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Off the list- no exciting news though

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bobbin

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
473
I have decided to remove myself from the list. I have been on the list for almost a year- I started at 110+ (can''t exactly remember) and am now number 24. I mostly lurk on PS, and occasionally post when I have something to say.

During the year since I decided I was ready to get engaged, I have begun to feel increasingly resentful towards SO. That on top of some external events meant that we went through an extremely tough time towards the end of last year. We are still rebuilding our relationship from that experience.

We are getting much much better. However, I feel that my focus is still often on getting engaged, not on simply rebuilding our relationship to were it was and being as happy as I can be within my relationship now. I think about getting engaged EVERY day, and not in a dreamy, happy way, but in a resentful, why hasn''t he done it already kind of way. I am not that excited about the prospect of getting engaged anymore, but I still want it. I am not sure how to explain that properly.

Anyway, I think it wouldn''t be a bad thing for us not to get engaged anytime soon, and for us to focus purely on becoming a closer couple. However, I cannot do this if I remain focused on getting engaged. This focus is also standing in the way of my own personal happiness- I am an obsessive person and it is taking up a lot of my time and energy.

If we get engaged soon, so be it. I know my SO won''t propose until we are on the right track again. I just don''t want to be perpetually obsessing and waiting for it to happen. I don''t think I can stop doing this if I remain on the list.

This was actually a really hard decision to make. I felt as though my place on the list meant something about how much I deserved it, which is totally ridiculous thinking.

I am hoping that removing myself from the list will help me to switch my focus to something more productive.

I will probably still lurk on PS and should I get engaged, I will make sure to come back and update you.
 

caribqueen

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
507
I totally understand you because I think I feel that borderline resentfulness toward my SO sometimes too. I thought my BF and I would talk about getting engaged, and 6 months later I''d have a ring on my finger. Not so easy, so I applaud you for what you''re doing to put your relationship first.

Sometimes I feel like it''s so easy for others. We all know that one girl who met her guy and on exactly their 2nd year anniversary he proposes, not a day later than that, and the ring by the way is fabulous, and the relationship seems perfect. I''ve come to accept that that''s only in fairy tales. My BF is not wealthy and neither am I, and we''re not perfect either.

I also try to look at it this way. The more you invest in your relationship with your BF now and strenghten it without thinking about what other couples are doing, the better you two will be in the end if and when you decide to get married for sure.

Good luck to you.
 

laughwithme

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2008
Messages
667
I think it''s great that you are going to take the time to focus on your relationship rather than the proposal. It is SO easy to get lost in this engagement stuff and resentment is a perfectly natural reaction. I have certainly had to take a step back and reevaluate in the past, so you are not alone. We will still be here when you come back! Good luck.
 

misskitty

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 20, 2008
Messages
1,691
I think it''s really great that you are focusing on your relationship and on becoming closer. Sometimes it''s really hard not to get caught up in the engagement side of things, and I can totally understand how PS would fuel that. Best of luck, and do please come back when the time is right!
 

AllieGator

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
316
It''s very wise that you are going to focus on improving your relationship. I hope that everything works out the way it should for you two, and best of luck!
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
Rebuilding a relationship is important. I am glad you are working on it. Best wishes to you and your SO.
 

ckrickett

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 26, 2008
Messages
5,348
Good luck!
 

princessplease

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,497
I wish you guys the best of luck. What you''re doing is very mature and selfless. I know too many people who had issues in their relationships who got engaged just to get engaged. Needless to say, it didn''t work out.
Best of luck!
 

Italiahaircolor

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
5,184
Wow...that post was incredibly mature, and you sound very thoughtful when it comes to your relationship.

Kudos to both you and your SO on acknowledging that getting engaged doesn''t fix a relationship...working out your issues prior to marriage will probably save you a lot of heartache down the road. Of course it''s hard to take that mental step back...but, necessary nevertheless.

I hope you continue to lend your insight and not just lurk...but, above all else, take care of yourself and put you first .... no matter what.
 

~*Alexis*~

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 10, 2006
Messages
1,750
Kudos to you and to thinking with a level head. I think you are on the right path, the list is not going anywhere...people will get on and then come off...so you can always return to your spot on the list as you feel like your relationship is going in the right direction.

Good Luck to you and your SO.
 

PrincessLily2009

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
96
I definitely went through a time when I became obsessed and resentful. I know exactly what you mean when you say you resent him, but you''re still anxious for him to do it. It''s tough. Time away from PS definitely helped me, and I''m sure it will help you, too. Best of luck and please keep us updated!
 

KatM

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 24, 2007
Messages
218
it sounds like a very thoughtful decision you've made, and i wish you all the best.

i'm not on the list either, for similar reasons. i know i'm not ready yet, and bf is further from ready than i am. sometimes i think that being on the list would make me forget that i'm not ready since so many others are.
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Date: 3/5/2009 8:07:52 AM
Author: AllieGator
It''s very wise that you are going to focus on improving your relationship. I hope that everything works out the way it should for you two, and best of luck!
I agree.

Wishing you the best!
 

Still_Waiting

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2008
Messages
612
Good luck! I hope you guys will be able to work everything out and become the best couple you two can be. Come and visit from time to time!
 

bobbin

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
473
Thanks everyone for your kind words. I will definitely pop in from time to time to say hello.
 

ringless

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
481
I think it''s great what you''re doing. The list is all in good fun. I know how frustrating it can be to wait for something, especially an engagement {we all can relate}, so please know you''re not alone on that. Putting the focus on your relationship and not getting caught up in the materialistic aspect of things is what everyone should do... your relationship will only improve and benefit from that.
I''m simply on here merely for the support before I get engaged. We all need stepping stones in life, and maybe this was your outlet for a little while and ''wake-up'' call all rolled in to one.. letting you realize that your relationship comes first and not obsessing over silly things. I read a quote the other day that said "Accept change, sometimes the thing you desperately want, could seem silly tomorrow".

Best of luck always.
 

princesss

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Messages
8,035
Sounds like a smart decision to me. Best of luck, hun, we''re rooting for you.
 
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