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Our cleaning lady (or her sister) stole my promise ring!

Trekkie

Trekkie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
1,331
I'm sitting here in absolute shock. Our cleaning lady, S, has been working for us for about three months. Two weeks ago she asked for a month's leave and told me her sister, B, would be filling in for her. Not a big deal, I thought. When B arrived for work today we went through to the study because I wanted to discuss a few things...

I immediately noticed that she was wearing my promise ring!

I asked her where she got it and she said at home. I said that's not possible. It's mine. She said it was hers, she found it at her house. I called my SO into the study and asked him if he recognised the ring. He said yes, it's my promise ring. B then said it belonged to her sister, S.

Either B stole it last week and was stupid enough to wear it to work this week, or S stole it some time ago and B found it at their house (they live with their mother). The ring is definitely mine and I have shown B pictures of me wearing the ring. I can't believe I've been put in a position where I'm forced to prove that it's mine!

My grandmother says I should fire them both... But I can't bring myself to do that. I know their family depends on this weekly wage. In the three months that S has worked for me I have helped her enormously with food, clothing, furniture. I was even about to give her my old laptop! Is that why she's done this? Did she think I have so much I wouldn't notice it was missing? What else is missing?!

I feel so betrayed. I am shaking so much I can barely think straight.

B is still here. I need to make a decision on whether she should come back next week. I have no idea what to do.

Do you have any advice?
 
I don't care how much they "need" it. They forfeited that right when they stole from you. Fire them both.

How incredibly rude! :nono:
 
MonkeyPie said:
I don't care how much they "need" it. They forfeited that right when they stole from you. Fire them both.

How incredibly rude! :nono:
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ditto!

Integrity and Honesty is high priority in my books when I hire someone. Think about what else they could be taking from you if you allow this behavior by keeping them.
 
a) GET THE RING BACK

b) SHOW THEM THE DOOR

c) you don't need unethical people in your home - even indulging the THOUGHT of keeping them makes me question your judgment!
 
D&T said:
MonkeyPie said:
I don't care how much they "need" it. They forfeited that right when they stole from you. Fire them both.

How incredibly rude! :nono:
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ditto!

Integrity and Honesty is high priority in my books when I hire someone. Think about what else they could be taking from you if you allow this behavior by keeping them.
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or have already taken from you and you haven't noticed yet... seriously! I couldn't hit submit fast enough TWICE lol I would be surprised if ANYONE thinks you should keep them.
 
You will worry every time they are at your house cleaning that something else will go missing. It may be hard to do, but you've gotta fire them.
 
Trekkie said:
I know their family depends on this weekly wage. In the three months that S has worked for me I have helped her enormously with food, clothing, furniture. I was even about to give her my old laptop! Is that why she's done this? Did she think I have so much I wouldn't notice it was missing? What else is missing?!

You have done all of this for her and her family and she repays you buy stealing from you.

She doesn't deserve the job and obviously doesn't respect you. I think you need to fire her because you will never be able to trust her again. Who wants someone like that in their house?

i'm really sorry this has happened to you. It must feel terrible.
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Thank you, ladies. I know you are right. It's just... How do I know which one it was? Can I comfortably fire both? What if the one was innocent?

I know you're right. I should fire them.

My friend just asked me how I know the ring is mine. I said, it's a 5 stone, 1cttw diamond ring. I know my ring. She thinks I'm nuts. But I know my ring, you know? And I find it highly unlikely that my cleaning lady would have the exact same diamond ring I bought to celebrate my divorce.
 
hawaiianorangetree said:
Trekkie said:
I know their family depends on this weekly wage. In the three months that S has worked for me I have helped her enormously with food, clothing, furniture. I was even about to give her my old laptop! Is that why she's done this? Did she think I have so much I wouldn't notice it was missing? What else is missing?!

You have done all of this for her and her family and she repays you buy stealing from you.

She doesn't deserve the job and obviously doesn't respect you. I think you need to fire her because you will never be able to trust her again. Who wants someone like that in their house?

i'm really sorry this has happened to you. It must feel terrible.
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Thank you, HOT. It feels shyte. I am feeling so guilty because I know I need to fire both of them for me to have any peace of mind, but I also know that I'll always wonder which one stole the ring.
 
Trekkie said:
Thank you, ladies. I know you are right. It's just... How do I know which one it was? Can I comfortably fire both? What if the one was innocent?

I know you're right. I should fire them.

My friend just asked me how I know the ring is mine. I said, it's a 5 stone, 1cttw diamond ring. I know my ring. She thinks I'm nuts. But I know my ring, you know? And I find it highly unlikely that my cleaning lady would have the exact same diamond ring I bought to celebrate my divorce.
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Hi Trekkie, I will fire both girls if one of them stole my ring. But I will talk to her sister first. I know is very unlikely that the sister actually owns the same ring, but if is not custom made and you buy it from a store everything is possible. I will feel better if I had talked with both sisters before firing them.

