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Nowadays,Are there peer pressure on the BF to out due..

Dancing Fire

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his friends by buying a bigger diamond for his gf?
 

jordyonbass

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Not in my circle of friends, most of them are still getting wasted and wondering where their phone and wallet are on the weekends :lol:
 

VRBeauty

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Are you looking at the "5 carat" thread on Rocky Talky, DF? Obviously there's peer pressure to outdo one's friends in the engagement ring contest somewhere... ;-)
 
Q

Queenie60

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I think there is peer pressure. I've noticed that the newly wed and the newly engaged are receiving 2 carat ++ stones and I am quite sure that the young men purchasing them aren't in the financial position to do so without going into some type of debt. When I was engaged in 1988 I received a 1.5 carat diamond and thought that was extreme, even though my husband was able to comfortably afford it at the time. Most of the women in my age group were receiving .5 to 1.0 carats in those good old days! The current generation seems to be quite materialistic in my opinion and it concerns me to know that they see consumer debt as a regular every day occurrence. :confused:
 

telephone89

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Queenie60|1449260276|3957533 said:
I think there is peer pressure. I've noticed that the newly wed and the newly engaged are receiving 2 carat ++ stones and I am quite sure that the young men purchasing them aren't in the financial position to do so without going into some type of debt. When I was engaged in 1988 I received a 1.5 carat diamond and thought that was extreme, even though my husband was able to comfortably afford it at the time. Most of the women in my age group were receiving .5 to 1.0 carats in those good old days! The current generation seems to be quite materialistic in my opinion and it concerns me to know that they see consumer debt as a regular every day occurrence. :confused:
People are also getting engaged/married at an older age. Theoretically, more stable career, savings, etc. So that might make sense.

But I think there is A LOT of pressure on men nowadays. The internet is a blessing and a curse. I mean, back in the day you'd only be able to compare your ring with your own circle, and maybe a glance or two at some on tv. Now, you can get the full stats on every celebrity ring EVER made, and with celeb marriages coming and going like the trains, there is always something newer, bigger, better out there to admire. I think women also put a lot of pressure. One of the previous threads on RT the poor guy had said something like "She wants a 2ct" and I was like well, she shouldn't be demanding anything she isn't buying. Materialistic for sure.

I always tell my friends getting engaged/married that at the end of the day, it is just a ring. If you lose it, do you also lose his love? Will your marriage suddenly be invalid without a giant rock? No, of course not. I love my jewellery, but I love my partner more.
 

blackprophet

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I don't think it is PEER pressure (I'm only 2 years distant from my own engagement)

I do think has a lot to do with people getting engaged at an older age.

Couples can afford a 2+ carat ring, and they are getting one. I think lots of women have always wanted a rock that size, its just a matter of if the means are there.

I think Social media/the internet has to do with it as well. Your ring is not only being compared to your social circle's rings, its being compared to all engagement rings. Of course there is a greater chance that their ring will be left wanting.
 

lyra

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I agree about age being a factor here. Older couples are choosing more expensive and bigger. Younger couples are increasingly choosing non-diamond and vintage options.
 

wildcat03

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Queenie60|1449260276|3957533 said:
I think there is peer pressure. I've noticed that the newly wed and the newly engaged are receiving 2 carat ++ stones and I am quite sure that the young men purchasing them aren't in the financial position to do so without going into some type of debt. When I was engaged in 1988 I received a 1.5 carat diamond and thought that was extreme, even though my husband was able to comfortably afford it at the time. Most of the women in my age group were receiving .5 to 1.0 carats in those good old days! The current generation seems to be quite materialistic in my opinion and it concerns me to know that they see consumer debt as a regular every day occurrence. :confused:

I think you are making a lot of assumptions. I know very few people engaged in their 20s who have 2 ct rings, but know a bunch in their 30s who do. My SO and I are both in our 30s. My SO could comfortably buy a 2 ct ring for me if that were a priority for him, but it's not and he will likely go with something closer to 1.5 ct. He feels no peer pressure, and never has. I will wear whatever he puts on my finger as long as he puts it there with love. We are both established in our careers. Neither of us owes a penny for anything other than house and education and we are both maximizing retirement contributions. We don't travel much as he is the sole proprietor of a business and that makes it a challenge to truly "unplug" and I would prefer that our travel time be unplugged. Neither of us "live sto work" but our careers aren't the kind that will allow you to just "work to live." As a result, for now we both work long, hard hours with the understanding that the payoff is more than just money, but that it means that there is some money left at the end of the month for luxuries.
 
