People too lazy to attend the wedding ceremony

[HVVS]

I just came from a wedding, and I an disgusted. I really felt bad for the bride and groom. There were literally only 25 to 30 guests at their wedding ceremony. The couple are members of a large modern church that is filled to capacity and holds 2 Sunday services plus one on Saturday night. So, I am sure that they invited more than just immediate family to this formal wedding ceremony. I realize that it is the day before Easter, but still, only having 25-30 people show up has got to be surprising and disappointing. Most people there were immediate family. The couple had gone to a lot of effort to beautifully decorate the church, have everyone well turned out in formal attire, and otherwise be a class act.

I''ll attend the reception later. $20 says that every casually dressed freeloader will show up to eat, drink, and be merry. And will be in T-shirts, jeans, shorts, and flipflops, to boot. For the bride and groom''s sake, I hope that people at least try to show some refinement and wear proper attire.

 

[Sizzle]

How many people were expected? The day before Easter is kind of a bad day for a wedding. Peole have last minute shopping and preparations etc. I don''t think the referring to invited guests as " freeloaders" is appropriate. You''re not obligated to pay for attendance at someones wedding. Who knows how many people RSVP d one way or the other

 

[lulu]

"Freeloaders"? I think it''s a little odd to have a wedding during Lent. In a Catholic church it wouldn''t even have been scheduled.

 

[jewelz617]

How many people RVSPd "Yes"?

The day before Easter is just bad timing all around for a wedding, IMHO.

 

[Upgradable]

I was married on Easter Saturday (23 years ago) and had 350 guests attend. I don''t think you can make a blanket statement without knowing the couple''s situation.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 4/3/2010 4:46:58 PM
Author: Sizzle
How many people were expected? The day before Easter is kind of a bad day for a wedding. Peole have last minute shopping and preparations etc. I don''t think the referring to invited guests as '' freeloaders'' is appropriate. You''re not obligated to pay for attendance at someones wedding. Who knows how many people RSVP d one way or the other

This is what I was thinking too. Maybe the guest list was small to begin with. My other thought was that since it IS the day before Easter, maybe many guests who would have liked to attend had to decline for family/other reasons. To be honest, I''m not sure why you''d be "disgusted."

 

[VRBeauty]

It is possible that you were one of the select few to be invited...

After all, inviting 350 people is one thing. Feeding them is quite another!


But, since you also mentioned that

The couple had gone to a lot of effort to beautifully decorate the church, have everyone well turned out in formal attire, and otherwise be a class act.

Did the invite specify formal attire preferred? Is it possible that this isn''t the norm in their circle, and meeting this request would cause their intended guests to go to significant expense?

 

[swingirl]

Formal attire like tuxedos? for an afternoon wedding?

I doubt the next day being a religious holiday would keep people at home. The bride and groom must have been aware of the people that RSVP'd. And if you are invited to both the ceremony and reception you are not obligated to come to both. Were the 2 locations very far apart?

I wouldn't consider any invited guest a freeloader. I hope the people who came to my reception DID eat, drink and be merry. Nix the t-shirts and shorts but my family and friends all knew what would be considered appropriate attire at a wedding.

 

[MonkeyPie]

A lot of people actually keep the ceremony small on purpose, and invite twice as many people to the reception. It''s called intimate.

Unless you actually know for a fact that they invited 200 people to the ceremony and only a few showed up, then there''s no reason to be upset about it.

 

[CasaBlanca]

HVVS,

You mean that the people invited that didn''t take the time to attend the wedding will SOMEHOW find the time/excuse to appear for the FREE food service. I completely agree and think it is appropriate to call THOSE attending only the dinner as freeloaders. I would also call them poo poo heads thou. Come on people...the wedding is the EVENT...not the party after wards.

I got how you were venting about the lack of attendance for the beautiful formal ceremony. How much effort was only seen and experienced by just a few...What a shame.

I do hope you return after the reception and tell us if you learned anything else about the attendance. Hopefully you were part of the CHOSEN bunch...and that you/and the rest were all that was supposed to be there.

Otherwise, hope you come back to tell us you got to eat until you were stuffed! And got to take home a hoard of a feast! Ha!

 

[HVVS]

The guest list was not small. And yes, more people came to the reception than the wedding. A few dressed in wrinkled khakis, gym shoes, un-ironed sport shirts with tails hanging out, flip-flops, and a few women in jeans and capri pants. I guess one has to specifically tell the guests to dress up if they are going to a wedding in a church, and an after-6 reception with a dinner at a banquet hall. The church and the banquet hall were not over 4 miles apart. There is no traffic to speak of, because it is a small town, not a city. You just get in your vehicle, drive, and in 15 minutes, you are there even if you have to wait for the traffic lights.

