Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

OH NO... GF has different tastes!

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

Ordieth

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
50
oh boy.... Girlfriend came up for thanksgiving, and I gave her some diamond earings for our anniversary. (nothing expensive, or note worthy, I need to save money
)

Anyway... this gift got her thinking, and she wanted to goto some of the local mall jewelry stores to try to show me what settings she liked. As it turns out, I like the 3 stones, and she didn''t even look at them!!!!
She liked a lot of the tension settings and split bands...
(mall jewelry just doesn''t look right)

I feel like she has very different tastes than me, and that the ring I was planning may not be something she would like. However, her tastes keep changing (much like the seasons here in michigan
) and she has now decided that she wants white gold / platinum instead of the yellow gold she wanted a couple months ago...


So, I think I can fit all of her requirements for a ring into my design, but I would really like to keep the 3 stone look....


Do you think this would be selfish? do you think it could cause problems? I know it''s her ring, but I would like it to have a little piece of my tastes as well...
oh boy am I very confused...
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
55,115
The ring is not about your tastes, it is about hers. She is the one who will wear it. Your part is to learn about diamonds and buy her the best one you can afford...that is a real gift of love. But honor her setting choices, but I best we can find you some better quality ones than she saw at the mall. White metals are much more favored at this time, so that does not surprise me that she''d change her mind on that.
 

sna77

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
1,350
Date: 11/26/2006 9:26:20 AM
Author:Ordieth
oh boy.... Girlfriend came up for thanksgiving, and I gave her some diamond earings for our anniversary. (nothing expensive, or note worthy, I need to save money
)

Anyway... this gift got her thinking, and she wanted to goto some of the local mall jewelry stores to try to show me what settings she liked. As it turns out, I like the 3 stones, and she didn't even look at them!!!!
She liked a lot of the tension settings and split bands...
(mall jewelry just doesn't look right)

I feel like she has very different tastes than me, and that the ring I was planning may not be something she would like. However, her tastes keep changing (much like the seasons here in michigan
) and she has now decided that she wants white gold / platinum instead of the yellow gold she wanted a couple months ago...


So, I think I can fit all of her requirements for a ring into my design, but I would really like to keep the 3 stone look....


Do you think this would be selfish? do you think it could cause problems? I know it's her ring, but I would like it to have a little piece of my tastes as well...
oh boy am I very confused...
This probably won't be popular opinion, but... I say get what you like. She'll love it if its from you... You'll love it if its what you like. Win-Win for everyone. ;-) I'd have a hard time droping XXXX dollars on something I hated.
Think of it as buying her a car... If she wanted a minivan would you buy it for her? Sure its the car she asked for, but then you're wife would be driving a mini van. Get her the cool SUV.

hahah. I'm about to get flamed by every women on this board. hehe only half serious ladies. ;-)
 

phoenixgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 20, 2003
Messages
3,369
Well, in your first post you called yourself "eager to please." I think that's the way to go when asking a woman to spend her life with you . . . do your best to please her.

Frankly, it annoys me when I get a present that was bought with somebody else's tastes in mind. For example, for Christmas last year my husband bought me a bike. OK, great, we do want to go on bike rides around the neighborhood together. So then why did he buy me a small man's mountainbike? I guess because he likes to ride men's mountain bikes. It's very difficult for me to ride and impractical for riding on the road. I guess he just had a fantasy that maybe I'd begin mountain biking?

I don't know, it seemed more like a present for him than for me. At least it wasn't lingerie.


Honestly, if she has a preference, it seems selfish of you to buy what you like best instead of what she likes best. She has to wear it for her whole life, and it symbolizes a promise between the two of you to be good mates. I think the best gesture that you will be a good mate would be to get what she wants.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
55,115
Date: 11/26/2006 9:32:32 AM
Author: sna77

This probably won''t be popular opinion, but... I say get what you like. She''ll love it if its from you... You''ll love it if its what you like. Win-Win for everyone. ;-) I''d have a hard time droping XXXX dollars on something I hated.
You''ve gotta be a guy.
And you have a lot to learn on here, too! It is not win-win if she wants a solitaire and he gives her a 3 stone.
 

sna77

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
1,350
Date: 11/26/2006 9:34:30 AM
Author: diamondseeker2006

Date: 11/26/2006 9:32:32 AM
Author: sna77

This probably won''t be popular opinion, but... I say get what you like. She''ll love it if its from you... You''ll love it if its what you like. Win-Win for everyone. ;-) I''d have a hard time droping XXXX dollars on something I hated.
You''ve gotta be a guy.
And you have a lot to learn on here, too! It is not win-win if she wants a solitaire and he gives her a 3 stone.
Haha. i edited my above post to say i was only half serious... hehe... and of course im a guy, with a comment like that. Haha. My girlfriend has claimed that "she''ll love anything i pick out," but then again she toldd me what she liked too...

