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peculiar loss and quandry...

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Cehrabehra

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
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Okay just to expose the absolute truest geekiness of my nature, I play wow. Yes, I do. Resto shammy, nuff said. Anyway... I am also a guild leader of just over 100 other people and yesterday one of our central members was murdered and we are all pretty shook up. First I would like to take a moment to ask that you all think of his wife and four children who are I am sure devastated. But also I would like some ideas of what we as a guild can do for his family. His father contacted me and gave me their address and at a minimum I would like to send flowers... but being a virtual online friendship (kinda like this one but more talking on vent and shooting ogres and less diamonds), I''m not sure exactly where the boundaries are or what is appropriate to do in this situation. I am so deeply saddened as is my husband and everyone is really shook up and in shock. I can''t imagine what this woman is going through, but I would like to reach out on behalf of all of us and let her know that we cared about this man... and other than a card I''m not quite sure what to do.... someone has offered up money, but I don''t know what to do about that or how to approach her at this very difficult time to ask. I also don''t want to let much time go by because people are feeling this now and want to do something now and I want to respect that.

Any guidance would be appreciated...
 
Sara: I''m sure a card would be appreciated, or individual notes to let your friend''s wife and children know that he was a valued part of your community and that he will be missed.

Money might well be appreciated to, if your guild is moved to contribute and if you''re not sure what the family''s financial situation is. Funerals and the associated costs can be an unexpected burden. If that''s not the case for this family, they can choose to contribute the funds to a favorite charity, or to put the money towards a lasting memorial of their choosing.

I''m sorry that you''ve lost your on-line friend.
 
It would be really nice to do a collection to put towards his children''s future education. With four children to support alone, I''m sure his widow would be very thankful for such a practical and heartfelt gift. Obviously you''re not going to pay their way, but as everyone who has done the higher education thing knows, even $100 can make a difference when it comes to buying books, etc.

I''m sorry you''re having to go through this; you''re a wonderful friend for trying to find a way to help.
 
I agree with the collection idea and you might approach the father, since he is the one that sent you the information. I think cards would be much appreciated as well. I''m sorry for your loss.
 
First off, I''m so sorry. That''s awful. Secondly, you have an address right? I''d sleuth around and find the local newspaper & read the official death notice. Usually they contain the requests of the family -- any funds that have been set up, or charities they support etc etc. If they''ve, say, requested donations instead of flowers - that''s could help guide you & you could pass along the "official" info to the other guild members.

I would not have any more personal contact with the family at this time. You all are strangers to *them*. And, honestly, it may remind them of time he spent *apart* from them - that would seem all the more precious now. People react so differently in the face of tragedy. Respectful distance seems the best plan IMHO.
 
I would say give money. Just send a check with a card, and here is why. A few years ago we had a tragedy in our family. Not a death but a near death of one of
my kids. During that time people always asked what they could do or if we needed anything. I could never come up with anything. I was just barely making it
from day to day. But what does happen is that you can''t make the same decisions that you usually do. Planning and bargain shopping go out the window
and you do just what you can to get through it. People gave us gift cards, but then I had to go to that place. Sometimes that was just too hard.

Bills get larger during this time. Cell phone bills, food bill, just bills for other stuff the kids need. You don''t have the strength to argue or worry about it, you just
have to muddle through it. I so appreciated the people who gave us extra cash. We were thousands in debt after a year of going through all that we did. But so
many people helped us and I will forever be grateful. So now, when I hear of someone going through something difficult I always send them as much as I can
with a note saying, I hope it helps and they have just a little less to worry about.

People would ask if we needed cash and I would always say no. Not because we couldnt use it, but my brain was just not functioning that way then. I wasn''t thinking about money, I was thinking in pain. So even if they say they are fine, just give anyway. It will be a blessing.
 
Thanks guys - the guy who did it was caught, it was a work place robbery - this 18 year old kid just came in and shot him in the back of the head with no warning. I just still can''t believe it. My husband and I were talking about it last night and it''s - you talk to someone every day for months and you know them but you don''t know them... if something happened here we have moderators to handle the business end... but in this case I am the moderator and I have no clue. These are good ideas though - one of the guildies suggested a scholarship fund but I''m thinking that woman needs money NOW. I could attempt to go through his work... maybe they have set up a bank account for this or something. I''ll try to find a local paper but it''s small town texas, I haven''t found much luck yet. His sister and father are wow geeks and I am going to try to get in touch with his sister. I think she is a) a woman and b) a geek and will understand the type of relationship. I also wondered if the wife would be creeped out that his father gave me her address. It''s just so effed up.
 
