Perhaps last topic but important for me

[stci]

Hi,

I'm a Pser member since many month now. I love love to come here to see beautiful jewels, discuss with other and sometimes find real friends who accept to decrypt my english language.

I like to give my opinion on jewels but sometimes, words are missing and I don't write what I really want to say. I mean, I think one thing and because my english is bad, I write something else.

They other day, a Pser tell me that I don't have to tell the truth or what I think about certain piece. Like, not feminine, not my cup of tea, ask question to OP to know why 2 identical rings and other comments. I try to be delicate but I can't lie. It's impossible to me to lie and If someone ask for opinion I simply give it. I don't want to be rude and If it is, it's because words are missing in english.

Since this time I stop to post. Was very sad and feel alone. I see tons of beauties and I dare not to give my opinion. I tough to quit the forum but after all I can still watch without writing. I have to say It's not what I want. I would like to be a perfect bilingual to tell correctly what I think about when they asked.

I'd like your opinion and your position in this regard. Even if it may hurt me, I prefer to know. Should I leave the forum? Continue to watch without saying anything? Or continue to say what I think the best way possible?

Thank you in advance to read this long message and forgive all typo and mistake in the text.

 

[Haven]

stci--I think you'll never get better at communicating in English if you don't try, so therefore I would say DON'T LEAVE!

If you're really worried about being misunderstood you could always put something along the lines of "English is not my first language, please be kind!" in your signature. I think it's wonderful that you're posting on an English speaking (writing?) forum, and I'm sorry that you're struggle to express yourself has caused you to consider leaving.

I like your posts. Don't go.

 

[kenny]

They other day, a Pser tell me that I don't have to tell the truth or what I think about certain piece. Like, not feminine, not my cup of tea, ask question to OP to know why 2 identical rings and other comments. I try to be delicate but I can't lie. It's impossible to me to lie and If someone ask for opinion I simply give it. I don't want to be rude and If it is, it's because words are missing in english.

Be yourself here, if people don't like it let them lump it.
Don't let intolerant NetNannies push you around.
As long as you are obeying PS rules you are fine just as you are.

 

[qtiekiki]

Continue to state your opinions. Of course, we love hearing compliments on our jewelry. But not everyone has the same taste/style, and you are entitled to that. It would be pretty boring if everything was cookie cutter.

 

[slg47]

I'm going to disagree. I think SMTB is for showing off. If you don't like something that someone has already purchased, I don't see any good that could result in telling them you don't like it.

 

[kenny]

I try to keep quiet when I don't like something, but I do not expect others to be like me.

I prefer a place where everyone is comfortable and free to be themselves, even if they are not just like me.

 

[stci]

SLG, what do you do when you really don't like something and OP ask for opinion?

 

[labellavita81]

If someone asks for an opinion then they want one - good or bad - they should expect both. Not everyone is going to like the same things! I am going to vote for you to stay on the forum... if someone asks for your input on something, give it.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

I just avoid SMTB. By now it feels like. another micro pave bla bla bla, no your ring is not unique....Why not just hang out with us hangout folks?

 

[Haven]

I'm going to disagree. I think SMTB is for showing off. If you don't like something that someone has already purchased, I don't see any good that could result in telling them you don't like it.

This is a good point. I don't share negative opinions (or "constructive feedback") in SMTB because that does seem rude to me. But, if people are asking for opinions, then I think it's fine to offer them--good, bad, or ugly.

I got a little touchy just now in my Rocky Talk thread because someone offered an opinion about the stone I *already* own, not the stone I'm thinking about purchasing, and I thought it was bad form. If people ask for an opinion on their jewelery, though, give it!

 

[Circe]

Stci, I took the liberty of going back and double-checking your most recent posts to see what was said. As far as I'm aware, the poster who made the comment isn't a native speaker, either ... so I don't think this is necessarily an ESL issue. And it looks like she tried hard to be tactful in saying a hard thing.

I definitely don't want you to leave ... but at the same time, I don't think it's necessarily a sign that you need to leave if somebody asks you to employ tact, unless you subscribe to the whole "I yam who I yam thing," which, frankly, I always thought was for Popeye and other two-dimensional characters.

I enjoy 90% of your posts, but I'll admit, once in a while, I've raised an eyebrow over a particularly blunt opinion. That might be a cultural difference, or a language barrier ... but either way, it's no reason to leave if you enjoy PS. Maybe just to think twice, and/or couch things differently, depending on which forum you're in? In SMTR, I don't post unless my opinion is complimentary unless people ask directly. In RT or Hangout, I'll be a little more direct, but even then, I try to consider how my words might make people feel. Is it really such a binary decision staying and leaving? Isn't there a middle ground you might be comfortable with?