The men of the wedding party wore what I''d call a tux, but straight cut not cutaway, and with a vest and a tie. No, it wasn''t a Catholic wedding. Believe it or not, the entire world is not Catholic. I overheard a comment that there were several yes-RSVPs that were no-shows at the wedding and also the reception.

 

[HVVS]

Date: 4/3/2010 8:27:21 PM
Author: CasaBlanca
HVVS,


You mean that the people invited that didn''t take the time to attend the wedding will SOMEHOW find the time/excuse to appear for the FREE food service. I completely agree and think it is appropriate to call THOSE attending only the dinner as freeloaders. I would also call them poo poo heads thou. Come on people...the wedding is the EVENT...not the party after wards.


I got how you were venting about the lack of attendance for the beautiful formal ceremony. How much effort was only seen and experienced by just a few...What a shame.
...

Yes, exactly. I hate to sound like a whiner. I just think it''s rather rude and disrespectful to show up to pig out and drink free beer and not expend the effort to go to the church for the ceremony, when you''ve been invited to both and they are a stone''s throw from each other and there is no traffic to fight.

It''s getting to be an trend. "The wedding" means you just ignore the ceremony, and go to the reception. Sorry, that just gets my back up, for a number of reasons. Sorry to sound so crabby. I am just truly disappointed for this couple, they were disappointed, and I am tired from a long day that started at 3AM.

 

[Shoopy]

Did the bride and groom tell you exactly how many people were invited, how many rsvp, and how many didn''t show up?

I think that without knowing this info, you''re just making assumptions. Just because they were married in a big church, that does not mean that they were expecting to fill up the church. We were going to use a chapel that fit 500 and only planned on inviting 15 people.

The casual attire of the guests is something that would annoy me. It is so rude. Every time we go to a wedding I always think that if the bride and groom were to see their party pictures later, do they want to see people dressed up or see people wearing jeans. And I am someone who HATES dressing up. Weddings are my only exception.

 

[lulu]

Is it now the custom to invite people separately to the church and the reception? And they rsvp separately to each?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 4/3/2010 10:09:00 PM
Author: lulu
Is it now the custom to invite people separately to the church and the reception? And they rsvp separately to each?

I think that''s generally considered very rude, but it depends on the specific circumstances and if both events are on the same day.

 

[Haven]

I think it''s rude to attend only the wedding reception and not the ceremony, unless you cannot attend the ceremony for some specific reason.

I was never allowed to attend a bar mitzvah party if I hadn''t attended the service. I feel like this is a similar situation.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

There are always negative things you can focus on. Instead of being upset about this and complaining, why not focus on why people are there in the first place? To me, I don''t think I would have cared if people wore jeans to our wedding; and in fact, I think some did. But I would rather see someone I love in jeans and happy for us on such a big occasion than caring about what they were wearing or how many people were there. At the end of the day, it''s the bride and groom that matter the most at the celebration

 

[missy]

Date: 4/4/2010 12:45:18 AM
Author: Haven
I think it's rude to attend only the wedding reception and not the ceremony, unless you cannot attend the ceremony for some specific reason.


I was never allowed to attend a bar mitzvah party if I hadn't attended the service. I feel like this is a similar situation.

I don't think it is a similar situation though as with a bar mitzvah the service can be early morning and the party late in the evening. For example, my girlfriend is throwing a bar mitzvah for her son and the ceremony is 9AM and the party at 8PM. My dh and I live 2&1/2 hours away from the location and she really wants us to come and told me to skip the ceremony as it would be ridiculous for us to come and then have all those hours in which we would be stuck. There is nothing to do in the area and we would be all dressed up and in any case it was her suggestion which we gladly are doing.

The closest I ever came to this situation with a wedding was a friend's wedding at a catholic church in the afternoon and the wedding reception was 3 hours later. We also did not live close by so going home was not an option. That was no biggie though. We went to the ceremony and reception. 3 hours is easy to pass but 9 hours is an entire day.


However, getting back to the wedding in question, if you live relatively close by and there is a large time gap in ceremony and reception just go home and relax. But if you are coming from a far distance then I understand that going to both might be a more difficult option. I would try to attend both the ceremony and reception if I possibly could as I find each important but sometimes it is not possible.

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/4/2010 8:30:52 AM
Author: missy

Date: 4/4/2010 12:45:18 AM
Author: Haven
I think it''s rude to attend only the wedding reception and not the ceremony, unless you cannot attend the ceremony for some specific reason.

I was never allowed to attend a bar mitzvah party if I hadn''t attended the service. I feel like this is a similar situation.

I don''t think it is a similar situation though as with a bar mitzvah the service can be early morning and the party late in the evening. For example, my girlfriend is throwing a bar mitzvah for her son and the ceremony is 9AM and the party at 8PM. My dh and I live 2&1/2 hours away from the location and she really wants us to come and told me to skip the ceremony as it would be ridiculous for us to come and then have all those hours in which we would be stuck. There is nothing to do in the area and we would be all dressed up and in any case it was her suggestion which we gladly are doing.

