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Home Oops! Anxiety about getting KTFU before wedding...

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MonkeyPants

MonkeyPants

Brilliant_Rock
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Apr 20, 2009
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550
So...

I haven''t been able to stop thinking about the fact that I may be preggos. Fi and I did the deed
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during my fertile period without protection or BC...Yes I know. Totally irresponsible
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. But honestly, we''ve both been so stressed (work and wedding/family related) that we rarely ever do it anymore
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. So in my head in the moment I thought "eh what the hell." We do really want to have kids eventually, but now would be an inconvenient time to conceive because we''re getting married in June (dress won''t fit at 5 months preggo and uber conservative relatives will give us the stink eye) and financially we could make it work, but it would be super tight especially since most of our savings are going to our wedding. It''s so bitter sweet because I can''t wait to start TTCing, but ideally it would happen during a less stressful time and with family being happy for us not embarrassed or shamed that we BDed before we''re married.

anywhoo...anyone know the odds of a 20 something conceiving if they inadvertently BDed in their fertile window? One for one is rare right?

Ugh, gotta keep myself occupied because thinking about this and waiting for AF is killing me.
 
It totally depends on the 20-something. Some people get pg on the first try (or sometimes it''s not a ''try'' at all!) and some take years. I think a woman generally has a 25% chance of conceiving each cycle? Something like that. And that would be assuming you''re trying so you''re likely doing the deed a few times during the fertile days. Given that, chances are you''re not pg, but it is going to drive you nuts waiting to find out! Good luck!
 
The exact stats pop up a few times in the TTC thread. I found one on page 109, towards the bottom. Depending on how close it was to ovulation, it could be as high as 35-40% or it could be much much lower. But odds are that you are not pregnant, if it helps you to feel any better.

The two week wait is a killer. Good luck!
 
Thanks Upgrade and Blen. It does make me feel better just to hear/see it from others. I''ve surfed the TTC thread for stats briefly, but I must not be a savvy searcher. Thanks for the linky.
 
I would be careful if you don''t want to be preggo at your wedding b/c I know several girls this happened too. One had really bad M/S during her wedding/honeymoon. Not fun. So just be careful for 5 months. 5 months will fly by in a blink. Good luck!
 
Even though statistically speaking a woman is likely to not have conceived given this situation, statistics have nothing to do with your individual case! You are either 100% pregnant or 0% pregnant. If you and your partner are really not ready to have a child at this time, there''s still something you can do about it, you can take the Emergency Contraception Pill. This is *not* the same thing as the "abortion pill." It doesn''t terminate a pregnancy, but prevents one. More information here: http://ec.princeton.edu/info/ecp.html

As for all the reasons you give for not wanting to be pregnant now but looking forward to TTC in the kind of near future -- I can totally relate but I hope you''ll try to separate the "background noise" from the matter at hand. I am about as pro-choice as they come but I believe if you make any decisions based on shame (relatives'' opinions) and vanity (won''t get to wear dream dress), you will regret it. If you are pregnant and the time is right, your relatives would understand. I''ll bet there''s someone on the guest list who finagled wedding/birthday dates somewhere along the line!
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You would find a way to make the dress thing work. But if it''s not the right time, it''s not the right time.

But don''t beat yourself up about not using BC -- there''s still time!
 
Date: 1/23/2010 1:54:27 PM
Author: Maria D
As for all the reasons you give for not wanting to be pregnant now but looking forward to TTC in the kind of near future -- I can totally relate but I hope you''ll try to separate the ''background noise'' from the matter at hand. I am about as pro-choice as they come but I believe if you make any decisions based on shame (relatives'' opinions) and vanity (won''t get to wear dream dress), you will regret it. If you are pregnant and the time is right, your relatives would understand. I''ll bet there''s someone on the guest list who finagled wedding/birthday dates somewhere along the line!
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You would find a way to make the dress thing work. But if it''s not the right time, it''s not the right time.
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Big ditto to this. I understand wanting to be married first - I felt the same way - but if it has happened, it is no one''s business but your own, and they have no right to judge you for it. Think about yourself first in this situation, don''t even consider your relatives yet.

How far away are you from testing?
 
Date: 1/23/2010 1:54:27 PM
Author: Maria D

As for all the reasons you give for not wanting to be pregnant now but looking forward to TTC in the kind of near future -- I can totally relate but I hope you''ll try to separate the ''background noise'' from the matter at hand. I am about as pro-choice as they come but I believe if you make any decisions based on shame (relatives'' opinions) and vanity (won''t get to wear dream dress), you will regret it. If you are pregnant and the time is right, your relatives would understand. I''ll bet there''s someone on the guest list who finagled wedding/birthday dates somewhere along the line!
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You would find a way to make the dress thing work. But if it''s not the right time, it''s not the right time.
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Another ditto from another pro-choice woman. Choice belongs to you and your fiance, not relatives who -- if they''re so inclined -- would find something to give you the stink-eye over anyway.
 