I''m so sorry Cehra. That''s just awful.

If you think she might be creeped out by the address thing I would probably funnel something through the sister. I also think it would be nice to take up a collection for his family-raising 4 kids alone is going to be a large financial drain on her and I am sure every penny will count. I am sure down the line when the healing begins for her she will truly appreciate the kindness of "strangers" in her time of need.
 
7.gif

i had to re-read what you wrote, because at first i thought you were talking about the game itself.
then, i realized you meant real life.
death comes with no warning, and it truly changes everything.
i think you and your guild should just talk about what you''d all like to do- and you could suggest some of the great ideas you got here.
 
I spoke at length with his sister last night and confirmed that it would be okay to send something to his wife, so I am going to order some flowers for the guild and send a card as well as facilitate anyone else who wants to help them out. Thank you all for your thoughts and advice and well wishes... I''ve known people who have died before but this is my first murder and I must say there is an added layer to it that I didn''t expect. I still have trouble believing it''s true. They got the guy on video doing this so I don''t know if it''s going to go to trial or if he will be given the death penalty but it is a capital murder case. We''ll see... thanks again guys.
 
Date: 9/29/2009 11:18:26 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
I spoke at length with his sister last night and confirmed that it would be okay to send something to his wife, so I am going to order some flowers for the guild and send a card as well as facilitate anyone else who wants to help them out. Thank you all for your thoughts and advice and well wishes... I''ve known people who have died before but this is my first murder and I must say there is an added layer to it that I didn''t expect. I still have trouble believing it''s true. They got the guy on video doing this so I don''t know if it''s going to go to trial or if he will be given the death penalty but it is a capital murder case. We''ll see... thanks again guys.
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Im sorry for the loss of your friend.You are doing a good thing and im sure the family appreciates it.About 10 years ago i was the member of an online group who discussed Rolex watches.One of our main forum members who owned a watch shop in the Neitherlands was murdered for his watch one night as he walked home.It was a great loss for our community and even a decade later Christian''s name comes up in conversation.
 
I''m sorry to hear that jewelerman... our online friends have such a unique place in our hearts that those who have not experienced it cannot understand. In the game we played we used Vent to talk so it was like being on the phone with 9 good friends for 2-3 hours a couple times a week. I didn''t even know his first name prior to this but I know HIM and his likes and dislikes and thoughts and opinions on a whole array of topics. I''m going to miss his voice, he had a good one especially when he talked to my husband, he really looked up to my husband and had an obvious amount of respect for him and even sounded a little like a kid when he would ask my husband''s advice on something... which is funny because he didn''t look up to many people and my husband is incredibly sad.
 
Date: 9/29/2009 11:47:57 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
I''m sorry to hear that jewelerman... our online friends have such a unique place in our hearts that those who have not experienced it cannot understand. In the game we played we used Vent to talk so it was like being on the phone with 9 good friends for 2-3 hours a couple times a week. I didn''t even know his first name prior to this but I know HIM and his likes and dislikes and thoughts and opinions on a whole array of topics. I''m going to miss his voice, he had a good one especially when he talked to my husband, he really looked up to my husband and had an obvious amount of respect for him and even sounded a little like a kid when he would ask my husband''s advice on something... which is funny because he didn''t look up to many people and my husband is incredibly sad.
Click to expand...
What is funny is that I talk about the forum members at work and with my friends and family
25.gif
at first they were confused about the new and sometimes odd names.Now they know who the pricescope members are!
 
Date: 9/29/2009 12:00:21 PM
Author: jewelerman
Date: 9/29/2009 11:47:57 AM

Author: Cehrabehra

I''m sorry to hear that jewelerman... our online friends have such a unique place in our hearts that those who have not experienced it cannot understand. In the game we played we used Vent to talk so it was like being on the phone with 9 good friends for 2-3 hours a couple times a week. I didn''t even know his first name prior to this but I know HIM and his likes and dislikes and thoughts and opinions on a whole array of topics. I''m going to miss his voice, he had a good one especially when he talked to my husband, he really looked up to my husband and had an obvious amount of respect for him and even sounded a little like a kid when he would ask my husband''s advice on something... which is funny because he didn''t look up to many people and my husband is incredibly sad.
Click to expand...
What is funny is that I talk about the forum members at work and with my friends and family
25.gif
at first they were confused about the new and sometimes odd names.Now they know who the pricescope members are!
Click to expand...