The closest I ever came to this situation with a wedding was a friend''s wedding at a catholic church in the afternoon and the wedding reception was 3 hours later. We also did not live close by so going home was not an option. That was no biggie though. We went to the ceremony and reception. 3 hours is easy to pass but 9 hours is an entire day.

However, getting back to the wedding in question, if you live relatively close by and there is a large time gap in ceremony and reception just go home and relax. But if you are coming from a far distance then I understand that going to both might be a more difficult option. I would try to attend both the ceremony and reception if I possibly could as I find each important but sometimes it is not possible.

Different strokes for different folks, Missy.

 

[missy]

Date: 4/4/2010 9:46:43 AM
Author: Haven

Date: 4/4/2010 8:30:52 AM

Author: missy

Date: 4/4/2010 12:45:18 AM

Author: Haven

I think it''s rude to attend only the wedding reception and not the ceremony, unless you cannot attend the ceremony for some specific reason.


I was never allowed to attend a bar mitzvah party if I hadn''t attended the service. I feel like this is a similar situation.

I don''t think it is a similar situation though as with a bar mitzvah the service can be early morning and the party late in the evening. For example, my girlfriend is throwing a bar mitzvah for her son and the ceremony is 9AM and the party at 8PM. My dh and I live 2&1/2 hours away from the location and she really wants us to come and told me to skip the ceremony as it would be ridiculous for us to come and then have all those hours in which we would be stuck. There is nothing to do in the area and we would be all dressed up and in any case it was her suggestion which we gladly are doing.


The closest I ever came to this situation with a wedding was a friend''s wedding at a catholic church in the afternoon and the wedding reception was 3 hours later. We also did not live close by so going home was not an option. That was no biggie though. We went to the ceremony and reception. 3 hours is easy to pass but 9 hours is an entire day.


However, getting back to the wedding in question, if you live relatively close by and there is a large time gap in ceremony and reception just go home and relax. But if you are coming from a far distance then I understand that going to both might be a more difficult option. I would try to attend both the ceremony and reception if I possibly could as I find each important but sometimes it is not possible.

Different strokes for different folks, Missy.

Absolutely Haven

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 4/4/2010 12:45:18 AM
Author: Haven
I think it''s rude to attend only the wedding reception and not the ceremony, unless you cannot attend the ceremony for some specific reason.


I was never allowed to attend a bar mitzvah party if I hadn''t attended the service. I feel like this is a similar situation.

I totally agree with you. I''m Catholic and I hate when the church is almost empty but when the party start everybody has the time to be there. Tottaly rude.

 

[iheartscience]

Yeah that is rude. I''ve actually never been to a wedding where a lot of people skipped the ceremony and just went to the reception. I''m glad my friends and family know better!

 

[AprilBaby]

Too bad for the bride and groom. To me the wedding is more important than the party.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 4/3/2010 9:22:10 PM
Author: HVVS

Yes, exactly. I hate to sound like a whiner. I just think it's rather rude and disrespectful to show up to pig out and drink free beer and not expend the effort to go to the church for the ceremony, when you've been invited to both and they are a stone's throw from each other and there is no traffic to fight.


It's getting to be an trend. 'The wedding' means you just ignore the ceremony, and go to the reception. Sorry, that just gets my back up, for a number of reasons. Sorry to sound so crabby. I am just truly disappointed for this couple, they were disappointed, and I am tired from a long day that started at 3AM.

That being the situation, I agree with you totally. The ceremony is THE BIG EVENT. It's the reason for throwing the celebration that follows. If you're invited to both, you don't go to the reception unless you attended the ceremony, even if there is some inconvenience involved, unless you have a really good reason and you've let the B&G know in advance.

 

[CJ2008]

That''s why I never wanted a big wedding - the further you go out from your intimate circle of those that really care about you/your spouse the more likely you''re going to have people who''re coming out of obligation or for the part they care about - the party...

 

[ksinger]

Date: 4/4/2010 12:40:36 PM
Author: CJ2008
That''s why I never wanted a big wedding - the further you go out from your intimate circle of those that really care about you/your spouse the more likely you''re going to have people who''re coming out of obligation or for the part they care about - the party...

Yep. I solved this problem (if problem it is) by having a tiny itsy ceremony - his dad, my mom, and us, and then throwing a huuuuuge outdoor bash to celebrate. I''ve been invited to a few receptions while NOT being invited to the wedding though, mainly Vietnamese weddings. (And those folks know how to throw a party!) That said however, I personally have never, nor would ever consider, not going to a wedding that I''d been invited to, but then show up at the reception. I didn''t know you could DO that honestly.