ETA: I suppose there's another alternative I didn't mention in my first reply ... just grow a thick skin and be okay with explaining what you mean if people ask questions. Many options out there ....

 

[somethingshiny]

English is the only language I speak and I still manage to offend others. Regardless of what languages you know, communicating in a virtual world has its difficulties. I agree with Haven about a signature with your apologies in it.

I'm of the mindset that if the item is purchased and I haven't been asked directly, either don't post or post a congratulatory message. I wouldn't just write "Wow, that looks very masculine and the stone is a hideous yellow." Your opinion at that point doesn't make any difference so why taint that person's new jewelry? however, if I am directly asked for my opinion, I will not lie.

I've enjoyed many of your posts and actually didn't realize that English was difficult for you at times.

 

[Kaleigh]

Be yourself, and speak from the heart. We know English isn't your first language, but get your point none the less. If it's an ering someone posts and they are thrilled, then you say congrats. I hope you don't leave stci... Stick around , and learn some more. We can learn a great deal from you as well.

 

[swingirl]

Don't leave. I believe every poster has something to contribute as long as they stay within the rules of PS.

I don't comment on pieces I don't like, especially if they have already been purchased and the OP is showing them off. Everyone has a different taste in jewelry and many people attach feelings to their jewelry so you have to be tactful with criticism. I will offer my opinion when someone is iffy about a piece they are thinking about buying and specifically ask for opinions. I will assume if someone asks for opinions from the PS community they are aware the comments could be mixed. Hearing differing view points from a very educated group of jewelry lovers is a unique opportunity. Where else can you find someone to agree that the milgrain is crocked or the prongs are not symmetrical.

But don't leave. Your posts are enjoyed and you enjoy posting.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Hi,

I'm a Pser member since many month now. I love love to come here to see beautiful jewels, discuss with other and sometimes find real friends who accept to decrypt my english language.

I like to give my opinion on jewels but sometimes, words are missing and I don't write what I really want to say. I mean, I think one thing and because my english is bad, I write something else.

mine are worse or worst?? ..but then i am only one of two PSers w/o a college degree. i know when teachers like "Haven" read my posts they just go...

 

[slg47]

SLG, what do you do when you really don't like something and OP ask for opinion?

I don't post. I only post opinions that are not positive on jewelry that has not been purchased already. If someone has already bought something and is showing it off...I don't think it is beneficial to anyone for me to say that it's not my taste/style.

 

[iugurl]

SLG, what do you do when you really don't like something and OP ask for opinion?

I don't post. I only post opinions that are not positive on jewelry that has not been purchased already. If someone has already bought something and is showing it off...I don't think it is beneficial to anyone for me to say that it's not my taste/style.

I agree. Unless, the poster says I still have X days to return, I am having doubts about color, cut whatever - what do you think? Then it could be good to post your (tactful) opinion, since they still have time to return it!

 

[movie zombie]

English is the only language I speak and I still manage to offend others.

says it for me, too.

i do think that OP's that ask re purchases they already made are NOT looking for negative feedback. unless, of course, they preface their posting that they are not sure they did the right thing in making the purchase.

MoZo

ps i see a lot of halos posted and most know i don't like them mostly because i think they are over used and too much of a fad. however, periodically i see a standout piece and i go out of my way to post that i like it. i've seen color stones that i'd walk away from that others think are drool worthy. its just a fact of life that we're not all going to agree. sometimes its just better to not comment even if the OP wants feedback......but we all find our way here at P*.

 

[JewelFreak]

Stci, I hope you won't leave too. I enjoy your posts. Sometimes language isn't as much a drawback as learning the customs of the environment -- I know; I'm married to a Dutchman whose English is faultless, but who, even after 25 years in the U.S., expresses himself too often with bluntness characteristic of Holland. In our culture, many of his remarks are downright mean, whereas the Dutch take that sort of thing in stride. I am not saying you are mean -- simply using DH as an example of the tricky part of understanding a society's (or group's) customs. It isn't easy, but the more you try, the better you get.

The other comments here are helpful. If somebody posts something they've bought & asks "What do you think of my new ring?" they really want congratulations, not critique. If I don't like it, I don't comment.

One attraction of PS when we're considering a purchase is honest answers. That's how we learn. If you are unsure how to phrase them, most advice is to do it from the positive, as in: "You might be happier with something a little less included..." or "for that price you should be able to get a better cut..." It's a good rule of thumb, at least.

