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nowadays...what are the basic wedding rules?

Dancing Fire

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Apr 3, 2004
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33,852
do kids expect their parents to pick up the tab?
 
I don't know what the "rules" are, but we expect to pay for everything on our own. For us, our parents bringing us up is already a gift in itself.

Unless the parents expect a lavish banquet with thousands of their friends as guests (happened to a friend of mine with parents who had a ton of business associates).
 
I just got married. I definitely didn't expect my parents to pay for anything, but I would have been surprised had they not offered something. Obviously I was hoping that they would offer to pick up the entire tab, but that was a long shot.

Thinking to the weddings I've been to over the past few years, I'd say it's about 50/50 as to whether or not the parents are footing the entire bill. I can't think of any situations where the parents didn't help out at all.

ETA- When I say parents, I mean to include in-laws as well. Unless you are my in-laws who not only didn't contribute anything, but we had to pay for their trip. :rolleyes:
 
I'm not sure what goes on with anyone else - but i do not expect my parents to take up the tab when i get married. I actually want a very intimate (less than 10 people) wedding anyways, but the venue is extremely pricey (romantic, seaside, paradise). They have helped me through college, gave me everything i ever needed growing up and have sacrificed a lot for what i have today. I think they would definately like to contribute, but i would not allow them to pay. In general, the weddings i have gone to were paid primarily by the couple with the parents paying for a portion of it. :twirl:
 
most of the weddings I have been to have been funded by the parents.
 
slg47|1335918816|3185185 said:
most of the weddings I have been to have been funded by the parents.
Click to expand...

Same here.
 
I just got married last September. We paid for the wedding 100% ourselves. None of our parents offered to contribute anything, and we didn't expect it either. We were able to have a very small wedding with no obligations to anyone but ourselves.

Most of the people I know who had big weddings had funding from parents. But I think many couples are footing the bill without parental assistance these days, too.
 
There are no rules.

Women today aren't leaving mom and dad to get married. Most have lived on their own, or with the groom-to-be. Nothing virginal about that, and nobody is really giving the bride away . . . 95% of the time, anyway. So why should daddy pull out his checkbook?

'Kids' over the age of, let's say 30, who make plenty of money or even none at all, should not expect mommy and daddy to pay. Parents may want to, and that's fine.
 
slg47|1335918816|3185185 said:
most of the weddings I have been to have been funded by the parents.
Click to expand...
which side,groom or bride?.. :Up_to_something:
 
My dad is A. old school and B. old. So he paid for our wedding because he didn't want to take the risk of not witnessing it by the time we had saved enough cash to pay for it.

Plus he was early 20s in the late 50s, early 60s, and "that's just how it's done" according to him.
 
why don't you ask your daughter, DF? i'm betting she knows the answer..... :saint:

btw, its the brides parents that pay......
 
Yep, my parents paid for my wedding when I was 21, and we just paid for our daughter's wedding in Dec. 2010. Why would I not do that when I am able to do so? There are many, many other things they have to pay for, and it was a joy to give them a nice wedding.

I will add, though, if I had a child in their 30's who was making more money than we do, then in that case, we might only pay for part of the wedding!
 
We paid for both daughters' weddings, and were happy we were in the position to do so. I can actually only think of a couple of cases where the parents didn't either pay for the entire wedding, or most of it. The exceptions were when the bride and groom were in their late 30's or older.
 
Including wedding and honeymoon DH and I paid 50% and each set of parents paid about 25%. Worked out well for us!
 
Dancing Fire|1335926847|3185334 said:
slg47|1335918816|3185185 said:
most of the weddings I have been to have been funded by the parents.
Click to expand...
which side,groom or bride?.. :Up_to_something:
Click to expand...

generally, both sides.

FI's college friends have had mostly parent-funded weddings. Some of my HS friends have funded the weddings themselves. Both sets of parents offered to pay for our wedding-which is good since FI's parents invited so many people :)
 
movie zombie|1335928358|3185371 said:
why don't you ask your daughter, DF? i'm betting she knows the answer..... :saint:

btw, its the brides parents that pay......
Click to expand...
your just trying to scare me,aren't ya?... :Up_to_something:
 
Absolutely was not the case whatsoever in my world when I was getting married. I don't feel like my parents should be picking my tab up for anything anymore anyways.

Most weddings I have been have been paid for partially by the parents.
 
My parents helped some. And so did his Mom. But we paid the majority of it ourselves. We were in our 30's with good jobs, there was no reason for them to do more. No debt incurred. Plus, I like thing my way-- so I didn't want anyone to feel that by paying they got a say in my choices, so I was happy paying for the peace that gave me.
 