 

[Callisto]

That is rude... but it is further evidence of what our society values in a wedding these days; people are more concerned about the open bar and flowers and dress than the commitment. Unfortunately I even used to be in that camp because it was the norm, until I realized what I wanted valued in my own wedding and I now make an effort to focus more on the couple than the cake at weddings (as well as during my friends planning processes.)

I would NEVER only attend a reception (unless that was desired by the bride or I had some crazy circumstance), the nerve of some people these days. Hopefully that won''t be an issue at my wedding, though. I will know all my guests (can''t speak for SO''s) very well(since it will be all pretty immediate family and very very close friends) and I don''t think any of them would dare skip the ceremony. I wouldn''t throw a fit day of the wedding, but they would get a mouthful a few days later.

 

[radiantquest]

My best friend is getting married and I am the MOH. My husband is not a social person. He knows the bride and groom of course, but no one else. He is not attending the ceremony because I will be at the alter with her and doing pictures with her and he will have no one that he knows to socialize with. She is fine with that because she understands him. And she doesnt consider him a freeloader at all especially since he is not coming to eat and drink he is coming to support her marriage and me as his wife and her MOH.

I think it all comes down to the details. Without knowing the complete story of my DH some would think that it is rude, but when you know the details it doesnt seem rude at all.

 

[purselover]

Date: 4/3/2010 9:22:10 PM
Author: HVVS

Date: 4/3/2010 8:27:21 PM
Author: CasaBlanca
HVVS,


You mean that the people invited that didn''t take the time to attend the wedding will SOMEHOW find the time/excuse to appear for the FREE food service. I completely agree and think it is appropriate to call THOSE attending only the dinner as freeloaders. I would also call them poo poo heads thou. Come on people...the wedding is the EVENT...not the party after wards.


I got how you were venting about the lack of attendance for the beautiful formal ceremony. How much effort was only seen and experienced by just a few...What a shame.
...

Yes, exactly. I hate to sound like a whiner. I just think it''s rather rude and disrespectful to show up to pig out and drink free beer and not expend the effort to go to the church for the ceremony, when you''ve been invited to both and they are a stone''s throw from each other and there is no traffic to fight.

It''s getting to be an trend. ''The wedding'' means you just ignore the ceremony, and go to the reception. Sorry, that just gets my back up, for a number of reasons. Sorry to sound so crabby. I am just truly disappointed for this couple, they were disappointed, and I am tired from a long day that started at 3AM.

Totally agree, sadly this happened with us about 1/3 of DH''s family didn''t show up for our ceremony

 

[missy]

Date: 4/5/2010 9:59:24 AM
Author: purselover

Date: 4/3/2010 9:22:10 PM

Author: HVVS

Date: 4/3/2010 8:27:21 PM

Author: CasaBlanca

HVVS,



You mean that the people invited that didn't take the time to attend the wedding will SOMEHOW find the time/excuse to appear for the FREE food service. I completely agree and think it is appropriate to call THOSE attending only the dinner as freeloaders. I would also call them poo poo heads thou. Come on people...the wedding is the EVENT...not the party after wards.



I got how you were venting about the lack of attendance for the beautiful formal ceremony. How much effort was only seen and experienced by just a few...What a shame.

...

Yes, exactly. I hate to sound like a whiner. I just think it's rather rude and disrespectful to show up to pig out and drink free beer and not expend the effort to go to the church for the ceremony, when you've been invited to both and they are a stone's throw from each other and there is no traffic to fight.


It's getting to be an trend. 'The wedding' means you just ignore the ceremony, and go to the reception. Sorry, that just gets my back up, for a number of reasons. Sorry to sound so crabby. I am just truly disappointed for this couple, they were disappointed, and I am tired from a long day that started at 3AM.

Totally agree, sadly this happened with us about 1/3 of DH's family didn't show up for our ceremony

That's just awful purselover. I am so sorry that happened!

Whatever happened to common etiquette and the right thing to do?

I have never just attended the wedding reception and not the ceremony. I always love the ceremony so much anyway. It is usually so romantic and sweet!! It is a great part of the whole occasion!!

Unless there is an extenuating circumstance or good reason and OK'd by the bride/groom (as radiantquest pointed out) that is just not acceptable!

Personally, I would rather those people didn't come at all then to just attend the reception unless there was a good reason and I knew about it beforehand.

I was feeling a bit badly about the Bar Mitzvah that we are attending but my girlfriend was the one who suggested it and she really was insistent that we don't come to the ceremony as it is so far away from where we live and the time difference b/w the ceremony and party is 9 hours. This will be our first bar mitzvah in a long time LOL so not sure what to expect but looking forward to it

In any case, as a general rule I do think it is terribly rude not to go to the ceremony and just attend the party/reception