women are so confusing.
 

mtrb

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 8, 2003
Messages
207
OK... first off, forget about what you want.
Secondly...are you even sure what she wants??.. if she keeps changing her mind I would suggest you at least find out the type of diamond she wants? Does she like round princess etc.?.. When you find that out you can do what I did and just buy a plain 4/6 prong white gold solitaire and then let HER CHOOSE later.
Just focus on getting her an awesome diamond, spend $200.00 on the simple solitaire and let her upgrade to whatever she wishes. That way you are happy, she is happy.. and you are not in the doghouse...lol..


Oh... and you still keep it a surprise. That is worth the extra 200 to me.
Then take that innitial setting and put a nice semi precious stone in it as a birthday gift/whatever.
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
i endorse going together to pick out rings, establish budget first, then do it as an "us" thing. win win.

gentlemen, i look at my tiny quarter carat stone a hundred times a day. it makes me smile every time - because we selected it together and it''s very fine quality.
 

belle

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
10,285
Date: 11/26/2006 9:36:45 AM
Author: sna77

women are so confusing.
you are exactly right!


ordieth, it may not be that your gf has totally different tastes so much as she might not know what she wants. what we think we want can change totally by what''s available in the jewelry case. she may have been dreaming of yellow gold rings only to find that the ''white'' metals make up more of the designs these days. i would higly suggest you keep looking. there are many, many different styles out there and if you give her time to look over everything (and change her mind a million more times in the process) you will get a better understanding of what she wants. you many even be able to guide (read: coax) her towards the design you had in mind.

it''s worth a try!
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
and.... yellow gold is coming back! i was in the shops last week and yellow gold was everywhere.
 

Ordieth

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
50
Date: 11/26/2006 9:46:34 AM
Author: mtrb
OK... first off, forget about what you want.
Secondly...are you even sure what she wants??.. if she keeps changing her mind I would suggest you at least find out the type of diamond she wants? Does she like round princess etc.?.. If that is the case you can do what I did and just buy a plain 4/6 prong white gold solitaire and then let HER CHOOSE later.
Just focus on getting her an awesome diamond, spend $150.00 on the simple solitaire and let her upgrade to whatever she wishes. That way you are happy, she is happy.. and you are not in the doghouse...lol..
I am sure I know what she wants. This is what she has been telling me for years:

"Simple, but unique"
"Big center diamond"
"Round Diamond"

oh yea.. and she "Want's to be Surprised"

Beyond that, the details keep chaninging....


I just feel like we started out with the same knowledge, but as I have learned more, I have gone through an "Ageing" process of sorts...


while we were shopping, it was just like when I first went shopping. So this is why I was thinking about keeping the 3 stones, because it still covers all the major points, and it has a little of me in it, but I dont want to end up in the dog house.


well, I have all of today to really think about it... I will ask my friends and some of her family about it, that should help me out. (I hope....
)

I'll post back again as my decisions sway....
Thank you everyone.
 

CatherineMcGr

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 22, 2005
Messages
16
How can I put this to you? In my opinion, a woman who says that she will love anything that her man buys her really means that she hopes her man knows her well enough and cares enough about her to buy her something that she will adore.

It''s the same when we''re redecorating. I scout around, check out colours, fabrics, furniture etc, come up with a plan, with perhaps several possibilities to present to my husband and sincerely hope that he picks out my favourite possibility. If he doesn''t, then I have to start a re-education programme to get him to come round to my way of thinking.


I would hate to have to wear a ring that my husband adores, but which is not really to my taste. Please think long and hard before you continue on the three stone route! You are going to commit a large amount of money to this ring, so you want her to love it and never want to remove it from her finger. That''s not going to happen if you consider your own tastes more than hers.

That''s my tuppence worth, as they say over here in the UK!
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
55,115
Date: 11/26/2006 9:59:46 AM
Author: Ordieth


Date: 11/26/2006 9:46:34 AM
Author: mtrb
OK... first off, forget about what you want.
Secondly...are you even sure what she wants??.. if she keeps changing her mind I would suggest you at least find out the type of diamond she wants? Does she like round princess etc.?.. If that is the case you can do what I did and just buy a plain 4/6 prong white gold solitaire and then let HER CHOOSE later.
Just focus on getting her an awesome diamond, spend $150.00 on the simple solitaire and let her upgrade to whatever she wishes. That way you are happy, she is happy.. and you are not in the doghouse...lol..
I am sure I know what she wants. This is what she has been telling me for years:

'Simple, but unique'
'Big center diamond'
'Round Diamond'

oh yea.. and she 'Want's to be Surprised'

Beyond that, the details keep chaninging....


