagine he is a proud rooster! I think it is a huge pride thing with men and if they want to do it but get it a little wrong, we need to try to encourage them in case they throw in the towel and say " FINE!!!!! That is the last time I AM EVER buying you a diamond!"

So we need to go softly softly

 

[Stunning]

"How about it Stunning? If online is ever an option for you we can help you find a diamond to match your user name!"

I just saw this comment! Too cute!

Yes, I will consider online purchases for diamonds now that I know (from hanging out on this site) that it is possible to get a beautiful diamond online, if you know the reputable sites and all there is to know about the 4c''s etc. Before, I never would have considered purchasing a diamond online.

So I just might take you up on that, Lorelei!

 

[Lorelei]

no problem!

 

[Stunning]

Sundial, is that the ring your husband surprised you with in your avatar? If so, it is beautiful! And I know it means so much to you that he surprised you.

Thanks for your input! Sharing your situation was helpful to me.

 

[Stunning]

Gypsy, thanks for suggesting the appraisal! It is a great idea. And thanks Diamondseeker2006 for your helpful input as well.

I LOVE this forum, and the people on it!

 

[Lorelei]

We aim to please

 

[Mara]

what does 'upgrade soon' mean?

does it mean you get full value of what you paid towards the new upgrade and if so how much more over what is already paid do you have to spend? many B&M's require another 50% to be spent or similar (aka if he paid $11k for the stone then he'd have to spend another $5500 to upgrade under that policy)...do you want to spend that much? i just saw the word upgrade being put out there, and wasn't sure what it entailed.

i can see both points, for me it would totally bug me me that my hubby got ripped off...on the other hand it was sweet of him to want to surprise you and do it all himself. so you are kind of between a rock and a hard place. thankfully my hubby knows never to surprise me with expensive jewelry...hehee...good and bad i guess but i am way too picky!

if you feel like his feelings would be hurt if you said something AND if you do like the stone, then just live with it, if you can. and stress next time you want to be involved. this is your marriage and relationship, it's easy for us to say what we would do but you know best how to work with your hubby and it sounds like he might have some issues if you said the diamond wasn't what you wanted, etc. i don't necessarily love what you posted about it but in this situation i kind of feel like what is done is done, expensive lesson. does the diamond sparkle and look pretty? if so..maybe it's enough! not everyone is psycho diamond picky like some of us PSers..hehe.

 

[Sundial]

Date: 6/1/2006 11:40:32 AM
Author: Stunning
Sundial, is that the ring your husband surprised you with in your avatar? If so, it is beautiful! And I know it means so much to you that he surprised you.

Thanks for your input! Sharing your situation was helpful to me.

Yes that is the ring, thank you. I just wanted you to know that others have been in the same boat. Most everyone on this forum is up for the idea of upgrading. This is my fourth time by the way. And I agree with Lorelei that you shouldn''t rule out a good eye clean SI stone.