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People calling SO my "husband".

Discussion in 'Ladies in Waiting' started by PrincessNatalie, Dec 8, 2010.

  1. PrincessNatalie
    Shiny_Rock

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    by PrincessNatalie » Dec 8, 2010
    Well not people, pretty much just my best friend. I always say "he's not my husband" "um we are not married" etc but she insists on doing it and it really bothers me.

    She used to do it to her Husband before they were married and my SO would comment on it, and how presumptive she was being and now she does it to mine. And I don't want him thinking I call him husband behind his back!

    HE IS NOT MY HUSBAND (yet) lol

    Anyone else get this? (or DO this :cheeky: )
     
  2. kateydid05
    Shiny_Rock

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    by kateydid05 » Dec 8, 2010
    Yes!! One of my first posts on here was a vent about that. Most of my close friends are aware that we've been together well over 6 years and an engagement is inevitable. Most of them refer to my boyfriend as my "hubby" or "husband" to which I hold up my bare left ring finger and say "he hasn't earned that title yet!" Usually that diffuses the situation because it drives me absolutely crazy. I get called is wife too but I'm never around to hear that. I myself have never called my boyfriend that. He's my boyfriend and that's that (for now). I'll be honest, hearing husband and wife in reference to us sounds SO weird!
     
  3. Indylady
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Indylady » Dec 8, 2010
    That is irritating!

    I wouldn't like that either. Just seems a tiny bit childish to me.
     
  4. CourtLynB
    Rough_Rock

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    by CourtLynB » Dec 8, 2010
    YES, but it's not our friends, it's either HIM or random people.

    Just over the weekend we were in Home Depot arranging carpet for J''s (the BF) house and the lady helping us made a comment to someone else like "I'm sure Mr and Mrs F-- would love to be done with this already" (they were having computer issues) and my comment was "I'd love to be Mrs. F" and shot J a look.

    BUT, this is what he does that gets to me. We went to an open house and he signed in as "J&C F". We went to an alumni cocktail party at his college and my name tag had his last name. Cause that's how he entered it onto our RSVP. Umm, I have my own last name still that I really do like....

    It does partially annoy me, cause he's procrastinating on the ring making aspect :angryfire: (that's a whole other story). On the flip side, it's nice to know that's how he thinks of us. :mrgreen:
     
  5. maebelle
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by maebelle » Dec 8, 2010
    Sometimes people will jokingly refer to us as "The As" and I know several people have his last name in their phones instead of mine. I feel the same way, I like my last name! I'll change it when I get married, but it's mine for now!
     
  6. blacksand
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by blacksand » Dec 8, 2010
    A few of my friends do that. Honestly, it doesn’t really bother me, but I do ask them not to, because I don’t want my boyfriend to hear. I know he feels bad for not having proposed to me yet due to financial constraints, and it makes him feel worse if he thinks he’s being pressured, so I try to keep the pressure off, as much as is possible (hey, I’m human!). As for me, personally, I don’t mind my friends saying things about my “hubby.” It’s a little weird, but it’s obviously meant with good intentions. They just mean to say that we’re a good match and they know we’re right for each other for the long term. No, he’s not my husband yet, but I know he will be soon enough, so I’m not going to stress about pressure from friends or family. I try not to take any offense to things that obviously aren’t meant to be offensive. Waiting is much less stressful that way.
     
  7. PrincessNatalie
    Shiny_Rock

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    by PrincessNatalie » Dec 8, 2010
    I dont think its offensive, just I guess she is trying tp be cute and its not really cute. So as it goes on it manages to feel more and more like nails down a chalk board every time she does it (especially since when she does I ask her nicely not to, and she choses to ignore me).

    Even when he is my fiance that is what he will be. Not my husband :))
     
  8. captainmcgee
    Shiny_Rock

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    by captainmcgee » Dec 8, 2010
    It's not from friends or family but from my SO.

    He's like would you do without your hubby or just refers to himself that way and I hold up my ring finger or say not yet buddy haha!

    It doesn't irritiate me more it's like well if you want to be get a move on. :-p
     
  9. Seattle SC
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Seattle SC » Dec 8, 2010
    You could always start calling her husband her ex-husband. When she asks why, say you think it's cute how she in the same way is assumptive that your bf is going to marry you that you'll assume they'll be divorced since so many people end up that way too.

    Yeah, that was pretty much a devilish thing to say so close to the holidays :twisted:
     
  10. Glitz
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Glitz » Dec 8, 2010
    LMAO I love it :twisted:

    I often hear SO's friends call me "the wife" and friends will tell me to pass a message along to "the hubby". It's not to often but it does happen and we don't make a deal of it. I actually like hearing it, although it slightly raises my LIW'itis every time I hear it. Also people in stores will assume we're married and ask me what my husbands name is or if my husband and I are looking for something impractical.
     