I just feel like we started out with the same knowledge, but as I have learned more, I have gone through an 'Ageing' process of sorts...


while we were shopping, it was just like when I first went shopping. So this is why I was thinking about keeping the 3 stones, because it still covers all the major points, and it has a little of me in it, but I dont want to end up in the dog house.


well, I have all of today to really think about it... I will ask my friends and some of her family about it, that should help me out. (I hope....
)

I'll post back again as my decisions sway....
Thank you everyone.
Okay, there ya go! Why spend money on two side diamonds when she'd much rather have all the money go toward the center stone?! (Same here!).

Simple but unique...oh I think the Ritani would be sooo nice for someone wanting sinple but unique! Let me find you a link!

Here:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/stunning-1-60-k-vs-aca-in-ritani-setting.47645/=

Pearlman's can order it for you at a discount. I, personally, would order it at least 2mm for each band. These are a little thinner.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
55,115
One more thing to add. Asking others will not work unless she has specifically told them something. People will invariably insert their own opinions into what they tell you. You''ll end up more confused! Plus, no one is really up on what is available now unless they have been shopping for a ring as well.
 

ljmorgan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 5, 2006
Messages
1,037
The way I look at it is... if you have the opportunity and the means to buy the love of your life, the ring of her dreams... why would you pick anything else? You are buying a gift for her -- not a gift for yourself. Put your preferences aside and buy her something that she will truly love. While I''m sure she''d be ''happy'' with anything you''ll buy -- why wouldn''t you purchase her favorite style? Purchasing your favorite seems quite selfish when the gift is for her. Good luck!
 

Ellen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2006
Messages
24,426
Date: 11/26/2006 9:59:46 AM
Author: Ordieth

I am sure I know what she wants. This is what she has been telling me for years:

''Simple, but unique''
''Big center diamond''
''Round Diamond''
So there you go, you know what she wants. You wanted to put a little spin on it, and that''s sweet, but I doubt it''s what she really would like. Besides, if you take the money you were going to spend on the sides, you can get a much bigger diamond, which I would imagine she WOULD like.


Something that a lot of people (not just men) find hard to understand is, real gift giving means getting what the recipient would like, not the giver.
 

Lorelei

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
42,064
Date: 11/26/2006 10:22:05 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 11/26/2006 9:59:46 AM
Author: Ordieth

I am sure I know what she wants. This is what she has been telling me for years:

''Simple, but unique''
''Big center diamond''
''Round Diamond''
So there you go, you know what she wants. You wanted to put a little spin on it, and that''s sweet, but I doubt it''s what she really would like. Besides, if you take the money you were going to spend on the sides, you can get a much bigger diamond, which I would imagine she WOULD like.


Something that a lot of people (not just men) find hard to understand is, real gift giving means getting what the recipient would like, not the giver.
Ditto ''Seeks and Ellen! You have enough info to work with above to make her happy, that is what she wants! IMO use Ellen''s last statement and you won''t go far wrong!
 

mtrb

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 8, 2003
Messages
207
So here is a very simple setting if you are unsure of what she wants. I just upgraded my wifes setting from this site and I am very happy with the workmanship. They also sell loose GIA certified stones if interested which they can set for you. They are very reasonably priced and I would buy from them again. Nice 30 day no questions return policy, Free sizing for 90 days (doing this right now..I screwed up) and Free fedex. They also called me with each step, and sent confirm email. Service was great!
My original purchase was from DCD..James Allen. I was very happy with them also.

Don't forget, if you purchase a very simple setting like these.. when she chooses what she wants, you can always put a nice semi-precious stone in this one as a gift.

http://www.adiamor.com/R-625-R2614-1.htm

http://www.adiamor.com/R-626-R2615-2.htm
 

E B

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2005
Messages
9,488
Ordieth,

You already purchased that gorgeous .82ct stone, right? I'd put it into a tension setting similar to one she wants. You're putting this ring together for her (choosing the stone and the setting), so it will still have quite a bit of you in it.

Trust us...we've had girls come to PS distraught about a ring their fiances' made that just wasn't their taste, and they've really had to struggle about whether or not they should say anything (all the while wearing a ring they don't love). Cut out that middle part, and get her something she'll love. Then, maybe for an anniversary gift, you can wow her with a gorgeous three-stone RHR.