Good luck
 
Did you look for your promise ring to see if it is missing? Like another poster said, if it came from a store it could very well be the same style ring.
 
1) Make sure that your ring is even missing. If it is then...

2) Fire them both.

3) Check your home and make sure nothing else has been stolen.

I'm so sorry :nono:
 
Did she give you the ring back, or is she still wearing it???

This reminds me of a post on another message board. The cleaning woman stole the home owner's diamond earrings and showed up the next week WEARING THEM!!! People do strange things. This woman immediately admitted to taking them and gave them back.

I totally understand where you are coming from with the guilt, but really you have to fire both and move on.
 
I've already checked. My ring is missing.

This ring wasn't custom made, but it was bought in Tanzania, a country about 6 hours' flight away. I don't mean to sound elitist, but this family lives in abject poverty in a corrugated iron shack. There's no way they could afford to travel to Tanzania or buy a ring like this. OMG. I feel like such a bitch for even saying that, but it's one of the realities of life in South Africa.

B accepts that the ring is mine. She left it in the study. She says S must have taken it. I can't get hold of S right now to verify this. Either way, I'll be firing someone who didn't steal the ring, and this is what hurts.

My SO hopes that by firing both of them the guilty one will have an attack of conscience and confess, in order to save the other one's job. I hope this works.

Thank you ladies for replying. It has made me feel a LOT better.
 
I'm so sorry you're going through this, Trekkie!

I know it's hard but I suggest you fire them both. You'll never have peace of mind otherwise because you'll always wonder if anything else is missing. My mom has had to fire 2 cleaning ladies in the past 2 years because of stealing and my parents did so much for them by helping out with clothing, furniture and food (like you've done). :nono: It makes me sad that these things happen.

Oh and I very much doubt that a cleaning lady would have a 5 stone, 1cttw diamond ring so it must be yours!
 
Trekkie, if that is the case, as sad as it is, you have to fire both girls. As your BF said I hope this teach a lesson to both girls.
 
Double post.
 
Thank you, Diamondbuggy!

I'm sure in the States it is possible for cleaning ladies to travel and buy expensive (yes, for me that was expensive) jewellery, but you know as well as I do that it's just not very likely here. Thank you for supporting me on that.

If you don't mind my asking, how did your mom handle the situation?

You know, I always hear people complain about their maids stealing but I never thought it would happen to me. I mean, we pay her a fair wage, we help her in other ways. We were going to pay her children's school fees and transport next year so that they could go to the coloured school in town. Not a great school, but better than the township school, and now this happens. It makes me so angry.

I'm still in the study. Too terrified to move. I don't want to get up in case I find something else missing.

Australia is looking more and more tempting...
 
I'm all for helping the needy, UNTIL they bite the preverbial "hand".

If she was really in a horrible situation and trying to better it, she would have been stealing your things in order to pawn them... she is just being greedy.

Fire them. She STOLE from you!
 
You don't bite the hand that's feeding you. You should fire both of those girls, and you should explain why. You should also make it clear that you could have had them arrested.
 
dragonfly411 said:
You don't bite the hand that's feeding you. You should fire both of those girls, and you should explain why. You should also make it clear that you could have had them arrested.
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Ditto. Fire both of them. I would do everything in my power to have the person that stole your ring arrested. Stealing is inexcusable. :angryfire:
 
Trekkie said:
Thank you, Diamondbuggy!

I'm sure in the States it is possible for cleaning ladies to travel and buy expensive (yes, for me that was expensive) jewellery, but you know as well as I do that it's just not very likely here. Thank you for supporting me on that.

If you don't mind my asking, how did your mom handle the situation?

You know, I always hear people complain about their maids stealing but I never thought it would happen to me. I mean, we pay her a fair wage, we help her in other ways. We were going to pay her children's school fees and transport next year so that they could go to the coloured school in town. Not a great school, but better than the township school, and now this happens. It makes me so angry.

I'm still in the study. Too terrified to move. I don't want to get up in case I find something else missing.

Australia is looking more and more tempting...
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I'm sure it's very different in the States. Sad really.

Both times my mom just confronted them about things that were missing around the house and asked if they had taken it (at first she thought it was me because I'm always 'borrowing' her jewellery and things, hehe). The first one admitted it staight away so my mom asked her not to come back anymore and paid her for the rest of the month. Simple.

The other one immediately made a scene and left and never came back, but after a couple of months she ended up taking my parents to the CCMA for an unfair dismissal (even though my mother never actually had the chance to fire her). It didn't get her anywhere because she didn't have her facts straight. I can't remember all the details. My mom is now very cautious with her current maid and tries to not leave her alone at home because she doesn't want a repeat of that whole mess.

We all think 'it won't happen to me'. Especially when we're good to them. It seems some maids don't care how much you help them and their families and will still screw you. Wow, that made me sound a bit bitchy. Sorry, you know what I mean.