Not getting married yet but I know my parents are paying.
 
I can only go from what my experinces have been now that we are in "this" new group.


When our daughter gets engaged we will pay for the wedding. I will pay for her wedding gown. If she has crazy expenses above and beyond, yes she can pay for them. But she has such a good head on her shoulders, I don't expect that. We just did a condo together, and she was very fiscally responsible .
 
long ago in another time but in this country the bride's family paid for all things wedding EXCEPT the groom and his family paid for the honeymoon........start saving , DF!
 
My husband and I will pay for our daughter's wedding. Sort of the "last hurrah" of parenting I guess. Actually, we're thinking about giving her a lump sum (not sure what that amount is yet) and if she spends less she can keep whatever is left over. If she's smart she'll elope! :cheeky:
 
People still do this??! :confused:

I can see it being a wonderful gift if the parents choose to offer. But I think that is tacky like hell to expect it, or ask them for it. People need to be self-reliant. :nono:

My family has no money to spare. And even if they did, I wouldn't want them to. It's a big test on MY relationship that WE can save together and plan together for our own future. It'll be a great way to "practice" saving and planning for the rest of our lives together.

ETA: OOOH I HAVE TO INCLUDE. SO thinks his mother will want to supply us with some $ to pay for the wedding. I don't think I will accept because I don't want to feel like I have to cave to her wishes or whatever for OUR day. I think some parents provide $, and the kids all just accept the fact that dad wants all his coworkers over, and mom wants you to have her favorite color as the "theme". Not for me :wink2: So if she wants to gift us some $ for our gift at/after the wedding, to help us rebuild our bank account, that's fine. It will be a great gift, and very appreciated. :lickout:
 
We planned the wedding we could afford, then my mom & stepdad stepped in and paid for the bulk of it. And then FH's parents, dissatisfied with our low-key morning wedding, planned a massive evening affair for their side. Shrug. I suspect if we weren't pregnant, my mom's checkbook never would have gotten opened.

I know people who think the wedding is their own responsibility, and others who think their parents should be picking up some or all of the tab. I suppose it's a bit of a cultural growing pain, as we transition out of the traditional expectations and into a model that more reflects the independence that couples have by the time they marry.
 
My parents told my sisters and I that they were giving us each a certain amount of money that we could use to help pay for a wedding or just get when we so chose. We used that sum to pay for around half of our (not extravagant) wedding and we paid for the other half. We didn't expect it and found it extraordinarily generous of my parents.
 
Dancing Fire|1335915662|3185144 said:
do kids expect their parents to pick up the tab?
Click to expand...
Some do.
Some don't.
Kids vary.
 
I've been taught the basic rule is her father pays. However, whatever two people and their families want to do is what they should do, obviously. :))
 
MissStepcut said:
I know people who think the wedding is their own responsibility, and others who think their parents should be picking up some or all of the tab. I suppose it's a bit of a cultural growing pain, as we transition out of the traditional expectations and into a model that more reflects the independence that couples have by the time they marry.
Click to expand...

Very well said, MissStepcut!

IMHO, if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to pay for it yourself.

However, if your parents decide to make a contribution towards the wedding, that's up to them. It should not be expected.

Traditionally, in the US and UK, the bride's father pays for the wedding. With my Asian friends, the groom (or his family) pays for the wedding. What happens when an Asian girl marries English or American guy?? Would the Asian family say, "well, it's the groom's responsibility" and the English or American guy's family say, "no, it's the bride's father's responsibility"?

See, complicated.

Much easier to just pay for it yourself. Also, then there are no expectations of parents inviting half the world or insisting on hideous choices or questioning your right to have an expensive dress/cake/photographer because "I'm paying for it".

And yes, we've all seen that happen.
 
movie zombie|1335934226|3185453 said:
long ago in another time but in this country the bride's family paid for all things wedding EXCEPT the groom and his family paid for the honeymoon........start saving , DF!
Click to expand...
not so fast!! ... :tongue:

the traditional Chinese rule...the groom's parent pays for everything... :bigsmile:
 
Dancing Fire|1335940592|3185497 said:
movie zombie|1335934226|3185453 said:
long ago in another time but in this country the bride's family paid for all things wedding EXCEPT the groom and his family paid for the honeymoon........start saving , DF!
Click to expand...
not so fast!! ... :tongue:

the traditional Chinese rule...the groom's parent pays for everything... :bigsmile:
Click to expand...
I don't think you get to import the etiquette rules, dear.
 
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