Gelin & Abaci makes really cool tension settings, as seen here (you have to scroll down):

Gelin & Abaci Tension Set Rings

Do any of them look like what she was looking at?
 

phoenixgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 20, 2003
Messages
3,369
I agree . . . the three-stone idea would work great as an anniversary gift down the road.

And since you got the stone from WF, you can always trade in your stone for a bigger one (something like this) if you want to spend as much for the solitaire as you would have spent on the three stones. Or you can keep the stone you have and save the $ for something else.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
my thoughts...get her a simple solitaire for right now. you mentioned you really like three stones AND that her tastes keep changing. in my opinion, don''t invest in anything other than the STONE right now. get her what she wants, simple and unique, big stone. solitaire. in platinum. maybe you guys can do a 3 stone upgrade in 5 years or something. but tastes DO change...i have had my ring for 4 years and i am thinking i now want something more simple and plain than what i have. will i get it...who knows? i love my set too because i''ve had it since the beginning. but you should definitely think twice about getting her a 3 stone when she likes other simple type rings. but the fact that her tastes keep changing worry me if you were planning an expensive setting. get her a $500 solitaire and spend the money on the stone for now. then maybe if she wants something different within a year or so, get a new setting as a ''wedding gift'' to her.
 

justjulia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2006
Messages
2,308
I have a friend who just received the most attractive TWO TONE engagement ring and it got me thinking.. I started myself with yellow gold, then went with plat and now, 20+ yrs later I am giving a look at plat with an 18k touches around the head... I would say that you talk with the people who you purchase a simple setting from to see what their policy is. Many will apply what you paid for the original toward the setting that you choose later...
 

jenniegirlm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 18, 2006
Messages
165
I understand how you feel about wanting to buy her something that you like as well. You mentioned that "she didn''t even look at 3-stone rings" - maybe you could ask her to try it on to see her reaction? If she doesn''t seem to care for it, don''t get her a 3-stone as an e-ring, she won''t wear it. Find something you BOTH like. I believe the guy should also like the ring he''s buying for his girl. My DH and I shop together for jewelry and I always seek his input. I like it when HE likes the jewelry he''s buying for me. Then we''re both happy.


Maybe the 3-stone would make a good anniversary/RHR present in the future. Now that would be cool
 

havernell

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 10, 2006
Messages
571
Three points:

1) I couldn't tell from your post- do you absolutely HATE HATE HATE the tension settings, split bands, etc that your girlfriend seemed to like? Or do you think they are pretty rings but are just personally a bit more partial to the three stone? I think that has a bearing on what the answer to your question is.

If you absolutely HATE the settings she was gravitating towards, then I think you and she need to go to a lot more stores/look at settings online together and try to find a setting you both like. But, if you do like the tension/split shank settings as well (i.e. you would be proud to have hear wear it as an e-ring) but just tend to like the three-stone a little better yourself, perhaps getting her something she'll love and that you like a whole lot (i.e the tension) is the way to go.

2) Also, I think your girlfriend might be changing her mind so much because, in reality, she hasn't looked at many settings at all yet and so she's not sure what is even out there for options! "Simple, big, and round," which you said is her preference, is *not* really specific at all (kind of sounds like what most girls say they want for an e-ring)! Basically, don't assume your girlfriend has thought much about settings at all (not all girls dream about their e-ring from birth, and even if they do that doesn't mean they know whats out there for sale at the moment). And one trip to a mall jewelry store does NOT qualify as her educating herself as to the range of settings that are available out there. I think she needs to look at a lot more options before she can make up her mind. Like someone else said- introduce her to three stone rings. Maybe she doesn't think of them as engagement rings now (some people view them as more anniversary rings), but if you put the idea into her head she may just run with it and end up wanting one!

3) Finally, I can see why right now while you are doing all of the researching of diamonds, settings, etc you feel really connected to the ring and therefore feel that it's important for your tastes to shine through. But I wonder how many men 1, 5, 10 years after they are married even give a second thought to their wife's engagement ring. I have a feeling that you aren't going to be thinking obsessively about her ring like you are now at any other point in time. However, if she puts on a ring everyday that's not her style, she WILL think obsessively about the ring everyday. Does that make any sense? Do you think about other gifts you've given to her as much now as you did when you were shoppig for them? I know I don't and I think that's natural. So, consider that too.

Good luck with the whole ring thing!
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
Date: 11/26/2006 4:00:57 PM
Author: havernell
Three points:

1) I couldn''t tell from your post- do you absolutely HATE HATE HATE the tension settings, split bands, etc that your girlfriend seemed to like? Or do you think they are pretty rings but are just personally a bit more partial to the three stone? I think that has a bearing on what the answer to your question is.

