Phone call from my ex

[prettylnpink419]

Ugh...so my ex just called to tell me that he bought his girlfriend an engagement ring and he''s going to ask her to marry him on the 20th of December. I usually am not the type of girl to get upset when we''ve been lapped but it''s my ex! He''s been with her for less than a year and she JUST turned 21! They are at completely different places in their lives. We lived together for over 2 years and there was no talk of engagement. I know that he''s not the one for me, but it''s hard for me to accept that he''s positive he found someone to spend his life with. I always found consolation in the fact that it wasn''t possible for him to love someone the way I wanted to be loved...but apparently that''s not true. Apparently it was just me. So I guess it makes me nervous about my current relationship. I am head over heels for my BF and want to spend every day for the rest of my life with him but there is no sign of a ring in our immediate future, what if the same thing happens and he decides I''m just not it for him either. I guess I''m just jealous b/c he got there before me. Please don''t get me wrong, I am COMPLETELY over him and have NO desire to get back together with him. I''m just at the point where I''ve found the one I want to be with and I just want it to happen already. But I can''t help but feel a little jealous. Please put me in my place and remind me that just because it happened for him first, doesn''t mean that it won''t happen for me and it won''t be just as special or more special. I just need to remind myself that I am in a wonderful relationship and that when we get engaged and married, it will only happen once and we will definitely live happily ever after. I need to not worry about other people and whether they beat me to the alter or not. Ugh...sorry for the vent I just don''t have anyone to really talk to about this without sounding completely crazy.

 

[Rhea]

Are you and your ex close friends? If not, that was horrible of him to call you and tell you he was getting engaged. He''s moved on from you, why does he want you to know if not for your reaction?

My ex did this, called and let me know. I don''t think he was ever happy with her, just wanted someone after we broke up.

 

[princesss]

Ummmm, what a jerk, calling to tell you he is proposing! Why would he even think that''s okay.

Look, he couldn''t love you the way you wanted to be loved, but it''s not because he wasn''t capable. It''s because you guys weren''t right for each other. Not that you weren''t right for him and he couldn''t love you like that, but that HE wasn''t right for YOU, either. You have a guy that''s right for you, and that''s the ONLY relationship that has any bearing on when you get engaged/married. NOBODY ELSE''S RELATIONSHIP MATTERS. I''m not trying to yell, but I think that''s important to remember.


You will get married. You will be blissfully happy. So just focus on enjoying life right now, and stop picking up the ex''s calls!

 

[gwendolyn]

If you aren't friends now, you should delete his number ASAP since you didn't before, and in case he decides to share more of his new life with you (honeymoon? baby?

). If you are friends now, it's better (in my opinion) that you heard it from him and not someone else gossiping about it.

Sorry you are feeling badly about it. Forget about him; he doesn't have anything to do with your current happiness--that's why he's an 'ex.'

 

[prettylnpink419]

He even told me he''d send me a picture of the ring! I told him I didn''t need to see the ring, that I was happy for him but then cut the conversation short.

You ladies are absolutely right. Thank you so much for just listening. I just had to get it out and tell someone to make sure I wasn''t crazy for being annoyed that he called about that but I feel a lot better now. From now on I''m not going to answer his calls anymore.

I really do love my BF and I know he''s the one for me. Everything happens for a reason and my break up with my ex was what pushed me to sign up for match.com, less than a month into my subscription I found the love of my life. I really couldn''t be happier with him and I never thought I''d find someone like him. I am so grateful for him and the love that he brings to my life and I know that when we get engaged he''ll do an amazing job picking out the ring and preparing a fabulous proposal that will be perfect for us. He knows me so well and he''ll pick the perfect moment for us as a couple. I have so much confidence in him and I just need to chill out.

Doesn''t help that I am miserably sick right now...so I''m probably a little over emotional.

Thanks again ladies!