LOL Well I''m CehraBehra, nice to meet you Jewelerman!
 
Cehra - I just found this thread. I know it''s months late, but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am! My husband and I are both gamers (Aion and Warhammer before it) and I can''t even imagine how devastating it would be to lose one of the guildies like that. I just came from the website of a guildie, to see pictures of his daughter on Halloween. It really is an interesting bond that forms in that situation. I just wanted to express my condolences, and to let you know that I think it''s very cool of you to be thinking of his family.
 
Also late to this thread, but wanted to say I am sorry. This is going to sound silly, but I have been watching The Guild so I know how deeply you can really touch one another. I hope your friend''s family is doing ok.
 
Cehra, this SUCKS. My husband and I play WoW as well and it''s amazing the kind of friendships you can build by playing together that often. I will agree that money would be the best you could do for his family right now - I''m sure they are all devastated and while flowers are nice, they could probably use the cash more.
 
If something like that happened to one of the PS members I''d be really sad and I would most definitely want to do something to help or send my condolences somehow. I don''t see how WOW is any different.
 
You guys are awesome. I still can''t believe he''s gone. Another guildie just had a baby last week, yes you become very fond of people. I sent his widow a fairly modest arrangement and some money. About 2.5 weeks after he died I got a call from her (she looked up my phone number) and she was doing really well, all things considered. The case is more complicated than I originally thought and I guess it won''t be going to trial until next spring or summer. I still can''t believe he''s gone. I loved the way he said "hey jose" on vent - he looked up to my husband and worked so well together (both pally tanks). Of course whenever I start to miss him I remind myself there are people who miss him far more than I. She says the kids took it in stride. They focus on seeing him again in Heaven. She made several comments that struck me like she wasn''t surprised he had died but she expected him to go from a heart attack or something... I guess somehow she''d braced herself for his loss, but she''s really mad she didn''t get to say goodbye and that he died all alone. We did a memorial run of for the alliance cause he liked that sort of thing. Our very long and extended moment of silence was broken up by someone coming onto vent and saying something totally ridiculous (they didn''t know better) and it kinda made us laugh and set the tone... it was good. I miss him though. Good man.
 
So I''m going to threadjack my own thread - what classes do you play? My first was undead warlock on a pvp server but I hated getting ganked all the time. I have two 80''s - a resto shammy and a human mage. We raid, but it''s pretty casual. The guild has really strong officers so we pass the weight around really well which makes it easy for me to travel from continent to continent lol I have a 70 (my first 70) nelf hunter too but she''s frozen in time in BC like a farrah fawcett featherdo lol
 
At least they didn''t do this. I still feel bad every time I see this video, as funny as it is!

My husband has like 8 level 80''s, but I have one lonely level 80 blood elf Warlock. We play on the Scarlet Crusade server because it sucks getting killed randomly when you just want to finish a quest.
 
No, I''m pretty happy with a PVE server. I saw that video a long time ago, I mean we did a pvp thing and of course invading org caused a rukkus but I think people heard that it was a memorial and didn''t fight as much as they normally would have. Warlocks are awesome :) My husband has 2 80s, same as I. He has a prot/ret pally and a shadow/holy priest. My mage is arcane and my shammy is dual resto/elemental but I never play elemental unless I have to quest or something.
 
I don''t know if you''ve done anything yet (sorry scanned over the last section) but I know fi and I''s guild is very close as well. In fact some of us have met up for each other''s weddings and a couple will be at our wedding. Something I thought might be nice would be if you had the members write their favorite memories of him down and put it in a scrapbook to send them :) They probably wouldn''t expect something like that and at the same time it would make them very happy :) Just an idea!
 
I currently play a Cleric on Aion (main heals). I''ve got a baby Sorc kicking around in the starting area.

Warhammer I had a Magus (ranged magic dps) and a Zealot (main heals).

The hubs tanks and I heal and it works out pretty well. We''re a rather in demand combo, LOL. We''ve got a pretty tight group of folks in the guild, which is awesome. I think the last 10 text messages in my phone are from guildies, LOL! In a fun note, the guild founders are all Air Force Air Traffic Controllers. In Warhammer we were Controllers of the Realm, and when we switched to Aion and had to shorten the guild name, I came up with Flyby Knights, just to keep the corellation alive!
 