I wouldn't let one person's complaining make you quit. You're doing fine, and if you go away, you lose the practice and a place to go to discuss the gems you love. Hang in with us!

--- Laurie

 

[pwendyp]

hi stci

Your new tag line...**English is not my first language, please be kind !**

It's a good tagline - and I think for the most part people on here are tolerant of most anything. There's the odd flare-up of course, and the little cliques, and a dollop of in-house politics to smooth the way...but hey ho, such is life.

Most, me included, keep out of the line of fire!

I think you should stay, but perhaps take your tag-line on board, for yourself also. When people say 'what do you think of my new ring/whatever...' they don't really want to hear that it's 'awful/strange/unfeminine' - even if you feel it to be the truth.

Those truths are for our nearest and dearest to tell us. Those truths are when someone asks about a diamond on ebay, and we scream at them to 'run for the hills away from it' Those truths are for when someone is in the planing or thinking about stage, and NOT for when they have decided, and bought and paid for and are wearing something with pride.

I've seen many things on here that are so beautifully gorgeous, and many that are not. I tell of the beautiful, and hold the other thoughts back. It serves no purpose whatsoever really.

Truthfully...how would you feel if I said I thought your engagement ring was horrible, old fashioned and really did not suit you? Truthfully, would you be a little hurt? It's not what I think...but it could be...

Just my 2 p's worth.

Just as an added little thing...try to be less sensitive, more tactful...and keep an eye on your own threads, so you can answer when people ask after you. Apart from the above, I think you have pretty good English - and practice makes perfect eventually!

Stay well and take care sweetie...honestly, it's not worth getting in a twist about!

 

[steph72276]

hi stci

Your new tag line...**English is not my first language, please be kind !**

It's a good tagline - and I think for the most part people on here are tolerant of most anything. There's the odd flare-up of course, and the little cliques, and a dollop of in-house politics to smooth the way...but hey ho, such is life.

Most, me included, keep out of the line of fire!

I think you should stay, but perhaps take your tag-line on board, for yourself also. When people say 'what do you think of my new ring/whatever...' they don't really want to hear that it's 'awful/strange/unfeminine' - even if you feel it to be the truth.

Those truths are for our nearest and dearest to tell us. Those truths are when someone asks about a diamond on ebay, and we scream at them to 'run for the hills away from it' Those truths are for when someone is in the planing or thinking about stage, and NOT for when they have decided, and bought and paid for and are wearing something with pride.

I've seen many things on here that are so beautifully gorgeous, and many that are not. I tell of the beautiful, and hold the other thoughts back. It serves no purpose whatsoever really.

Truthfully...how would you feel if I said I thought your engagement ring was horrible, old fashioned and really did not suit you? Truthfully, would you be a little hurt? It's not what I think...but it could be...

Just my 2 p's worth.

Just as an added little thing...try to be less sensitive, more tactful...and keep an eye on your own threads, so you can answer when people ask after you. Apart from the above, I think you have pretty good English - and practice makes perfect eventually!

Stay well and take care sweetie...honestly, it's not worth getting in a twist about!

I was going to reply, but this basically sums up my thoughts. I would never tell someone their ring looks strange/unfeminine/ugly etc. after it's in their possession. What good does that do when they can't return it? I also don't think people should really ask for opinions unless they are looking for a ring or are within the return period. People that like the ring will give gushing comments over in SMTB, and those that don't like it should just move on without a word...that's what I do at least.

 

[february2003bride]

Stci-

I don't think you should leave, but there have been atleast three posts made by you that were rude. In SMTB I started a thread on curved rings and a long time PSer posted her set. That PSer has had that gorgeous set for a couple of years now and she posted her set to show me her curved band with her e-ring, NOT for opinions on her set. You posted something that I found extremely rude about her ring, and she wasn't even asking for opinions! And another post towards a PSer that just had a custom ring done, you basically asked her why did have that ring made? Again, so rude.

Personally, in SMTB, most of the e-rings/pendants/earrings/wedding bands posted have already been purchased and can't be returned. If there is a ring I don't care for, I don't post anything. Who am I to say that someone's rings are not beautiful? Especially if they aren't ASKING for opinions but rather wanting compliments on their new engagement ring? If someone posts "Please give me your opinion" I'll give it, good or bad, because they are asking for it. But I would never post something negative in a thread that has been started specifically to share their joy.

