nowadays...what are the basic wedding rules?

[Sparklelu]

My parents paid way back in 1979 and we were planng on and kinda saving for my DD. I always told her give me a years notice and we would be good.
This may sound harsh to some, but when my DD announced she was pregnant after being engaged for only 2 months I told her if they got married before the baby we would do our best to pay. If they waited till after because she wanted to be a skinny bride, it was on them . I figured if they we old enough to start a family they were old enough to pay their bills. They were actually fine with it.

I also knew that once the baby came and life and all its complications and expenses a weding would be way down on the list.
We had lovely ceremony and reception on the beach here in Florida at sunset for 100 people. We paid for everything, invites, reception, DJ, photographer, well actually we ended up getting reimbursed for the entire photography package because the potographer used a photo of them at sunset as an ad and on the side of a bus!
I did a candy table and DIY table decor as well as bags for guests from out of town. They coverd the liquor after 4 hours, the rings. As forthe dress, her god mother bought that . I'm not sure why parents would pay for the rings anyway. I kind of figure they are a gift from the Bride to groom and vice versa.
Now 4 years later with baby 2 on the way, buying a house and all the other junk that goes with life, she says it was the best way to do it. They had a beautiful wedding, wonderful memories and life is good!

 

[Blackpaw]

We planned the wedding we could afford, then my mom & stepdad stepped in and paid for the bulk of it. And then FH's parents, dissatisfied with our low-key morning wedding, planned a massive evening affair for their side. Shrug. I suspect if we weren't pregnant, my mom's checkbook never would have gotten opened.

I know people who think the wedding is their own responsibility, and others who think their parents should be picking up some or all of the tab. I suppose it's a bit of a cultural growing pain, as we transition out of the traditional expectations and into a model that more reflects the independence that couples have by the time they marry.

Very true MissStepcut, expectations are changing around who pays for the wedding, but there's definitely still the hangover of tradition i think. In fact, all of my friends who've married in the last few years had the wedding paid for, some completely and some the majority. And my circle of friends is decidedly middle class, late 20s early 30s, all with professional jobs.

Im engaged and my SO and i are now looking at postponing our wedding. Our jobs arent very secure and thats making us hesitant to book something for next summer as we'd originally planned, and also making us more inclined to prioritize travel. we're not likely to get any contributions which to be honest im surprised at. I dont resent it at all but im surprised... My mum and step dad have said they'll give us something but from what we've looked at it will be immaterial to the total cost. Of course, we do have the added complication of intending to marry overseas(we live overseas) and so of course that will be a cost to our families to have to travel for it, which is unfortunate...

What i hate is how everyone has so many opinions about how and where we should do it Quite frankly im about given up on the whole thing, i cant even express my frustration with it all.

 

[baby monster]

For most of my friends, parents from both sides typically pay. How the split works is typically negotiated by families .

We eloped . DH and I didn't want a wedding anyway. Parents were a little miffed but got over it pretty quickly when we announced a baby on the way.

 

[pandabee]

IMHO, if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to pay for it yourself.

However, if your parents decide to make a contribution towards the wedding, that's up to them. It should not be expected.

Traditionally, in the US and UK, the bride's father pays for the wedding. With my Asian friends, the groom (or his family) pays for the wedding. What happens when an Asian girl marries English or American guy?? Would the Asian family say, "well, it's the groom's responsibility" and the English or American guy's family say, "no, it's the bride's father's responsibility"?

See, complicated.

Much easier to just pay for it yourself. Also, then there are no expectations of parents inviting half the world or insisting on hideous choices or questioning your right to have an expensive dress/cake/photographer because "I'm paying for it".

And yes, we've all seen that happen.

I would agree with you on your first statement but for some reason, everyone seems to feel like they need to get married super early. The cultural thing will be something DBF and I will need to deal with when that day comes. Given our timeline though, we should be making enough money by then to pay for our own costs but would happily accept a gift from our parents if they chose to do so.

I did, however, want an eternity band with 15 pointers as my wedding ring and a fairly expensive wedding dress, so I paid for the wedding ring myself and am paying for the excess cost of the dress over what my mom thought was appropriate to spend. I also paid for my silver glitter Christian Louboutin wedding shoes. I guess I'm financially contributing to the wedding-related purchases I know are ridiculous and unnecessary .

Good idea for you to just splurge on anything that would clearly but over budget! You will look fabulous though! I would also rather splurge on jewelry/shoes and try to save wherever else I can for the rest of the wedding.