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Queenie60

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wildcat03|1449264816|3957568 said:
Queenie60|1449260276|3957533 said:
I think there is peer pressure. I've noticed that the newly wed and the newly engaged are receiving 2 carat ++ stones and I am quite sure that the young men purchasing them aren't in the financial position to do so without going into some type of debt. When I was engaged in 1988 I received a 1.5 carat diamond and thought that was extreme, even though my husband was able to comfortably afford it at the time. Most of the women in my age group were receiving .5 to 1.0 carats in those good old days! The current generation seems to be quite materialistic in my opinion and it concerns me to know that they see consumer debt as a regular every day occurrence. :confused:

I think you are making a lot of assumptions. I know very few people engaged in their 20s who have 2 ct rings, but know a bunch in their 30s who do. My SO and I are both in our 30s. My SO could comfortably buy a 2 ct ring for me if that were a priority for him, but it's not and he will likely go with something closer to 1.5 ct. He feels no peer pressure, and never has. I will wear whatever he puts on my finger as long as he puts it there with love. We are both established in our careers. Neither of us owes a penny for anything other than house and education and we are both maximizing retirement contributions. We don't travel much as he is the sole proprietor of a business and that makes it a challenge to truly "unplug" and I would prefer that our travel time be unplugged. Neither of us "live sto work" but our careers aren't the kind that will allow you to just "work to live." As a result, for now we both work long, hard hours with the understanding that the payoff is more than just money, but that it means that there is some money left at the end of the month for luxuries.

Glad for you Wildcat, that you work hard and are doing well and it seems as though you have your priorities in order- I am basing my opinion on what I have seen, not just assumptions. My intent was not to offend anyone, just to give my opinion. :|
 

jaysonsmom

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When we got engaged 17 years ago, most people in my social group were getting rings in the 0.5-1.0 range, and now 17 years later, most people I know who are in the market are shooting for 1.0-1.5ct, so it has gone up about 0.5 ct. But as many before me have stated, I think it has to do with people getting married later in life, and being more established. I don't know anyone who said that they had to have a certain carat weight because they had to out do their peers. I guess I don't hang out with that type of materialistic shallow crowd, most are still buying what they can afford.
 

Dancing Fire

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VRBeauty|1449260227|3957532 said:
Are you looking at the "5 carat" thread on Rocky Talky, DF? Obviously there's peer pressure to outdo one's friends in the engagement ring contest somewhere... ;-)
No, but I'll take a look.
 

Calliecake

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I think it just depends on the people involved. I know two women who got engaged this past month. Both are in their mid 20's. One was beyond thrilled about receiving a 1/2 carat, the other made comments about wanting a 3 1/2 carat after receiving a 3 carat.
 

ihy138

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I have two friends with 2+ carat stones, but these are the exception and they found fiances who are pretty wealthy. They have also moved away from my hometown. Most of my peers have "modest" rings (0.5-1 carat), but they also have decent cars and already own houses. I think there is peer pressure to buy a home and have it be BIG more than anything. I have a 1.6 and feel comfortable but it definitely gets comments from my peer group. We rent and I feel a lot of peer pressure to buy a nice house. I don't think my husband felt any peer pressure while ring shopping, but then again we were one of the firsts to get married and didn't really have anything to compare it to.

BTW I'm 27.
 

Dancing Fire

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Calliecake|1449283384|3957721 said:
I think it just depends on the people involved. I know two women who got engaged this past month. Both are in their mid 20's. One was beyond thrilled about receiving a 1/2 carat, the other made comments about wanting a 3 1/2 carat after receiving a 3 carat.
She needs to upgrade before walking down the aisle... :lol:
 

tuffyluvr

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I saw the post about the 5ct in Rocky Talk and it stood out to me that the guy mentioned that 5ct would "get me past her friends"... My interpretation of that comment was that he feels it's a priority that her ring be larger than her friend's rings, even if it's not important to her.

While none of my friends have ever spoke of this outright, but there must be some comparison going on between the men because most of my friends have rings of similar sizes (around 2-2.5ct). My SIL was recently engaged and received a 4+tcw 3 stone ring (2ct center with 1+ct sidestones, D color, excellent cut and clarity). It looks massive on her little size 4 finger! I'm not sure if he bought her a large ring to ensure that it had more bling factor than her friend's rings, or if it was at her request.

