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Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond?

Laila619

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
11,676
Hi friends,

Short story is: my Dad wants to buy my Mom a diamond for their anniversary. He proposed with a chip of a diamond that she doesn't wear and hasn't worn in forever. Instead she wears as her e-ring a 3 carat sapphire which is gorgeous! Dad has it in his head that he wants to buy Mom a diamond now, even though she's never expressed a desire for one and seems completely happy with her huge sapphire.

So my Dad e-mails me and asks me for help in buying a diamond. I explain to him that for the size he wants, he will have to spend between $12,000 - $15,000. Dad faints in shock :eek: . Not knowing a thing about diamonds, he says he thought he could get a big diamond for $1,000. :lol: I burst into hysterical laughter (not really) but explain to him that is definitely not the case. He then mentions that he's seen commercials for The Jewelry Exchange where you can get a 1 carat solitaire for $4,000. Of course, what he doesn't know is that it will be EGL or IGI certed and it will be fair cut at best probably. Ooh boy, I have no idea what to say to him now.

Help please! How can I educate him without it being too much and his eyes glazing over? He literally knows nothing about diamonds, labs, cut, etc. I don't want him to buy some junk stone just because it's affordable, just because he thinks he's getting a good deal. It really seems like he thinks the emphasis on good cut is overkill and that it's not a necessity. He thinks spending $12,000 on a stone is insane. Maybe I should just talk him out of buying a diamond all together. Should I send him the link to PS or would a non-diamond/jewelry person not really get anything out of it?

Thanks...
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

Tell him he has three options.

1. Give you the money and trust you to buy it.
2. He MUST sit down, shut up and listen to everything you teach him.
3. Not involve you at all
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

I would talk to him about why he wants to buy her a diamond now, and express your concerns with the idea. Maybe you can send him some links to the GOG videos too? There must be one comparing cut grades (I haven't looked in ages).
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

I would help him pick some other anniversary gift for your mom. She seems to be happy with her sapphire, and he obviously isn't prepared to spend a large amount of money for what he wants.
Maybe he could get her a diamond band for $1000?
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

If she is so happy with her sapphire I would try to talk him into a really great eternity band. They're a wonderful traditional anniversary gift and that way he can get some nice impact for his money. $4000 must buy a good quality and noticeable eternity band, right? Or perhaps a 5 or 7 stone ring if he wants size?

Sounds like some links to GOG videos comparing cuts are definitely in order.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

Have you taken him into a jewelry store so he can look at and compare diamonds in person? Links from vendors will help, too, but seeing in person is really the best way he may determine WHY a well-cut stone is the route to go. Some B&Ms have some great stones. Like Ben Bridge has a couple collections - which are super expensive, but allow for looking at excellent stones. Jared's too, but when I went there, they only had like 5 of their peerless diamonds and the sales people were rude and said nasty remarks about my ACAs, so I would worry they would confuse your dad. lol! Oh, and Helzberg has a viewing room to see well-cut stones and he can look at diffent cut grades.

If your mom loves her current ring, another option would be earrings or a pendant.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

I agree with MC. I think since your mom loves her sapphire ring so much, I would try to convince him that 'completing' her set might be a better option. And there would be no diamond ring 'competing' so to speak, with her beloved sapphire.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

Thanks everyone! I really like the idea of a gorgeous diamond eternity band. Maybe I can convince him to go that route instead.

I think he thinks of it like this: a well-cut diamond is nice to have but a fair cut diamond would still be beautiful and he could save money. I need to explain to him that this really isn't the case. Hopefully he will ditch the diamond idea all together. :rodent:
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

I like the idea of a five or seven stone band, or even a diamond/sapphire eternity that would work perfectly with her big sapphire.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

The best you can do is explain the trade-offs and show him a few stones to illustrate. In the end, he is a grown man and must make his own decisions (including whether or not to educate himself on his purchases).

Is this going to be a surprise for your mother? Would you be able to drop her a hint on how it is going so she could tell him what is important to her?
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

I had a photography teacher once who was a perfectionist who had to get everything just right before taking the pic.
She could not bring herself to take quick family snapshots of her kids.
It drove her husband crazy.

Finally they compromised.
She bought him a point and shoot and HE does "that" kind of photography.

Maybe us diamondholics need to know when to just back off and let them buy "that" kind of diamond jewelry.
When they show us their jewelry just say, "Very Pretty" and leave it at that.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

That's a really good point, Kenny. Some people are happy with less than the standards held by those here. I'm not sure, however, that $1k can even get something far from those standards. But, I like the suggestion of an eternity, or a scatter-type of band. Maybe a pendant of some kind.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

Laila, I think it's a great idea to take him shopping and give him some knowledge so he can make an educated decision. After you show him the difference in cuts of diamond he may think it's important, he may not. If he wants to surprise your mom then I think suggesting an eternity band or 5 stone ring to wear with her sapphire ring.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

Didn't read all the posts, but you have to explain it the way he can understand;

"Yes, it's a diamond for a $1,000, just like a used junky Pinto is a car. Sure, it serves the function, but what does it say about the owner? Doesn't she deserve better than a Pinto? Isn't she worth a (insert esteemed car name here, Porsche or Cadillac, depending on guy)? Doesn't she deserve that for putting up with you all these years?"