 

[prettylnpink419]

I have deleted my number but he obviously hasn''t. Plus we work together! Ugh! Luckily we don''t have much interaction at work and when we do, we are civil.

We aren''t friends but he wants to be. I know this would make my BF extremely uncomfortable and it really doesn''t make sense for us to build a friendship.

I''m ready to build my life with my BF and the ex isn''t in the picture but he seems to want to try to pull himself back in.

 

[ckrickett]

Oh man. I know how you feel. I probably would be just as upset as you are. it doesn''t mean you want him back, perfectly happy with your wonderful man now. But still it stings.

I think you handled it marvelously well!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I know you're not generalizing but a lot of people who get engaged quickly work out just fine. It's really not your place to place judgement on how their marriage will work out. The only 2 people who know that is them. Sorry but this story is familiar to me except I was on the other side of the spectrum. I didn't call up my ex to tell him but when us girls went out to celebrate at the only good bar in town (which also happens to be where he is a manager

) I told him straightup because I didn't want to seem rude with a ring on my finger and not bothering to share it with someone who had meant a considerable amount to me at one point in my life...ok i'm done.

 

[prettylnpink419]

Okay Smurfy - I think you are being entirely too sensitive. My post has nothing to do with the amount of time he''s been with his girlfriend and is entirely about the fact that he called and literally said, "Do you have a ring yet? I just bought one for my girlfriend this weekend." Like it was some form of competition or something. Trust me, I knew probably less than 6 months into my current relationship that my BF is the one I want to marry and spend my life with. Had he asked then, I gladly would have said yes. The info I provided about the amount of time they were together was more or less background info, although I do feel like the age difference will definitely provide a difficult hurdle for them, but that is solely my opinion but there is a 5 year age difference and when you consider someone that is 21 and someone that is 26, there is definitely a difference in maturity levels, however he was always on the immature side when it came to relationships so maybe they are the perfect match...who knows. Regardless, I see you post over and over and over about people that you feel are talking badly about relationships for a short amount of time before being married. I think you are being too sensitive about this topic. I''m sure everyone here wishes you happiness for your upcoming wedding, I would never wish anyone nothing but the best but seriously, we know how you feel but not every relationship is like yours, and people posting about similar situations ACTUALLY know the people we are posting about and are entitled to our opinions, just like you are entitled to yours. Your opinions are based on your personal experience, my opinions are based on my personal experience. I lived with this man for over 2 years, I think I know him pretty well. I can pretty much guarantee you that this upcoming engagement for him has very little to do with his feelings for this girl or his overwhelming desire to get married, and much more to do with wanting to out do me. He heard recently from a co-worker that my guy and I were talking about getting engaged and that it would probably happened within the next 6 months or so. Now all of a sudden, the guy that has never spoken of marriage went out and FINANCED a ring...b/c he obviously wasn''t saving for one...just strikes me as suspicious is all. Don''t get me wrong, I have nothing against financing a ring if that is what works best for the couple, I wish my BF would just go out and finance my ring! I''m just saying that I feel like his whole reason for proposing is because he wants to do it before my BF does it to prove something...who knows what! Smurfy, I''m sorry if you were offended....trust me...I couldn''t care less about people that get engaged quickly, to each their own, and I wish them all luck. My ex included, I just hope he''s doing it for the right reasons, if not, I feel bad for that poor girl.

 

[Tuckins1]

I wouldn''t dwell on it. I suspect he has his own reasons for wanting to call and say something like that to you. Whatever happened between you two, he was not the right one for you. Good luck to him and his new gf and i''m sure you and your bf will be just fine! Forget about him, he sounds like a jerk anyways.

 

[jcarlylew]

pretty - i know how you feel. that happend with two of my ex''s (although, one i was friends with, it still stung!) and i wasnt even in a relationship. It was even worse when one of my ex;s was engaged, my good friends mom (he worked for their family business) kept on telling him that he broke my heart!!! and i broke up with him!! arg!!

