Opinion vs. Support

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 6/16/2009 4:41:26 PM
Author:Tacori E-ring
Do you think people really want your opinion when they ask you if you like things or just want your support that THEY are making the right decision?

More often than not people just want support.

For example, I have a super needy friend *constantly* asking for opinions. Regardless of what I say, she doesn''t listen, and then asks the SAME question again next I talk to her. I always just tell her my opinion and I guess until I agree that what she is doing is okay, then she will keep bugging me. "Yes, it is okay that your husband treats you like crap and since he takes care of you, let him use you as a doormat as you have chosen to do for over ten years now."

 

[janinegirly]

They want your opinion, but then when they hear something they'd rather not (ie isn't an opinion which can justify the situation), they change their mind and would rather have the support and therefore become defensive.

I personally prefer to give (and receive) opinions (and support IF it's in line with an honest opinion). It's just my style...I prefer honesty and honest people. It allows for me to learn and grow. I can't learn from someone being a ra-ra cheerleader and telling me things that only lead to self-delusion! Of course, this is all terribly generalized. If being honest means being cruel, then it's time to be vague. And there are scenarios (tragedies) where only support should be offered.

 

[radiantquest]

i agree that it depends on the person. i am very opininated and so are my friends. i know that when i ask a question about something they will give me an honest answer. they know that is what they will get from me. sometimes shopping trips take a really long time because i will like something and they will tell me that it is ugly and then tell me why and then i see what they are talking about and vice versa.

 

[lala2332]

people here want the opinion that supports whatever they wanted to do anyway. I keep thinking of the movie "He''s just not that into you," there is always that exception and so that is usually what people on here are looking for, because if you''ve read the posts for a couple of days you are going to know the rule, without having to ask.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 6/16/2009 8:09:20 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
This is one of my personal pet peeves. I am NOT a good liar and am fairly blunt. For example (and what led me to ask this) my ILs picked out granite which I hated at first sight. They ARE the type of people that just want me to back-up their decision so I didn't really say anything which is always an awkward situation. I think most people think they have good taste so I guess it is pointless to disagree. Also it seemed like their mind was already made up. Anyways, I was curious if most people are like my ILs or like me. Personally, if I ask you something I DO want your honest opinion. If I don't I would just say 'look at the pretty granite I picked out today!' and leave it at that.

In this situation all I would offer is support. Something like home furnishings is subjective, we all have different tastes, you may hate theirs, they may not be fond of yours. If they'd already picked it they clearly like it and there's no reason to discourage them from the choice. Could your frustration be mixed up with the fact that you have issues with them in general?


Generally, I think when people purchase something, pick a new mate, post on a message board, etc. they do just want support. When people really want opinions they seek out a trusted friend and ask for it. I think it is also dependant on the person asking.

Typically, I know when my friends/family are asking for support or justification. I'm not one to give advice unless asked. I don't ask for much advice as I'm pretty hard headed and know what I want, but I also don't seek support, I'm comfortable with my decisions and I don't want justification that has to be sought out, either people agree with me or they don't, it most likely isn't going to change my mind.

 

[Squirrly]

i think it depends on the person as to how to phrase the honest answer which is something that is hard to do on the internet. everyone knows people they can be completely blunt with IRL and others that they are still honest with but soften what they say. but regardless asking for an opinion means opening yourself up to answers and you should be ready to hear anything and everything, though i agree with black jade, say it once and drop it. no use arguing til i''m blue in the face, since i''m not planning on that being my "something blue" and besides i highly doubt anyone wakes up in the morning and thinks to themselves, by the end of this week i''m going to have so many burst vessels in my face no one will notice my varicose veins!

on the flipside when people as for support, or just make a statement on how they feel without asking for opinions it seems rather counter productive to take that as an opportunity to voice unrequested opinions and often leads to pointless exchanges. so both ways can just end up leading to discussion meltdowns.

 

[Bia]

I agree that many of the 'opinion' threads started here are by posters who are seeking confirmation, and not necessarily real opinions. While this doesn't apply to most, it definitely applies to some.

I know when I ask for opinions it's because I need some insight--either I have a big decision to make or I'm confused about something. And while I am a poster that always tries to offer both, and will try to be sensitive with my words, when I'm asking for advice, although I find the supportive/sensitive advice calming, I appreciate the no-frills advice, because it helps me see clearly.

eta: IRL, the same can be said about people I know

eta # 2: Sorry Tacori, I posted this in the wrong thread. There is a similar thread in BWW...my bad!