Is it too late for the Morning After Pill? It can be used for up to 5 days.
 
I was on the pill and got pregnant...I wound up giving birth to my son the day after my original wedding date--I was 26.

We wound up moving the wedding date up 4 months and everything is perfect.

And I also was going to ask if she had thought of the morning after pill....
 
Thanks Maria and MP for the perspective. I have a lot of insecurity about making my parents "proud" and I know I shouldn''t make any decisions based on how my parents or anyone else will perceive me. It''s something I''ve been working on for a few years. Haha, I guess now''s a good time to practice this huh? As for the relatives, VRB, you''re right. They WILL find something else to criticize me for.

Oh and MP I think I can test at the end of the month, so maybe 7 days from today? AF is supposed to visit in the first week of Feb (i''m not super regular so she could come a bit earlier or later).

swingirl I had no idea the morning after pill could be effective up to 5 days. I always thought it was 3. I thought about it, but like Maria mentioned, I didn''t want to regret anything. Fi is totally supportive either way. He''s very much ready for kids as he has a few years on me...I guess I still have today to decide. It''s the 5th day.

Tao I lurk in the preggo and mommies threads and Evan is super cute. Congrats! I''m really happy that everything worked out for you!

Thanks ladies...don''t wanna jump to any conclusions, but you''ve given me some good food for thought should I happen to get a BFP next week.
 
Date: 1/23/2010 6:03:40 PM
Author: MonkeyPants
I thought about it, but like Maria mentioned, I didn''t want to regret anything. Fi is totally supportive either way. He''s very much ready for kids as he has a few years on me...I guess I still have today to decide. It''s the 5th day.

.
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MonkeyPants, I wasn''t thinking of the EC pill as something you might regret, I was thinking that if you do turn out to be pregnant and decided to have an abortion based on the reasons you gave that you might regret that. The EC pill does not cause an abortion, it prevents a pregnancy from occurring at all, much like an IUD. The sooner you take it after the unprotected sex the better chance you have of preventing an unwanted pregnancy. If a person took it that was already pregnant, it would *not* end the pregnancy or cause birth defects.

So, taking it is something you have to decide like, right now! I think the 5th day is it.
 
I was 3 months pregnant when I got married. My daughter was a total surprise but welcome none the less.

Were my parents mad? Yup. Did I care? Not really. Ultimately I was the one doing the 2am feedings, no one else. Now they can''t live without their grandchild, and have apologized for being so silly.

If you were to get pregnant before your wedding, you will have a beautiful baby to look forward to. If not, you have more free time with your husband. What your family thinks shouldn''t even factor, it''s YOUR life.
 
The first time my FI and I ever had unprotected sex it resulted in a BFP so its possible.

The ladies here are very helpful with whatever you decide should you get a BFP. A lot of the ladies here were my rock when I got my BFP and when I made my decision.

Hope you get the results you are looking for. I''m here if you need to chat.
 
Sorry for the misunderstanding Maria. And yes, a decision about the EC will be made today...

PinkAsscher and Fiery, I know that I would never regret getting a BFP once I see/feel the little nugget, just as you two are so in love with yours.

Thanks Fiery for being so sweet and offering your ears/eyes. I love how the PS ladies are so supportive of one another. It''s something that''s sometimes hard to get IRL let alone in an internet forum.

I keep bringing up different situations to Fi re: possible bebe and he doesn''t seem to have the same anxiety as I do about this. He''s like, "well if it''s results in a LO, great! and if it doesn''t, life goes on as usual. Don''t stress."

Ugh, everyone''s right. It doesn''t get me anywhere to stress about it. I know if it was a BFP I''d be incredibly excited as would Fi and I really shouldn''t worry about judgement (which is where i think most of my anxiety is coming from).

la la la...time to play the waiting game.
 
My FI was the same way. When I got my BFP, I sat on the bathroom floor and cried for hours and tried to convince myself that it wasn''t happening, what I was seeing was just me misunderstanding the results. He sat by me holding my hand and was very supportive. It makes a world of difference.

I understand the judgment too. I was very nervous about telling my old-fashioned mom and even more nervous about what they would think of me at work.

I can tell you that from my own experience, my mom was surprisingly very supportive and loves my DD very much. I did get some negative comments at work, still do but it doesn''t take away from my overall performance. I''m still respected for the work I do.