You don't have to add the last part if you don't want to. :bigsmile:

Use an analogy that points out that diamonds, like any high-value object, come in many tiers and price points.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

Using the car analogy is good.

Your dad bought your mom a 1980 mercedes when they first got engaged. The car has since given up the ghost, and she doesn't drive it.

She drives a nice big Jaguar instead (the 3ct sapphire ring).

Yes a mercedes has more brand appeal than a jaguar. So now he STILL wants to buy her a mercedes. But she won't stop driving her modern jaguar, unless you buy her a mercedes that is MUCH better than the Jaguar. No, a bigger 4th hand 1992 mercedes isn't gonna cut it. Why would she stop driving a Jaguar for a 1992 4th hand mercedes?

Ok, so at this point, I need to say that your dad is really sweet. But you need to stop him from wasting any money.

Perhaps steer him towards a nice band as some have said, a nice pair of sapphire earrings that would match the ring she wears as an E-ring? Or something that fulfills the two conditions below:

1. It is beautiful
2. She will love it for what it is, and she can wear it without reservation for a long time.

Otherwise your poor dad will be out a few grand, and will have nothing to show for it.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

I have a dissenting opinion.

And of course, I also don't want your dad to buy a junk stone.

My definition of 'bad' seems to be different from the others. I'd be ok with a diamond that didn't have an ideal or near ideal cut. I'd be ok with an SI, even SI2. I'd be ok with a K, even M or O if I liked the color. I wouldn't want black carbon, chips, cloudiness, or clarity enhancement etc. I wouldn't want 'GLARING defects' but anything else I'd probably be ok with.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

Tristan, I like the Mercedes and Jaguar analogy (and iLander's Pinto analogy!). :lol:

Thanks again, everyone. I'll see what I can do. It sounds like my Dad is veering away from the diamond ring and now looking into diamond bands or earrings.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

Oh I recently had this experience.

My brother-in-law recently decided that he wanted to buy an engagement ring. I pointed him toward a couple of sites, whiteflash and blunile. I even linked the pictures of rings that were close to what she wanted (three stone princess) they were in the price range everything. In any case he decided to go with.......ZALES. Well he hasn't bought it yet, but he's really excited about it. Honestly, I don't have the heart to burst his bubble. I think she's be thrilled at whatever he gets her, and she doesn't know much (or care) about diamonds, so I'm letting it be. I tried to help, but at the end of the day, he's made his choice, so I'm being supportive.

Honestly, I would try my best, but don't push the issue to much. Maybe she gets a wonderful diamond, but your Dad loses the joy of doing something wonderful as a surprise. I think that's half of it, the person giving the gift feels incrediable, and so does the person receiving. Both are equally important.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

I am totally against "letting" people get diamonds that are poor quality, overpriced, "cheap", poorly graded, etc.

Then it is your mother who has to live with an ugly, bad diamond.

I'm not a fan of it anyway because I don't think that path represents value, the opposite actually.

I would TELL HIM what quality is, what the parameters of the choices are, and if he doesn't want to/ can't understand/ or frankly doesn't want to spent the money, I would advise him to let your mother be happy with her beautiful sapphire. :love:

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but these are my thoughts. I definitely wouldn't refer him to PS. You already know about this stuff. I'd just be direct with him.

In other words, what Kenny said, pretty much.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

IndyLady|1312268814|2982153 said:
I have a dissenting opinion.

And of course, I also don't want your dad to buy a junk stone.

My definition of 'bad' seems to be different from the others. I'd be ok with a diamond that didn't have an ideal or near ideal cut. I'd be ok with an SI, even SI2. I'd be ok with a K, even M or O if I liked the color. I wouldn't want black carbon, chips, cloudiness, or clarity enhancement etc. I wouldn't want 'GLARING defects' but anything else I'd probably be ok with.
Click to expand...

This.

I let my eye and heart decide what's beautiful, no matter what the cert says. My ideal situation would be to pick the most appealing one in a line-up. Sort of like picking a puppy from a litter. They may be similar in color, size and shape but they each have their own personalities. The one that "speaks" to you the most would be the one that you take home. In this case, the one that comes up to you first and follows you around. :rodent:

In fact, I love slightly included warm stones. And the fact that they're easier on the pocker is a bonus.

But that's just me.
 
Re: Oh boy...how to talk someone out of buying a bad diamond

Hmm, he may be feeling like he needs to make up for the chip he bought, and that he wants to give your mom a proper ering. If that's the case, perhaps bring him to a store that will show him diamonds and explain the 4 Cs with different sample diamonds. Then hopefully he will start to understand.

Outside of that, suggest him to go talk to your Mom. She probably knows how much these things cost if she has a nice 3ct sapphire.
 
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