I think it is just hard when you invest alot into a relationship (even if it doesnt work out) and to feel like.. like all that hard work was worthless, and that some other woman got to reep the benifits.. and now that i say that, i am sure E''s ex feels the same way about us. Although, if E calls his ex to announce the news, i''d probably give him a piece of my mind about that..

i hope you start to feel better soon (i know that you are not feeling well). And that feeling of being lapped by your ex will pass - i did with me.

 

[bee*]

Date: 11/30/2008 5:04:08 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
I know you''re not generalizing but a lot of people who get engaged quickly work out just fine. It''s really not your place to place judgement on how their marriage will work out. The only 2 people who know that is them. Sorry but this story is familiar to me except I was on the other side of the spectrum. I didn''t call up my ex to tell him but when us girls went out to celebrate at the only good bar in town (which also happens to be where he is a manager

) I told him straightup because I didn''t want to seem rude with a ring on my finger and not bothering to share it with someone who had meant a considerable amount to me at one point in my life...ok i''m done.

No one mentioned that their relationship wouldn''t work out due to the fact that they got engaged quickly

Sorry to hear about the phone call. I know that it means nothing but it would still hurt to hear that from an ex. The fact that you two really aren''t friends anymore really makes it seem that he just rang to rub it in a bit. Hugs.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/30/2008 5:23:23 PM
Author: prettylnpink419
Okay Smurfy - I think you are being entirely too sensitive. My post has nothing to do with the amount of time he''s been with his girlfriend and is entirely about the fact that he called and literally said, ''Do you have a ring yet? I just bought one for my girlfriend this weekend.'' Like it was some form of competition or something. Trust me, I knew probably less than 6 months into my current relationship that my BF is the one I want to marry and spend my life with. Had he asked then, I gladly would have said yes. The info I provided about the amount of time they were together was more or less background info, although I do feel like the age difference will definitely provide a difficult hurdle for them, but that is solely my opinion but there is a 5 year age difference and when you consider someone that is 21 and someone that is 26, there is definitely a difference in maturity levels, however he was always on the immature side when it came to relationships so maybe they are the perfect match...who knows. Regardless, I see you post over and over and over about people that you feel are talking badly about relationships for a short amount of time before being married. I think you are being too sensitive about this topic. I''m sure everyone here wishes you happiness for your upcoming wedding, I would never wish anyone nothing but the best but seriously, we know how you feel but not every relationship is like yours, and people posting about similar situations ACTUALLY know the people we are posting about and are entitled to our opinions, just like you are entitled to yours. Your opinions are based on your personal experience, my opinions are based on my personal experience. I lived with this man for over 2 years, I think I know him pretty well. I can pretty much guarantee you that this upcoming engagement for him has very little to do with his feelings for this girl or his overwhelming desire to get married, and much more to do with wanting to out do me. He heard recently from a co-worker that my guy and I were talking about getting engaged and that it would probably happened within the next 6 months or so. Now all of a sudden, the guy that has never spoken of marriage went out and FINANCED a ring...b/c he obviously wasn''t saving for one...just strikes me as suspicious is all. Don''t get me wrong, I have nothing against financing a ring if that is what works best for the couple, I wish my BF would just go out and finance my ring! I''m just saying that I feel like his whole reason for proposing is because he wants to do it before my BF does it to prove something...who knows what! Smurfy, I''m sorry if you were offended....trust me...I couldn''t care less about people that get engaged quickly, to each their own, and I wish them all luck. My ex included, I just hope he''s doing it for the right reasons, if not, I feel bad for that poor girl.

Well said.

