Off-Topic - But something I want to talk about...

[princess_natalie]

Hey ladies,

I''ve been lurking recently, as I like to stay quiet, but I feel like bringing this up.
Now, I''m not even sure if I''m *allowed* to post something like this.. But, without getting too personal..

I am just wondering whether its ''normal'' or ''okay'' for a relationship to be getting progressively ''more serious'' yet simultaneously, you fool around less?

My bf and I have decided to wait till we are married to have sex. However, that does not stop us from doing other stuff.. We''ve been together for about 2 years now and will probably be engaged by next summer. We still have AMAZING chemistry, but don''t fool around as much.. I mean, its still every weekend when we are together, but instead of like 3 times in one day, its once. We have talked about it and part of it is that the last few months have been REALLY REALLY stressful, and we find more comfort in the intimacy of just cuddling. We have also logistically negotiated that when we are married and together every day, we will be together every day and not have to fit in EVERYTHING in just a weekend.

I''m just curious if anyone else is/has experienc-ing/ed this... I know you hear horror stories about people getting married and never touch each other after the honey-moon! I don''t want to be like that but I fear that''s what we''re setting ourselves up for.

I hope I am over-thinking.
Okay, now I''ve worked myself up so I''m going to go call him and see if we can talk more about it.. meanwhile, I''ll post this and see what everyone else has to say.

 

[BlueSki231]

I would have to say that I consider that normal.

At least that''s been the trend that I''ve seen in my relationships. At first you can''t keep your hands off each other, and then eventually after several years you cool down a bit.

Not that there''s no attraction left, but it just gets to the point where you''ve calmed down enough and had your fill of craziness/lust that you can get to the point where you can just be together without necessarily being consumed by animal lust (hehe, or however you want to put it...

)
Like you said, it gets to the point where cuddling sometimes is enough.
But that''s just me.

And if you said you both have been stressed lately, that''s definitely a factor.

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

Hi princess_natalie! Welcome to the form and thanks for the congrats on my thread<3

I can relate to this. SO and I have been in a long distance relationship for most of the 2+ years we've been together. Its hard wehn you get used to the initial excitement of being with one another and that still new physical attraction to then have it die down later on in the relationship. SO and I have also found that its from more stress and less energy. And YES it is hard when youre trying to do everything you want socially as well as spending alone time together in just a weekend. I completely agree with you that marriage will be a different story because you will be together every day.

SO and I just cuddled the night before his deployment - the last night he was in the United states for over 6 months! lol I was surprised, to say the least. I asked him the next day why he hadnt been in the mood to get some final lovin' in before he left me for so long and he'd said he was just so preoccupied and nervous and had so much running through his head that simply holding me calmed him down enough to fall asleep and he couldnt have asked for anything more. You mentioned the intimacy of cuddling and I think that just shows the progression of your relationship in a good direction. I dont think youre setting yourselves up for a completely dry marriage (esp if youre waiting til youre married to have sex! youre going to be playing with a whole new deck of cards

) I think its important for both of you to work on it when you feel it may be fading in a bad direction. I mention it to my SO whenever I feel like he mightve overlooked the mood I was in when we went to bed or vise versa. I dont think you have to worry so much as to get yourself worked up. As long as your talking about it and being honest with one another everything will come together.

 

[Ms.Goggles]

I think what you're describing is totally normal for many couples. I definitely noticed that throughout my relationship, we've reached a level of emotional intimacy & are happy being near each other, cuddling, hugging, kissing, etc. It doesn't always have to be "the whole shabang", you know? You mention a really important piece, in that you may feel the need to "get it all in" when you see each other on the weekends. Even that can feel like a lot of pressure when all you are really craving at the moment is a good cuddle.

Chemistry is so much more than just physical. I think you can put your mind at ease that you're doing alright. Not jumping each other at every opportunity does not mean you won't have a happy, healthy marriage! If all you ever wanted to do was makeout, you'd never get any work done!

Also, I think it's super important to note that the fact that you can talk about this openly with your SO is key. Keep those lines of communication open!

 

[princess_natalie]

Ladies,

Thank you so much for the responses.

I feel much much better now!

<3

 

[rnbwsktles]

I hope it''s normal, because it''s definitely happened to me! Like you, I only see him on the weekends. I will have been together with my FI 4 years next month (we only just got engaged a few weeks ago). The 1 1/2 - 2 year mark is probably where things slowed down for us, but I am very aware of the reasons:

1. For the first 2 years of our relationship I was in college and living just minutes away from him. (We went to the same school, but he graduated a year earlier). We saw each other just about everyday and had much more free time. Also, the relationship was still new and exciting. When I graduated, I moved back in with my parents which is an hour away. Now we just see each other on the weekends, and like you, have a lot to fit in.

2. We have different "schedules". While he is pretty much in the mood anytime of the day, I am almost always too tired at night or in the morning to be in the mood for anything. I associate a bed with sleep and sometimes it''s really hard to do anything else but that. With that said, I am a little more adventurous and moods strike me at inappropriate times. He loves to work outside and has a lot to do, so with a full time job weekends are the only time he has to do these things. His dad often helps him out, so there are very few times in the middle of the day for "fun." We end up compromising, with cuddling one night and maybe more the next night. Sorry if this is getting to be TMI.

3. I started taking birth control after we had been together for a year. After a few months I noticed a decrease in my libido. I switched to another brand which seemed to fix the problem, but after a few months, it started again. For both the obvious reasons, and some medical ones too, I prefer to stay on the pills. It''s a sacrifice we are both willing to make.

At the end of the day we both know that we love each other very much and that what we do or don''t doesn''t affect it.

 

[trillionaire]

Lol, 5+ yrs in and my libido hasn''t slowed. I think his has a bit. He has to be at work at 6am, so he is tired more than I am. Anyway, we are long distance, so I think that plays into my ''starved'' feeling.

He teases me and says that if we don''t have personal time on the first day he visits (over a weekend), I am cranky all weekend. (this is half true

) I think we would both slow down if we weren''t LDR.

Anyway, there is nothing wrong as long as you two can talk about it, and your needs. If everyone is happy, everyone is happy!

 

[musey]

Oh yeah... that happens in most relationships. Haven't you ever watched Oprah?

I personally believe that every relationship starts out with a combination of basic attraction, lust and the excitement of newness.

For everyone, the excitement of newness wears off relatively quickly (everyone is different, it took us about 2 years).

Then you're left with just basic attraction and lust, but you've also (hopefully) developed love and comfort. The lust comes and goes... depending on your current situation.

In some relationships, the lust and the newness are what carries the relationship, and once that fades, the whole thing loses its lustre. Then there are the relationships that find something deeper and even more fulfilling with that basic attraction (which almost never fades), love and comfort in the relationship. The relationships that can give each partner "enough" without the lust and the excitement of newness... those are the ones that are the most successful.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

All I can say is.... there is SOOOOOOOO much left to be explored in your intimacy department!

It''s normal that the "fire" dies down a little bit, but I think you''ve still got a long way to go!

Kudos to you for waiting on each other- it''s a rare and special thing now-a-days!

 

[katica]

I think it''s normal too.. but I wish it didn''t happen!
We''ve been together for 1.5 years and live together and so far we are fine in that department. Not like in the first few months when I''d get chills just from him touching my hand, but I haven''t noticed a lack of "intimacy". In fact I think he wants it more often than I do sometimes. He has mentioned as well that just cuddling on the couch brings him warmth and comfort and that speaking to me gives him peace. So I think we''ve reached that deeper level in our intimacy without losing the lust so far. We shall see though...