Date: 11/3/2009 10:50:45 AM
Author: Smurfyimproved
I don''t know if you''ve done anything yet (sorry scanned over the last section) but I know fi and I''s guild is very close as well. In fact some of us have met up for each other''s weddings and a couple will be at our wedding. Something I thought might be nice would be if you had the members write their favorite memories of him down and put it in a scrapbook to send them :) They probably wouldn''t expect something like that and at the same time it would make them very happy :) Just an idea!
Click to expand...

Oh I did something like this - we have a guild website and people posted a variety of things and I printed them out and sent them in an envelope with 3 cards (one from the guild, one from me, and one for the kids). I had to edit out some idiot remarks, but there were some truly heartfelt ones. I had only known him a few months but some of our guildies had known him a couple years and were just crushed.

We met some guildies and realized we lived just a couple miles away and have done birthdays and housewarmings and stuff with them over the past couple years. Now it''s more like we''re friends that play wow together and kinda hard to remember we actually met online.

The online friend thing is not exclusive to wow - you see them all over the place here as well :)
 
Date: 11/3/2009 11:55:20 AM
Author: Cehrabehra

Oh I did something like this - we have a guild website and people posted a variety of things and I printed them out and sent them in an envelope with 3 cards (one from the guild, one from me, and one for the kids). I had to edit out some idiot remarks, but there were some truly heartfelt ones. I had only known him a few months but some of our guildies had known him a couple years and were just crushed.

We met some guildies and realized we lived just a couple miles away and have done birthdays and housewarmings and stuff with them over the past couple years. Now it''s more like we''re friends that play wow together and kinda hard to remember we actually met online.

The online friend thing is not exclusive to wow - you see them all over the place here as well :)
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Yup! And one of my best friends IRL is someone I met on another chat board. Internet is fun.
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Date: 11/3/2009 10:53:22 AM
Author: geckodani
I currently play a Cleric on Aion (main heals). I''ve got a baby Sorc kicking around in the starting area.


Warhammer I had a Magus (ranged magic dps) and a Zealot (main heals).


The hubs tanks and I heal and it works out pretty well. We''re a rather in demand combo, LOL. We''ve got a pretty tight group of folks in the guild, which is awesome. I think the last 10 text messages in my phone are from guildies, LOL! In a fun note, the guild founders are all Air Force Air Traffic Controllers. In Warhammer we were Controllers of the Realm, and when we switched to Aion and had to shorten the guild name, I came up with Flyby Knights, just to keep the corellation alive!
Click to expand...

I''ve not heard of Aion, but I have of Warhammer. Jose and I have the tank/heal combo as well and yes, it works out really well since dps is basically a dime a dozen lol I like the names you''ve chosen! even though I''m the guild leader I got outvoted on the name for the guild... it''s ... the 2nd runner up was but I didn''t vote for that either. I wanted but once someone mentioned it sounded like um, morning wood, that one crashed lol. We made the guild Feb08, most of the founders came from a guild we were in before that was a hell hole. the ''casual raiding'' guild is really tough to manage, but we''re doing pretty good I think!
 
Date: 11/3/2009 12:00:23 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

I''ve not heard of Aion, but I have of Warhammer. Jose and I have the tank/heal combo as well and yes, it works out really well since dps is basically a dime a dozen lol I like the names you''ve chosen! even though I''m the guild leader I got outvoted on the name for the guild... it''s ... the 2nd runner up was but I didn''t vote for that either. I wanted but once someone mentioned it sounded like um, morning wood, that one crashed lol. We made the guild Feb08, most of the founders came from a guild we were in before that was a hell hole. the ''casual raiding'' guild is really tough to manage, but we''re doing pretty good I think!
Click to expand...

Aion''s only been out since Sept 22nd, so I''m not surprised you haven''t heard of it.
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My guild actually picked me up as part of a bet, and then I was co-GM for a while, and when we moved to Aion I was like, no way, I spend way too much time on this computer, someone else can do it, LOL! I''m much happier being a bit more casual with it!
 
I miss WoW.... I had several guild members that I was very close with, of course the majority were guys. I thoroughly enjoyed three in particular.... they were great fun and I''ve since lost contact with them, I always wonder how they are.... esp one. H was always a good friend to me.

Anyways, if anything had ever happened to them.....

I''m still thinking the best for you!
 
gecko, I did the beta for Aion but I need to buy the full game now! I loved how much it was like WoW but less of the "elites" running around bugging little newbies like me lol.
 
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