 

[prettylnpink419]

Thanks so much for your support ladies! I really appreciate knowing that I''m not crazy for feeling this way. I definitely feel better already...just wish this stupid flu would go away!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 11/30/2008 2:14:14 PM
Author:prettylnpink419
He''s been with her for less than a year and she JUST turned 21!

well the way i read that was they haven''t been together long enough and i don''t feel she''s mature enough to be married

that is the only reason i posted what i did

i was not trying to piss anyone off, geez

 

[radiantquest]

you are fine but i can understand what you are saying. just remember you are happy with your current SO.

it sounds to me that he isnt over you. never did the thought cross my mind to call an ex and tell them that i got married. he wanted you to know so that he could prove something. if he was really over you i would think that he wouldnt care what you thought. people dont call their exes when they get engaged!

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/30/2008 6:39:21 PM
Author: radiantquest

it sounds to me that he isnt over you. never did the thought cross my mind to call an ex and tell them that i got married. he wanted you to know so that he could prove something. if he was really over you i would think that he wouldnt care what you thought. people dont call their exes when they get engaged!

That''s exactly what I thought. He''s not over you at all.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/30/2008 5:04:08 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
I know you''re not generalizing but a lot of people who get engaged quickly work out just fine. It''s really not your place to place judgement on how their marriage will work out. The only 2 people who know that is them. Sorry but this story is familiar to me except I was on the other side of the spectrum. I didn''t call up my ex to tell him but when us girls went out to celebrate at the only good bar in town (which also happens to be where he is a manager

) I told him straightup because I didn''t want to seem rude with a ring on my finger and not bothering to share it with someone who had meant a considerable amount to me at one point in my life...ok i''m done.

Smurfy, you are way too sensitive about any comment about relationship timelines. If you''re confident in your relationship and aren''t worried about the fact that you got engaged quickly then there is really no need to be so sensitive. The post is really not about the timeline of pretty''s ex''s relationship so I fail to see the need for you to jump in and defend your relationship.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/30/2008 6:45:28 PM
Author: MoonWater

Date: 11/30/2008 6:39:21 PM

Author: radiantquest

it sounds to me that he isnt over you. never did the thought cross my mind to call an ex and tell them that i got married. he wanted you to know so that he could prove something. if he was really over you i would think that he wouldnt care what you thought. people dont call their exes when they get engaged!

That''s exactly what I thought. He''s not over you at all.

Ditto. At least you know that when you get engaged it will be for the right reasons, and not because you''re trying to show up your ex. I understand that it would be a bummer to hear about this (and it is so weird to me that he called you!), but you know your relationship and it sounds like you''re on the path to engagement.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

the only reason i say it is because i know how it feels to have people make that judgement and i would hate for someone else to feel that way too.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 11/30/2008 7:07:34 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/30/2008 5:04:08 PM

The post is really not about the timeline of pretty''s ex''s relationship so I fail to see the need for you to jump in and defend your relationship.

And I''m not defending my relationship, I am perfectly confident in the relationship fi and I have. All I am saying is I noticed that she seemed to make that assumption based on what you wrote. Maybe she wasn''t and I read into it wrong but it''s really no reason to jump down my throat. I was stating my opinion just as the rest of you are free to do. Please drop this so the comments can go back to being directed at the OP.

 

[Thomperchik]

Pretty - I totally understand where you are coming from. I dated someone for three years and it just didn''t work out. He couldn''t love me for me or for who I am. It was a painful breakup, but shortly after I met the love of my life. I haven''t talked to my ex since, because he''s the bitter one not me. He always told me that if we were to break up, the next person he would probably marry... Sure enough....

The moral of my story is that you shouldn''t feel bad because sometimes it just doesn''t work out, and that is not your fault!

I''m glad you and your other half are happy together!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/30/2008 7:12:59 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles

Date: 11/30/2008 7:07:34 PM

Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/30/2008 5:04:08 PM

The post is really not about the timeline of pretty''s ex''s relationship so I fail to see the need for you to jump in and defend your relationship.

