ordaining a friend

[sillyberry]

Has anyone gone the route of ordaining a friend or family member to perform your ceremony? Neither FI or I are religious, so there isn't an obvious or logical person to use. I'm talking to some non-denominational officiants, but it seems a bit weird, honestly. So I was thinking about asking a friend to perform the (short and sweet) ceremony.

I'm not sure if this is an absolute disaster of an idea.

Any thoughts? Thanks!

 

[ForteKitty]

I know two couples who asked their friends to perform the ceremony, and one couple who asked her uncle. Very personalized, funny, and sweet.

They met a few weeks beforehand to go over the material, make sure nothing inappropriate is in there, and everything turned out great!

ETA: adding one more couple... the next wedding we're going to is in a few weeks, and they're getting his cousin to perform the ceremony.

 

[chemgirl]

That's a great idea!

The only downside I can see is maybe having a hard time figuring out what to include in the ceremony. Our officiant has a basic outline of the wedding ceremony and then we go to a database and fill in the parts. I honestly don't know what we'd do without that outline and database. I'm sure you can fine a template online though.

 

[amc80]

My friend was going to have me do their ceremony, mainly because she felt bad that I wasn't going to be a bridesmaid...but I didn't end up doing it.

I accidentally ordained myself online the other day. I filled out the form and I figured there would be another step to the process after submitting it. Apparently not. Oops. Technically I can't do anything with it until I register it with my county, which I doubt I'd do anyway.

 

[Haven]

I have at least three friends who have done this, and their ceremonies all turned out great. I think it's really special when a couple is married by someone who is important to them versus some random officiant that they found on the Internet.

 

[UnderBlue]

Make sure it's allowed by your county/state. Outside of that, go for it!

That's what we're doing because, like you, we didn't want a religious ceremony.

I didn't find it difficult to put together a ceremony. There are several resources out there including indiebride.com and 2000dollarwedding.com. Check with your state/county governments to make sure you include any wording needed to make it legal and outside of that you need to make sure there's something where you give consent that you are entering the marriage willfully.

 

[princessplease]

DH and I did this and it worked out wonderfully! I would definitely make sure to pick a friend you know is reliable and trustworthy as the first friend we asked backed out about 4 months before.
He got ordained at the Universal Life Ministry (I believe) online, and did a phenomenal job! People thought he was an officiatiant who was doing ceremonies for a living.
Definitely check into the laws in your state. In NJ, where we were married, our officiant had to do nothing with the munincipality (file paperwork, etc) but one of my good friends in NM had to register her officiant for classes, she had to take some sort of test, and then got a "license" to perform marriages. Some states don't even recognize those who were ordained online as able to perform ceremonies.

 

[sillyberry]

Thanks for the input everyone!

I talked to my FI about it today, and he seemed to think asking a friend was a good idea. I have a friend in mind - she and her partner introduced FI and me, and was all excited to make a toast at the wedding. So it's like a toast on steroids! She's a romantic at heart, I feel confident she would take it seriously, and she's an adult in an adult relationship (which is important to me).

Definitely still have some thinking to do, but it's nice to see that it isn't a terrible idea off the bat! Oh - but if anyone thinks it is, please tell me! I'm genuinely curious about opinions and experiences!

 

[Gypsy]

We did it. DH's uncle. Great decision. It was personal and wonderful and affordable (we did get him a nice gift)... but I can't imagine anyone else having married us. Especially not some stranger. We met with some non-denominational ministers and it WAS weird and just not right.

BTW... we used this book and it was FABULOUS. Bought it and used it to plan our ceremony and our vows then sent it to our uncle with our notes and requests and readings we liked. Helped us plan everything so easily. Can't recommend it highly enough.

http://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Ceremony-Planner-Essential-Important/dp/1402203438/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1285278274&sr=8-1

Judith Johnson The Wedding Ceremony Planner