I've started threads asking for opinions and take the good with the bad. But that's what I WANT. Or when someone posts a CAD image in Rocky Talky, that is the time to give constructive feedback. When changes can be made. But when the purchase has been made, the ring has been given, no returns are allowed and it's a thread started to share their excitement? I would hope I've never and will never rain on someone's parade.

Again, I don't think you should leave PS and I also don't believe PS should be cookie cutter. But I do feel there is a certain level of decorum that should be followed. Just because it's the internet doesn't give the right to have a free for all and make a person feel bad.

 

[february2003bride]

I just avoid SMTB. By now it feels like. another micro pave bla bla bla, no your ring is not unique....Why not just hang out with us hangout folks?

SB- I respectfully disagree! There ARE a lot of micropave and halos in SMTB, but there have been quite a few beautiful solitaires and three stones as of late.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

I just avoid SMTB. By now it feels like. another micro pave bla bla bla, no your ring is not unique....Why not just hang out with us hangout folks?

SB- I respectfully disagree! There ARE a lot of micropave and halos in SMTB, but there have been quite a few beautiful solitaires and three stones as of late.

Oooh, I love a good solitaire, especially in 18k yellow gold I might have to take a trip over there

 

[princesss]

I think it depends on the forum. If it's RT and somebody is asking for opinions before they buy a stone or put the deposit down on a setting, by all means, give your opinion. But if it's SMTB and the ring has been purchased, then, quite frankly, nobody cares if it's your taste - they bought it so it's clearly THEIR taste. In SMTB I think Thumper's rule applies: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

I don't think you should leave, just take the context of the thread into account before you post.

 

[Sizzle]

stci,

Please stay. I don't think the purpose of PS is only to hear people fawn over each others jewerly. I agree with other posters, if you are trying to improve your English the best way to do that is to get better. Its actually other people who need to learn to be more accepting of differing opinions.

 

[stci]

I'm happy to have start this topic.

I learn many things that I don't know before.

I understand that it's important to give good comments on a already bought piece.

I have to be more tactful with the other member (I try hoooo I try but I search my words all the time)

If a person ask for opinion it's not necessarly to have it, they prefer I tell it's beautiful.

Haven, thank you for your phrase I add in signature. I think this will help me.

Thank you all for your comments. I know many of you are comprehensive and understand that I don't want to be rude.

And now... I would like to apologize to all the member I hurt. I'm so sorry. I will try to be more delicate in the futur.

Thank you very much, you are a great family for me and I'm happy to stay with you. I can't count how many Pser help me and I would like to become better to help other too. I learn everyday and It's a pleasure to be here.

Merci à tous les membres pour votre compréhension. Je ferai mieux à l'avenir. Je suis heureuse de rester avec vous tous parce que je vous aime beaucoup!

 

[Bunny007]

I agree that there's a time and a place for constructive criticism, however blunt it may be. I'd consider this a learning experience. Keep in mind what people have said about SMTB. Next time you want to post in a thread, maybe sit back for a second, and take a cue from the posters that have already commented.

I know you think that the problem is with the way you're expressing yourself but I think it's also a matter of how you're interpreting the OP. And that's probably a cultural thing, IMO. In any event, you're bound to make mistakes and faux pas when learning a new language (which you already do so well)! So don't leave, just learn from it

 

[Dancing Fire]

The other comments here are helpful. If somebody posts something they've bought & asks "What do you think of my new ring?" they really want congratulations, not critique. If I don't like it, I don't comment.

One attraction of PS when we're considering a purchase is honest answers. That's how we learn. If you are unsure how to phrase them, most advice is to do it from the positive, as in: "You might be happier with something a little less included..." or "for that price you should be able to get a better cut..." It's a good rule of thumb, at least.

--- Laurie

we need a "critique my ring" forum.

 

[pwendyp]

stci....

I'm gonna have a bash at translating this...and perhaps we can all get some idea of what might happen when English is not a persons first language.

Having said that...I'm in agreement with someone else here, that no-one really wants cookie cutter...but gentle tact/staying quiet is usually kinder.

"Merci à tous les membres pour votre compréhension. Je ferai mieux à l'avenir. Je suis heureuse de rester avec vous tous parce que je vous aime beaucoup!"

Thank you to all the members for your understanding. I see your feelings to 'l'avenir'?? I am happy to stay with you all, because I like you a lot.

Now then gals...the bi-linguists...how on earth badly (or well...given it's a long long time since I even tried this!) did I do huh!

French is not my language...first second or third! Just some deep deep memory from school!!!