  11. maebelle
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by maebelle » Dec 8, 2010
    Glitz, what in the world do you mean "looking for something impractical"? Sounds fun :twirl:
     
  12. iota15
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by iota15 » Dec 8, 2010
    There's two ways to approach this since you've already asked her to stop:

    1) The somewhat passive-agressive option - be oblivious and ignore it. When she says, "oh, what's your hubby doing tonight?", just furrow your brow and look at her with a truly confused look (not pretend sarcastic)- like, what are you talking about? Let her make the correction.

    Just know that it may get worse before the joke is no longer cute or fun for her. You just have to keep it up for longer than she can.

    2) Instead of a polite, "please stop" - look her in the eye, tell your best friend that references to hubby ranchets up the Liw-itis just a bit. It's not like you're obsessing over it, but you're just trying to enjoy the relationship for what it is now - and you don't feel comfortable with the hubby references until it's official (or whatever it is you feel).
     
  13. Glitz
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Glitz » Dec 9, 2010
    :oops: ooops I meant to say ""looking for something in particular".

    We are pretty impractical shoppers though, we just bought our appliances for the new house, SO *NEEDED* to have a fridge that not only dispenses water and ice, but also shaved ice ... why you ask? so that we can make margarita's! We have never made margarita's in the 5 years we've been together, apparently because we don't have an ice shaver. I just hope he's that impractical when it comes to my e-ring :twisted:

    Back on topic though, I was called his wife this morning by the lawyer while we were signing all the house documents.
     
  14. mariewest
    Shiny_Rock

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    by mariewest » Dec 9, 2010
    My grandmother has slipped a couple of times and called my SO my husband. My Mom sometimes will pause for a moment sometimes because I think she wants to refer to him as my sister's brother-in-law. I sometimes do it mentally when referring to SO's parents or siblings to refer to them as in-laws. But we're NOT married, so they aren't, and he is not. I think it is sometimes easy to slip into that. But sometimes it is a painful reminder that we're not yet married, so I can see how you wouldn't like it. Tell your friend to stop. It was fine for her and her now husband, but it's not ok for your and your SO.
     
  15. Tanzigrrl
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by Tanzigrrl » Dec 9, 2010
    I use "partner" all the time. This way, it also includes the LBGT community and doesn't sound "young" like boyfriend/girlfriend can and it avoids the whole married issue.
     
  16. inflorescence
    Shiny_Rock

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    by inflorescence » Dec 11, 2010
    I find it happens all the time, even strangers... his friends are the worst for it, "you two are the cutest ,married couple ever.."

    "Hi wife"... or "If you don't hurry up and make her your wife, I will"....... My boyfriend even called me his wife one day...... very strange... ring please :D

    My mom flew from the East coast to the West coast a few months ago... (she is in her 60's) and to be honest isnt up to date with pop culture.. so I walked in on them having a conversation, and she started to sing "If you like it, put a ring on it".... My mouth dropped, and face bright red..... well at least she loves him, first boyfriend I have had that she supports me marrying...
     
  17. Steel
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Steel » Dec 12, 2010
    I do it all the time. Most couples I socialise with (if not all?) are married so it is just habit.
     
  18. PrincessNatalie
    Shiny_Rock

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    by PrincessNatalie » Dec 12, 2010
    In our group of friends they are the only married couple. (yes even though we are all 26 -31)

    I brought it up with her on Friday, and she said "You like it!" and I said "Um, no I dont" and she said "You just pretend not to like it in front of David but you really like it" and I said "No I actually do not like it, he is not my husband, and it makes waiting more annoying"

    So I guess we'll see if it has any impact. I guess she thinks I like it because she would have liked it when she was a LIW.
     
  19. w.a.n.d
    Rough_Rock

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    by w.a.n.d » Dec 14, 2010
    Neither SO or I do it intentionally, but it does happen. We live together (and have for quite a while now) and are together most of the time, so when we meet strangers, new neighbors, etc., people just assume that we are married. I've been called "Mrs. X" by several people and I just roll with it rather than correct people. It doesn't really bother me.

    Now, something that DOES bother me is that my dear SO introduces me as his fiance! If you've read my other post entitled "needing some advice," you might understand why. :nono: The first time he did it I wanted to look at him and say, "oh, no, buddy, you don't get to do that until you ask me properly," but I thought that might be rude in front of my new acquaintance. :wink2:
     

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