My husband, on the other hand, doesn't let anyone influence him and went with what he felt comfortable with buying. I like my ring and wear it with pride, and it's not puny, but it is small compared to my circle.

I agree with others that age and social media have heavily influenced our jewelry preferences. Because it's so easy to compare to others, it seems that people feel inadequate if they don't have comparable things.
 

madelise

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I saw this "article" the other day: http://elitedaily.com/women/5-things-engagement-rings-says-future-marriage/916857/

Read #3. The bigger the rock, the bigger the c*ck. It shows off the man's wealth. So I don't think grown ass men are worried about peer pressure. I think it's more about whose c*ck, er, bank account is bigger. There's nothing wrong with that. We live in a society where people want the nicest house, the fastest car.. If one can afford a larger stone, so be it! Shit, ya'll know I wouldn't object to that!

There are two situations that frustrate me though:

1) when the man is more than capable to buy nicely, and chooses to not. He owns a million nice things including multiple cars and fancy brand name shoes. He spends less than 5% of his annual income on a ring because "the size of the ring shouldn't matter". That screams to me that he values his own life in luxuries more than his future wife's life in luxuries.

2) when a man CAN'T afford larger, but the woman insists. I know a couple who have been talking about wanting to marry for a few years now. They are very young (early to mid 20s) (that's very young marriage ages for LA and for Asian community). She insists on a nice quality 2 carat + ring. He works like a 40k a year job. He told me when he was drunk that he can't even afford a 1ct. She's either going to be sorely disappointed or they're going to postpone marriage just so she can have larger, which I can't wrap my mind around. She talks about wanting a 2+ ring ALL the time. All. The. Time. While I don't think it's wrong for a woman to want more, the woman should not expect that from someone who can't give more. Dump the BF that you "love" for a richer man, if you value that as a priority. I genuinely think she'll end up sorely disappointed and will embarrass herself when he proposes cus she's told anyone and everyone who's been around her about her requirement of size, and has made slightly snide remarks about others' diamond sizes. She may live with resentment cus of this, and who the hell wants to start off marriage with resentment?
 

Jambalaya

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I wouldn't know about young couples and what they think about e-ring pressure, but I've just read that 5ct thread and it's such fun to see a dream purchase in action! The OP mentions their friends, and I think that perhaps if you are very wealthy indeed and have very wealthy friends, you might feel quite odd buying a one-carat when everyone else has 5+ carats. I suspect that for the super-wealthy, it's easier to hang around with others who are also super-wealthy, and in those circles people probably have amazing clothes, cars, diamonds etc. I'm not sure I'd call that peer pressure, exactly. It's more like they just live in a different world. And if all the women have wonderful rings, and the man can easily afford a 5+carats, I can understand being concerned that his girlfriend doesn't have less than the women all around her.

In terms of younger couples with more mainstream incomes, I think it's just down to personality. In my youth I knew some very status-conscious people and that attitude to life was independent of income. I've also known people who don't have much money but who are totally pressure-proof and do what's best for them regardless of what everyone else is doing. I've noticed that some people are really status-conscious and snobby, and I just think that this is a matter of values and character. Some people are that way, and some aren't. IMO, I think it's a silly game to play if you don't have the funds, and I'm not sure why being above others in certain ways - like appearing wealthy relative to your circle - is so important to some, but there you are. If a young man with limited funds lets himself be pressured into spending more than is comfortable, that is really silly and he needs to evaluate his approach to life. JMO.
 
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Queenie60

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Jambalaya|1449330192|3957881 said:
I wouldn't know about young couples and what they think about e-ring pressure, but I've just read that 5ct thread and it's such fun to see a dream purchase in action! The OP mentions their friends, and I think that perhaps if you are very wealthy indeed and have very wealthy friends, you might feel quite odd buying a one-carat when everyone else has 5+ carats. I suspect that for the super-wealthy, it's easier to hang around with others who are also super-wealthy, and in those circles people probably have amazing clothes, cars, diamonds etc. I'm not sure I'd call that peer pressure, exactly. It's more like they just live in a different world. And if all the women have wonderful rings, and the man can easily afford a 5+carats, I can understand being concerned that his girlfriend doesn't have less than the women all around her.

In terms of younger couples with more mainstream incomes, I think it's just down to personality. In my youth I knew some very status-conscious people and that attitude to life was independent of income. I've also known people who don't have much money but who are totally pressure-proof and do what's best for them regardless of what everyone else is doing. I've noticed that some people are really status-conscious and snobby, and I just think that this is a matter of values and character. Some people are that way, and some aren't. IMO, I think it's a silly game to play if you don't have the funds, and I'm not sure why being above others in certain ways - like appearing wealthy relative to your circle - is so important to some, but there you are. If a young man with limited funds lets himself be pressured into spending more than is comfortable, that is really silly and he needs to evaluate his approach to life. JMO.