And I''m not defending my relationship, I am perfectly confident in the relationship fi and I have. All I am saying is I noticed that she seemed to make that assumption based on what you wrote. Maybe she wasn''t and I read into it wrong but it''s really no reason to jump down my throat. I was stating my opinion just as the rest of you are free to do. Please drop this so the comments can go back to being directed at the OP.

Drop it? I made one comment about it. You''ve made 3 or 4 now. And I certainly didn''t jump down your throat.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/30/2008 7:09:08 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/30/2008 6:45:28 PM

Author: MoonWater

Date: 11/30/2008 6:39:21 PM


Author: radiantquest


it sounds to me that he isnt over you. never did the thought cross my mind to call an ex and tell them that i got married. he wanted you to know so that he could prove something. if he was really over you i would think that he wouldnt care what you thought. people dont call their exes when they get engaged!

That''s exactly what I thought. He''s not over you at all.

Ditto. At least you know that when you get engaged it will be for the right reasons, and not because you''re trying to show up your ex. I understand that it would be a bummer to hear about this (and it is so weird to me that he called you!), but you know your relationship and it sounds like you''re on the path to engagement.

Agreed. Try not to let it bother you. Sounds like he isn''t confident in his current relationship.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 11/30/2008 8:08:47 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 11/30/2008 7:09:08 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/30/2008 6:45:28 PM

Author: MoonWater

Date: 11/30/2008 6:39:21 PM


Author: radiantquest


it sounds to me that he isnt over you. never did the thought cross my mind to call an ex and tell them that i got married. he wanted you to know so that he could prove something. if he was really over you i would think that he wouldnt care what you thought. people dont call their exes when they get engaged!

That''s exactly what I thought. He''s not over you at all.

Ditto. At least you know that when you get engaged it will be for the right reasons, and not because you''re trying to show up your ex. I understand that it would be a bummer to hear about this (and it is so weird to me that he called you!), but you know your relationship and it sounds like you''re on the path to engagement.

Agreed. Try not to let it bother you. Sounds like he isn''t confident in his current relationship.

Add another one to the list!
I agree as well.

 

[prettylnpink419]

Thanks for the input Ladies. I hope for his sake and the sake of his girlfriend that is not true. I am beyond over him and have completely moved on and I wish the same for him. But like I said, I really appreciate having a place like this where you ladies understand and make me feel less crazy! You guys are great!

 

[BlueSki231]

Yup, I agree as well - definitely not over you!
If you haven''t really maintained a friendship since the break-up and he called you out of the blue to tell you he bought a ring that''s just weird.
I mean you''d think he''d at least wait to announce the news you to until AFTER he proposed!
He''s definitely trying to prove something to you...
Don''t let it get to you.
Just wish him well and that''s that.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I told my most recent ex that we were engaged because we have maintained a friendship, we talked on the phone that week, and I knew I had to tell him before he found out from other people. I could have just avoided the call or omitted the news (which would have been even weirder, in my opinion), but I chose not to out of respect for our friendship. It was very uncomfortable, but I felt I owed him the courtesy of telling him personally instead of just letting him find out on his own and possibly have a bad reaction in front of our mutual friends. Anyways, I know it was not news that he necessarily wanted to hear, and some people may think I was cruel by telling him or that I shouldn''t be friends with someone if my engagement is an uncomfortable topic for them, but I did what I thought was kindest.


However, from what you say, it does not sound like he had your best interests at heart. What a weird situation. I certainly did not call up my exes that I am not in contact with to tell them the news.

 

[Dannielle]

What a jerk. Obviously their relationship isn''t very solid if he feels the need to get gratification from rubbing the impending engagement in your face

Smurfy- Try not to let the comments about how long people are engaged for bother you. Age comments get to me (i''m 19 and FI is 23) but you just have to remember that most people generalise and no-one knows your relationship except for yu and your FI

 

[diamondfan]

Could be a rebound thing...if you guys never even talked marriage and here he is ready to propose so soon, I think it could really be more of a rebound than true love. Is it weird that he called you? Are you two still on good terms?