If you absolutely HATE the settings she was gravitating towards, then I think you and she need to go to a lot more stores/look at settings online together and try to find a setting you both like. But, if you do like the tension/split shank settings as well (i.e. you would be proud to have hear wear it as an e-ring) but just tend to like the three-stone a little better yourself, perhaps getting her something she''ll love and that you like a whole lot (i.e the tension) is the way to go.

2) Also, I think your girlfriend might be changing her mind so much because, in reality, she hasn''t looked at many settings at all yet and so she''s not sure what is even out there for options! ''Simple, big, and round,'' which you said is her preference, is *not* really specific at all (kind of sounds like what most girls say they want for an e-ring)! Basically, don''t assume your girlfriend has thought much about settings at all (not all girls dream about their e-ring from birth, and even if they do that doesn''t mean they know whats out there for sale at the moment). And one trip to a mall jewelry store does NOT qualify as her educating herself as to the range of settings that are available out there. I think she needs to look at a lot more options before she can make up her mind. Like someone else said- introduce her to three stone rings. Maybe she doesn''t think of them as engagement rings now (some people view them as more anniversary rings), but if you put the idea into her head she may just run with it and end up wanting one!

3) Finally, I can see why right now while you are doing all of the researching of diamonds, settings, etc you feel really connected to the ring and therefore feel that it''s important for your tastes to shine through. But I wonder how many men 1, 5, 10 years after they are married even give a second thought to their wife''s engagement ring. I have a feeling that you aren''t going to be thinking obsessively about her ring like you are now at any other point in time. However, if she puts on a ring everyday that''s not her style, she WILL think obsessively about the ring everyday. Does that make any sense? Do you think about other gifs you''ve given to her as much now as you did when you were shoppig for them? I know I don''t and I think that''s natural. So, consider that too.

Good luck with the whole ring thing!
mine does. he looks for it and he smiles everytime he sees it, and one time, when i asked, foolishly , for an upgrade, his lip got all quivery and i quiickly dropped the subject. it makes us both happy for me to wear it 24 hours a day.

i sew, i sleep in real linen sheets (abrasive), and i am a chemist, so needless to say the setting has been changed out several times... i destroy prongs. but the stone is the same.
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
Date: 11/26/2006 9:32:32 AM
Author: sna77

This probably won''t be popular opinion, but... I say get what you like. She''ll love it if its from you... You''ll love it if its what you like. Win-Win for everyone. ;-) I''d have a hard time droping XXXX dollars on something I hated.
Think of it as buying her a car... If she wanted a minivan would you buy it for her? Sure its the car she asked for, but then you''re wife would be driving a mini van. Get her the cool SUV.

hahah. I''m about to get flamed by every women on this board. hehe only half serious ladies. ;-)
oh heck ya ::pulls out blow torch:: ;-) hehe Sliding doors mean kids that don''t bash into cars when they open them too hard/fast ::nods:: even worse if she wants a car and you get her a harley because YOU think they''re cool!

as for the OP - I think it''s nice to have both of you in the ring, but she has to love it. Just because it''s from you doesn''t mean she''ll love the style of the ring.

If I were about to get engaged I think what I would love is if my hub to be bought THE BEST diamond he could afford and presented *that* to me, unset and proposed and then TOGETHER we could pick out a ring... I would love his thoughts and ideas, but really, let the woman make the final choice - she should be jumping and squealing not sayin "well... okay".
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
Date: 11/26/2006 10:03:14 AM
Author: giotto
How can I put this to you? In my opinion, a woman who says that she will love anything that her man buys her really means that she hopes her man knows her well enough and cares enough about her to buy her something that she will adore.

It''s the same when we''re redecorating. I scout around, check out colours, fabrics, furniture etc, come up with a plan, with perhaps several possibilities to present to my husband and sincerely hope that he picks out my favourite possibility. If he doesn''t, then I have to start a re-education programme to get him to come round to my way of thinking.
omg omg omg this is soooooooooooo true!!!!!!!!!! Drives my husband CRAZY!!! he''s always saying, "well then WHY did you ASK?" and I tell him because I value his opinion - he scoffs at that - poor guy lol
 

phoenixgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 20, 2003
Messages
3,369
I just reread your post. You said, "she wanted to goto some of the local mall jewelry stores to try to show me what settings she liked." Obviously if she wanted to make a special trip just to show you what she likes, it would be silly of you to disregard that in favor of what you like.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.

New posts

Top