My thoughts exactly - very well said Jambalaya. :wavey:
 

Dancing Fire

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madelise|1449327050|3957871 said:
I saw this "article" the other day: http://elitedaily.com/women/5-things-engagement-rings-says-future-marriage/916857/

Read #3. The bigger the rock, the bigger the c*ck. It shows off the man's wealth. So I don't think grown a$$ men are worried about peer pressure. I think it's more about whose c*ck, er, bank account is bigger. There's nothing wrong with that. We live in a society where people want the nicest house, the fastest car.. If one can afford a larger stone, so be it! Shit, ya'll know I wouldn't object to that!
That is not true!... ;( :((
 

canuk-gal

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HI:

I must be the only person here who thinks those "5 carat" threads are a ruse.

cheers--Sharon
 

Jambalaya

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A ruse? What kind of a ruse? I'm not seeing what anyone would get out of posting a thread like that for no purpose.
 

ame

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Dancing Fire|1449258890|3957515 said:
his friends by buying a bigger diamond for his gf?
I would say in some circles yes. But not all. I felt with my brother's group it was a little mixed but he bought the stone size that really looked best on her hand, and we made it work well in the budget he had set, and thanks to Wink, got damn lucky.
 

Indylady

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Nah, I see everything--1/2 carat diamond, no ring at all, CS--often sapphires, etc.

I actually also think older, financially stable couples are less likely to buy a larger ring, and less likely to care about what others think of their ring. Folks that get engaged later are also less easily comparable. There's often a post college, 22 year old cohort of engagements; maybe another at 25-28 after graduate school, and those situations tend to lend to competition because many folks are getting engaged around the same time, have achieved somewhat similar or comparable levels of education and financial stability, etc. After 30, engagements seem to parse out and life situations and priorities tend to be more unique to the couple--in those situations, I really don't often see a pressure to compete.
 

arkieb1

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canuk-gal|1449339420|3957933 said:
HI:

I must be the only person here who thinks those "5 carat" threads are a ruse.

cheers--Sharon

Since I have owned 2 x 5+ carat stones a ruse for what exactly?

The super mega rich that can afford to be dripping in bling generally don't post about it here.

And yes DF we see evidence of posts all the time about the girl wanting a larger diamond than the guy can afford or wants to pay for.
 

madelise

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Dancing Fire|1449337260|3957916 said:
madelise|1449327050|3957871 said:
I saw this "article" the other day: http://elitedaily.com/women/5-things-engagement-rings-says-future-marriage/916857/

Read #3. The bigger the rock, the bigger the c*ck. It shows off the man's wealth. So I don't think grown a$$ men are worried about peer pressure. I think it's more about whose c*ck, er, bank account is bigger. There's nothing wrong with that. We live in a society where people want the nicest house, the fastest car.. If one can afford a larger stone, so be it! Shit, ya'll know I wouldn't object to that!
That is not true!... ;( :((


Are you sure? ;-) I think each ct = each inch. Bwahahaha.
 

momhappy

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We live in a society where wealth/success is valued. E-rings are no different than any other display of wealth, so yes, generally-speaking, there might exist some desire to want to out-do your peers. This is not to say that it's the norm, but I'm sure that it's more prominent in certain circles.
 

OoohShiny

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Fortunately my good lady is happy with an average size one... :???: :lol:
 

Dancing Fire

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madelise|1449455713|3958402 said:
Dancing Fire|1449337260|3957916 said:
madelise|1449327050|3957871 said:
I saw this "article" the other day: http://elitedaily.com/women/5-things-engagement-rings-says-future-marriage/916857/

Read #3. The bigger the rock, the bigger the c*ck. It shows off the man's wealth. So I don't think grown a$$ men are worried about peer pressure. I think it's more about whose c*ck, er, bank account is bigger. There's nothing wrong with that. We live in a society where people want the nicest house, the fastest car.. If one can afford a larger stone, so be it! Shit, ya'll know I wouldn't object to that!
That is not true!... ;( :((


Are you sure? ;-) I think each ct = each inch. Bwahahaha.
I guess you are right, :(sad b/c I wear a 2.30ct ... ;(
 
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