But that was just my experience. Whatever decision you make will be the right one provided you make it for yourself and not based on how others would feel, just as Maria and MP said above.
 
i totally understand how you feel, . i know my family, and DH''s family, actually would have been very understanding about a bebe before the wedding or not >9 months after- shoot, DH has 2 cousins who have both had kids out of wedlock. However, there still was the expectation that i had for myself about not being KTFU before the wedding.

i can remember thinking to myself 3 months before the wedding, "well, at least if i get KU now, i won''t need a whole new dress!"

you''ll be ok, with whatever happens :)
 
Date: 1/23/2010 6:35:52 PM
Author: fiery
The first time my FI and I ever had unprotected sex it resulted in a BFP so its possible.
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This was us, too, but we were married already. MonkeyPants, as useless as it is for me to say this - because I totally get it! - try not to worry. In about a week you can test if AF has not arrived, and you can decide what needs to be done then. I will be thinking of you!

P.S. I still think it''s funny that we are name twins lol.
 
Thanks for the reassurance Charbie!!

MonkeyPie, I think it''s great that we''re name twins! When I sneak into the Preggo thread for BPF I''m always thinking, "aww other MP looks so cute!"
 
Date: 1/23/2010 10:08:43 PM
Author: MonkeyPants
MonkeyPie, I think it''s great that we''re name twins! When I sneak into the Preggo thread for BPF I''m always thinking, ''aww other MP looks so cute!''
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Awww, thanks
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I get the idea, but what does "KTFU" stand for? (I am assuming that "KU" stands for "knocked up" when it stands alone. Could the "KU" possibly mean the same thing in "KTFU" and leave the "TF" to mean "the freak"?)


AGBF
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Date: 1/24/2010 10:50:17 PM
Author: AGBF




I get the idea, but what does ''KTFU'' stand for? (I am assuming that ''KU'' stands for ''knocked up'' when it stands alone. Could the ''KU'' possibly mean the same thing in ''KTFU'' and leave the ''TF'' to mean ''the freak''?)



AGBF

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Click to expand...

somethingshiny just asked the same question in the TTC thread. You''re right about the "KU." "TF" is similar to what you thought...it means "the f-word." An exclamation if you will...
 
Just popping in to say I am thinking of you MonkeyPants. The odds are that you are not KTFU, but it sounds like if you are that you two will roll with it, as it were. If it helps, after you have the baby (if there is one brewing), family and friends will forget any recriminations they had when you announced your pre-wedding pregnancy anyways.
 

Date: 1/24/2010 11:48:18 PM
Author: MonkeyPants

somethingshiny just asked the same question in the TTC thread. You're right about the "KU." "TF" is similar to what you thought...it means "the f-word." An exclamation if you will...
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Thanks, MonkeyPants. It's always nice to find an interpreter while traveling in foreign climes ;-).

AGBF
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I was 14 weeks pregnant when I got married, and I was still able to wear my dream dress. I had only gained 5 pounds, and all of it seemed to be in my boobs at that point, so I didn''t look pregnant at all in the pictures.

Chances are, though, that you are not pregnant, and won''t have anything to worry about.
 
Thanks DD! It''s helpful to remember that "stink-eyes" don''t last forever! Plus, my extended fam has a number of members who throw stones in glass houses...

AGBF, no prob!

Vesper, thanks for sharing your experience. I would be elated to have 5 extra lbs of boobage! Might bring me up to a B cup
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...It''s the only place in my dress that has room to be filled
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I think I will test this Sunday. Honestly, I have a gut feeling that there''s no bun baking...
 
Hmm...well for those who are curious, I tested yesterday and got a BFN using First Response Early Response. But AF hasn''t shown up yet...start date of LMP was Jan 2nd...last cycle was 28 days, but maybe this one is longer? I guess more waiting for me. I would be a little concerned if AF hasn''t shown up by the 6th and I''m still getting a BFN
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. At that point I suppose I''d get a blood test?
 
Date: 2/1/2010 4:50:13 PM
Author: MonkeyPants
Hmm...well for those who are curious, I tested yesterday and got a BFN using First Response Early Response. But AF hasn't shown up yet...start date of LMP was Jan 2nd...last cycle was 28 days, but maybe this one is longer? I guess more waiting for me. I would be a little concerned if AF hasn't shown up by the 6th and I'm still getting a BFN
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. At that point I suppose I'd get a blood test?
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If you're not charting and you don't have consistent 28 day cycles, you probably ovulated later than you think you did. In your first post, you said you've been really stressed, which can delay ovulation. The chances are much better that you ovulated late than you being one of the few who don't test positive through urine, you know? I'd wait another week at least, maybe a bit longer (testing a couple more times with FRERs if you're really worried) before going in for a blood test.
 
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congratulations.
 
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