Australia is tempting sometimes, I must admit.
 
you are bending over backwards to try and make this right for them.......not your job.

their job was to show up for work, work honestly, and leave with none of your possessions.

even if cleaning lady #1 did not steal from you, you will always wonder. cleaning lady #2 has blamed her but left the ring. i'm going to guess it really was her that took it. however, #1 did recommend #2 and you trusted her for that. the trust is now gone.

MoZo
 
Actually, its not that different here in the States. Housekeepers dont get paid that much here, and i certainly have not seen any that have expensive jewelry. Im sure there is always the exception to the rule, but for the most part it seems that housekeepers here (So Ca) are just barely making it. And yes, theft DOES happen here. My mom got ripped off 2 times,(both by people she "trusted") and has since decided to clean her own house, because she doesnt want to deal with the problems of a stranger in her house. I cant blame her, the more you try to help a person, the more it seems they take advantage. Like you said earlier, "well, trekkie has soo much, she wouldnt miss this one piece", what kind of mentality is that?! Back to the main question, I would fire both their a**es and I wouldnt feel a bit guilty about it. Think of it this way, one stole from you, the other is lying about it, so you have no reason to trust either anymore.
 
There is one thing if they were maybe taking food because you were hungry. I might see the dilemma there about not wanting to fire them. But a ring? And not to sell it, but just to wear? After all you did for them? No question, fire them.
 
Ditto what everybody else said. It's not your responsibility to feel guilty. You've done far more than the most generous employers & your interest & help obviously doesn't matter to these 2 women. You have no choice but to fire them both -- even if you knew which took the ring & kept on the "innocent" one, how would you know the thief wouldn't come along & take something else while the other worked?

A friend of mine has a housecleaning business. She hired somebody & this woman, on her first job in one house, stole 3 pairs of expensive new jeans. The client explained to my friend that while she trusted her personally, she had to fire the entire company because she'd never feel confident again. My friend completely understood & of course axed the stealing employee. It's ethics. At the very least this could serve as a learning experience for your maid & sister -- if they're willing to benefit from it.

Thank heaven you got the ring back, at any rate!

--- Laurie
 
Hi,
You sound like a really sweet person to be there to help that family out and contribute to educational expensives. It's a shame the family didn't appreciate your gestures. Sorry to hear that.

Like others said, if the family truely needed the money for living, the ring would have been pawned or you would have noticed food missing or whatever a person needs to get by on! I remember in a movie, "friends with money," one of the characters was broke and would steal face creams, of all things, from her customers and that's what got her fired! It's a passive aggressive attack on those who have extra money to spend on "fun" products.

ETA: I'd fire them both and clean my own house. In fact, I'd rather have a messy house than have people pawing through my stuff.
 
Haven't read to see if you've made a decision, but fire her butt.

ETA: When my family lived in Panama, I had a few things go missing. My mom didn't believe me. It started with $5 that was on my nightstand, then my GPS that I got for Christmas. I left (pretty bitter that my parents believed the maid over me), but wasn't at all surprised when my mom found her trying to leave one day with a garbage bag full of my sister's things. Mom fired her on the spot, and went to clean out the maid's bathroom and found somebody's wedding set hidden below the sink. Not only had this girl stolen from us, but she was using our house to store things she stole from other people! (And, like in your situation, there was no way she could have afforded the wedding set - she was young, unmarried, and very, very poor.)

If your promise ring was taken, there is no telling what else was taken. Honestly, in my experience, jewelry isn't the first thing to be stolen. Normally it's cash (but in amounts that are big to them but fairly small to you - some people wouldn't notice $5 or $10 missing here or there). You will never be able to trust either of them, so fire both. Can you really be sure both are innocent? Can you really be sure the innocent one won't bend to the pressure from the other one? Now both of them know what kind of things you have in your house.
 
I would NEVER EVER let some stranger come into my house to clean, do it myself first. Nobody comes into my house if I am not there.
My friend had a lady come clean her house and had hired some new girls. My friend came home one day and asked her husband where her glasses were and he said right by the laptop. Well the laptop wasn't there where they left it so then she starts looking and they took all her jewelry, her video camera (with all the tapes of her family), laptop and loose gems I gave her.
 
movie zombie said:
you are bending over backwards to try and make this right for them.......not your job.

their job was to show up for work, work honestly, and leave with none of your possessions.

even if cleaning lady #1 did not steal from you, you will always wonder. cleaning lady #2 has blamed her but left the ring. i'm going to guess it really was her that took it. however, #1 did recommend #2 and you trusted her for that. the trust is now gone.

MoZo
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This. She suggested her sister fill in. Regardless of which one actually took the ring, you trusted the first and allowed someone (at her reccommendation) into your home.

Who's to say the "innocent" one wouldn't bring the "guilty" sister along for company when you're out of the house? Or for the "guilty" one to get the key from her (maybe steal it??)


You are a kind and generous person. If you decide to hire someone else to clean your home, you can help their family --- there are many families in the world who are in need of a good job to help them through -- and this new family might actually appreciate your kindness and repay you by being honest and working hard.
 
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